What We Do to Survive

By the time I finally made it back to my room, it was late into the night and I was thoroughly exhausted, both physically and emotionally. With a soft sigh, I slipped into my room and shut the door behind me. The soft click of the door and the pulse of reengaging wards had never felt sweeter and my shoulders slumped as I finally let myself relax.

Rea appeared beside me a moment later, gently removing my rumpled coat and offering me a steaming cup of lifenettle tea. I favored the ever-dutiful girl with a small smile as I took a sip of the welcome drink, even as she helped me out of my tightly laced boots. The hot drink was a welcome relief after a long walk through the windy drizzle, magic more than my coat had kept me warm and dry, and my circulation ensured the night’s chill had no chance of hurting me, but there was something deeply satisfying about drinking something hot after walking through such miserable weather.

I took another long sip, savoring the light sweetness of it on my tongue. There was something more than just the lifenettle in the brew. Lifenettle tea on its own was a little bitter for my tastes, but this was just perfect. If it was anyone else, I probably would have suspected poison and cast a bevy of detection spells on the cup, but there was nothing in my room Rea could have poisoned me with, even if she was able to imagine the idea of doing so.

I took another sip. Honeyblossom petals, that was almost certainly it. I’d harvested a large stock of several simple herbs for my research a few days earlier and had given the leftovers to Rea to do with what she wanted. Apparently, for her that meant experimenting with teas.

I gently rested my hand on her head, brushing back a lock of loose hair behind her ear. “This is excellent.”

Her cheeks flushed a bright violet as she looked away. “This slave lives to serve.”

I patted her head again and went over to my desk, slumping into my chair with a long sigh of relief. I was slightly surprised that Rea had waited up for me, though I probably shouldn’t have been. I didn’t think I’d ever seen her go to sleep before me and she was always awake before I was. If I didn’t know that she took naps during the day while I was in class, I would have been worried about her health.

I paused, tea cup suspended a few inches away from my lips. Worried about her health. Huh. It was a strange thought, but yes. I would have been worried about her. I wasn’t sure when, but at some point the purple-skinned slave girl had transitioned in my mind from a thing I kept to something more like… a pet? I wasn’t sure if that was the right way to describe it, but I had grown modestly fond of the girl. I’d never even ended up testing anything on her, had I, despite that being one of my initial motivations for taking her.

I set the tea back onto a wooden coaster and bit my lip thoughtfully. The small part of my brain that had been screaming at me ever since I’d decided to intervene in Lea’s beating pushed its way towards the front of my mind. This was dangerous, it told me. Attachment could only bring pain. Attachment was weakness.

It was true. The anger I’d felt when I’d realized it was my Lea they were hurting still burned in my chest, and I wondered what I would do if someone threatened her. I would make them regret it, my mind supplied instantly. It would make me reckless, a traitorous voice whispered.

What about Rea? Miranda even? Despite myself, I’d grown… attached to my first two pets. The situation with Miranda was still fine, I told myself. I knew where I stood with her and our connection was still sufficiently impersonal for my tastes. I was prepared to… dispose of Miranda if I had to, though it would be a terrible waste of potential. Rea though? Though I’d only had her for less than two months, I had grown attached. Weak.

A whip of cutting force coiled around my arm and I slowly turned around in my chair. Rea was standing by the large tank in the corner, carefully filling a vial with my evening dose of milk. It would be easy, so very easy. I doubted she would even drop the vial unless I literally killed her, her hands were shockingly steady. Just one hit, she would deserve it, right? She must have done something deserving of punishment recently, right? Maybe?

She closed the spigot slowly, making sure not a single drop spilled onto the ground. I remembered telling her that a single spoonful was worth more than her life. ‘This slave hears and obeys, Master.’ I didn’t think she’d ever spilled a single drop. I dispelled the whip as she turned around, instantly falling to her knees when she saw me looking at her. “This one begs forgiveness for the delay.”

“You’re fine. I’m still… finishing up my tea.” I demonstratively picked up the small cup and took another sip. I couldn’t do it. No, I didn’t want to do it. I could have if I wanted to, but… it would have been such a waste. Punishment should be reserved for when the punished does something wrong. I was not some barbarian that found pleasure in the suffering of others. Suffering was a tool like any other, not a toy to play with. Father’s half forgotten words echoed in my ears. ‘Look at them son, and remember. They engage in violence not with purpose, but just for the sake of violence. When we hunt, we hunt with purpose. We kill to protect our village and feed our family. Purpose is a sign of civilization, violence for violence sake is the rule of beasts.’

