Sunshine Shower

“No, Woo Yeonjae. Wait a minute.”Moon Seoyoon stood up, visibly flustered. The slight sense of confusion he felt grew into a tidal wave the moment he regained his senses. His mouth was suddenly dry, whether it was because of smoking or Woo Yeonjae’s unexpected appearance, he couldn’t tell.“Wait? Sure. If Moon Seoyoon says to wait, I guess I have to wait.”There was a hint of irritation in Woo Yeonjae’s mild tone.It had been a long time since Woo Yeonjae had shown such clear anger. Moon Seoyoon couldn’t immediately remember how to deal with it, as it had been ages since he’d seen Woo Yeonjae this upset. He licked his dry lips and just stared blankly at Woo Yeonjae.Amid the hazy cigarette smoke and sharp scent, Woo Yeonjae’s cold face came into view. Moon Seoyoon then realized that the cigarette that had been in his mouth was now between Woo Yeonjae’s fingers. It took him a moment to register what had happened; he was so surprised that he had forgotten Woo Yeonjae had snatched the cigarette from him.“Aren’t you going to answer?”Woo Yeonjae tilted his head as he asked. His expression was like a pouting child, but Moon Seoyoon knew him well enough to recognize that he was angry.“Give me the cigarette.”“Why?”“You hate the smell of cigarettes. Put it out, and then we can talk.”His attempt to get the cigarette back was futile as Woo Yeonjae raised his arm to keep it out of reach.“Answering me comes first.”Once Woo Yeonjae made up his mind, it was hard to sway him. Instead of trying to snatch the cigarette again, Moon Seoyoon tried to recall what Woo Yeonjae had asked. He was so shocked that he couldn’t remember immediately.“Ha… sorry. What did you ask?”Woo Yeonjae’s eyes narrowed, and his cheeks crinkled in a frown. Since it was Moon Seoyoon who hadn’t heard properly, he responded awkwardly.“I was too surprised to hear you properly.”“Yeah, I was surprised too.”Moon Seoyoon unconsciously bit his lip. Even though he was an adult now and had every right to smoke, it felt like he was getting scolded for smoking while in his school uniform. Even though Woo Yeonjae wasn’t reprimanding him, it felt that way.“One question was if that guy was the one who taught you to smoke.”Woo Yeonjae flicked his fingers, causing the cigarette to bobble and gray smoke to drift into the air.“The other was if that guy is the good person you were talking about.”Moon Seoyoon briefly wondered why the term “good person” had suddenly turned into “that guy,” but soon remembered the conversation they had while drinking wine. He had talked about a good person, but couldn’t remember the details clearly.“You really don’t remember talking about that, do you?”Woo Yeonjae gave a thin smile and flicked the cigarette filter with his thumb. He recalled Moon Seoyoon, drunkenly rambling about some good person, someone Woo Yeonjae didn’t know, which had irritated him back then.“Why does that piss me off even more?”It was more annoying that Moon Seoyoon couldn’t remember.“If you talked about it while drunk, it means it was genuine, right?”“…”“You can’t connect the dots when I ask if that guy is the one you mentioned, so it’s either unconscious or… you just didn’t want to tell me, hiding it deliberately.”When did you start drawing a line with me like this? Woo Yeonjae realized that his intense irritation wasn’t just because of the cigarette smell. The cigarette between his fingers was just a symbol of the boundary Moon Seoyoon had drawn.When the person closest to you starts keeping a subtle distance, it feels like they’re running away. It was more than just avoiding contact.Moon Seoyoon creating secrets meant exactly that. And Woo Yeonjae found the secrets Moon Seoyoon was making to be utterly unpleasant.“It’s not that…”Moon Seoyoon touched his cheek to hide his flustered expression. It seemed he had drunkenly talked about Nam Taeun while reminiscing about the past. Although he had many friends in the dormitory, if he mentioned someone specific, Nam Taeun would have been included.