The Best Director

Chapter 325: 325

“What’s the difference?” “HERE-WE-GO.”

“In the winter, this spot is close enough to the heater to be warm but not so close that it causes you to sweat; in the summer, the cross breeze from that window and this window blows right here. The angle for watching TV is just right—not so straight on that it interferes with conversation, nor so angled that it causes neck pain. I could go on, but I think you get the point.”

Waves of laughter kept coming from the TV and the living room. While Sheldon and Leonard were arguing, Penny sat down on the couch to start her lunch, only to unwittingly claim Sheldon’s spot—the spot? Sheldon rattled off a string of reasons when asked, leaving Penny stunned—she’d never met such a peculiar person, and his tone was as if he was talking to a child: “Do you want me to move?” Sheldon didn’t hesitate: “YES!” Leonard sighed in resignation, “Just sit anywhere you like!”

What ensued was a hilarious episode of physical comedy, with Sheldon dodging around awkwardly, looking for a spot to “sit anywhere,” winding through the living room only to end up back in front of Penny. The screen gave Penny a close-up as she looked bewildered, and Sheldon suddenly demanded loudly and fiercely, “I want my spot back!!” Amidst roaring laughter, Penny closed her eyes and quickly scooted away, while Sheldon eagerly sat down, leaned back, and displayed a look of comfort, security, and satisfaction.

And so, another of Sheldon’s quirks was revealed. People like Rachel, who had once been addicted to shows to the point of distraction, or those who were currently fans, as well as countless viewers who watched TV every day, all felt a sense of warmth while laughing—everyone has their habits and favorites. Naturally, when watching TV at home, you tend to prefer a particular chair or spot on the sofa. Who doesn’t have a “spot”?

The audience kept on laughing non-stop as Sheldon continued to inadvertently ruin things and his arrogant and cutting remarks kept putting Leonard in awkward situations. For those used to sitcoms revolving around friends and family, used to punchlines from ordinary daily life conversations, the joy The Big Bang Theory brought was truly refreshing.

“Koothrappali and Wolowitz often come over, and on Tuesday nights we play ‘Klingon Boggle’ until one in the morning.” Amidst laughter, the audience learned about another entertainment activity of the scientists—playing Boggle using the Klingon language from Star Trek, an utterly geeky pastime. “That’s right, it reveals that you have a mass cultural delusion. It’s the notion that your life is influenced by the apparent position of the sun relative to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth.” When Penny mentioned she was a Sagittarius, Sheldon attacked, not mockingly, but thoroughly, leaving Penny confused, “Oh… that’s cool, but your what?”

It wasn’t just a burst of roaring laughter that filled the recording studio, but also applause and cheering. At that moment, almost every astrology enthusiast couldn’t help but crack a smile—mass cultural delusion!

“Hahaha! This guy is crazy…” Natalie laughed so hard she was almost rolling off the sofa, just as if she had heard Wang Yang say it himself, “I wonder what Juno’s star sign is?” “Pisces, it’s Pisces!” After getting to know him better, the guy showed his true casual attitude towards astrology, but he is an Aquarius man; aside from needing a woman who loves and tolerates everything about himself, he also needs a “psychologist.” Unfortunately, that psychologist is her, but it seems quite fitting. Their relationship is the classic Aquarius + Gemini combo, extraordinarily close like best bros, straddling the line between friendship and romance. How cool! And this Sheldon? With his personality traits, he should be a Virgo.

“What star sign is Sheldon?” Jessica asked with interest, and although Catholicism doesn’t believe in astrology, it doesn’t lessen a girl’s enthusiasm for gossip. Wang Yang shrugged in response: “Taurus.” It seemed that Jessica suddenly remembered something: “By star signs, I am a Taurus too!” Wang Yang chuckles out loud, “That’s why Sheldon said that. Sometimes astrology is spot-on, sometimes it’s just BS. Maybe it’s psychological suggestion, maybe the commentary is universal, maybe it’s luck, maybe it’s true, I don’t know.” Jessica, watching for the first time, asked in surprise, “He isn’t Catholic, is he?” Wang Yang shook his head: “No, he is a man with no religious beliefs.”…

“I’m a vegetarian, but I eat fish, and occasionally a steak… I just love steak too much!” Penny continued introducing herself, the laughter of the live audience continuing as well, but Natalie suddenly bit her lip, getting a bit angry! No wonder that guy sent her a text today, insisting that she has to watch it. ‘The Hangover’ has reached its second season and hasn’t done that, so what is this, a provocation? It’s said that the incurable guy loves steak the most.

Penny is a cheesecake shop waitress, also working on a script, and moved from Omaha, Nebraska to Los Angeles. She was doing well until she fell in love with a jerk… “Paradoxes exist everywhere in nature, like light, according to Huygens’ principle, light is a wave, and the double-slit experiment proved this theory. But then along came Einstein, and he discovered that light also has particle properties.” Leonard’s lame consolation in physics to Penny brought about another round of laughter. Then, due to their new apartment’s shower being broken, Penny wanted to borrow their shower, and what do you know, Sheldon began a whole series of rule explanations and agreements, with middleman Leonard mediating, leading to one laugh after another before Penny was finally allowed to borrow it.