I remembered not thinking much of the lesson at the time, only my supernaturally clear memory letting me recall the conversation at all. Even with the help of magic, it was still only a fragment though. Father had been a wise man, far more than I’d ever given him credit for.

I let my thoughts turn back to Lea, ignoring Rea as she crawled over to kneel beside my chair. Lea. My Lea. I still couldn’t quite believe it, though all the signs pointed to her being that same little girl I’d grown up with all those years ago. I’d never thought I would see her again, hells, I hadn’t really thought she’d survived in the first place. I thought I’d been the only one. Maybe… maybe someone else had as well? If Lea had gotten away, why not… No. No, I doubted it. I could still hear the screams some nights, slowly tapering off as the flames roared ever higher. No magicless human could survive that sort of heat.

I had a feeling Lea hadn’t really ‘gotten away’ either. We hadn’t spoken for much longer tonight, she’d been half falling asleep on my shoulder as we’d walked and I’d ended up leaving her at the entrance to the little shop she lived above, not wanting to deal with her ‘uncles’ without her awake and cognizant, but the lingering scars on her body and the tension I could feel under her outwardly relaxed demeanor spoke volumes. No, I would get the full story from her soon, but she had not gotten away unscathed. Neither of us had.

Still, it was indescribable to see her again. It felt as though a weight I had never known I was carrying had been taken off my shoulders. Those short minutes speaking with her had been wonderful, freeing in a way I could barely remember. Maybe it was wrong of me to do so, I had no idea what she’d been through over the years, but something inside me trusted her and was deeply comforted by her presence.

Unfortunately, with that comfort came fear. What would she think of me? Even beyond not feeling comfortable under Lightcastle's wards, I hadn’t wanted to tell her about what I’d done and where I’d been. The girl I’d once known… she would have thought me a monster. I was a monster. No matter how I comforted myself, I knew I was. There was no excuse for the things I’d done, even if I felt they had been the best paths available to me.

I wanted to return to our old friendship, but I was afraid. Afraid of rejection, afraid of seeing that same look of horror on her face directed at me. I wondered what life could have looked like. What could have been if that greedy, conniving elf had kept his grubby little hands to himself. There had been talk of us marrying once, nothing concrete but our parents had been close friends and it had come up in conversation often enough. Mother and Father had married when they were thirteen and fourteen respectively, years younger than I was now. Life for peasants was short, much shorter than it was for mages and the nobility. I was already older than Mother had been when I was born.

We could have been married. Had children even. Grown old together, side by side in our little town by the seaside. My fist clenched and, despite my exhaustion, mana flared around me. I felt Rea recoil slightly, a tiny gap in my presence that was both mine and other.

With an inaudible growl, I grabbed the vial out of her hands and through it back in a single swallow, barely tasting the liquid ecstasy as it poured down my throat. This was not the mindset I would have preferred when taking something so potent, but I needed a distraction and I knew just what would help take the edge off after a day like this.

I stood up abruptly, already pulling the ill-fitting shirt up over my shoulders. “Rea,” I said sternly, “I remember you had some interesting ideas of how to reward my Miranda.”

“Yes, master?”

I unbuckled my belt and pushed my pants down, stepping out of them and leaving them lying on the floor. “You’ve been a very good girl, diligent and obedient. I haven’t had to punish you a single time since that first day, have I?”

“No, master. This slave obeys. Thank you master.”

“Well then, I think you also deserve a bit of a reward. Good behavior should be commended, just as bad behavior should be punished.” Rea’s eyes followed me intently as I stepped around her, watching with unblinking eyes as I sat down on the edge of the bed. A gesture caused the lights in the room to dim, all but one of the enchanted lamps going out together. “I don’t think you have any succubus heritage, but that was just an excuse, wasn’t it?”

Rea’s body shuddered slightly. “Yes master. This worthless slave begs forgivness.”

I smiled down at her. This was wrong, I knew it was just the magic of her binding twisting her mind. The book had even noted that such side effects often occurred, though it hadn’t really mentioned them as an issue. Simply something to be aware of. “Don’t you worry about it, pet.” I patted my knee. “Come here, slave. I think you’re due for a little reward, unless you don’t think you deserve it?”

“This slave would not dare contradict Master’s judgement.”

“Good girl,” her body shuddered again, and even I could tell that it was with arousal, not fear. “Now, get that cute little dress off and come here,” I commanded, “I remember you saying something about training in how to please your master, hmm? Let's see how much you remember.”