Toxin

His voice, mingled with the rain, sank to the ground. As his sticky gaze, trapped in cigarette smoke, enveloped my whole body, my legs nearly gave way. The strong scent of alcohol, his eyes, and everything that touched me felt suffocating. The rain, falling in the dark, quietly soaked me. I kept lowering my head and repeatedly blinking. Wherever he was, it became a strange space disconnected from the world. Ever since we met again, I’d been dizzy, and my heart constantly screamed as if it were being torn apart.

He was truly a harmful person.

Unsa, who had come early this morning, was unusually lethargic, lying on the porch like a sick chicken and sleeping the whole day. Meanwhile, I was swinging my sickle, cutting down the remaining weeds. Contrary to my initial worries, after coming here, the ghost no longer visited me, but I was still sleep-deprived for other reasons. While Unsa and I were dragging ourselves around, Usa was brimming with energy, strutting about the yard. Clutching his belly, Usa was peeking under the storage jars one by one.

“Is there nothing to eat? How can you so easily skip meals, even when it’s time to eat?”

I didn’t respond to Usa’s question, continuing to swing the sickle. Unsa, on the other hand, rolled over lazily and muttered indifferently.

“There’s leftover meat in the stove, probably going bad. Make some soup.”

“Really?”

Usa replied half-heartedly while glancing toward the kitchen and approached Unsa.

“This place isn’t so bad, after all. The air is good, and the view is decent. There are lots of empty houses around here too. Why don’t we take a look around, Hyung-nim?”

“Go by yourself if you want.”

“If you don’t want to, I can’t force you. Ah, did you say there’s meat in the kitchen? You’ll have to point out exactly where, Hyung-nim. Where did you say it was?”

Usa suddenly grabbed Unsa and pulled him to his feet. Unsa swatted his hand away, narrowing his eyes.

“I told you, it’s in the stove.”

“Yes, but where exactly? Is it the stove that you were pinned under when I climbed on top of you? Or the one you leaned against when I swallowed

?”

“If you don’t want to get beaten, watch your tongue.”

“Oh, I’m trembling with fear. I’m really curious now, how exactly are you going to punish my tongue?”

“You little…!”

Unsa’s face flushed red, but Usa remained unfazed, grinning cheerfully. The dangerous tension between them made my nerves spike. A few days ago, they had quarreled like this and suddenly disappeared, only for me, the homeowner, to be forced out of the house by the strange sounds coming from the backyard. Despite that, they acted like nothing happened, without a hint of shame. I thought life might finally be quiet and normal, but these unwelcome guests made my life no different from my time in the palace. If I had to deal with intruders, I preferred Pungbaek. At least he didn’t cause bizarre disturbances or make a racket in someone else’s house.

Sometimes, I wanted to pack up everything and flee in the dead of night, but they always clung to me whenever I tried to leave, turning my world upside down. And I didn’t even want to imagine what kind of punishment they would face from the Black Martial Emperor if they failed in their duties. I was sick of the smell of blood. So, after much thought, I decided to ignore them. While they were bickering, I focused on pulling weeds.

“Is there no place in this cramped countryside where we can put Eungryong?!”

A familiar voice boomed through the yard, and someone I definitely didn’t want to see appeared, holding a stack of documents. The person who kicked the wooden gate open was the Grand Chamberlain.

“Oh, our dear emperor! What is there to see in this filthy countryside that brings you here every single day?! It’s obvious that His Majesty must be personally inspecting the lives of his people! He’s always thinking of the citizens, day and night, so I’m worried he’ll overexert himself and fall ill…!”

The Grand Chamberlain lamented as he entered, while a man rushed in behind him, panting.

“Is that Eungryong over there by the furrow yours, my lord?”

“Yes, it is.”

“Could you please move it? We can’t get the cart through because of Eungryong! And do you have any idea how much we’ve had to worry about with that strange man coming and going?! Just the other day, he parked Eungryong in the field and ruined the entire crop!”

