The Terminally-Ill Lord Desires Hospice Care

It was an excruciating yet familiar pain. Simultaneously, this pain was proof that I was still alive. Wearisome, yet also a welcome witness to my existence.

Perhaps the embrace with this welcome witness was too intense. My tightly shut eyelids opened against my will.

“…Where is this?”
The unfamiliar ceiling prompted an unconscious murmur from me.

“By God’s side.”
“I see, so I am dead.”
It seemed this vexing pain had followed me all the way to the ends of hell, despite our companionship not being that long.

“…Not the afterlife, but a church.”

At the mention of a church, I sat up and looked around to indeed see the interior of a church, not hellfire.

“Quite the tenacious life force you have. I had thought simply closing your eyes then would not be so bad.”
“I forcibly rekindled your fading life force.”

The man claiming to have reignited my flickering life force had quite the peculiar appearance.
His attire seemed that of a priest, but his build was clearly that of a knight, not a clergyman.

“I am Father Camille, the head priest of this church, my lord.”
His hands too were not those for offering prayers to God, but a warrior’s hands for offering up enemies.

“I am…”
“There is no need to state your false name, Count Berger.”

In that moment, I unconsciously grasped the cane beside me.
I had instructed the maid and coachman to keep silent, and since arriving here I had not revealed my true name to anyone.

“You speak of a name no longer mine. And who are you to know that fact?”

If this person was a servant of the orcs or dragons, then regardless of any infamy, I would have no choice but to kill them.
To slay a local priest, albeit of this village, would surely make me hated, but such matters were unimportant. Yes, what became of my reputation mattered not.

“Depending on your answer, I may have to kill you right here. I will kill you if you do not answer. And of course, I will kill you if you lie.”
“Why would I lie to you?”
“The answer I demand is not such a meaningless question.”
“…You are rather hasty. More careless about your own affairs than anyone.”

With a deep sigh, he gave his answer in a slightly calmer tone:
“I was once a holy knight of the Sacred Kingdom. Though I retired after taking an arrow to the abdomen, I have witnessed your kind in battle before.”

If he was indeed a former holy knight, then his large build and rough hands would be explained. Whether that was the truth remained to be seen, but…

His expression was as serene as if enjoying teatime. Despite knowing I was the Count Berger, he did not regard me with hateful eyes.

“When I first saw your face, I too had my doubts.”
“Yet my appearance has not particularly changed.”
“For the hero who massacred the dragons vexing the Alliance could not possibly be banished to such a remote place.”
“Dispense with the flattering overpraise.”

Among my achievements were necessary killings, massacres committed in a rage, and outright mistakes that resulted in deaths.
And I had never taken pride in any of them.

“…But after witnessing your condition today, I could surmise the reason.”
Father Camille’s eyes shone with conviction, as if he had realized everything.
“The Dragon King’s venom.”
“Indeed.”
“But how could you possibly survive such a thing? No, even taking painkillers, the agony must be unbearable.”

It seemed his claim of being a former holy knight was no lie. For there were few who would know about the Dragon King. He must have held quite a high position among the holy knights.

Yes, as he said, the painkillers only alleviated the agony to an extent, not eliminating it entirely.

“May I ask about the intensity of that pain…?”
“Subjective impressions would not be helpful, so allow me to quote an expert’s assessment.”

The imperial physician who examined my body and the nature of the venom gave this evaluation:
“Even taking painkillers, you will frequently experience pain akin to having a tooth extracted without anesthesia.”

I had not known pain could be quantified like that, but such was his assessment.
“I do often experience a similar sensation.”
“How can you possibly maintain your sanity?”
“…It feels that way. Having experienced the pain of feeling like my heart was being torn out, the pain of a tooth extraction pales in comparison.”

Like most pains in this world, I simply endured it because I could. It was nothing remarkable on my part.
Pain cannot truly be quantified in the first place. Does not everyone feel their own pain as greater? Can there truly be an absolute scale?

“By the way, how did I end up being brought here?”
“That girl Cecilia carried you here. She said even after giving you medicine, the seizures would not subside.”
“I am indebted to many today. I should express my gratitude separately later.”

I had intended to help if I could, but instead I was the one who received help.
“And I must thank you as well. Thanks to you, I lived.”
“I simply did my duty as a priest.”

