Toxin

“He… that’s not it. He’s someone who has been helping me ever since I came here. There aren’t many people in the world who see me, a stranger, without prejudice. If you meet him, you’ll realize he’s not that kind of person at all.”

The Black Martial Emperor twisted his lips into a bitter smile.

“Could you please say just one word? The Painter is on the verge of taking his own life because he can’t bear the pain anymore. I’m begging you.”

“Then let him die.”

An emotionless voice cut through the air.

“Your Majesty…”

I looked at him desperately, but his expression only grew colder. I had learned in a short time that when he reacted like this, it meant I had to stop immediately. Was it really impossible? All I was asking was for you to say a single word to your concubine. What makes it so difficult and complicated? I lowered my gaze, which was beginning to show signs of hostility.

Yes, this settled it. For Naro, it was a moment of despair, and for me, it was a moment that clearly defined my position. I bitterly curled my lips and fiddled with my broken finger resting on my knee. Then, I stubbornly looked at him, who was refusing to budge. What am I trying to confirm right now?

“Couldn’t you reconsider just once? He’s really a kind and honest person.”

The Black Martial Emperor, who was about to take a puff from his pipe, slowly looked at me. It felt like an icy spike was lodged in my throat.

“If you keep being stubborn, it might make me interested as well.”

He stood up, sweeping his hair back.

“So, who is it?”

A chill ran down my spine. My lost gaze floated around his chest before returning to his cold face.

“What… are you planning to do…?”

“Well, I’ll have to meet him first to know. Who is it?”

I tried to salvage the situation somehow, but it was already too late. No… If he gets his hands on the Painter…

“Speak. Or I’ll have all the Painters used for a performance test of Jincheonroe’s capabilities.”

My vision blurred. My eyes, teetering on the brink, were tangled as if they were about to break. Dealing with him always felt like walking on a tightrope. Slipping this way was hell, and slipping that way was like falling into an abyss. My mind was completely drained, and there was nowhere left to retreat. I barely managed to collect my thoughts and froze my expression coldly. I gathered all the paints nearby into my arms and bowed my head to him.

“If you don’t want to, then it’s fine. You can find out yourself.”

I spoke coldly and began walking toward the door. The sound of footsteps following closely behind made the back of my neck prickle. In an instant, my body was violently turned, and his icy gaze pierced through me.

“What are you trying to do?”

“I’m going to my quarters.”

“I’m asking what you’re trying to do right now.”

“I’m realizing the role Your Majesty assigned to me and heading to the place I belong. To Your Majesty, I am… nothing but a disgusting mongrel and a whore. I…!”

I looked at his elegantly frozen features and spoke in a trembling voice.

“I thought maybe… I wasn’t.”

A moment of silence passed. I removed his hand from my shoulder and coldly turned my body. He grabbed me forcefully again, pressing me against the wall. I squeezed my eyes shut and pushed him away with all my might, but he only tightened his grip on my hands and held me firmly. The rough sound of his breathing scratched at my eardrums, and suddenly something soft brushed against my lips. When I slowly opened my eyes, his cold face filled my vision. I blinked, and the tears pooled in my eyes trickled down my cheeks. I quietly lowered my gaze.

“Let me go.”

He stared at me with unreadable eyes before parting his lips and leaning in. His cruel tongue traced my lips, and then he grabbed the back of my head, delving deeper. Our lips intertwined as if melting together, then parted, his icy gaze once again filling my sight. I stuck out my tongue and gently brushed it against his lips like a feather. As the saliva on my lips dried, I softly licked it. His eyes gradually deepened in color. He, too, extended his tongue and wrapped it around mine. As my robe was roughly torn open, I squeezed my eyes shut.

Forget about Naro now. Please, please…

***

My limbs ached as if they had been shattered by the violent affair. The Black Martial Emperor, lazily stretched out, admired my naked body before sitting up. He adjusted the crooked splint on my fingers and securely tied the loosened bandage. Perhaps due to his frequent injuries on the battlefield, his touch was precise and practiced. I watched him and spoke.

