What We Do to Survive

It was her. Any lingering doubts that this couldn’t be my Lea were washed away in an instant. A single tear welled up in the corner of my eye as she blinked blearily up at me. For a moment, her face was overlaid with that of a younger, more carefree girl’s. “Orion, won’t you carry me home,” the girl pleaded as she raised her hands in the air and wiggled them at me, bits of grass that had stuck to her long sleeves raining down onto her dress. I grabbed her hands and started pulling her up, but my bare feet slipped on the dew-slicked grass and I tumbled gracelessly down on top of her. “Orion, you’re crushing me!” We both laughed as she wrapped her arms around my shoulders and rolled me over onto my back. In the distance, I could see father watching us, a wide smile on his face, as he tended to his equipment.

The memory vanished as quickly as it came, leaving me feeling more hollow than I had in years. Oh father, what would you think if you could see me now. A cold hand of fear tightened in my chest. Oh, Lea, what would she think when she saw me? I had no doubts that she was not the same innocent child she had once been, neither of us were, but… I didn’t think she had changed as much as I’d had to. I… didn’t think she would understand.

“Hey Lea,” I said past the lump in my throat, “Sorry I was, ah, late to your birthday party.”

Her mouth fell open and she stared up at me for a long moment. Then she sat up sharply and wrapped her arms around my waist, squeezing hard enough that I could almost feel my back creak in protest. I was thankful that I was still keeping up my mana suppression, though it was starting to get rather uncomfortable. Without that strain, I was afraid I would have reacted badly to her movement.

“Orion! It’s… it's really you! You’re alive! He said… he said… he said he…” She trailed off, pressing her face into my shirt. Through the thin fabric, I could feel a small wet patch forming around her eyes.

I tentatively returned the gesture, trying to remember what I would have done in the past. One hand went to her back, gently rubbing in small circles while the other patted her hair. “Yes. I’m here. It’s really me. Everything is going to be alright, I’m here now. ” I leaned down, pulling her closer to my chest, “I’ve missed you Lea. It’s… been a long time.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Earthshadow girl watching us awkwardly. She didn’t seem to know what to do, though some of the tension in her shoulders seemed to recede as she watched us interact. Hopefully Lea’s reaction to seeing me would allay some of her remaining doubts about who I was and my intentions. That would make everything easier in the long run, no matter what I ended up having to do.

Eventually, she seemed to decide that she wasn’t wanted right now. She nodded her head to me, mouthing something I didn’t catch, and hurriedly left the room. From the way Lea reacted to her leaving, her hands loosening their tight grip on my shirt and her head turning slightly so she rested her cheek against my chest instead of having her nose dig into my belly as some of the stress drained out of her, Lea had been hoping for just such an outcome.

“She’s gone,” I whispered gently, “You don’t have to think about her right now. I’m here for you.” After a moment's pause, I quietly added, “Though this is not the most… private place.”

She mumbled something I couldn’t quite catch, but I answered the question I thought I’d heard anyway. “I took you to Lightcastle, you were pretty badly injured. Some of the staff told me you’re a student here, that's wonderful Lea. Your mother would have been so very proud of you.”

Her grip tightened slightly and I felt her tense somewhat under my hands. Ok, not going to bring up family for a little while. I wasn’t sure what might have happened with that, but there were plenty of reasons Lea might not want to be reminded of her dead (or at least probably dead, right?) mother.

I switched tracks immediately, “I’m so proud of you. You must have worked very hard to get in. Lightcastle is a very exclusive school, I barely even knew they accepted non-nobles.” That seemed to get a better reaction, but I had a feeling Lea had preferred the comfortable silence between us as she’d initially cried into my shirt. Still, it was getting rather late and I couldn’t really stand here all night like this. Even with my circulations, it was a rather uncomfortable position, likely for both of us.

I carefully maneuvered myself around, letting Lea continue to squeeze me as hard as she could as I sat down on the edge of the bed. After a moment, Lea turned onto her side, curling her body so her head rested in my lap. I did my best to smile down at her gently, the expression feeling distinctly odd on my face, as I continued to stroke her hair. “How are you feeling? The healer said that you should be all better soon, but I understand some things are harder to recover from than others.” I’d actually read an entire book about the physical damage that could be caused by emotional stress, though it had been more aimed at causing harm than helping someone deal with it. Still, hopefully some of the lessons would be applicable? I hadn’t really expected that Lea would cry so much and didn’t quite know how to deal with her.

“I’m… fine,” she mumbled unconvingligly. “It's been a long… everything. I’ve missed you.”

“And I’ve missed you Lele.”

She giggled quietly before falling silent again, but I counted that as a win regardless. I was about to continue, pushing the advantage so to speak, when the door opened and a different nurse quietly stepped into the room.