“Strange man?”

“You know, the one who always moves sluggishly, like a drunk person. The guy who’s always in black clothes, smoking a pipe…”

At that moment, the flesh on the Grand Chamberlain’s chin trembled violently. He threw the documents aside and abruptly grabbed the man by the collar.

“You insolent fool…!! How dare you speak such blasphemy about His Majesty! How can you not recognize the emperor, even if you’re an ignorant fool?! I’ll have your limbs torn apart and fed to Eungryong this instant…!!”

“E-e-emperor…? What do you mean…?”

“Clean out your ears and listen carefully! The person you’re talking about is none other than His Majesty, the great Black Martial Emperor! The holy king among holy kings, who allows people like you to live comfortably! Oh~ Your Majesty! Didn’t I tell you? If you keep showing mercy, these fools will forget their place and rise up, as if they don’t know the sky above them~!”

The man gasped, his face turning ashen in an instant.

“T-that person is His, His Majesty the Black Martial Emperor…? But we heard he was a half-human, half-beast monster… This is nothing like what we were told, so how can we believe it…?”

“His Majesty is too modest to reveal himself! He’s too noble for the likes of you to even speak of! How dare you…! How dare you…! Guards! Seize this wretch immediately and execute him through dismemberment, along with his entire family!”

The terrified man, now pale-faced, turned wide-eyed toward me. Swallowing hard, he turned tail and ran for his life. The Grand Chamberlain chased after him, but with his bulky body, he couldn’t catch the nimble man. Frustrated, the Grand Chamberlain stomped his feet and yelled at the guards.

“You scoundrels! How can you just stand there while this criminal escapes?! Go after him, now!”

Usa shook his head and laid down flat on the porch.

“Since His Majesty isn’t here, why don’t you just let it go, Grand Chamberlain?”

“You insolent fool! What kind of nonsense are you spouting?! Unsa! Usa! Get up and capture that criminal immediately!”

Unsa responded lazily, “As you can see, we’re on duty watching over this one, Roha. We were ordered to keep an eye on him at all times.”

Despite the Grand Chamberlain’s harsh tone, the guards remained relaxed. Angrily, the Grand Chamberlain picked up the scattered documents. Then Unsa asked, “By the way, where is His Majesty? Why are you alone?”

“Why would you ask me that?! He left early this morning, and I haven’t seen him since! Are you seriously sitting around here, oblivious to what His Majesty is doing and where he is?! I can’t find a single thing to like about you people!”

The Grand Chamberlain, huffing and puffing, waddled over and placed the documents on the porch, glaring at me in the yard. This was the first time we’d come face-to-face since the time he and Veronjubille conspired to have me killed. I’d heard that after barely surviving, the Grand Chamberlain spent days begging for forgiveness from the Black Martial Emperor, eventually regaining his old position.

It was surprising that the emperor, with his temperament, took him back, but watching him wag his tail like a loyal dog to the king who once pierced his belly was downright revolting. His desperation to cling to power, even through flattery, was pitiful at times. But remembering the events of that time, I had no desire to face him again. There was no way I could view him with anything but disdain. The Grand Chamberlain, noticing the sickle in my hand, cleared his throat awkwardly.

“W-what are you looking at? Just because you stare like that doesn’t mean your treasonous attempt to poison His Majesty will be forgotten! His Majesty is still unwell because of the poison in his body! Despite needing urgent treatment, he focuses all his attention on this place instead of seeking proper medical care. Do you even know how much the imperial physicians and ministers worry day and night about his condition?!”

The weight of his words hit me.

“…What are you talking about?”

Usa chimed in, “Didn’t you know? He’s still suffering from aftereffects. They say it’ll take a while for him to fully recover. But wow, to think the poison from Imae really exists—it’s astonishing.”

Aftereffects…? I hadn’t thought about it, since he seemed to be doing better than me. Could it be…? If his body was damaged to the point of coughing up blood, it made sense that it would take time to heal…

Noticing my change in expression, the Grand Chamberlain became more confident.