“I’ll stay in the stables.”

The Black Martial Emperor looked at me expressionlessly.

“Didn’t you already go there?”

Did he already know? It seemed the guards had reported it. I guessed he preferred that over risking a worse punishment by attempting a clumsy deception.

“I’ll stay in my quarters. If it’s the smell of the stables that bothers you, I assure you it won’t be a concern. It will also be more comfortable for you, Your Majesty.”

No matter how much I thought about it, being monitored within his domain made me feel insignificant. Even if the Black Martial Emperor opposed it, I was determined not to back down this time. Without a word, he lifted me onto his chest, gently patting my head and urging me to sleep. Despite not wanting to, the rhythm of his hand brushing my hair made me drowsy. Just before I fell into sleep, a dry voice faintly echoed above my head.

“Whether it’s the stables or Byeolwon, you can stop the charade now.”

***

When I woke up again, daylight had broken, and the Black Martial Emperor was gone. The emptiness of being the only living soul in the room strangely put me at ease. I buried my face deep into the red cushion and stared at my fingers sprawled on the floor. Once again, he had ravished me through the night, pouring out his desire until I was on the brink of passing out. My limbs trembled, and I felt like I might dissolve completely. At this rate, I wondered if I would survive. The Black Martial Emperor never mentioned Naro, which was a relief. After all, dealing with Veronjubille was much easier than facing him.

But what should I say to Naro? I gathered the last bit of strength and got up. Draping clothes over my sweat-drenched body, I packed the paintings and portraits I had drawn yesterday. My gaze fell on the Jincheonroe, hung neatly on one side of the wall. I quickly scanned the surroundings for the court ladies’ movements. The shadows of the women reflected on the platinum doors, still waiting in an orderly manner. I grabbed a few sheets of paper and stealthily approached the Jincheonroe, taking one of the three.

“Ugh…”

The pain in my broken finger almost made me drop the Jincheonroe. Glancing around again, I quickly wrapped the metallic object in Hanji paper. Although its body was completely covered, it was likely to be discovered during the thorough body searches conducted every time I passed in and out. Hiding it on my person was also impossible. At this rate, the chances of smuggling it out were slim. What should I do? How… How can I smuggle it out? Just as I anxiously bit my lip, a flash of insight struck me.

“…!”

A scene flashed vividly before my eyes and then disappeared. I stared intently at the Jincheonroe and then slowly at the paper. As I alternated between looking at the Jincheonroe and the paper, the image became clearer. My eyes flickered rapidly. What if I captured the Jincheonroe in a painting, smuggling it out as a drawing…? Perhaps I could get it out without being caught!

But is that even possible? Simply replicating its appearance would be meaningless. I needed to understand the mechanism—how the bullet was fired and how its devastating power was unleashed. I began to examine the Jincheonroe closely. If I could disassemble it and look inside… My heart started to race. Just then, I heard someone approaching from outside and quickly hung the metallic weapon back on the wall.

As I stepped outside, I saw the court ladies and soldiers standing guard as expected. After exchanging greetings, I was about to turn away when one of the guards rushed toward me.

“Where are you going again?!”

“His Majesty said I could stay in my quarters.”

He hadn’t explicitly said so, but I assumed that’s what he meant. The guards and court ladies looked skeptical.

“It’s true. His Majesty permitted it.”

“But we heard no such thing when he left this morning.”

“He probably forgot. You know how he is with small matters.”

I insisted, but they still looked unconvinced. I sighed, understanding their fear. After assuring them that I would take full responsibility, they seemed somewhat reassured. I turned toward the guard to undergo the uncomfortable ritual. They blinked at me, bewildered. The awkward atmosphere led me to remind them of their duties.

“The body search…”

The guard finally waved it off.

“His Majesty said he would handle it personally from now on, so we’re not to conduct any.”

“…What…?”