“Watch this first!” “It’s so unbelievable!” The apartment door was knocked, and Jewish aerospace engineer Howard Wolowitz and Indian astrophysicist Rajesh Koothrappali made their appearance. Their attire immediately highlighted their personas, with Howard sporting a bowl haircut and a flamboyant, red ’60s style outfit with black skinny pants, looking quite the dandy; Raj, on the other hand, wore a more dowdy purple coat and sweater.

The audience was immediately dazzled, once again intrigued, what kind of people were these two odd guys? What were their talents? Many ‘Friends’ fans felt they were like Joey & Chandler—could this be the next popular duo?

As soon as they entered, they were eager to play the disk in their hands, Leonard was merely asking them to leave, but Howard, vibrating his lips with his finger, introduced the contents of the disk, “In 1974, Stephen Hawking at MIT gave a lecture, back when he didn’t have that creepy computer voice.” He mimicked Stephen Hawking’s distinct computerized voice with eerie accuracy, provoking superior laughter from the audience; many theoretical physics students and Hawking’s admirers teased, “This isn’t funny!” “That’s over the top!”…

When Howard heard there was a lady in the house, he immediately sprang up from the sofa and struck a cool, gentlemanly pose, full of comedic movements. One has to say, Simon Helberg, coming from a show business family and only 24 years old, had very mature acting skills. He brought to life Howard’s character as a vain, self-obsessed ladies’ man who thought he was a “Casanova,” and of course, this was also because Helberg naturally possessed that kind of charm: “Are you sending us away because you want to have coitus with her?”

“Haha!” Natalie laughed again. The term coitus was really good—she loved these crude jokes about bodily functions, a rebellious streak formed by her well-disciplined upbringing. But the more she watched this Jewish character Howard Wolowitz, the more she realized this was Wang Yang’s way of mocking her with the series, another knockout blow.

“I didn’t want to mate with her,” Leonard said helplessly, as Howard perked up, “Does that mean she’s available for mating?” Leonard raised his voice irritably, “Can we please stop using the word ‘mate’?” Sheldon, standing by, couldn’t help but interject in an educational tone, “Technically, it’s the dirty, chaotic, troublesome, and unhygienic human method of reproduction.” Just then, Penny, wrapped in a towel, came out talking about the showerhead problem and saw the two Howards; she greeted them with ease, “Oh hi, sorry, HELLO~~!”

“Pleasure to meet you, charming lady!” Howard, smiling, froze with hands on hips for a half second before greeting Penny with a supposed charm that was so comical it set off a round of laughter. He leaned on a column inside the apartment lobby, with one hand in his pocket, and introduced himself to Penny, “I’m Howard Wolowitz from the Department of Applied Physics at California Institute of Technology. You might be familiar with some of my work, it’s orbiting the largest moon of Jupiter, taking high-resolution digital photos.” His candy-seeking expression once again sparked laughter.

“Penny, I work at The Cheesecake Factory,” Penny said with a smile, introducing herself. A somewhat speechless Leonard walked toward the shower area, “Let me help you with that showerhead.” As Penny turned to go, Howard suddenly called out, “BONNE-DOUCHE!” Penny frowned and turned back in astonishment, “I’m sorry, what did you say?” Howard, eager to capture attention, hurriedly explained, “It’s French for ‘have a pleasant shower.’ It’s a beautiful sentiment. I can say it in six languages.”

Laughter from the audience erupted! However, for Natalie, the comic effect was a million times stronger; she burst out laughing uncontrollably, this time she was truly KO’d!

In French, BONNE is like GOOD, such as Bonne après-midi (good afternoon), Bonne soirée (good evening), Bonne nuit (good night), etc., and DOUCHE means shower, so BONNE-DOUCHE can be “have a good shower”; but in English, BONNE often conveys its other meaning, maid or servant, and DOUCHE is definitely not a good word, implying ‘irrigate’ or ‘irrigator’. “Douche-Bag” originally referred to a bag containing an irrigator, then evolved into a slang term used to insult women, and later became a term that could insult anyone, meaning dirty, stupid, detestable, no different from Asshole.

So to Penny’s ears, “BONNE-DOUCHE” was really not that great, enjoying a good irrigation or maid-style shower, and was hardly a “Sentiment (sensibility, refined sentiment).” Such a vulgar phrase would naturally anger a girl, and it also revealed Howard’s poor level of flirting and proficiency in 6 languages, as well as his often self-satisfied, oblivious-to-his-own-repugnant-nature personality.