“You venomous snake! You didn’t even know what’s happening to His Majesty because of you, and yet you…!”

Ignoring his endless nagging, I walked back into the house. Quietly, I closed the door and stood still, fiddling with the doorknob. I brushed the dirt off my hands and slowly turned my head. I gazed at the Black Martial Emperor, who was fast asleep in the upper room.

I couldn’t send him back when he showed up last night. He was drenched, and the rain wouldn’t stop. Because of that, I spent the night wide awake on the porch. I wondered how I should wake him, what the faces of the loyalists outside would look like if they found out he was here. If they knew he was right inside, they’d probably faint. I meant to tell Unsa this morning, but he immediately fell asleep after arriving. Then Usa barged in, and the two of them started bickering, and I missed my chance again.

Even though he had been completely drunk last night, he didn’t wake up despite all the commotion. It seemed that exhaustion had really piled up for him. I’d heard that for over a month, he’d been searching for me relentlessly. Ever since we reunited here, the Black Martial Emperor had come straight to me after finishing his work and only returned to the palace in the morning. I never left my room when he visited, so I only knew he was there from the sounds outside. I wondered when he even found time to sleep…

After hesitating by the door for a moment, I walked over to him. Carefully, I rested my hand near his arm and looked at his sleeping face. My hair, falling from my shoulder, barely brushed his cheek. Since he always woke up earlier and went to sleep later than I did, I rarely had the chance to see his sleeping face up close.

His broad chest rose and fell with his steady breaths. I raised my hand and brought it close to his face. Perhaps due to the aftereffects of the poison and accumulated fatigue, now that I looked closely, his complexion did seem worse. His eyes were a little more sunken, and his already sharp nose seemed even sharper, as if it could cut if touched. I ignored the pain stirring in my chest. I touched his tousled hair, then lightly brushed my fingers over his thick eyebrows. My fingertips trembled slightly. My gaze reached his lips before my hand did.

It was flesh that both made my head spin and froze my blood. My fingers hovered near the distinct outline of his lips, but instead of resting there, they fell down without landing. The rest, I traced with my eyes—from his chest with its strong muscles, down his slender waist, to his straight legs. I looked him over from head to toe. I couldn’t deny he was a creation that would inspire any artist. This was the first time I had looked at the Black Martial Emperor so closely, and it felt like I was on some kind of unfamiliar journey.

Suddenly, I noticed his left hand lying on top of the blanket. His long index finger still bore traces of the time it had been severed, but you wouldn’t know unless you examined it closely. It was that clean. Truly, I hadn’t been in my right mind back then. Just recalling the shock I had felt at the time made me dizzy. I gently placed my hand over the scarred finger. I remembered vaguely noticing that he couldn’t bend it, and I wondered if the nerves had died. Even so, he seemed to think that finger was mine, not bothering to dwell on it. It was impossible to understand. He was from a world beyond my grasp.

I stared at his sharp and distinct facial features. When awake, he resembled a vivid, bold painting, but now, asleep, he resembled a graceful ink wash painting. It felt strange to see him here, in my space, under my blanket. That fact alone loosened the lock on my heart, as if by some strange spell. Should I let him sleep a bit more? After a moment of hesitation, I gently shook his shoulder.

“Your Majesty….”

My voice sounded awkward, as I tried to wake him.

“It’s already morning….”

I shook him again, and his eyelids finally lifted slowly, revealing his drowsy, dark eyes. His black pupils lingered on me for a long time before abruptly sliding away. After scanning the room, he quickly sat up. The man, who was a stark contrast of colors and shadows, now filled the space around him.

As soon as the Black Martial Emperor sat up, he stared at me—specifically, at the area around my lips. He reached for the tobacco pipe beside him, as if he were suddenly struck with withdrawal symptoms, and brought it to his lips, lighting it with the flame from the lamp. It was the same pipe I had once given him. The room quickly filled with smoke. Seeing him smoke such strong tobacco the moment he awoke, I swallowed back a rebuke that almost escaped my lips.

