Sunshine Shower

Like a broken porcelain doll standing numbly, Moon Seoyoon stiffened his arms only after sensing a strange sound. However, before the tears could escape, the sound of footsteps drew closer.“Uh… Are you okay there?”Behind his perplexed expression, a warm hand touched his back. Feeling ashamed and embarrassed for showing such a sight, Moon Seoyoon forced his unmoving hand to turn off the faucet and roughly wiped his eyes before turning around. He felt like he should apologize first to his new roommate.“I’m sorry.”“Oh, no. I was just worried if you were okay. Is there anything I can do to help?”“It’s okay…”It was when he was about to wipe his thoroughly wet hand on his pants and looked up. There stood a familiar yet unfamiliar face. Unintentionally furrowing his brow, the other person frowned as if they had seen something strange.“Moon Seoyoon?”“Tae-eun hyung?”“What’s wrong? You’re my roommate? Wait, why are you crying?”Moon Seoyoon blinked at the unexpected appearance. The sensation of tears, stuck in his eyelashes, falling onto his cheeks was vivid. The man he had spent a year and six months with was standing in front of him.“I’ve never seen Moon Seoyoon cry even in the military. You surprised me.”Moon Seoyoon took the bottle of water offered to him and pressed it against his eyes. The cold sensation cooled down his heated eyelids, calming his shallow breath.“Which jerk made our puppy cry?”The man who sat down beside the bed without permission scolded like a grandfather reprimanding his grandson. It was a tone that didn’t match his rugged appearance at all. Moon Seoyoon pressed the chilled water bottle against his left eyelid and glanced at him with his barely open right eye.“Stop kidding.”“I’m not kidding. I’m trying to kill the jerk who made you cry. But what’s with that look in your eyes?”“I just thought you’re consistent, hyung.”“When a person changes in just six months, that’s a sign of dying,” chuckled the man, Nam Tae-eun, who was one of Moon Seoyoon’s military comrades. They had become close while sharing adjacent seats in the barracks. Among the good people he had met during his military service, Nam Tae-eun was the best.“I thought you were dead. You didn’t contact me after you were discharged.”Perhaps Moon Seoyoon would have felt less awkward if he had been a stranger. Feeling embarrassed for being caught crying by his close friend, he wiped his tears with the back of his hand. Moreover, it was their first encounter after Moon Seoyoon’s discharge. To dispel the awkward atmosphere, Moon Seoyoon turned the topic towards Nam Tae-eun.“That crazy guy… Anyway, my phone got smashed. It broke, and I lost all my contacts because I had left the messenger.”Nam Tae-eun scratched his messy hair, looking puzzled.“I thought we might run into each other since we’re from the same school.”“I also thought that, but I didn’t expect you to be my roommate. Anyway, why were you crying? School violence or something?”“Hyung, I’m twenty-three.”“Hey, don’t universities have that kind of thing? There are so many kids playing the bully. There are still a lot of crazy kids these days.”Remembering the incident from four days ago, Moon Seoyoon smiled faintly.The tears stuck in his eyelashes had turned lukewarm. It had been a long time since he had stopped crying, perhaps because it had been a while or because there was someone else there. However, the turmoil in his heart continued to widen the wounds.“Seoyoon.”After a brief silence, Nam Tae-eun spoke. Moon Seoyoon lowered the water bottle and turned his head towards him. When their eyes met, Nam Tae-eun sighed softly.“Ugh. Let’s go smoke a cigarette.”With a gesture like someone teaching how to smoke, Nam Tae-eun headed towards the door.The reason Moon Seoyoon started smoking was trivial. The day he started smoking was his father’s remarriage. It wasn’t that he was deeply hurt by his father’s remarriage; he just felt a bit strange.It happened to be on the way for Nam Tae-eun to smoke a cigarette, and that’s how Moon Seoyoon started smoking. Actually, even the word “started” was a bit too grand. He didn’t smoke that often.It was really occasional. Either when unnecessary greetings came from his father or when he remembered Woo Yeonjae. If you had to measure it, the latter was overwhelmingly more frequent.“Wow, it’s freezing.”The smoking area was quite far from the dormitory. Nam Tae-eun, wearing a padded jacket, lit the cigarette while shivering. Upon closer inspection, he was wearing slippers, not even sneakers. His bleached hair and nondescript clothing made him look like a hoodlum. It was as if there would be a tattoo under the padded jacket.“Who goes around wearing slippers in this weather?”Influenced by Woo Yeonjae, Moon Seoyoon placed importance on dressing appropriately for the occasion and weather. Even without being a habit, not many people would be seen wearing slippers in early spring.“Why are you nagging? Just light the cigarette for me.”Nam Tae-eun’s nonchalant attitude was amusing. Moon Seoyoon smiled and lit Nam Tae-eun’s cigarette. After taking a short puff, the man exhaled deeply and plopped down on the bench. Moon Seoyoon watched the cigarette burn alone, taking only one drag after the first puff.