The Terminally-Ill Lord Desires Hospice Care

Following the old man’s directions, I indeed arrived at the adventurers’ guild building. Come to think of it, it had been quite a while since I had interacted with an adventurers’ guild. I had fought back-to-back with them on the battlefield, clashed with those whose interests conflicted, and even personally buried the fallen.
While not particularly nostalgic, there was still a sense of familiarity.

“Don’t just swing wildly, put your hips into it!”
“…”
Following that familiar voice, I came upon a training ground behind the building. Cecilia was teaching the village children how to use swords and spears there.

“If you just swing like that, you’ll hurt your wrists. Don’t grip it like that, grasp it firmly, with force.”
“…Is this village in such dire straits that it must raise child soldiers?”

If so, that seemed quite lamentable. For it would undermine one of the reasons we had fought.
We did not wish for these children to experience what we had.

“Wh-What brings you here?”
“At an old man’s request, I have come to observe you at work. I have answered your question, so I would hear your answer to mine as well.”
“…It is not about raising child soldiers or anything like that. I am simply teaching these children how to defend themselves in this harsh world.”
“Indeed, quite a commendable act.”

This woman was doing what we could not.
“So you chose the sword and spear, did you…”

Of course, unlike His Majesty or Camilla, I did not have an affinity for swords and spears. While I had handled them before, I only had a commoner’s talent, so I had quickly set them aside.

“Not a bad choice. Bows and blunt weapons can be unexpectedly difficult to wield.”
“You speak like one who has experienced the battlefield.”
“I do have experience. Not infrequently at the vanguard.”
“Then what weapon did you use on the battlefield? Sword? Spear? Blunt weapon?”
“None of the above, though the effect was similar to using them.”

Cecilia seemed unable to understand my words. As I had said, I did not use swords, spears or blunt weapons on the battlefield.
As someone unaccustomed to explanations, elaborating further would be pointless.

“…I cannot comprehend.”
I approached the boulder in the center of the training ground.
“May I make use of this?”
“That is for strength training, but…”
“If it is of value, I shall compensate you later.”

I extended my index finger and pierced the center of the boulder.
“If I needed a spear, I did this.”
Next, I opened my palm and used the makeshift blade to slice the boulder in half.
“If I needed a sword, I did this.”
Finally, I struck the boulder with an open palm, shattering it into pieces.
“If I needed a blunt weapon, I simply did this.”

At that, Cecilia and the village children stared at me with wide eyes.
“Mere parlor tricks, but still.”

A sword to deflect strikes from all directions while commanding tens of thousands of troops. A spear to impale and slay countless foes alongside thunderbolts. A mind possessing the stratagems to lead countless battles to victory.
Compared to the brilliant powers my friends possessed, my paltry tricks were far too small and undeserving of mention.

“Wow mister, how did you do that?”
“Show us again!”
“Can we learn how to do that?”

The children surrounded me, asking to learn my tricks.
They would be better off learning Cecilia’s techniques than wasting time on the likes of me.

“……”
But being unaccustomed to dealing with children, I remained silent. What should I say in situations like this?
I had rarely played with my younger sister, having spent so many years on the battlefield – a life far removed from these young children, so the words did not come easily.

“That’s enough from all of you. This is our new lord. Stop this disrespect and return home for today.”
“Damn old hag, always hogging all the fun for yourself.”
“What was that?”
As Cecilia drew her practice sword, the children scattered and fled.

“You seem quite accustomed to handling children.”
“They are children of this village. The entire village must raise the children of the village, as the saying goes.”
It was an admirably upright way of living, unlike me who had failed to protect the happiness of those around me.

“By the way, may I ask you something?”
“If it is something I can answer.”
“That…technique you demonstrated just now, is it perhaps some kind of exclusive noble self-defense art…?”
“I did not expect you to inquire about such paltry tricks.”
Even if asked, I could not teach it. Unlike others, these are just rough techniques I use based on my instincts in the moment.

