Upside Down – Alternate Destiny

I find Mom still digging through the racks of clothing and ask, “Mom, what do you think? I think I look good in it.”

Mom smiles, quirks an eyebrow at my statement, and replies, “As I thought, it suits you. This is casual wear, so bare legs are fine, but some stockings would look good with it as well. What do you think?”

“Sure. If you think it’s a good idea, let’s do that. Would you mind finding me some? I’m going to go try on the next set, be back soon,” I tell her and walk back to the fitting room with a smile.

I said before that I was going to become a proper girl for them, but I was wrong to think of it that way. I believe I should be doing this for no one but me. Feeling sorry for myself isn’t going to help, nor will it do anything to make me happy. This wasn’t what I would’ve chosen, but becoming the girl I have to be might be my best chance at happiness. I don’t know anything for sure except that I can’t change what is. This is me now, and I have to accept it. Period.

Oh, I know that I’ll still require a lot of help to become the new me, but I have two of the most beautiful women I know to help me. Uh, no, make that three. There’s Mayumi as well, and I’m fairly sure she would be happy to help me too.

When I reach the fitting room, Chinatsu helps me out of the outfit, then proceeds to wrap her arms around my waist and pins me against the wall of the fitting room.

“Is something wrong?”

“Hmm? No. I just want some cuddles.”

“I’m good with that, but you know Mom’s waiting for me to show her the next outfit… Oh, who cares? She can wait a few minutes.”

“Sora…” she says as she leans back slightly to look me in the eye. “You’re my favorite person in the world. I love you, you know that don’t you?”

I chuckle softly for a moment because honestly, it’s a dumb question. “Of course, I know, Chinatsu. I love you, too.”

Her eyes widen a little when I say that. “I don’t even remember the last time you called me by my full name. Why?”

“Well, it occurred to me that I can’t call you Chi. I don’t remember anyone else calling you that, and it’s what Sora, the boy, called you. It would basically be me announcing who I used to be if I kept calling you Chi.”

“True. You’re the only one I’ve ever allowed to call me that. Not even Mom or Dad get to do that.”

“Well, there you go, then.”

She sighs and leans back in to snuggle against me again. “Okay, but you still have to call me Chi when we’re alone, alright?”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t. It would be too easy to slip up. Look at it as me needing to completely break away from the old me. That is the only way I can succeed and actually, ‘Be a girl.’ I can’t hang onto any of my past, I have to invent a new me. You’ll still be my favorite person, who I love more than anyone. You know that, right?”

“I don’t want that,” she says tearfully.

I sigh and pull her a little tighter against me. “I have to change. Yes, I’m a girl, but becoming a believable girl is also the only way I have to protect myself,” I explain to her. Then I push her back slightly, take my right hand, place it over my heart, and pat myself. “In here, I’ll always be the same. This heart that loves you more than anyone else will never change, understand?”

“I do, but don’t forget that, alright?”

“As if I ever could. Besides, aren’t you the one who said you love having a sister? Wouldn’t it be so much better if I’m able to become that for you, instead of just looking like it? Someone who’ll enjoy doing things with you as a sister would?”

“Honestly?” I nod, and in return, she shrugs. “I couldn’t care less either way, as long as you’re here with me. Though I get what you’re saying.”

Pulling her back to me, I place my cheek against hers and decide to forget about everything for a little while and simply enjoy the feel of Chinatsu’s soft, warm body against mine. Then I murmur, “I want all of it and more. I’d love to be a new me that’s actually happy for once, instead of tiny blips of it here and there. I have no idea what a normal life looks like, but I want to find out. I need you to help me figure it out.”

She kisses my neck and murmurs back, “Anything you want or need. Just so long as you’re here with me.”

“Always.”

A few minutes later, even though I don’t want to, I release her and gently push her away. I’d be happy to simply cuddle with Chinatsu all day, but we have things to do. Not to mention, Mom’s waiting for me to show her the outfits she picked out for me.

