Sunshine Shower

It seemed like the neck on the guillotine was still attached. The pain at the end of Woo Yeonjae’s words was unbearable. It was hard to tell if the blade was dull or if his heart was tough. Maybe it was both.Moon Seoyoon managed to pick up a piece of sushi and put it in his mouth. Woo Yeonjae knew he had a habit of not talking when he had food in his mouth, so he figured it would keep him from making unnecessary conversation.“For someone who talks like that… Never mind. Anyway, don’t say things like that in front of others. You’ll get criticized.”“Guys don’t talk about that stuff in the first place. Look, you’ve scared the kid.”Startled by the sudden mention, Moon Seoyoon coughed weakly and took a sip of water. Kim Sunju refilled his empty cup with an apologetic look, her eyebrows furrowing.“Sorry. It must have been uncomfortable to discuss such topics when meeting a friend’s girlfriend for the first time. We almost ended up showing you a fight between me and Yeonjae.”Her genuine regret only made him feel more guilty.“No, it’s fine.”His voice didn’t tremble, possibly because he was overwhelmed by the growing weight of guilt. He could attribute his startled expression to the uncomfortable conversation topic.“You look pale.”Moon Seoyoon bit the inside of his lip and looked at Woo Yeonjae. His furrowed eyes were familiar. It was the expression he often wore when worried, not the unpleasant one he had shown earlier.The thought that he had escaped detection crossed his mind again. It was certain he hadn’t been found out.“I said I’m fine. I just choked a bit earlier.”Relief followed the thought of having escaped. As always, the sharp words that tore at his heart were pushed aside. Moon Seoyoon ignored his wounded feelings.“How old were you two when you became friends?”Kim Sunju, sensing the abrupt end of the conversation, naturally shifted the topic.“I think we were six or seven years old.”It seemed better to talk. Moving his lips felt easier than forcing a smile while listening to the conversation.“Six years old.”Woo Yeonjae, who had been scrutinizing Moon Seoyoon’s pale face, corrected his confusion with a short word.“Six years old? Wow, so it’s been 17 years?”“Oh, right. It was six. Saying it’s 17 years makes it feel long.”Seventeen years. Moon Seoyoon chewed over the accumulation of time anew. Speaking seemed to loosen the muscles around his mouth, allowing him to smile somewhat.“So did you go to school together too? Since elementary school?”“Yeah. It was a private school.”“No wonder Yeonjae said you were his closest friend. Was Woo Yeonjae the same as he is now when he was younger?”“What do you mean by ‘the same as he is now’?”Woo Yeonjae chuckled as he took the dish in front of Kim Sunju. Moon Seoyoon tried not to look that way and delved into his memories. It was hard to answer because he wasn’t sure what exactly she meant by “the same as now.”“Was he always as neat? And didn’t talk much about himself?”“…I think he’s better now.”The idea that Woo Yeonjae didn’t talk much about himself didn’t apply to Moon Seoyoon. Just as he had things he only confided in Woo Yeonjae, Woo Yeonjae had trivial things he shared only with him. But he couldn’t say that in front of his girlfriend, so Moon Seoyoon gave a vague answer.‘This is ridiculous.’It might have been deceit towards Kim Sunju. It stemmed from the desire to keep even a small part of Woo Yeonjae to himself. Moon Seoyoon mocked himself.“Really? He’s better now? I’ve never seen a guy as meticulous as him.”“Did you invite him just to roast me?”“Yeah. From now on, I’ll contact Seoyoon whenever I want to roast you.”Kim Sunju’s plate, back in front of her, had several pieces of red sushi on it. Only then did Moon Seoyoon realize why Woo Yeonjae had taken her plate: he had switched their sushi. Woo Yeonjae, who disliked sharing utensils with others, preferred restaurants that served individual portions.The sushi he managed to swallow felt like it was churning in his stomach.“By the way, Seoyoon, do you have a girlfriend?”Kim Sunju, picking up a piece of salmon sushi, suddenly asked as if the thought had just occurred to her. Moon Seoyoon, following her lead, forced himself to eat another piece. He didn’t want to be rude to someone who had come all the way here to accommodate his preferences.Using the food in his mouth as an excuse, he simply nodded. It was an uncomfortable topic, but Kim Sunju wouldn’t know that.“Why? You’re handsome, so I thought you’d be popular. Oh, is it rude to say that to a guy? Anyway, should I introduce you to one of my friends?”“No, thanks. I’m not comfortable with that kind of setting.”