Toxin

“You’re too rough. Can’t you be a bit gentler, like handling a painting?”

Sometimes when he made such shameless remarks, I felt torn between wanting to smack him and bursting into laughter. Despite being injured, he seemed unusually cheerful. As I unwrapped the blood-soaked bandage, I saw a deep cut on his skin with several small scars visible. I dipped my finger into the medicine on the dish and carefully spread it over the wound. When his chest flinched slightly, I became more cautious with my touch. His abdominal muscles tensed a bit with each movement of my hand along the long wound. Was it hurting him? Just as I paused and looked up, I was met with a pair of eyes filled with a gentle warmth, making me catch my breath. His tightly sealed lips parted slightly.

“What is it?”

“It seems uncomfortable for you. Maybe it would be better to let a physician handle this…”

“No. It’s bearable, so keep going.”

His voice had dropped even lower. I resumed my work. As a sudden silence settled in, the only sound in the room was the rustling of the cloth. When I reached behind him to wrap the bandage, I inadvertently ended up embracing him. The warmth of my breath against his bare chest made his muscles twitch. His warm breath near my ear made my earlobes flush with heat. I wound the bandage around the injured area, pulling it tight and tying a knot in front. Once the treatment was finished, Raonhiljo slipped his arms into the sleeves of a blue silk robe.

“Thank you.”

“Is the place where Jincheonroe hit you alright?”

“No, it’s not. Since you’re at it, could you take care of that too?”

He stood up and began to swiftly remove his pants. Startled, I quickly grabbed his hand and looked at him in surprise.

“What are you doing?”

“You said you were going to treat me, right?”

“…”

The mischievous grin on his lips was infuriatingly playful. His pants were loose enough that there was no need to remove them; simply rolling up the hem would suffice. But he paid no attention and proceeded to take off his pants again. Raonhiljo looked at him briefly, then, without bothering to assist, pulled the hem up himself. He let out a groan, his face contorting in pain.

***

As soon as the treatment was over, I left the residence without delay. Fortunately, the injury wasn’t as serious as I had feared, and I felt lighter for being able to help. Raonhiljo, who had followed me to the courtyard, leaned against the gate. I had been uneasy about seeing him again, wondering if he would press me as he had before, but thankfully, he didn’t ask anything. His gaze had been lingering on my injured hand for a while, but it seemed he wasn’t eager to address that.

“What happened to your hand?”

“It’s nothing. I just twisted it.”

His eyes traced the path from my hand back to my face, filled with a quiet fury, though his voice remained cold.

“I see. Make sure you treat it properly.”

“Yes.”

I was just about to bow and take my leave.

“Tomorrow…”

His suppressed voice caught me. Raonhiljo stared at me intently.

“Are you coming tomorrow?”

Instead of answering, I left behind a faint smile and turned away. I wondered if he knew how much his presence put me at ease. Being with him always felt like a walk in the forest. His gaze, as warm as the sun, followed me until I rounded the corner of the endless path.

When I returned to the stable, as expected, a soldier was scolding Naro, ready to snap his neck. Another soldier spotted me and rushed over.

“You! Where on earth have you been?!”

I gave the excuse I had prepared on the way.

“I was drying some paper in the sun, and on my way back, I got lost.”

“Didn’t I tell you not to wander off alone?! Hurry up! Move it!”

Perhaps because it was common for me to lose my way, the soldier didn’t seem overly suspicious. I was practically dragged to the palace, unable even to properly greet Naro. As soon as I stepped onto the porch, the court ladies, who had been anxiously pacing, brightened at the sight of me.

“Hurry inside! His Majesty has just returned from hunting. Quickly, quickly!”

They hurriedly pushed me inside. As I was thrust forward, I heard a heavy thud as the door closed behind me. Relieved to have arrived safely, my legs nearly gave out. I wiped the sweat from my forehead, and without even catching my breath, I picked up the book that had fallen on the floor. Just as I settled on the cushion and opened the book, I heard the sound of doors opening one after another in the distance. My heartbeat quickened as the footsteps grew closer. When the door slid open from both sides, the Black Martial Emperor appeared.