The guard rolled his eyes and spoke again.

“Remember when His Majesty searched you himself? It was probably from then on. Since then, he’s ordered to do it himself.”

I felt like I had been struck by the unexpected news. The body searches in the palace were notoriously thorough. Whether I entered or left the room, even if the Black Martial Emperor stepped out briefly, they would search me. I had been too distracted to notice, but now that I thought about it, I hadn’t been searched for some time. Feeling dazed, I bowed and left the palace.

As I dragged myself through the side door, a sudden downpour caught me by surprise. I hadn’t brought an umbrella, so I wondered if I should wait for the rain to stop. As I stood under the eaves, staring blankly at the sky, someone suddenly rushed toward me. It was Naro, drenched like a wet rat, his unhealed scabs swollen and infected.

“Painter, how did you…?”

“Oh, uh, I just came to meet you! This place is so vast that it was sunny and then raining on the way! Haha! My joints were aching last night; I should have known…! I should have brought an umbrella…! But did you sleep here? Wow, you’re really getting recognized by His Majesty! Amazing!”

Naro tried to lighten the mood, but his eyes nervously searched mine. Knowing what Naro wanted, I couldn’t find the words to speak. His shoulders slumped.

“So… I see… I figured…”

He kicked the ground weakly, then shook his head and grabbed my shoulder.

“What am I thinking…! Thanks for telling me, friend! I never imagined you’d really speak to His Majesty! Honestly, I’m grateful just for that! No, wait! What happened to your finger?! Did His Majesty…?! Was it because of me?!”

Naro panicked when he noticed my finger.

“No, I just sprained it.”

“Really? I thought… That’s a relief. I mean… It’s not a relief! Give me the sketchbook! You shouldn’t be carrying heavy things with your hand like that!”

Naro took away all the luggage and looked up at the sky with concern.

“It’s a disaster that it suddenly started raining. We can’t let His Majesty’s face get wet. Should I run and fetch an umbrella?”

I looked at Naro blankly. My heart ached at the sight of his spotless black eyes. If only he could see this, even someone with a heart as cold as a murderer would change their mind as if by magic. It was strange. I hadn’t felt like this before, but today, I truly felt like I had sold my soul. Performing for him, feeling pleasure in every moment… like a real courtesan, as if I had become one. This feeling that had come out of nowhere must be because of Naro’s black eyes. It must be because of this unexpected downpour. Suddenly, I wanted to scream. Impulsively, I grabbed Naro’s wrist.

“Let’s just get wet.”

I pulled Naro into the pouring rain. Like someone indulging in the sweet thrill of a forbidden act, I let the rain wash over me. As Naro was pulled along, he carefully cradled Eojin close to his chest to keep him from getting wet. Together, we ran through the rain like madmen.

When I spotted someone in the distant pavilion, I hurriedly hid behind a pillar. Catching my breath, I looked at him. Under the eaves of the pavilion, Raonhiljo was avoiding the unexpected visitor. Naro, who had followed along, was confused.

“You shouldn’t. Why don’t you greet him?”

Instead of answering, I simply smiled. I slightly craned my neck to check again. Raonhiljo was staring blankly at the relentless downpour. The lonely rain draped over his shoulders, which were as elegant as bamboo. The melancholy rain settled on his cold, refined features. He extended his hand to catch the falling rain.

Transparent droplets scattered gently on his palm. The gray roofs, the flowers blooming by the roadside, and the tender blades of grass. He quietly reflected on everything enduring the rain. His gaze grew deeper, like the night. It kept sinking darker and darker.

Rain fell on his eyes, as clear as a forest, and on his hands, which resembled the earth. That rain soaked into me as well.

I liked this distance. The distance where I didn’t have to reveal myself.

Pretending not to know anything, pretending not to see, like a bystander.

I turned away, heading to where his gaze couldn’t reach.

