The Priest Wants to Retire

〈 Chapter 33 〉 Meeting (3)

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Suddenly, curiosity struck, and I asked a question.

What is the most insulting curse for elves?

It was a lighthearted inquiry, akin to asking about the worst swear words when learning a foreign language.

I thought, when else could I ask such a thing? It seemed like a perfect topic to ease the intermittent awkwardness in our conversation, so I figured, why not give it a shot?

Moreover, she was among the few elves I had met, and I’d say she was quite the vocal one.

The saying “right place, right time” surely applies to situations like this. I did think it was a bit brazen of me.

Of course, at first, I got a hearty rejection.

She was a clergy member, and she didn’t see why she’d be curious about such things, throwing harsh words at me like wham! along with her refusal.

But after a few hours of my relentless questioning, she finally cracked and, while clearly displeased, revealed it.

“That bastard who’s gonna burn you alive.”

Never would I have imagined I’d hear that phrase again like this.

Perhaps among elves who live dozens of times longer than humans, it might be a ridiculous expression too.

But it was indeed a long tale to tell.

◈◈◈

“Open this door right now while I’m still being nice… You bastard who’s gonna burn me alive…”

Can someone, who isn’t Cupid, just shoot arrows into someone’s heart like this?

If I didn’t cloud my thoughts with such ridiculous ideas, I felt my legs might buckle at any moment. So I tried hard to look at the current situation in a bright and positive light.

I’m dead. Now.

“…You must have mistaken me.”

Clang!

My ant-sized voice got quite the exaggerated response, which was a bit out of whack for the change I was due.

Clang! Clang!

Like a pot lid over boiling water, I desperately blocked the ominous metal door with all my strength.

Trial. Yes, this must be a trial.

What I am gripping tightly is not just a doorknob; it is said to contain all the calamities and evils threatening humanity—Pandora’s Box. This latch of doom.

For the peace and safety of this world, I, the last bastion of humanity, cannot break here.

Kaboom!

At that moment.

I sensed an unsettling absence of weight, and my inner alarm let out a scream of anxiety.

The door I held so firmly rose with me and soon rolled helplessly onto the floor.

The realization came not from the dull pain across my back or from the rough pangongseong generated as the old metal door crumpled.

It was the eyes.

Those yellow eyes, looming over me as I lay on the ground hugging the dented metal door like a teddy bear, made me fully aware that I was the prey standing before a predator.

Turning away from this horrendous reality seemed impossible.

“You…!”

With those eyes wide open, biting her lower lip in a disturbing way, she exuded a clear emotion.

That was a habit of Apis when she was absolutely furious.

Seeing Apis this angry was the first time since I tried to heal her after she got splashed in Hydra’s venom, causing the poison to spread to me.

No, I thought I’d be fine wearing a mask.

Thump thump.

The chilling sound as she slowly closed the distance sent shivers down my spine.

So, like a porcupine curling up with its spikes raised before a foe, I took my position behind the crumpled door, the best defensive stance I could muster at that moment.

“No! You guys! What the hell are you doing?!”

Like a train whistle, the old bookstore owner came charging onto this chaotic stage without a care.

“What do you think you’re doing breaking down someone else’s shop door like this! What am I supposed to do about my business? Do you even know how many books I have to sell to fix this door? Hey! You lot stay right there! I’m calling guards to…!”

The old man’s veins almost popped in his justified anger.

If an uninvited guest kicked down my house door without warning, I’d feel pretty miffed too.

But unlike that brave old man, I couldn’t even begin to vent my anger at the real culprit who wrecked the door.

Because I knew all too well that the one who had smashed that sturdy door could surely wipe out the entire shop if they wanted.

Had I been in his shoes, I wouldn’t have stubbornly stated my grievances; I would’ve sat down right there, resigned to my fate as if a natural disaster had struck.

“I’m sorry, boss. I broke the door. I’ll pay for the damages. Here.”

“What? Damages? Do you even know how much this door costs? It was specially crafted by skilled dwarven artisans…”

“No change needed.”

When Apis casually tossed a pouch of gold at him, the old man received it nervously and suddenly froze after checking its contents.

The books are thin and light but boast a value that doesn’t match that weight. Bookstores, being among the tastiest targets for petty thieves, have to invest heavily in security.

So, covering the repair costs of a bookstore located in the capital city with just a few coins would be quite the challenge.

“My sincerest apologies for the inconvenience, dear customer. If it wouldn’t be too much trouble, I sincerely hope you’ll visit our bookstore again.”

He spoke with the perfect etiquette worthy of a gentleman from a noble family.

Bowing to Apis with a brilliant smile that hinted at how much gold was in the pouch made his movements fluid and graceful, utterly beautiful.

The bookstore owner—though his business hasn’t been doing well lately, he now looked as if he owned the whole world, and I was quite relieved.

Offering a silent blessing to the bookstore owner, I tried to sneak away from the scene.

Then,

“Where do you think you’re going?!”

Hick!

Clang! Clang!

A mysterious projectile suddenly zipped toward me from outside my consciousness. I barely deflected it with the metal door I had in hand at the last moment.

The identity of the projectile, which lodged itself in the thick metal door like a shuriken, turned out to be a few bookmarks.

Should I be amazed at the piercing prowess of paper or shocked at her precise aim hitting the exact spot where my tendons were? As I struggled with such absurd thoughts close to reality avoidance…

With a rough tone, as if she was desperately suppressing her anger, she gave me her ultimatum.

“You…! Come over here while I’m still being nice… Before I cut your tendons clean off…!”

No, you never spoke nicely.

Before that bad phrase could even finish, I shouldered the crumpled door as a shield and, turning my back, sprinted away with all my might.

You’re told never to show your back to a predator; even watching just a few episodes of Animal Kingdom should’ve driven that point home long ago.

Yet, I had a solid reason to choose the foolish option of ‘fleeing’ despite the danger it presented.

Apis had no bow and arrows right now.

Among elves, who are known for unmatched archery skills, Apis was considered exceptionally phenomenal.

Yes, it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to call her the best archer in the history of the system.

But.

Her being the best archer is only relevant when she has a bow and arrows.

A predator without teeth and claws isn’t a predator at all. Given the current state of Apis without her weapons, fleeing seemed a viable option, far better than just sitting tight.

The chance to escape from a bow-wielding Apis is 0%, but without her bow, I had at least a 10% chance.

No matter how reckless Apis might be, there was no way she’d use ‘that’ in the city.

I thought my odds, no, my hope was good enough.

“Fire, come forth─.”

There was a time I had thoughts like that too.

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