Vaudevillain

It took longer than Dr. Zlo expected for the time field to drop. He’d assumed the bubble would only last a few seconds, enough for a person to use a strong move or two before the time bubble collapsed. Instead, the bubble laster an entire half a minute, which gave the villain plenty of time to send an absolute deluge of power draining lasers Apollo’s way.

When the shimmering blue lights fell, Apollo found himself surrounded by a lightshow worthy of Dr. Zlo’s villainy. The god acted instantly, throwing up a wall of sound around him. Lasers struck the blanket, slowly drilling holes into the protections. Eventually, one of the beams burst through the drained wall, the beam glancing off Apollo’s arm.

Another followed, each one seemingly no more than a mosquito bite against the god. But Dr. Zlo could tell, after this first strike Apollo’s control over his sound had lessened. The debuff that removed his voice lessened, then vanished completely as the god found his powers waning.

“Ah, much better,” Dr. Zlo said. He lazily flew to the side, dodging a set of eighth notes with sharp edges. “You know, for a moment I was worried my new invention wouldn’t work on someone like yourself. Strange, I know. I mean, one of my inventions not working? Can you imagine?”

Each of his minions glanced up at Dr. Zlo in question. The villain ignored their pointed looks. Any invention that failed Dr. Zlo was obviously not something the villain made. No, a Zlobot, or someone else had crafted the device. Or perhaps a Jacques got into the process when he shouldn’t have.

“What have you done to me?” Apollo asked. “I feel, weak.”

Dr. Zlo gave a grand bow. “That, my good god, would be my newest invention! A device I created specifically for powerful foes such as yourself! It drains you of your powers and renders you complexly helpless to my might!’

No need to mention the temporary nature of his newest weapon. By the time Apollo’s powers returned Dr. Zlo should have wrapped the fight up.

“You vile creature!” Apollo shouted. “How dare you sully my body like this!”

“Perhaps now you shall treat me with the respect I deserve!” Dr. Zlo cackled. He hovered over the god, firing more lasers in his direction. Apollo kept throwing weak shields up, but with his powers already drained the lasers slowly pushed through. Apollo dodged what he could, but another of Dr. Zlo’s new button bombs cemented him in place.

The next wave of lasers struck almost at once. Apollo’s drumsticks fell to the ground, leaving the dueling gloves free to chase after the god. The villain laughed as his invention started tapping Apollo’s chest. The blows soon turned to full blown punches, each one causing Apollo to react more and more.

The surrounding nymphs attempted to reach their leader, only to find themselves waylaid by Dr. Zlo’s minions. Mabel kept most of them at bay with her powers, the NPCs struggling to break free. Quartet and Cass somehow worked in tandem, the former holding nymphs back with his songs while the latter removed any that were particularly troublesome.

The fight ended anticlimactically. Without his powers, Apollo was nothing more than a particularly handsome man. And that didn’t last long either when the dueling gloves reached his face. The god finally fell to the ground, his face purple and knobbly.

Dr. Zlo floated down on his rocket shoes, a pompous air about him. He stood over Apollo as the god lay on the ground, alive only because Dr. Zlo called his gloves off.

“It seems fitting that I should grant you the last blow,” the villain said. “Perhaps you’ll finally learn who your betters are when you reach the afterlife.”

Dr. Zlo tipped his hat, then flicked it at Apollo. Razor blades, serrated and glinting sharply, popped out of the brim. The hat whirred, the razors grinding against each other as the hat spun down straight at Apollo’s neck. It struck with a simple motion, slicing into the god before spinning to return to Dr. Zlo’s head.

The villain threw his head back in the vilest, most evil laugh he could muster. “That’s right! Cower before Dr. Zlo! The greatest criminal mastermind! Slayer of gods! See the hubris of divinity as it falls to the might of mortal power!”

Cass clapped jovially as Dr. Zlo gloated. The nymphs retreated in terror, their leader fallen at Dr. Zlo’s feet. Ms. Tama gave polite applause while Hodge Podge tried to sidle past to grab Apollo’s body for examination.

Dr. Zlo continued laughing, but the glee on Cass’s face started to fall. “Um, boss?”

The villain ignored his butler.

“Boss, I think you might want to turn around,” Cass continued.

“What, Cass?” Dr. Zlo asked haughtily. “What could possibly be so important that you interrupt me—for the third time today, I might add—during my glorious triumph!”

“Well, boss,” Cass said. “I don’t think killing him stuck.”

Dr. Zlo looked at Cass angrily. “What do you mean, you don’t think it stuck? Either he’s dead, or he isn’t! And I sliced his head off so therefore he’s dead!”

“Hon, I think you might want to check again,” Mabel said.

Since his most sensible minion had something to say, Dr. Zlo actually decided to give the thought some thought. He turned around with an evil glare, fully expecting to see his glorious triumph that was the slain god. Instead, he found a floating head and a body that was shifting into a well-used lute.

“Foolish mortal,” the head said, his voice echoing throughout the temple. “You believe your mortal instruments and inventions are enough to match the might of a god, when in truth you’ve merely slain but a single incarnation. My powers are unbound, the very sounds mine to control. Music is my domain, and with it I shall teach you the harshest of lessons.”

The head opened his mouth and sang. A low, somber tone echoed across the temple, the start of a harmony that grew to deafening proportions. The lute joined in with a slow humming strum. As the head sang, the nymphs that had been taken out of the fight started to stand. They joined in the somber chorus, slowly building the song into a crescendo.

Dr. Zlo tried to shout, but the music drowned out his voice. He fired his laser at the head, only for it to float out of the way with ease. He swept his cane forward, sending a blazing flame toward the head. The lute swept it up with a drowning note, extinguishing it in moments.

The hum continued, and Dr. Zlo soon saw Quartet and Ms. Tama’s violinist monster joining in. It seemed they had been taken by the music, their faces blank as they joined in harmony. Dr. Zlo backed away from the sight as his minion walked toward Apollo’s side. Ms. Tama tried to call her violinist back, but the words vanished in the swelling music.

Eventually, the sound reached a head, and the chorus of fallen nymphs belted out a familiar song.

“O! Fortuna!” Dr. Zlo heard.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Dylan said to himself.

The beginning of the classical song blasted the walls off the temple, the area around them turning into a desolate wasteland suspended under a glowing moon. The chorus of nymphs floated under the moon, Apollo’s head and the lute accompanying. Dr. Zlo and his companions were pushed together as the floor stretched before them. Lines cracked in the ground, straight bars that resembled a musical score.

The music softened again, but the insanity had only started. As the chorus sang in their low notes, the lute started to send slicing notes of sound toward the villain and his entourage. Each one flew in time to the music, reaching Dr. Zlo as the words of the song reached him.

The villain easily avoided the first blows by flying upward, but was forced to drop down as the song continued. The lute sent an attack his way in constant time, forcing the group into a strange dance of avoidance.

“This is completely beneath me!” Dr. Zlo shouted as he realized what was happening. “I did not sign up to play a DDR minigame in my grand climactic battle with a god!”

The god in question cared not for the complaint. The classical music swelled, the attacks coming faster and faster. Slicing quarter notes became razor-bladed eighths, then eviscerating sixteenths as the music reached the apex. Dr. Zlo twisted, avoiding the blows and sometimes using his cane to bat them away. He tried throwing his button bombs, but something was preventing them from activating. His time stops refused to function correctly.

“You must play in the correct time signature, Dr. Zlo,” the villain heard from Apollo’s head. “No more of your petty tricks.”

“Petty?!” Dr. Zlo exclaimed. “You dare?”