　◇ ◆ ◇ ◆ ◇ ◆ ◇

Ninety minutes later, I’m tired and slightly shaky. All I want is to sit down and rest, but we’ve managed to pick out six one-piece summer dresses in varying styles, but all of them are rather short. The longest dress she picked out barely reaches mid-thigh, and it’s the most chic of those. It’s a satin, off-white, one-piece with an elegant lavender floral pattern on the skirt and spaghetti straps. Even I think it looks fabulous on me. Mom also selected a pair of white pumps with seven-and-a-half-centimeter heels to go with it. I wobbled in them, of course, and probably would’ve fallen if Chinatsu hadn’t been holding on to me. Honestly, Mom has always had an excellent fashion sense. She said she chose that outfit for me to wear when we go out somewhere. Of course, this also means lessons in walking in heels without falling or breaking something.

Then there are eight skirts, of which the majority are mini, and an even dozen short-sleeved or sleeveless blouses to go along with them. All of which look rather cute on me. However, Chinatsu’s opinion was slightly different. She stated that with my long, shapely legs, I was ‘drop-dead gorgeous’ in the mini-skirts.

In addition to the pumps for going out, and the ankle boots and white sandals I already had, she got me another pair of sandals with five-centimeter heels, this time in black. She also got me a pair of white sports shoes, which I’m not allowed to wear, except for gym class, and a pair of black leather loafers to wear with my school uniform.

There are also stockings and ankle socks to go with everything. She chose two shoulder bags for me, in white and black, and a dark grey clutch. In total, all of this was almost ¥169,000. I’m afraid Dad is going to have a heart attack when he sees the bill for this trip. And this isn’t even remotely everything Mom says I need. When she began listing it all, I felt faint. I get it, girls need a lot of things that guys never have to consider, and I still need a new school uniform, more clothes, more types and styles of shoes, and so many other things. I never considered how easy boys have it when it comes to clothing and shoes. Thankfully, we’ll be ordering most of it online, so no more long shopping trips.

As a side note, Mom had the clerks take the tags off of the light green mini-skirt, yellow blouse, and some ultra sheer yellow stockings, then had me change into that. I feel quite awkward, but like I said, I do think I look great in it.

Gathering up the numerous bags, we head back to the car. Although the weather is still lovely, my enjoyment of it is again somewhat lessened by the looks I’m receiving from the men and boys we pass. Some of their expressions are outright vulgar, which makes me want to go hide. Chinatsu smiles at me reassuringly and, using the arm she’s holding on to, pulls me a little closer to her. Looking at me, she quietly says, “You’re going to have to learn how to ignore them.”

Incredulous, I look at her and say, “As if it’s just that simple.”

She shrugs and says, “You don’t have much choice. After all, boys will be boys.”

It’s still upsetting, but I merely nod. Regardless of how necessary it might be, I don’t think it’s going to be all that easy for me with my anxieties. Arriving at the car a short time later, we pile everything into the trunk, get in, and buckle up. I’m hungry, but I’m also looking forward to going home so that I can take a nap.

“Sora, I see you’re tired, so I’ll leave the decision up to you. Do you want to go out to eat like we planned, or go home?”

My eyes open a little wider. Is everyone in this family psychic when it comes to me? I glance at Chinatsu, who looks as if she’s about to laugh.

“No, you’re just easy to read.”

I sigh and shake my head. What was the point of having me change clothes, then? Whatever, I am tired, and that makes the decision a lot easier for me. “Let’s go home. I’d love to take a nap, and besides, a home-cooked meal is just as good, if not better.”

Mom nods, and we head home.

When we arrive, we carry the bags inside and up to my room. I glance at the clock on my desk. Is it really only 11:40? I thought we were out for longer than that.

“Sora, go ahead and rest. We can put these up later.”

“Thanks, Mom, I appreciate it.”