He had tossed aside his cumbersome royal robe and was now dressed in a more practical, narrow-sleeved outfit with trousers, the sash around his waist holding several dangling daggers—clearly, he had just returned from a hunt. In his hand, he held a pheasant with its neck limp, blood still dripping from it. Unbothered by the blood that was pooling on the floor, he walked inside.

I struggled to steady my breath, fearing he might notice its irregularity. The cold sweat on my back hinted at my fear that he might catch a whiff of the outside air lingering on me. Just as I stood to greet him, his hand reached out, tangling in my hair before I could react. His lips crashed down on mine, his tongue sliding in to swirl around mine and lick the back of my throat—like a heavy smoker desperately seeking his first cigarette of the day.

“Mmm… uh…”

With my breath completely cut off, I opened my mouth, desperately sucking in air. The Black Martial Emperor playfully nipped at my tongue before finally pulling away. His slow voice dropped without warning.

“Do you eat birds?”

Still struggling to catch my breath, I stared at him. The Black Martial Emperor lazily observed me as he mumbled to himself.

“Well, I suppose you eat everything except your own kind.”

He licked the saliva that had dripped down his chin before finally picking up the silver pipe that lay on the floor. It was a pipe I had gifted him. Despite being a rather plain-looking pipe, it seemed strikingly valuable in his hands. With the pipe clamped between his teeth, he casually stripped off his hunting clothes. Sitting in front of me, he then began to strip the feathers from the pheasant. He held the now-naked bird down on the floor and drew a dagger.

“Sit.”

The killer plunged the dagger into the pheasant’s neck without hesitation. The deeply embedded blade slit the bird’s belly in one swift motion, following the central bone. Without concern for his broken finger, he plunged the dagger into the pheasant’s belly. His relentless movements separated flesh from bone, exposing the dark red innards. The brutal hands made the cold corpse die once again. The cloth-wrapped hand he wielded quickly became stained with blood. The sight of bloodied fingers sent a chill through me, making me shiver uncontrollably. My gaze inevitably drifted to his face. As the cigarette smoke dissipated, he squinted slightly but that was all. The killer, dissecting his trophy’s innards, remained destructive and emotionless.

Was that the face he made back then? Did he wear that same expression back then? The sound of grinding bones reverberated inside me, and in an instant, the nightmare of that day seized my mind. My mother’s white horns being cut off, her eyes drowning in blood… The sight of her horns so cleanly severed that it made my teeth chatter, her red eyes perfectly gouged out. I fell into a hallucination, where the dagger unearthed the bird’s entrails, threatening to make me scream. I shut my eyes and clamped my hands over my ears, trying to block out the horrifying scene. A dizzying sensation, like being thrown off a cliff, washed over me.

At that moment, a chilling touch brushed against my cheek, making me recoil and slap the hand away. The Black Martial Emperor paused mid-air, his hand frozen, and stared at me intently. Only then did I recognize the sensation, and I barely managed to force out a trembling voice.

“I’m just… a bit tired, that’s all.”

The Black Martial Emperor wore an expression that seemed to understand, then resumed what he was doing. Unable to bear watching, I fixed my gaze on the book lying on my lap. Just then, something wet touched my lips. I looked up to see him offering me a piece of meat skewered on the tip of his dagger. Was he telling me to eat it? But why would he show me this? Was this a warning? I couldn’t help but feel there was more to his actions than met the eye.

It was true that I hadn’t eaten anything all day, but the mere thought made me nauseous. I certainly didn’t want to subject myself to the gruesome sight of raw meat. If he witnessed how much I loathed it, I could only imagine what kind of expression he would wear. It was undoubtedly another one of his twisted tricks.

“No, thank you. I’m not hungry right now.”

“Why don’t you take a look at yourself before you say that?”

My hand tightened around the thinning piece of flesh.

“It’s just that I haven’t been sleeping well. I really don’t want anything right now.”

“Eat.”

“Then I’ll have it later. Right now, I really don’t feel…”

“Eat.”