I was wandering around the stable, waiting for Naro. Not long ago, I had shown Naro a painting by the Black Martial Emperor, and he had gone to seek advice from his master. The palace was so vast that even after three hours, there was no news. What would the result be? What would be going through his mind? As I paced nervously, I heard footsteps in the distance. Looking up, I saw Naro running toward me, drenched in sweat. I quickly ran to him.

“How did it go?”

“Phew! Let me catch my breath first. My master was acting so busy that it was hard to get him to sit down and look. Have a seat first.”

Naro squatted on a nearby rock and spread out several paintings on the ground. Naro had no idea these were painted by the Black Martial Emperor.

“First, you see the people here? The one in the middle is usually the artist themselves, and the closer someone is, the more attached they are to that person.”

“To have drawn so many people…”

“Well, it means they had a lot of people around them.”

“Then what about this?”

I pointed to the ‘thing’ next to the Black Martial Emperor, the one with a collar around its neck. It had been bothering me all along.

“Well, it looks like some kind of dog at first glance, but it doesn’t really look like a dog… Hmm, I’m not sure! Next!”

I immediately asked the question I was most curious about.

“But why did he draw trees with their roots exposed…?”

“Oh, wait a minute. What did he say about that…?”

Naro pulled out a small piece of paper from his pocket and began reading it aloud.

“Drawing roots isn’t strange; it means the person has a strong sense of self-belief. And here, the thick tree that reaches high into the sky shows an assertive and ambitious personality. The densely drawn trees mean that the person has many reliable friends.”

“Then why did he use so much red…? Why did he particularly use so much red?”

“If someone slaps on different colors haphazardly, it might mean they’re a bit of a madman, but this person painted everything cleanly and neatly, right? Just because it’s red doesn’t mean it’s strange; it signifies healthy freedom.”

“…”

Everything was completely unexpected. I had naturally anticipated a negative outcome, but the explanation was entirely different from what I had imagined, leaving me dumbfounded. Naro triumphantly drove the point home.

“So this person has strong family bonds, deep loyalty to friends, and a positive outlook on life! In short, they’re a person with a righteous and healthy mind!”

Lies…! I almost screamed. That madman, having a righteous and healthy mind, strong family bonds—it’s ridiculous. Even a passing dog would laugh till it coughed up blood. But for there to be no suspicious elements at all… I bit my lip until it bled. Suddenly, a faint suspicion arose. Could the Black Martial Emperor have known everything from the start? I turned my head and abruptly asked Naro.

“Has His Majesty ever undergone this kind of art therapy before?”

“Why bring up His Majesty all of a sudden?”

“What I’m asking is whether it’s possible to deliberately manipulate the results to turn out this way.”

“Well, if you do it a few times, maybe? And His Majesty is so brilliant that…”

Naro abruptly stopped speaking. Then, as he looked at the painting spread out on the floor, he began to tremble uncontrollably.

“W-what? Then… is this painting His Majesty’s? Why, why are you only telling me this now?! Why?! Why?! Ah, I even used it to pick my teeth earlier! Please forgive me! Please forgive me…!”

Naro, pale as a sheet, knelt in front of the painting, bowing to it as if it were the Black Martial Emperor himself. My head was still reeling. Of course… It wouldn’t be easy to deceive him. He’s pretending to follow along obediently while slyly mocking me. My fingertips trembled. After calming Naro down, I signaled him to continue. Swallowing hard, Naro finally spoke.

“M-maybe he did? I’m not sure, but I’ve heard His Majesty has been terrifying since his days as the Crown Prince.”

“What do you mean by ‘terrifying’?”