“I’m not sure if I talked about Taeun hyung, but… anyway, he’s the one who taught me how to smoke.”His gaze naturally fell to Woo Yeonjae’s fingers. He only smoked occasionally, at night, and in the school’s smoking area, but he didn’t expect to be caught so easily.“Sorry.”Knowing that Woo Yeonjae detested smoking, the apology came out automatically.“Why are you sorry?”“For smoking.”“I don’t see why that’s something to apologize to me for.”Woo Yeonjae let out a laugh, as if finding it ridiculous. He was right. It wasn’t common for an adult man to apologize to a friend for smoking. Unless the other person was a patient, a pregnant woman, or a child, there was no need to apologize. Woo Yeonjae was a healthy adult man. No matter how much he disliked smoking, it wasn’t a reason for an apology. It wasn’t like Moon Seoyoon was smoking in his face, he was simply caught smoking.“You hate the smell of cigarettes.”But emotions often go beyond rationality. Wanting to look good for the person you like, not wanting to do things they hate, that’s what a crush is. Apologizing to Woo Yeonjae was part of that. Even though he knew it was a useless and meaningless apology, he still did it.“So, you won’t do what I dislike?”“There’s no need to do things other people dislike.”It was a feeble excuse. Moon Seoyoon knew that too, but expressing his true feelings, that he wouldn’t do it because it was him, was too much for him.Woo Yeonjae shifted his gaze. Instead of looking at Moon Seoyoon’s troubled face, he seemed to focus on the empty night sky.“…”The short silence felt heavy. Their eyes met after some time.“If I told you to stop hanging out with that guy and move into the apartment, would you listen?”The conversation suddenly veered in an unexpected direction. It was hard to see the connection between not doing what he disliked and moving into the apartment. But asking for clarification would only put Moon Seoyoon on the defensive. Knowing Woo Yeonjae, he would probably say, “So, would you move into the apartment because you listen well?”Not wanting to be swept up in that, Moon Seoyoon tried to change the subject.“Can’t you stop calling him ‘that guy’? Taeun hyung is a good person. If you meet him, you’ll understand…”“Since when did a good person teach someone to smoke?”Although it was a personal preference, it was hard to argue that smoking wasn’t harmful. Moon Seoyoon ended up confessing after hesitating for a while.“I asked him to teach me.”“Why?”“It was my dad’s wedding that day… I just felt weird. Taeun hyung was going for a smoke, so I begged him to teach me.”It was a story he didn’t want to tell Woo Yeonjae. Even though he knew about his father’s remarriage, Moon Seoyoon didn’t want to bring it up himself.It wasn’t that he found the remarriage shameful. He believed that people who had lost their spouses could find new relationships. But Woo Yeonjae had known him for a long time and remembered his mother’s vibrant presence. That made it uncomfortable to talk about a new family. The only consolation was that Woo Yeonjae didn’t know about his father’s affair.“So, it happened while you were in the military.”Moon Seoyoon nodded. The faint smell of cigarettes made him feel uneasy.“It started because of the professor.”It was half true and half false. While his father played a part, the bigger reason was Woo Yeonjae, who hadn’t contacted him even once. Unable to confess this to the person involved, Moon Seoyoon just nodded again. The lie grew more substantial.“Then I guess I’ll have to learn from you, Moon Seoyoon?”Woo Yeonjae flicked the cigarette with his fingers, his tone mocking. Though the object of the sentence was omitted, it was clear what he meant to learn.“What would you do with it? You hate this kind of thing.”His mind was too confused to understand why his friend suddenly wanted to learn to smoke.“Why not?”His voice sounded as if he didn’t understand why Moon Seoyoon was trying to stop him.“You never know.”Woo Yeonjae continued lightly.“I feel like shit right now too…”His large hand moved slowly, drawing Moon Seoyoon’s attention.“Maybe I’ll feel better if I learn from you.”The cigarette, damp with saliva, found its way between Woo Yeonjae’s lips.