The firmness in his voice left no room for argument, his black eyes still tinged with blood. He removed the piece of meat from the dagger and forcefully pushed it into my mouth. I fought back the urge to vomit as I reluctantly swallowed the unfamiliar, slimy raw meat. The Black Martial Emperor once again sliced off a thin piece of meat with his dagger and offered it to me. I accepted it without protest. My mind went blank as I mechanically chewed, his eyes watching me. After a while, he took another piece of raw meat from the floor and placed it in his own mouth. He chewed the meat slowly, then wrinkled his brow.

“Disgusting.”

The Black Martial Emperor spat the raw meat onto the floor. With the pipe still in his mouth, he muttered as if to himself.

“Why does the food you eat always look so appetizing?”

His direct gaze seemed to pierce my throat.

“Is this another sign that I’m not normal?”

I replied while chewing the raw meat still in my mouth.

“That’s… just a trick of the mind, like how other people’s food always looks better. It’s something everyone feels, not just you, Your Majesty… It’s fine.”

At my weak attempt at provocation, the Black Martial Emperor raised an eyebrow in mild interest. Dropping his gaze, he continued to chew the meat in his mouth. After watching me for a while, he suddenly reached into my mouth and snatched away the piece of meat I hadn’t swallowed yet. I stared at him blankly, unable to comprehend his actions. The Black Martial Emperor scrutinized the stolen piece of meat before placing it in his own mouth and began to chew. He consumed it, blood and my saliva included. The smooth movement of his Adam’s apple clearly demonstrated what he had done.

“This is a bit better.”

He seemed capable of doing anything now. He picked up the dagger and began slicing the meat into thin strips again. With perfect precision, he continued to butcher the already lifeless creature. But then, the swiftly moving dagger suddenly slipped and fell to the floor. It wasn’t the broken side—so why? I wondered, confused.

The Black Martial Emperor clenched and unclenched his hand expressionlessly before picking up the fallen dagger. As soon as he drove the sharp blade into the meat again, it slipped from his hand, the blade spinning in the air before crashing to the ground. The moment seemed to stretch on for eternity as the dagger fell. The sharp metal clattered onto the blood-soaked floor. Slowly, I moved my gaze to his hand. The once vicious hand now seemed unnaturally stiff.

In that moment, my heart pounded intensely.

The hand that had just exuded such powerful vitality now lay stiff as plaster. The fierce beating of my heart resonated like tinnitus. My gaze involuntarily drifted to his face. My pupils widened in response. The Black Martial Emperor frowned at the sudden numbness that had overtaken him and slowly tried to clench and unclench his hand. However, it seemed that his movements were not going as intended. With repeated motions, his fingers gradually loosened, and eventually, they regained their natural fluidity. The once paralyzed grip returned to full strength, shattering the deathly silence around us.

Haa… Only then did I realize I hadn’t been breathing. My thoughts, engulfed in confusion, began to cool down, and the trembling of my heart gradually subsided. Was it an effect of the incident? Or was it just a temporary paralysis? I felt a gaze on me. I barely managed to tear my eyes away from his hand and, when I looked up, our eyes met. His cold, piercing gaze rendered me speechless.

“Are you… alright?”

“You’re the one who doesn’t look alright. Will you eat more?”

“No… I’m fine.”

The Black Martial Emperor sheathed his dagger and pushed it aside, along with the mangled body of the pheasant. He wiped the blood from his hands with a towel, his movements fluid and precise. My gaze kept being drawn to his hands.

“Lie down.”

I barely managed to pull my eyes away, gathering my scattered thoughts. I reached for the drawing materials I had placed nearby. I spread the paper between us and immediately grabbed the charcoal.

“It’s time for your portrait today.”

The Black Martial Emperor’s gaze fell on my broken hand.

“Ah…”

It was my right index and middle fingers that the Black Martial Emperor had broken. The royal physician had said it would take about two weeks to fully heal, and that I wouldn’t be able to do any delicate work for a while. I calmly grasped the charcoal with my left hand and said, “Didn’t you know? I’m left-handed.”

His eyes narrowed.