“Sit.”Nam Tae-eun tapped the seat next to him with his palm. Moon Seoyoon silently took the seat next to him. It was Friday evening, so there weren’t many people passing by the school.“Why were you crying?”With a calm tone, as if asking about one’s well-being, Moon Seoyoon’s lips trembled slightly. He couldn’t explain that he liked his childhood friend who happened to be a guy, and today he heard someone saying that being gay is disgusting.Interpreting Moon Seoyoon’s slight tremble as hesitation, Nam Tae-eun scratched his head as he exhaled cigarette smoke.“You and I are the only guys in the whole barracks who never cried.”Nam Tae-eun was right; among their comrades in the barracks, only the two of them had never cried. Even though they hadn’t shared intimate stories with each other, there was a strange bond between them.“Usually, when the first letter comes from family, people cry, you know? You didn’t cry back then either. Well, I guess if you’re from a stoic family, nobody cries.”For indulging in sentimentality, the military was an overly appropriate refuge. Ironically, occasional contacts from his father were more stressful. The obsession to craft polite replies consumed him, leaving him uneasy all day.‘If the one who sent the letter was Woo Yeonjae…’Would I have cried like others? I don’t know.“Hyung…”“What?”“Did you not have anyone you liked back then? When you were in the military.”Nam Tae-eun squinted his eyes before taking a drag of his cigarette. His rebellious demeanor intensified due to his slightly sunken cheeks. Despite gathering attention with his handsome appearance, his demeanor seemed to repel people.“Is it because of someone you liked that you cried?”At the sudden question, Moon Seoyoon turned his head, cigarette between his lips. Nam Tae-eun, as if knowing something, toyed with his adam’s apple with the hand holding the cigarette.“Well, that could be.”Soon after, a deep sigh followed. It was a sigh mixed with various emotions and turmoil, like that of someone who had experienced a rollercoaster of romantic adventures. Moon Seoyoon pondered over whether his emotions could be just ordinary.“It doesn’t seem like it though…”“What?”Nam Tae-eun asked, picking up on the muttered remark.“It’s nothing.”Moon Seoyoon shook his head lightly, evading further conversation. He knew Nam Tae-eun to be a person of depth beyond his appearance, having seen all sorts of people during military service. However, he couldn’t simply share his own story without caution.“Hey, rookie.”Nam Tae-eun stood up from his seat, flicking his cigarette before hunching his shoulders.“Let’s go grab a drink.”“Pardon?”“We haven’t seen each other in a while, so let’s have a drink.”Moon Seoyoon followed suit and extinguished his cigarette, taken aback. Even though he had just lit it, he didn’t taste anything special after only a few puffs. Maybe his mind was elsewhere.“Anyway, it’s the weekend tomorrow. Since we haven’t seen each other in a while, let’s talk.”Nam Tae-eun’s smirk seemed mischievous somehow.***A Friday night during the start of the semester. Regardless of the location, bars were packed. Nam Tae-eun skillfully led Moon Seoyoon to a quiet bar. It was an old bar where college students wouldn’t even think of setting foot in.“The appetizers here are amazing.”Inside the small and shabby building, a few tables were placed haphazardly. Thanks to the bright incandescent lights akin to those in a residential home, the typical atmosphere of a bar was absent, making it seem more like a nonchalant hangout spot.“Boss. One Yukhoe, one Shrimp Tempura, and one Udon. Also, four bottles of Soju.”“Four bottles?”Moon Seoyoon furrowed his brows as if he had heard something unbearable. It felt like his stomach was turning upside down just thinking about it.“I’ll have two, you’ll have two.”“I can’t drink two bottles of Soju.”“Oh, come on. If a military man can’t handle two bottles of Soju, then what’s the point?”Nam Tae-eun uttered something that had no correlation to reality. Knowing he’d only hear the same response, Moon Seoyoon quietly accepted the chopsticks he offered. He didn’t particularly feel like eating anything, but it seemed like the polite thing to do.As time passed, the tables gradually filled up. Looking around, Moon Seoyoon realized that everyone here was in their mid to late forties. It was his first time in such a bar, so he found it a bit intriguing.“Here, one Yukhoe, one Tempura, one Udon, and four bottles of Soju. Is that correct?”“Thank you.”Moon Seoyoon had been thinking that Woo Yeonjae would never come, but soon the appetizers arrived. As Nam Tae-eun had said, they looked much more appetizing than expected.“Dig in.”As Nam Tae-eun opened the Soju bottle, he gestured towards the Tempura. The transparent liquid gradually filled the beer glass with a bubbling sound. Soju in a beer glass. Moon Seoyoon was about to refuse with disgust, but at that moment, his phone vibrated. He rummaged through the coat beside him to check the caller. It was Woo Yeonjae.