Mom leaves my room, leaving Chinatsu and me alone. I sit down on my bed, slip off my stockings, and begin to massage the sore muscles in my legs. Chinatsu sits beside me and pulls my legs onto her lap.

“Here, let me do that for you. Lay down and relax.”

“Okay, thanks a lot.”

Stretching myself out on the bed, Chinatsu’s deft fingers begin to work on my sore muscles. Twenty minutes later, I sigh in pleasure because the aching of my muscles is now just a dull echo, and my drowsiness comes to the forefront. I open my eyes to look at her as she works on my left thigh.

“Thanks a lot, Chinatsu. That really helped.”

She gives me a conflicted look and nods. “You’re welcome. Look, I know it has to be done, but it bothers me when you call me Chinatsu. It feels… wrong. Do you get what I mean?”

“It feels strange, and yeah, kinda wrong, for me to say it too, but I don’t have any choice. It would be far worse if people found out who I am because I slipped up. Who knows what could happen then?” Shoving those thoughts to the back of my mind, I hold my arms out to her. “Come here. Cuddle with me, and let’s take a nap.”

Grinning, she wastes little time in crawling across me and snuggling up close.

　◇ ◆ ◇ ◆ ◇ ◆ ◇

After knocking on my door, Mom says, “Girls, dinner will be ready soon, so come down and eat.”

“Okay, we’ll be right down,” I answer, sitting up while I rub my eyes blearily. Then I glance at the clock and see that it’s 6:00 in the evening. As I turn back to see if Chinatsu’s awake, she sits up, yawns, and stretches.

“I don’t know why, but I always sleep so much better when I’m with you,” she tells me with a smile.

“Because you’re spoiled and treat me like I’m your body pillow for some reason.”

Standing up, I hold my hand out for her, which she takes and then gets up.

“Come on, let’s go. I’m starving,” I tell her and pull her toward the dining room.

“Hi Mom, hi Dad,” we say as we walk into the dining room.

Mom’s still in the kitchen, so I let go of Chinatsu’s hand and walk over to see if I could help.

“What can I do to help?”

“Oh, everything’s ready, but you can help carry the serving dishes to the table. Do you feel better now?”

“Much, thank you. I needed that nap badly.”

I pick up a large serving dish and carry it to the table to set it down as Dad looks at me and says, “That’s a cute outfit.”

“Thank you. Mom picked it out for me, but everything we picked out today was cute. Just wait till you see one of the dresses she bought me. It’s really chic.”

Dad smiles and glances at Mom. I somehow get the feeling that I’m missing something there.

“I look forward to it then.”

“Sit down, girls, and let’s eat. You two ought to be hungry since you didn’t eat lunch.”

“I’m starving, actually.”

“I’m hungry too, but I got something even better than lunch, so I’m fine with missing it,” Chinatsu states.

“Oh? What might that be?” Dad asks with a grin.

“I got to snuggle and take a nap with Sora,” she states, which, as you can guess, makes me blush while Mom and Dad chuckle.

“You really do love Sora, don’t you?”

“Of course I do, Dad, I always have. It’s just better now since she’s also my sister.”

Mom and Dad chuckle again, while I shake my head thinking, ‘She truly does love to embarrass me.’

“Come on, everyone. Let’s eat while it’s still hot,” says Mom.

After dinner, Chinatsu and I help Mom clean up while Dad watches the news. With the three of us doing it, it doesn’t take long for us to finish.

“Sora, don’t take off. Your father and I need to talk to you.”

“O-okay,” I say nervously, wondering if I’ve done something I shouldn’t have. Nothing comes to mind though.

“Relax, you haven’t done anything wrong. We just need to explain a few things to you. Let’s go sit in the living room.”

Chinatsu sits on a floor cushion, and I curl up beside her while Mom sits on the couch beside Dad as he turns off the TV.

Dad turns his attention to me. “Sora, as your Mom said, you’ve done nothing wrong. We just need to tell you a few things.”