Although I had brought up art therapy myself, I had no idea where or how to start. I had once taught a child with aphasia to draw in Imae Village long ago. When I told the child to draw whatever they wanted, they drew a tree without leaves, a house without windows, and, to my shock, their headless parents. To this day, I don’t know what those drawings meant, but I was sure that the child’s mind was unstable. I became quite close to the child after that, but our relationship didn’t last long. Showing the parents the drawings had been a mistake. They refused to acknowledge the disturbing pictures and eventually branded me a fraud, proving their child was normal by driving me out.

I had only heard rumors that drawing could heal the mind, but I didn’t know the details. So, I decided to use the same method I had tried back then. The Black Martial Emperor tilted his head slightly as he lit a cheap pipe by the candlelight. I watched him, feeling unsettled. How much of a change could something like this bring to someone who had lived like this for 27 years? I didn’t entertain any foolish hopes of reforming someone born a killer to their core. I just wanted to get a glimpse of what lay within. I handed the Black Martial Emperor the white paper and charcoal. He glanced at the paper, then at me.

“There’s no need to feel burdened or find it difficult. Just draw comfortably.”

The Black Martial Emperor curled his lips upward, still holding the pipe between them.

“So this is the therapy that’s supposed to make me normal?”

“It’s not necessarily that. I haven’t formally studied it, so I can’t give you a definitive answer… but I do believe it will help. There was once a child who treated their mental illness through drawing.”

“Is that so?”

He seemed to take a slight interest. I didn’t miss the opportunity and drew a long line on the white paper.

“This is… the ground. What do you think you’d like to do here?”

The Black Martial Emperor’s eyes gleamed faintly.

“What about you? What do you want to do?”

“…Pardon?”

His question caught me off guard. The Black Martial Emperor lay down diagonally across from me, propping himself up on one elbow as he lazily inhaled the scent of the tobacco, waiting for my response. As an example, I pulled out a new piece of paper and began drawing.

“Well, since it’s the ground… I’d probably plant a tree and build a house.”

“A tree and a house, huh…”

The Black Martial Emperor muttered to himself before picking up the charcoal and starting to draw. I continued to finish my drawing of the tree and house. I added windows, built a tall fence, and drew fruits, bark, and stumps. As I busily worked, I took a quick glance at his drawing.

The Black Martial Emperor, like me, had to use his left hand due to the broken fingers on his right hand, so his movements seemed awkward. After drawing a rough tree and a tiled house, he glanced at me. I scrutinized his drawing. The tree had lush leaves and a sturdy trunk, and the grand house had several doors and windows. However, it struck me as odd that the house was so large, there were too many trees, and he even drew the roots underground.

“There’s a house, but I don’t see anyone living in it. The owner must have a family and possibly siblings…”

“True.”

The Black Martial Emperor began to draw again but suddenly stopped and turned his dark gaze towards me.

“My deceased father left quite a mess. Should I include all the leftovers too?”

He was referring to his father’s concubines and his half-brothers. I shook my head.

“Please feel free to do whatever Your Majesty wishes. And if you don’t feel like drawing, you don’t have to…”

“I was annoyed, but this is convenient.”

Despite saying that, he drew quite a few people. His skill was nowhere near what it was when he handled Jincheonroe or a sword, but he filled the empty spaces with people, complete with eyes, noses, and mouths. He hastily scribbled with his hand before tossing the charcoal aside.

There was a man in the center, surrounded by countless people. Was the man in the center the Black Martial Emperor himself? On either side were the deceased emperor and empress, and a bit further away was another man. Could that be Raonhiljo…? In the back, there were three people grouped together. They must be his bodyguards. Then, I noticed something next to the Black Martial Emperor. It vaguely resembled a person, but with something around its neck that looked like a leash.

I was lost in thought for a long time when I suddenly felt a gaze licking at my chest. My clothes had opened slightly as I bent over, revealing a nipple. The brazen stare made my skin crawl, but I didn’t bother to hide it. After sketching some people, I turned my gaze back to him.

“I’m finished.”

