The Priest Wants to Retire

〈 Chapter 83 〉 The Angry Pufferfish

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”Saintess, can we talk for a moment…?”

”No way! I’m busy right now.”

I tried splashing my face with water several times, but my heart kept racing without any sign of calming down.

Running into a robber during my outing was manageable.

I thought that handing over all my valuables to a mere thug would make him disappear, and that expense could just be chalked up as a price for keeping the Saintess’s identity hidden.

But just as I was about to give the thief everything I had, the Saintess made an unexpected move and snatched the ring box right from my hands, leading to a complete derailment of what should have been a straightforward situation.

The horrifying spectacle was vivid even now.

The thug, taken aback by the sudden theft of the valuables he was supposed to receive, abruptly yelled and swung his weapon at the Saintess.

Just when I attempted to block his sword strike with my hand, a dazzling flash and a booming sound erupted from the Saintess, stirring chaos in the quiet street.

Fortunately, I managed to get us out of there before the incident was widely known, preventing the exposure of the Saintess’s unauthorized outing.

But there was one big bump I couldn’t leave behind.

”Saintess, stop playing around and quickly return him to normal…”

”Later! I’m busy!”

I tried pleading with the Saintess while glancing at the robber, who remained frozen in the position he had taken when he was about to swing his sword.

Unfortunately, the Saintess seemed too engrossed in fiddling with the ring box she had stolen from me to pay any attention to my words.

Honestly, the robber’s well-being wasn’t that big of a concern to me.

What I was really worried about was that the only person capable of putting a living human in such a state was the Saintess herself.

And I couldn’t just leave this “witness” of her unauthorized outing in this condition.

Hiding him somewhere far from people might be an option, but with the Blessing Ceremony right around the corner, the foot traffic in the area was skyrocketing, leaving few places out of sight.

Burying him deep underground or sinking him in the lake might offer some peace of mind, but such extreme measures would make me feel like a murderer trying to dispose of a body.

Thus, among the options available to me, the only one that didn’t involve bloodshed was to sincerely persuade the Saintess, the instigator of this mess and the one holding the solution.

”Haa… Just give it to me…”

Before convincing the Saintess, I decided to gradually manage the distractions that were hampering her focus.

It didn’t seem too surprising that she had suddenly taken interest in the ring box I had.

She had a habit of showing interest in my personal belongings and trying to seize them.

Five pairs of gloves, seven handkerchiefs, two fountain pens, and three notebooks.

Those were the various daily items the Saintess had snatched away from me so far.

Just a few days ago, she had taken my outerwear, so the priest’s robe I was wearing now was actually a spare provided by the Sister.

Even though she could easily obtain new items if she wanted, I couldn’t figure out why she was so eager to steal from me.

It wasn’t that surprising for kids in their growth spurts to suddenly develop greed.

Occasionally, she would return things to me after losing interest in them.

So overall, her behavior wasn’t too alarming.

But…

”No! Mine!”

The strange way the Saintess was adamantly resisting made my mind swirl with unwanted thoughts.

”Saintess… just give it to me…”

”No way! Mine! I’m not giving it!”

A suspicious man was slowly closing in on the girl emitting moans in the dark alley.

Knowing how others would interpret my current state in their eyes was all too obvious, so I had to wrap this up as quickly as possible.

”Just give it to me! Quickly!”

”No! Go away! I’m not giving it! Mine!”

”If you want toys or jewels, I can buy you as many as you want later! Just give me that ring box for now! Saintess!”

”No!”

”Welna! Let’s talk nicely! Just hand it over!”

”Haa!”

”!?”

What happened in an instant.

The Saintess, who had shown no signs of budging to my determined demand, suddenly grabbed the ring box with both hands and covered her mouth.

Watching her actions felt like looking at a hamster with a stuffed cheek, which was quite cute, but given the situation, my heart wasn’t softened at all and was instead filled with dismay.

”S-Saintess! What are you doing! You can’t put that dirty thing in your mouth! Spit it out! Spit it out!”

”Mmm! Mmm!”

I tried pushing her soft cheeks to encourage her to spit out the ring box in her mouth, but her resistance was surprisingly strong.

If the news reached the Sister about that ring box, which I had carried all day and even dropped once, being inside the Saintess’s holy mouth, I could hardly imagine the calamity that would ensue.

This time, I couldn’t compromise.

I struggled with her for what felt like an eternity.

At some point, the cute hamster had transformed into an angry pufferfish, and the Saintess, with her eyes tightly closed, began to silently scream.

”Mmm!!”

Success!

I managed to create a small opening at the corners of her tightly shut pink lips with my fingers.

”It’s mine! It’s mine! Ugh! Ugh!”

”I can’t believe this…”

Ignoring the valiant struggles of the Saintess, who was desperately writhing in my arms, I pushed my fingers deeper.

It seemed she couldn’t bring herself to bite my fingers, as she was only occasionally pushing against them with her tongue.

Finally, my fingers reached the goal deep in her throat.

Yes!

Just as that triumphant voice echoed in my heart,

”Ugh!?”

Shhhng!

The mysterious chains reappeared, the same cursed light that had previously completely restricted my freedom now wrapped around me and saved the Saintess from peril.

Thud!

”S-Saintess!”

”Hmph!”

With her slender arms raised in a ‘N’ shape triumphantly, she resembled a bodybuilder from Mr. Olympia.

The posture was unmistakable; she was clearly declaring:

I won!

If there had been a referee to adjudicate this scuffle, they would have surely protested against the obvious foul play committed by the Saintess.

But sadly, this was a dark alley—a so-called lawless stage.

No one was around to reprimand the Saintess’s indecent behavior.

”Haa… Alright… I concede. You can have that. I won’t take it back. Just untie me for now…”

”…Hihn?”

”What? Oh, yeah. Really.”

”Hihn to Hihn?”

”Really really.”

The Saintess suddenly grasped my cheeks to align our eye levels, slowly peering into my eyes.

And then…

Chirp!

She smiled.

The Saintess smiled.

It took a considerable amount of time for my brain to fully process that perfectly natural fact.

I had seen the Saintess angry or sulking on occasion.

Stamping her feet, biting or puffing up her cheeks, or expressing her emotions in subtle ways were things I had witnessed.

But seeing her smile so radiantly was undeniably a first.

It might seem trivial.

She was a human with feelings, and so it made sense that she would sometimes smile.

But for some reason…

It felt ominous. No, it seemed more fitting to say something felt off.

It was as if I had realized, just too late, that I had chosen the wrong path at a crossroads I could never return from.

”S-Saintess…?”

The chains that had bound me eventually faded away, but I still found myself unable to move.

Like a pitiful frog tossed before a hissing snake, my body, mind, and everything that made me, me, had come to a complete standstill.

It was only when my rusted brain started to function again that I heard.

”Oh-ho! A priest who looks rich! And a girl who looks quite young! Boss! This haul seems like a jackpot!”

That was the moment I felt the numerous footsteps approaching with an unmistakably frivolous voice.

”Oh! This is definitely a big catch! Hey! Handsome over there! If you don’t want to die, cough up everything you’ve got and scram! Just leave the girl!”

Even without turning around, I could easily deduce from their scripted lines that they were just another group of thugs common in the alley.

”Hey! Didn’t you hear me? Hand over all your money and get lost! I’ll spare your life!”

This was bad. This was a disaster. An emergency.

If this kept up, we were all going to die.

”Hahaha! Look at you quaking in your boots! It’s art! By the way, do you guys even have any courage? As expected of priests in those robes!”

Not me.

Them.

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