Sunshine Shower

Moon Seoyoon stood there dumbfounded, staring at the man who was smoking the cigarette he had been smoking. As he inhaled, his slightly sunken cheeks returned to their place, and smoke spread between his lips. The strong cigarette caused his already furrowed eyebrows to tighten further, narrowing his eyes like a reptile.For someone smoking for the first time, Woo Yeonjae seemed quite adept. Perhaps it was because the white object between his fingers suited him too well.Moon Seoyoon regained his senses when their half-lowered gazes met. It dawned on him that Woo Yeonjae was smoking the cigarette he had been smoking. Though he hadn’t taken many puffs, it was still something that had touched his tongue.Hurriedly, Moon Seoyoon snatched the cigarette from Woo Yeonjae’s lips. Fortunately, the darkness from the streetlight helped hide his blushing face.“Why, why are you smoking something someone else was smoking?”Woo Yeonjae gave a crooked smile as he was abruptly deprived of the cigarette. Moon Seoyoon, trying to avoid thinking about his lips, blurted out whatever came to mind.“Do you want a new one?”Even though he knew Woo Yeonjae wasn’t serious about learning to smoke, his confusion led to nonsensical words. But his hands were already moving. As he fiddled with the pack of cigarettes that Nam Taeun had given him, Woo Yeonjae took it away.It was a natural, unforced movement, as if taking back his own belonging.“Seoyoon. If you pick up something a stranger gives you, you’ll get sick.”Woo Yeonjae crumpled the cigarette pack in his hand and glanced around. The veins on his smooth hand stood out briefly before he took heavy steps towards the trash can. Without hesitation, he tossed the pack into the dark hole. It was a light action, like discarding trash.“Smoking this crap doesn’t change how shitty I feel.”The sensation of the damp cigarette filter lingered. It was naturally wet with someone else’s saliva. Woo Yeonjae subconsciously ran his tongue inside his cheek. The thought that Moon Seoyoon had learned something trivial from another person irritated him. Surely they didn’t share cigarettes like this, he hoped. The mere thought made him chuckle dryly.“Moon Seoyoon.”Woo Yeonjae slowly turned around. His gaze dropped to the cigarette Moon Seoyoon had taken, then gradually lifted.“Don’t you have anything to say to me?”“About what?”Moon Seoyoon licked his lips. The tension made his throat dry. It might have been because of the cigarette Woo Yeonjae smoked, the one he had smoked.“Seems like you don’t.”Woo Yeonjae’s gentle voice fell softly.A sudden fear gripped Moon Seoyoon, worrying that his feelings had been discovered. He had never shown it, but his greatest guilt towards Woo Yeonjae was his unrequited love, making him anxious. Or had Woo Yeonjae noticed the subtle avoidance? With so many things weighing on his mind, he remained silent, only standing there as Woo Yeonjae asked an unexpected question.“Are we in a rut?”“A rut? What rut?”“Even friends can have a rut.”Moon Seoyoon’s fingertips trembled unknowingly. The end of the cigarette held between his index and middle fingers seemed to emit sparks.“Seriously…”The glowing embers against the dark night air felt like they were settling in his chest.“It’s the first time I’ve seen Moon Seoyoon use his father as an excuse to meet someone else.”His fluttering eyelashes fixed in one direction.“Why? Did you think I wouldn’t know you lied?”Naturally, it was directed at Woo Yeonjae.He hadn’t expected to be caught not going home. In an attempt to cover one lie, he had piled on several others, making his cheeks burn. After some hesitation, Moon Seoyoon asked honestly.“When did you find out?”“That you didn’t go home? Or that you met someone else instead of the professor?”“No, I didn’t meet anyone else… I just didn’t go home.”Woo Yeonjae seemed to be misunderstanding something, but without knowing the context of his misunderstanding, it was hard for Moon Seoyoon to correct it. He decided to start by understanding the situation.“I found out on the day. I was worried because you didn’t contact me, so I called the professor, and he said you didn’t show up.”Moon Seoyoon’s lips moved silently like a fish out of water. He had thought Woo Yeonjae might be worried but never imagined he would call his father. A conversation from a few days ago flashed through his mind.‘How did it go meeting the professor? I was worried because I didn’t hear from you.’Why did he pretend not to know when he already did? Aside from the embarrassment of having his lie exposed, he couldn’t understand why Woo Yeonjae was bringing it up now. If he had asked back then, it would have made more sense.“Then why did you pretend not to know at that time?”Woo Yeonjae stared at Moon Seoyoon. He didn’t feel particularly guilty about pretending not to know even though he knew Moon Seoyoon hadn’t gone home.“I didn’t want to get mad at someone who was sick.”When he heard the lie about going home, the unpleasant feeling that clung to his fingertips was as vivid as if it happened yesterday.“I never thought you’d lie to me about something like that…”It was a trivial matter. There was no reason to lie.That’s why it was even harder for Woo Yeonjae to let Moon Seoyoon’s lie slide.“And I didn’t expect you to deny it to the end.”