The Black Martial Emperor’s eyes dropped to my drawing. On the paper was a fairly convincing tree and a thatched house, with a lone figure standing inside. Since my only family had been taken by this murderous monster, the only one left was me… The Black Martial Emperor stared at my drawing for quite a while. His gaze, as if piercing through me, made me uncomfortable. His eyes, fixed on the paper, soon traced their way back up to my face.

“You’ve got some skill. You could make a living with this.”

I responded with a faint smile and carefully placed the drawing aside. Then, I took out a new sheet of paper, filled a plate with various pigments, and handed him a brush. To demonstrate, I painted the paper blue.

“This is the sky. You can paint it in whatever color you like, whether it’s the sun, the moon, the sea, or the forest… anything is fine.”

Once again, the Black Martial Emperor followed my lead. He drew bold curves on the paper and smeared colors around, using an unusually large amount of red. Whenever I suggested he draw something, the Black Martial Emperor complied, and I made sure to observe every detail. In this way, we spent a strange time of mutual exploration.

Thanks to the Black Martial Emperor’s cooperation, the sketch for the portrait was finally completed. Though it felt more like I was being monitored with every move than him actually cooperating. Throughout the entire sketching process, he reclined against a pillow, watching me intently as I drew him. His oppressive gaze was exhausting, and I even broke out in a cold sweat. I carefully wrapped the drawing board containing his portrait in cloth and set it aside.

“Today was much more natural than last time. Even though it was your first time, you followed along very well. If you continue like this with the art therapy, you’ll get better in no time.”

The Black Martial Emperor arched his thick eyebrows smoothly.

“It feels strange to be praised by a mongrel.”

“You did well… truly.”

He had done well enough to deserve praise today. I smiled thinly, narrowing my eyes. As he coolly watched me, the Black Martial Emperor pulled me closer by the head. Soon, a soft mass pushed into my mouth, lingering inside. As he took a deep breath and tried to pull my jacket open and lay me down, I pushed him away and hastily tightened my clothes. I chewed on my lips as I looked at his now rigid expression. I couldn’t bring myself to speak.

In truth, I had been distracted throughout the drawing session by Naro’s request, making it hard to concentrate. More than anything, it was related to Veronjubille, whom the Black Martial Emperor cherished most, and her warnings couldn’t be ignored. I knew well how miserable the fate of concubines who overstepped their bounds had been and just how unpredictable the Black Martial Emperor was. I knew he was interested in my body. But where exactly was the line that he had drawn? Would what I was about to ask fall within that safe boundary? Or would it be seen as overstepping? Sensing the odd tension in me, the Black Martial Emperor slowly met my gaze.

“What is it?”

His expressionless face made me even more uneasy. Though I had said I would speak, I was uncertain where to begin. I truly wanted to fulfill Naro’s request. I hadn’t expected to make such a request, and now I was at a loss for words. Remembering Naro’s desperate plea, I finally forced out my voice.

“There is… something I would like to ask.”

Maybe it was the unusual tone of my voice that intrigued him, but he showed rare patience.

“There’s someone who has helped me ever since I arrived here. That person is now Veronjubille’s exclusive painter… Could you please replace Veronjubille’s painter with someone else?”

“Why?”

“Because it’s too much for them to bear. They’re being worn down to a pulp every day, and the pain they endure, both physically and mentally, is beyond words. And I also feel that I can’t complete the portrait on my own and would like to receive some guidance. Please, I’m begging you.”

I emphasized my words and waited for a response. But only silence echoed back. When I involuntarily raised my head, the chilling gaze that met mine made the back of my neck tingle.

“Someone who’s helped you ever since you arrived here…”

The Black Martial Emperor, without any change in expression, took the pipe from the floor and put it in his mouth.

“So, what did you give in return for that help?”

“What do you mean…?”

His now sharper black eyes bore down on me, leaving no room to escape.

“Someone like you doesn’t easily accept other people’s kindness. But once you do, you can’t help but repay it, if only for your trivial pride and obsessive-compulsive nature.”

The unexpected counterattack left my mind blank. Could he really think that Naro and I… It was then that I understood what he meant. To him, I was nothing more than a mongrel and a male prostitute. It wasn’t shocking, but the idea that he’d imagine such a thing between Naro and me was utterly ridiculous.