“I once heard from a palace maid that when His Majesty was around fifteen years old, the other princes rode his cherished horse without thinking much of it. He then cut off all their hands with a sword and even beheaded the horse on the spot. The late Empress Mother tried everything to tame him, even taking him to temples and performing rituals. But what good did it do? Every monk and shaman she brought in ended up dead at His Majesty’s hands. Even the Empress Mother herself feared him, as did all the concubines. Just hearing His Majesty’s name makes me want to wet myself. It’s… it’s terrifying…”

Naro shuddered, wrapping his arms around himself. I couldn’t understand it. He was born into a flawless environment, receiving boundless affection from both parents, and has walked an easy path in life. Now he reigns supreme over countless vassal states, ruling a vast empire. Blaming it on the countless wars he’s experienced doesn’t hold water. If that were the case, every general in the world would be a cold-blooded killer. Was he born this way? A monster with a body and soul unlike anyone else’s?

“By the way, did His Majesty draw all of these paintings? Did he make all of these lines himself?”

Naro suddenly remembered and spread out another painting. It was one I had drawn as a demonstration. I had handed it over without thinking, and it seems he asked about it along the way.

“Why do you ask?”

Naro scratched the back of his head.

“My master asked about it. He said that drawing the ground like this indicates a person is unstable and deeply anxious. The house here, the trees too… They seem so isolated, as if the artist feels no love for themselves.”

“…”

“My master said, ‘The person who drew this must have a heart as cold as winter, filled only with poison. How will they survive this harsh world with such a hollow heart?’ He even asked me to treat the person warmly if I ever met them. So, was this really drawn by His Majesty?”

Naro studied the painting carefully.

“Wow, that’s strange. To think you can see through someone’s soul with a painting like this. I’m not sure I believe it, but it’s fascinating. Maybe I should learn to paint properly too.”

It felt like I had been slapped in the face. I couldn’t think of a response. Had the Black Martial Emperor seen it too? If he’s capable of altering paintings, he would know immediately. Then, was it only me who got exposed? A faint smile spread across my lips. I stared at the painting before crumpling it in my hand.

***

In the evening, Naro walked towards Veronjubille’s quarters as if he were being led to the slaughterhouse. Seeing Naro’s face, still stained with dried blood, made my heart feel even heavier. I hurried to prepare to go and paint the royal portrait. Though it wasn’t the appointed day, I couldn’t wait to ask about the painting. I made my way to the royal chambers with heavy steps. Upon entering, I approached the middle-aged palace maid who was waiting there.

“Please announce my arrival.”

“His Majesty is not here right now. He’s busy with state affairs.”

I wasn’t sure where His Majesty was. I had worried that he might burst into the stables and cause trouble in the afternoon, but it had been oddly quiet. I had intended to ask him about the painting, but it felt like a missed opportunity.

“When will he return?”

“Who knows? When he’s engrossed in important matters, it’s not unusual for him to stay up until dawn, so I can’t make any promises.”

What should I do? Should I just go back? As I hesitated, the maid finally spoke up.

“Are you going in or not?”

“May I?”

The maid immediately opened the door.

“Do as you wish. His Majesty ordered that you be allowed in at any time.”

“Who gave that order?”

“Who else? The master of this room, of course.”

“…”

I was a little surprised. No, actually, quite a bit. Anytime…? I wasn’t sure how to interpret that. What was he planning now? After standing there for a moment, I went inside. I wasn’t searched.

As I entered, the air in the room felt different, more comfortable. The Black Martial Emperor’s chambers always maintained a pleasant temperature, to the point where you couldn’t tell what season it was outside. I looked around the empty room before spreading out the Black Martial Emperor’s painting on the floor. Suddenly, a forgotten thought resurfaced. What a sly individual. How would he react when I tell him the result? He’ll probably pretend to be oblivious. I was foolish to be taken in so easily. I don’t think I’ve ever longed for the Black Martial Emperor’s arrival as much as I do now.

But when will he get here? As I sat in the room, I glanced at the Jincheonroe hanging on the wall. I also checked the surroundings outside. The shadows of the women standing neatly on either side of the platinum door were visible. Maybe this was a golden opportunity. My heart fluttered slightly. Silently, I approached the Jincheonroe. I selected the one on the very bottom of those arranged below. I glanced at the door again. The silence was so intense that I could hear the faintest movements. I need to do this as quickly as possible.