He leaned back against the wall, still holding the pipe between his lips. He ran his fingers through his disheveled hair, slowly taking in the narrow room. His gaze landed on the paintings hanging on the walls and the modest furniture. Though my room was tidy, it was nothing compared to the strict order of his palace chambers, and it was undeniably cramped.

“Is this your room?”

The question felt odd after he had already spent the night here. I gave a small nod.

“How long have you lived here?”

“I was born here and have never left. My father built this house himself, and before it was burned down by the Imae Tribe, it was said to be much nicer.”

“I see.”

The Black Martial Emperor responded briefly, then continued to glance around the room. Every time he asked a simple question, I answered with equal simplicity, as though I were correcting the false stories I had once told him. He reached out, flipping through the sketches on the table, touching the folded clothes, even bringing them to his nose to smell. The simplicity of his actions was unbearably embarrassing. It felt as if I were the one being touched. My skin flushed with heat.

Just then, voices echoed from beyond the door. Oh, right…

“Your guards and the Grand Chamberlain are outside,” I said.

The Black Martial Emperor cast a glance at the door. I glared at him.

“Wherever Your Majesty goes, of course, they follow. Isn’t that to be expected?”

Where he passed, darkness, ruin, and blood-soaked screams followed—things that had nothing to do with peace. Today, I had planned to clean up the burnt patches and soot in the house and spend the rest of the time quietly painting. I had so much work to do, but seeing his loyal followers taking over my home made my head throb.

“This isn’t Naragaon Fortress. Please stop bringing your people here. It’s exhausting having to face people who don’t hold any goodwill toward me. They make noise and mess up my house, and I’m tired of cleaning up after them.”

As the Black Martial Emperor swept his hair back, he fixed me with an expressionless gaze. He took a deep drag of his pipe, inhaling the smoke deeply into his lungs before exhaling it in a long stream.

“So next time…”

I dropped my gaze and muttered softly, “Come alone.”

The Black Martial Emperor froze with the pipe still in his mouth, as if he had turned to stone. Unable to read his reaction, I shifted my eyes away, frowning at the sight of the red tip of his cigarette burning brightly.

“If you don’t want to come alone, then maybe you shouldn’t…!”

Before I could finish speaking, my body was suddenly pulled toward him, colliding with the hard, muscular frame of his chest. His pipe clattered to the floor as his lips took its place, pressing against mine. His tongue urgently plunged into my mouth, biting my tongue and licking along the soft edges. My mouth tingled as his slick, warm flesh explored every corner. His gaze, fixed on me, was deeper and more intense than ever before, as if a storm had overtaken him. His voice, rough and hoarse, spilled out around my lips.

“And then?”

His lips grazed mine, coaxing an answer. My face burned like a fire had been lit beneath my skin. Trembling, I clenched my hand around his shoulder, trying to steady myself.

“…Don’t wear shoes on the wooden floor. It’s hard to clean.”

“And then?”

“Don’t skip your treatments. You need to keep getting them if you want to recover…”

“And?”

He licked my lips and chin persistently with his tongue, despite being fully focused on my disjointed words. The overwhelming ticklishness made it hard to continue speaking.

“From now on, no matter what happens, you must not kill recklessly. No one is born to die in vain. You do not have that right.”

“Anything.”

“Anything…” The Black Martial Emperor sucked on my lips, exhaling heavily. His fingers dug deep into my hair, tilting my head to the side as my jaw opened wide from the force. His tongue quickly invaded, wrapping around mine, aggressively exploring my mouth. The stimulation made my mind go blank.

“Ha… Ha…”

He groaned softly, his saliva mixing and pooling with the tender mucous membranes. His lips, which had been sucking my chin, now bit my neck and then my earlobes—sometimes rough, sometimes gentle, his temperament shifting constantly. His beating heart pounded fiercely against my chest.