She froze when she saw us, then continued walking up towards the bed. “Good evening good mage, misses Leana. I heard movement and came to check up on you.” She looked down at Leana, “How are you feeling, miss? Any lingering pains or aches? Any drowsiness, or perhaps a headache?”

Leana didn’t respond for a long moment. I almost decided to speak up for her when she raised her head slightly and craned it around to look at the nurse. “No, none of that. I think I’m just a little tired, it’s been a very long day.”

“Well, that's great to hear. You are welcome to stay the night here, or–”

“Am I free to go?” She asked sharply.

“Of course dear. Do you need any help getting home? Our records show you aren’t living in the dormitories this year.”

Lea turned to look back at me and I smiled politely at the nurse. “I believe we should be alright. I’ll make sure she gets back safely.”

“Very good, thank you good mage. If you could just sign out at the front desk when you leave, that would be perfect. Feel free to stay here for as long as you need.” She paused for a second and looked down at the clipboard of papers she was carrying. “Oh, I’m afraid the clothing you were wearing before was somewhat damaged. You can pick it up at the front desk when you leave, but you are free to keep the dressing gown for now. It is a little chilly outside though, so maybe–”

“I can cast heating spells,” I interjected. “We will be alright.”

“Of course, good mage.” She inclined her head respectfully and left.

Lea lowered her head back into my lap and I returned to gently patting her head. “You heard the lady, just tell me when you feel up for it and I can take you home.”

“Thanks Orion. It will be… Just like old times.” She giggled weakly. “Though maybe you shouldn’t carry me over your shoulder this time. I don’t think the guards would be as understanding now.” She giggled again, but this time the laughter quickly turned into more tears and she pressed her face back into my shirt. I laughed as well at the image, an adult man carrying a struggling woman over his shoulder had a much different look from when both of them were ten years old.

Eventually, her tears subsided again and she finally sat up properly. She gingerly swung her legs over the side of the bed and leaded her head against my shoulder. I wrapped an arm around her, and turned to say something before quickly averting my gaze. From this angle, I could very clearly see that my childhood friend had grown into quite a woman. I could also clearly see that the gown she’d been changed into didn’t have any sort of bra or breast band, and the loose garment strained against her rather large chest. It was clearly a one-size-fits-all sort of thing, easily mass manufactured by simple spells, and Lea was quite a bit bustier than the average Xernian woman.

Lea unfortunately noticed immediately, and this time her laugh sounded much less forced. “You can look as much as you’d like,” she whispered into my ear, “You’ve seen it all before, after all. You can just return the favor later.”

I turned back to look at her, this time making sure to focus on her face, and raised an eyebrow. “It doesn’t count, we were just children. You didn’t have much to look at, as I recall.”

She fell silent for a moment, before whispering weakly, “You’d think, but apparently I had plenty for some people.”

I stiffened, my free hand clenching back into a fist by my side. “His days were numbered before. The countdown has grown shorter.”

She pulled away slightly, turning her shoulders to face me properly. “You can’t! He’s so powerful! What can–”

“It won’t matter.”

“It’s not worth it! I… I can’t lose you again, not when I just found you again.”

“And you won’t.” I paused and tried to inject some levity into the situation. “And what’s this about you finding me? I distinctly remember things going quite differently.”

“Ass,” she whispered quietly, but there was no heat in her voice. “You know what I mean.”

“I do. Still, it's not– We can talk about it later. This is not the place.”

“Ok. Take me home? Oh! Do you have a place to stay? I’m living with my ‘uncles’, but I’m sure they could find–”

“I have somewhere already, don’t worry about me. Let’s get you home and to bed, you look like you’re falling asleep on your feet.”

“I’m fine,” she said unconvincingly, then yawned loudly.

“Of course you are. Are you good to stand?”

She abruptly fell back onto the bed, and a spark of worry kindled in my chest. Had something happened? Had the healer missed something and now–

She raised her arms up into the air, hands flapping at me wildly. At the same time, she very intentionally wiggled her shoulders, making her chest jiggle enough that it threatened to pop out of the baby-blue gown. “Won’t you carry me home, Orion?” She asked, an expression of wide-eyed innocence on her face. “I’m so very tired.”

Rolling my eyes, I stood up and grabbed her hands, pulling her roughly to her feet. She ‘stumbled’ slightly and caught herself on my chest, then promptly pulled me into a tight hug for the second time. I was about to make a comment about making her girlfriend jealous when I thought better of it, instead just wrapping my arms around her back and pulling her tighter against me.

“I’m still not going to carry you, no matter how hard you rub your tits against my chest. It’s been nine years Lea, I might even be married by now.”

“You’re not,” she mumbled.

“I’m not,” I admitted readily.

“Brute.”

“Lazy blonde.” She gasped in feigned outrage, “That's not a no.”

“I’ve gotten better.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it.”