“That’s too bad. Let me know if you change your mind. I have lots of friends.”Kim Sunju didn’t press the matter. Woo Yeonjae’s voice came from beside her, but Moon Seoyoon could only register the sound, not the words. His ability to pretend everything was fine while participating in the conversation had reached its limit.The wounds he had been trying to ignore were now demanding his full attention.‘Is it normal for a man to be aroused by another man? It’s disgusting.’He hadn’t realized Woo Yeonjae would find it so repulsive. He had never made homophobic comments before, so Moon Seoyoon had assumed he was indifferent. In retrospect, even assuming indifference was just his own guess.Emotions surged up, and his throat burned with heat. If he wasn’t careful, he might break down and cry right there.He didn’t want to embarrass those sitting across from him. To suppress the emotions threatening to overflow, Moon Seoyoon forced down the sushi that he knew would likely give him indigestion.The food, with its scales and skin completely removed to reveal its tender flesh, seemed to mirror his heart, which had been perfectly torn apart by an innocent voice. To keep that heart hidden, he had to chew and swallow carefully so that Woo Yeonjae wouldn’t notice.Even though he knew that the unresolved feelings would torment him later, he did it anyway.For the first time, a message from his father was a welcome sight.[If you haven’t had dinner, stop by home.]Maybe it was because he was struggling to figure out how to politely decline Kim Sunju’s invitation for coffee. As much as he wanted to accommodate her, facing Woo Yeonjae was more difficult right now.“Sorry. My father just contacted me, so I think I need to go home.”“The professor?”“Yeah. I haven’t been home since moving into the dorm, so he texted me.”“That’s too bad. Do you really have to go now? Can’t you stay for just an hour?”“His father is strict, so it’s not possible.”Woo Yeonjae, knowing his father’s personality well, neatly handled the awkward suggestion.“Oh, really? He must be pretty strict. Well, I guess there’s no choice. See you next time, Seoyoon.”“Sorry.”“No, it’s okay. I’m the one who suddenly asked to meet, so I should be apologizing.”As they were about to part ways, Woo Yeonjae nodded towards his car.“Get in. I’ll give you a ride.”“I’ll take a taxi.”His response was too quick. Woo Yeonjae tilted his head skeptically, raising an eyebrow. It was a suspicious look.“My father knows your car. If he sees it, he might ask you to come in. Besides, Sunju is here. I’ll just take a taxi.”“Got it. Let me know when you’re back.”It was a common practice for Moon Seoyoon to contact Woo Yeonjae whenever there was something going on with his father, so there was nothing unusual about his statement. Moon Seoyoon nodded and bid farewell to Kim Sunju once again.“I’ll head off first. Have a good date with Yeonjae.”“Take care. Let’s meet up next time if you have the chance.”The two soon disappeared into the familiar car. Moon Seoyoon watched as the car smoothly left the parking lot, then hailed a taxi that followed after.“Hello. Where can I take you?”The cheerful taxi driver greeted him with a smile.“To the dormitory at Korea University, please.”Suddenly, a sense of relief washed over him. Moon Seoyoon leaned his head against the backrest and quietly recited his destination. Then, he struggled to move his fingers to send a reply to his father.[Sorry. I’m not feeling well. I’ll visit next week.]In just a couple of hours, he felt completely drained and worn out.His memories of how he got back to the dormitory were blurry. Moon Seoyoon rushed to the bathroom and vomited everything he had eaten. A nauseating mix of feelings towards his childhood friend poured out like filth.“Ugh…”Like someone trying to discard emotions they couldn’t bear to hold onto, he rinsed his mouth multiple times, then stood up unsteadily.Moon Seoyoon stood in front of the sink, splashing water on his face after rinsing his mouth. The water was so cold that it made his hands and even his cheeks feel numb.With vacant eyes, he stared at the swirling water, which seemed to endlessly drain away. Despite the passage of time, his half-wet hair and face showed no signs of drying anytime soon. It was hard to find the strength to take another step once he let go of his hands.At some point, Moon Seoyoon’s gaze fixed on the sink became so blurred that he couldn’t distinguish objects anymore. Except for the stream of water pouring from the faucet, there was no moisture in the place, yet the dripping droplets seemed to have no intention of stopping. It was only then that Moon Seoyoon realized he was crying. He hadn’t been aware of any sobbing until that moment.Beep, beep, beep, beep.At that moment, the sound of someone entering the door code could be heard.