The sediment lying deep at the bottom never dissolves. It merely floats momentarily before sinking back down. He knows it in his head but cannot feel it in his heart. Is it possible for something one was born without to be learned or developed through training? I don’t know how long this precarious moment will last, but for now, he doesn’t repulse me. Even my mother’s vengeful spirit wasn’t visible.

***

From that day on, unless there was something urgent, the Black Martial Emperor began bringing his work here. Though that night was the first and last time I allowed him to sleep here, I told him he could come and go freely during the day, instead of returning to the palace at night. As a result, I now had to see his close aides almost daily. Occasionally, I caught a whiff of Unsa’s rotten-smelling smile, but it seemed the Black Martial Emperor had taken measures, as his men no longer lingered after handling their business. The way they fled in such haste was quite amusing, and since the Black Martial Emperor still had state affairs to manage, I had no further complaints. Additionally, the porch was no longer getting dirtied with shoe prints.

Today, the emperor’s guards brought the imperial physician to the house, but surprisingly, the one examined was me. The guards sat on the porch, observing the scene inside the room. The physician, with streaks of white in his beard, carefully inspected the severed Bai Jiao.

“Do your hands ever cramp?”

“…Yes.”

“Dizziness, nausea, blurry vision…?”

“I’ve experienced dizziness occasionally, but cramping is the most severe.”

The physician listed all the symptoms I had experienced, and I calmly answered each one.

“The Bai Jiao of the Imae Tribe is connected to vital points, meaning you’ll have to be cautious from now on. You must avoid letting your head overheat, but also avoid letting your body get too cold. You mustn’t overexert yourself, either.”

“I understand.”

So, excessive anger is the most dangerous… Is that why the Black Martial Emperor had said those things before? My ears were focused on the physician, but I was struggling to maintain my composure. The Black Martial Emperor was seated behind me at an angle, his long arms resting on either side of me, practically enclosing me in his embrace. Throughout the examination, he constantly glanced at me, touching my waist, shoulders, and lips, making it hard to bear. I had glared at him and tried to pull away several times, but each time, he quickly positioned himself behind me again, leaving me trapped.

“He’s an artist,” the emperor suddenly interjected, drawing everyone’s attention. Knowing his face would be behind me if I turned, I simply clenched my lips in frustration. The Black Martial Emperor wrapped his fingers around my left arm and spoke to the physician.

“When he’s absorbed in painting, he becomes so fixated that his bones might as well turn to stone in that position. He doesn’t even notice when his body and the area around him are drenched in sweat. Would such activities also count as overexertion?”

The physician bowed slightly and answered gravely.

“Yes, Your Majesty. Activities that drain one’s energy for extended periods must be avoided, and the patient must be extremely careful not to overwork their body.”

The physician then addressed me.

“Is it impossible for you to stop painting?”

“Yes.”

Despite the emperor’s gaze on my cheek, my attention was solely on the physician. A sinking feeling formed in my stomach, and I swallowed nervously.

“Does that mean I won’t be able to paint in the future?”

“It’s not that you can’t, but for your health, it’s better if you don’t.”

“If that’s the case, I won’t stop.”

My firm reply caused a frown to crease the physician’s forehead. He exchanged silent glances with the Black Martial Emperor behind me before speaking again.

“Hm… If that is your resolve, there is no other way. However, your hands may not always cooperate with your will, so you must limit the time spent painting and carefully manage both your physical and emotional energy.”

“I understand.”

“Be sure to take the prescribed medication without fail. If you follow these precautions, the symptoms should gradually improve. Let’s observe for now.”

“…Yes.”

I remained in shock for some time. In my urgency to save the Black Martial Emperor from the brink of death, I hadn’t fully considered the consequences of severing the Bai Jiao. While I had thought about what might happen, I never imagined it would affect my ability to paint so severely. The difference between imagining something and facing it in reality was stark.

“So, you mustn’t overwork yourself…”

A low murmur could be heard from above, faint but clear.