“…It is difficult to explain verbally. But it is essentially a technique that utilizes resonance.”
“Resonance, you say…”
“I simply mimicked someone I once saw shattering a wineglass with their voice. I apply a similar resonance to my body to strike.”

Being unaccustomed to explanations, that was the extent I could explain.
“…I cannot comprehend.”
“What nonsense is that?”
“I had thought you were simply a greenhouse flower who had never gotten a single drop of blood on your hands.”

If only I had grown up that way. Even if lonely, at least I would not have ended up in this situation.

“But you were not that kind of person, my lord. You have a painful past, and went to the battlefield, staining your hands with blood.”
“You seem to jump to conclusions rather quickly. I could be one skilled at hiding my true face.”
“Forming preconceived conclusions before even meeting would be the greater mistake. Even if so, that is my responsibility alone to bear. It is no excuse to foist prejudice onto others.”

But a question occurred to me. How did this woman know I had a painful past?
I had only shared the records of my heart with my friends. I had never shared them with anyone else.

“Especially that technique…! With that technique, I could teach those bastards in the next village a lesson…! Ah, pardon me. I got carried away with excitement…”
“You seem to have misunderstood something. Let me make this clear – this is not a technique humans can learn.”
“Pardon…?”
“While I can apply resonance to shatter anything with my hands, the price is that my heart can no longer resonate.”

My heart beats, but can no longer thrill with any excitement. It has simply degenerated into a lump of pulsating flesh.

“Though my hands can pierce anything, they can no longer reach the loved ones I longed to touch.”
Hands that have been stained with too much blood can no longer grasp or caress them.

“As my hands could cut anything, I ended up cutting and crushing the heart of the most precious person to me.”
It seemed the blood that stained my hands that day still lingered.

“Anyone can pierce with a spear, cut with a sword, and shatter with a blunt weapon. What stands before you may be the greatest fool in this world.”
“……My lord.”
“If only I had died that day…”
“My lord.”

Cecilia grasped my chin and made me meet her gaze.
“I cannot claim to know the life you have led in detail. But will you acknowledge this one thing?”
She fixed me with an intense gaze, her eyes seeming to blaze. And in those burning eyes, my haggard face was reflected.

“There are few who can love someone incapable of even loving themselves.”
“Someone deserving of hatred, not love.”
“To me, that seems like an attempt to evade the issue.”
“What do you claim to know to say such thi-”

Without realizing it, I had nearly raised my voice. What stopped me was blood spurting from some unknown organ within me, filling my mouth and choking off my words.

“My lord…!”
It seemed I had neglected to take my medicine this morning. As it was meant to be taken after meals, I must have simply forgotten.
How foolish of me to forget such an important medicine when I never missed taking painkillers.

“Medi…cine… The medicine…”
“Medicine, you say…? Do you have some chronic illness…?”
“The glass bottles on the desk in my study room… Two kinds of medicine… All of it… Please…”

At that, Cecilia began running towards my study room.
Hopefully she would return with the medicine in time.
No.
It did not seem so bad to simply close my eyes here.
There was the option of closing my eyes content and grateful to have gained such excessive friends by chance.
A peaceful death surrounded by loved ones did not suit me.
Coughing up blood on this cold stone floor would be a fitting end for me.

“Pathetic bastard, still clinging on.”
Then, suddenly, a raven flew in from somewhere and shoved the medicine into my mouth with its talons.
The raven then furiously pecked at my cheeks with its sharp claws.

“You think rolling over and dying will get you a meal in the afterlife? If you die like this, the only ones grieving will be those fools who care about you. The assholes who hate you will just dance with glee.”
“I simply…cannot find a reason to live any longer…”
“If you can’t find one, then make one, you dumb bird-brained bastard. You were in the military, weren’t you? If it doesn’t work, make it work. If you can’t find a reason, create one.”

As the pain gradually subsided, my eyelids began growing heavy.
Even as my eyelids drooped, the sense of dissonance that had arisen remained vividly etched in a corner of my heart.
So vivid that even if I died now, I could still feel that dissonance.