When I went outside, the sun was already setting.
Despite wasting what little time I had left, I felt no regret.
Why did I not feel any sense of vanity? I should have felt regret, should I not? Today’s events amounted to nothing more than sharing bread with some nameless old man, demonstrating a technique before that adventurer Cecilia and some children, and exchanging a few words with this priest.
Yet why did it feel more fulfilling than the days I spent in my estate? What was this feeling I was experiencing now, and what were its underlying elements?

“…I cannot say.”
Perhaps I would never know the reason for this fulfillment until my death.

With such futile thoughts, I hastened my steps towards the lord’s residence, hoping this evening’s meal would not include pork or onions.

After a light meal, I used a magic tool to recount today’s events to my friends.

“Ho, so our vexing blockhead felt such emotions.”
“By the way Raul, did I not repeatedly remind you to take your medicine? It’s made with expensive ingredients, so how could you be so careless as to forget…”

Indeed. As expected, these two were of little help in analyzing the source of the fulfillment I had felt.
His Majesty chuckled in amusement at my emotional experience, while the empress scolded me for not taking my medicine.
I even considered cutting off this magic tool’s circuit and simply going to bed.

“…..”
“Looks like the empress’s scolding made your soul leave your body again.”
“Raul, remove your hand from the magic tool’s circuit.”

Of course, there was no way she could have seen me placing my hand on the circuit.
“Raul, I can see you even if you can’t see me, so remove your hand.”

The empress was indeed formidable. But perhaps it was fitting that such a stern woman was His Majesty’s carefree companion.

“Well now, for the lady to be silent is an event that happens once in a thousand years.”
Indeed, even I did not expect Camilla to maintain such silence. She was usually as talkative as His Majesty.

“…Raul. May I ask you one thing?”
“If it is something I can answer.”
“About that woman, Cecilia…Is she pretty, by any chance?”

At that, not only I but His Majesty and the empress were taken aback as well.
That she would ask such a thing. Who could have anticipated it?

“How amusing. The lady is being quite frank today.”
“Camilla, in such a manner…”

As appearances are subjective, I could not give a clear answer.
But at the same time, I wanted to understand her degree of interest in asking such a question.

“Camilla.”
So before evaluating her appearance, I asked her a question first.
“Is the reason you have not found a partner because you prefer women?”

It seemed my deduction was accurate, for even the loquacious His Majesty was struck speechless, mouth agape.

“Even if that is your preference, I can respect it.”
“No, wait a minute here.”
“Let me analyze this from an objective, not subjective, perspective. She possesses snow-white hair befitting an artist’s rendering, striking eyes, a socially conventional beauty, and a physique resembling the models for typical sculptures.”

There were a few other objective elements that could deem her beautiful, but I omitted them to avoid being long-winded.

“Considering all those factors together…yes, she could be called a beauty.”
“Well now, this is certainly not my forte.”
Having listened to my analysis, His Majesty made to leave, his expression suggesting a desire to avoid such matters.

And Camilla gazed at the magic tool with an amused look, straightening her posture.
“Hahaha…Hahaha…Yes, I’ll pay her a visit sometime. We’ll see then.”
“There is no indication she prefers women, but if you wish, I can inquire on your behalf.”
“No no, no need. You just wait here with a clean neck.”
“I always maintain my hygiene. There is no need to separately cleanse my neck.”

Though Camilla was smiling, her face was flushed.
“Yes, it’s a neck that will be severed anyway, so what does cleansing it matter? I’ll end this. Both this line and your life.”

She immediately cut off the magic tool’s power, leaving only the empress clutching her aching forehead.

“Could you explain why she became so enraged?”
“Not understanding that is your biggest issue, Raul.”
“That is not an answer.”
“Exactly, you are clueless.”

The empress let out a deep sigh before taking a deep breath and speaking again.
“I plan to visit your home tomorrow.”
“I see.”
“There are things I wish to convey to your younger sister. And while I’m at it, some things I wish to teach her as well.”
“…Though she is a lacking younger sister, I appreciate your consideration.”

While the empress was someone even His Majesty and Camilla feared when angered, she was fundamentally a very gracious person.
There was little chance of her overstepping her bounds with my sister.
Rather, I could rest assured having someone as gracious as the empress watching over my sister.

“…Yes. I will take responsibility and teach her. So do not worry, Raul.”