“…” On the TV screen, Penny remained expressionless, opened her mouth and then pressed her lips together, nodding without swearing. Leonard, somewhat furious to the point of not wanting to know them, turned back sarcastically, “Keep it to your blogs, Howard!” They took a few steps, and Howard, refusing to give up, shouted in Chinese behind them, “Enjoy your shower!” The eunuch-like high-pitched voice, it was uncertain whether the live audience at the time understood, but nearly everyone laughed uproariously.

Hahaha—”KO! That guy is just too despicable!” Natalie continued to collapse in laughter on the couch, unable to stop herself. Was her ability in 6 languages really so bad? Although her flirting skills were indeed pretty poor—after all, she did like the bathroom humor! Fooled by the “chick” once again! And to do it in front of at least twenty million viewers across America, how could he! Natalie’s voice trembled with laughter as she mimicked, “Have an enjoyable, fast shower~~! BONNE-DOUCHE…”

Amidst the laughter, a surge of ancient memory washed over her. On the day they started filming “Juno,” the day she was asked, “What do you think of marriage?” her reply was in German, “Narr!” Wang Yang’s youthful laughter echoed, “Narr? What does that mean? Better not tell me! But I’m also a ‘language master,’ English, Mandarin, Cantonese… maybe even German. Narr? So, nerd.” She too was laughing merrily, “I know now what ‘nerd’ means; I studied Mandarin systematically a long time ago!” Then she proceeded to say “Narr, idiot, dummy” in German, English, and Chinese.

That young face, trying hard not to laugh while pretending to gnash her teeth in anger, was so clear, as well as that emphatic laughter, “OK, you got me, lady. Watch your back; I’ll get you for this!”

“Clearly you have plenty of time, but don’t let me double-hit you.” Natalie muttered to herself the words she had said back then, shaking her head helplessly. Later, she really did double-hit him to a very high number, but she never played such a big hand! This time, she lost it all back in one go, damn scoundrel! Yet this good brother of hers was quite charming. Natalie kept an eye on the roaring TV screen while picking up her phone to text him, “NICE! NARR!” A reply came swiftly, “THANK, NATA!”

Not only was Natalie Portman laughing uproariously, but Rachel, who had once been mocked for her messy Chinese, was also laughing. The audience, whether they understood or not, all had their own irresistibly funny reasons. Countless people subconsciously imitated Howard’s line, “Take a, delightful, bath~!” After finishing the line, Jessica burst into crisp laughter, tilting her chin up proudly, “Baby, I said it much more standard!” Watching her adorable manner, Wang Yang couldn’t help but wrap his arms around her for a kiss, chuckling, “Of course you’re a genius! Is your IQ 187 by any chance?” Jessica arched her brows, imitating Sheldon’s tone and style of speaking, snootily saying, “187? Should I take that as a joke you’ve made?” She lifted her open left palm, “When I was 5 years old…” Wang Yang shrugged in exasperation as if he couldn’t stand his wife’s nagging, “HERE-WE-GO.”…

“Tonight! Excuse-Me, I am Doctor Sheldon Cooper.” After Howard’s splendid entrance, NBC’s television screen went to commercials. Even though “The Big Bang Theory” hadn’t yet proven itself to advertisers, unable to command the $500,000 per 30-second slot price of “Friends,” it still managed to sell for an expensive $300,000 per slot based on the magical Wang Yang and the time slot’s viewing audience, with NBC reserving a spot for the next episode’s promotion in tonight’s back-to-back two-episode showing of “TBBT.”

But for NBC to be so generous, the second episode naturally had a lot of exciting content. This thrilling trailer had many first-time viewers and fans leaping with excitement; the magical Wang Yang, and the trio from “The Hangover” were all there! Sheldon and his group encountered the dining Wang Yang and others in a Chinese restaurant. A very serious Sheldon stepped forward to strike up a conversation, “Mr. Wang, I must say, your movie has some very serious problems.” Wang Yang, Bradley Cooper, and Ed Helms were all stunned, with Wang Yang’s puzzled and innocent expression bringing on fits of laughter.

“I am Doctor Bradley Cooper.” The camera cut to the handsome and casual Bradley Cooper, and across the table, Ed Helms grinned, showing his teeth, “I am Doctor Ed Helms.” Bradley lifted his hand, laughing, “Don’t joke, you’re just a dentist.” The screen quickly flashed through other scenes from the episode: Sheldon angry, at the comic shop, CIT cafeteria… and finally, it stopped abruptly on a puzzled Wang Yang who looked at Bradley Cooper, “Your brother?” The audience’s laughter mixed with the narrator’s voice declared, “The Big Bang Theory, tonight, must-watch NBC!” A fast-talking Sheldon Cooper in a fit of anger, “You should not have let Padmé Amidala walk around with that ridiculous belly playing some juvenile poker.”

“Haha… they’ve beaten me into the negatives and still won’t let me go! Douche-Bag!” Natalie laughed so hard she rolled off the sofa, her leg kicking up at the television screen. This bastard! (To be continued. If you like this work, please vote for it on qidian.com; your support is my greatest motivation.)