“I wasn’t denying it…”“Then why did you lie?”There were no secrets between them. Moon Seoyoon and Woo Yeonjae knew each other best. They had lived that way for 17 years, but this sudden lie was causing a rift in their relationship.Woo Yeonjae silently observed his friend. Despite the 18-month gap, Moon Seoyoon was the same as before. Still pale, still gentle, still quiet. He was undoubtedly the Moon Seoyoon he knew, yet there was a subtle speck of unease in their relationship.Even in the face of Woo Yeonjae’s one-sided questioning, Moon Seoyoon didn’t avoid eye contact. Woo Yeonjae looked down into his gentle eyes, trying to decipher his thoughts. He wanted to find out the reason behind the lie he had kept hidden all this time. When he found out, it had to be something so trivial it would make him feel foolish.“Is it because of Seonju?”The first thing that came to mind was his girlfriend. He thought maybe Moon Seoyoon felt uncomfortable being around her. Though Moon Seoyoon wasn’t overly sociable like Kim Hyunseung, who was easygoing and very social, he wasn’t the type to be uncomfortable around people either.“What? It’s not because of your girlfriend.”Hearing Kim Seonju’s name unexpectedly, Moon Seoyoon opened his mouth in surprise. It was an almost unconscious denial. Though he wasn’t completely comfortable around her, he wasn’t cowardly enough to blame an innocent person.He used his father’s call as an excuse to avoid the situation because of Woo Yeonjae. If it weren’t for the blatant hateful remarks, he would have somehow stayed. He wanted to be respectful because she was someone Woo Yeonjae liked.It was a foolish thing no one would understand. But because she was someone Woo Yeonjae liked, he didn’t want to be rude to her.He had planned to keep his feelings to himself forever. Feeling jealous every time someone stood next to Woo Yeonjae would only cause his heart to rot and shatter. Moon Seoyoon chose to suppress himself rather than self-destruct. He didn’t want to hate others just because Woo Yeonjae liked them.“Well, it’s not because of Seonju. You’ve hung out with my girlfriends before.”Moon Seoyoon bit the inside of his cheek lightly. It was from their school days. Even though they were girlfriends, they were more like close female friends, so it was easy to dismiss. But now, they were no longer clueless teenagers. They were adults who could do anything.Suddenly, he remembered the pearl earring he had seen in Woo Yeonjae’s bedroom. The sharp, slanted tip felt like it was lodged in his chest, making it hard to breathe.“That’s why I don’t understand why you told such a pointless lie.”“……Is that so important?”This time, Moon Seoyoon cowardly shifted the blame onto Woo Yeonjae. There was no other choice. He couldn’t say that it was unbearable because of him, so this was the only way out.“What could possibly not be important to me?”Woo Yeonjae’s face began to crack slowly, as if struggling to maintain composure.“It’s not like you to make excuses about the professor. Do you think I don’t know you?”A biting tone seeped through his lips, and his cheeks twitched as his mouth curled up sarcastically.“It must have been something significant for you to use the professor as an excuse. But you think that… ha… damn it, you think it’s not important to me?”Woo Yeonjae bit back the curse words that occasionally slipped out. If it was important to Moon Seoyoon, then it was important to him too. He couldn’t understand why he lied, why he was trying so hard to keep it a secret, or why he was drawing a subtle line between them now.Was it a relationship issue? That was the only private matter worth hiding.But Moon Seoyoon had never been in a relationship. They had been together since they were six years old, so it was impossible for him to date someone without his knowledge… except for the past year and a half.His eyelids lowered slowly as his dark gaze fixed on Moon Seoyoon’s pale fingers. Between them was a nearly burned-out cigarette, an unpleasant object that didn’t match the fingers that once played the piano.Woo Yeonjae’s lips parted.A year and a half he didn’t know about.Using his father as an excuse to get out.And meeting someone.A man who taught him to smoke.His jaw tensed up, the muscles tightening as the realization hit him. No way.Woo Yeonjae revisited the past. Many guys had tried to get close to Moon Seoyoon. Most of the girls were decent and didn’t bother him, but strangely, a lot of dubious guys had shown up. They were completely different from those who approached out of genuine interest.It was troublesome, but Woo Yeonjae personally drove them away. The small world of school wasn’t that big, and it wasn’t difficult to handle a few kids.Until Moon Seoyoon suddenly joined the military without a word.He suddenly recalled the day he called Moon Seoyoon.“Yeah, hyung.”It was a reply that suggested someone older than him had answered, not his usual self.“I don’t need you.”Words he never thought he would hear from Moon Seoyoon followed.“It’s just a close hyung.”No matter how close they were, it was rare for an adult man to touch another’s cheek and fondle their butt.“He’s sleeping next to me now, so don’t call.”When he added Nam Taeun into the equation, everything started to make sense.“Moon Seoyoon.”Woo Yeonjae suppressed the turmoil in his stomach as he called his best friend’s name.“Tell me honestly.”Moon Seoyoon swallowed quietly, afraid of what Woo Yeonjae might say next.“Do you… damn it, do you like men?”The cigarette, burning alone between his fingers, dropped. The gray ash left a red mark as it brushed his delicate skin, causing a minor burn.But the spark that settled in his heart didn’t stop at a minor burn.