Why are you special?

It’s about noon, and yet this place is busy.  But I suppose it makes sense… public houses are partly bar, partly restaurant, partly game rooms, partly town halls… yeah.  They serve a lot of functions.  My eyes adjust to the difference in light instantly… a benefit of not having a metabolism?  No matter.

There’s a long bar, with a slightly pudgy blond woman standing behind it in a stained apron.  At the moment, she’s serving out bowls of some kind of soup.  There’s about a dozen folks waiting, and I can see the soup is quite popular, as there’s three times that many at tables, already eating.  Each also has a stein, apparently of beer.

I step aside from the doorway to not block it, and just observe for a while.  People come and go… patterns happen.  Soon enough I start to mentally sort folks, after grouping them based on who else they interact with.  

The groups where nobody’s in armor are probably the townies… they also tend to have a mix of weapons, mostly simple ones like clubs, crossbows, and slings, but occasionally they have actual bows (especially the occasional elf).  

Those guys over there?  Town guard.  They’re all wearing the same breastplate as the folks on the wall, and even have their pikes and bows nearby.  Might be part of why this pub is so peaceful at the moment… there are several enforcers right there, having lunch.  I’m not really sure if they’d actually stop anything that didn’t involve them, though: They’re really chowing down.  Not the group I want to join, I’d rather not be tied down here.

That group?  Professional mercenaries, or maybe some noble’s guard.  They’ve got standard issue weapons and armor, but not the same style as the town guard.  Repeating Light crossbows rather than bows, and their melee weapons are morningstars.  Each also has a short sword as a backup, and a shield.  Each shield has the same emblem, it looks kind of like a stylized black eagle holding a spiky yellow sun?  I can’t handle armor thanks in part to my eidolon, in part due to the oath system from which I derive a bonus feat… the travel is probably a good choice - if they’re mercenaries - but also a no.

I want a varied group, as they’re more likely to accept that I don’t do armor…like maybe those four?  That guy’s in full plate, with a lucerne hammer (it’s a really long stick you swing at folks; at the end, there’s a combination hammer and spike, so what kind of damage it deals depends on which way you swing it), Greatsword, and a longbow strapped to his back; he’s chatting away with a guy in robes covered in stars and moons with a pointy hat, and another guy in plate mail with a steel shield, holy symbol emvlazoned on his chest, and a mace at his belt… Fighter, Wizard, Cleric.  Or meatshield, glass cannon, and healbot, depending on your mood.  They’re missing a rogue (skillmonkey), but could they be any more stereotypical?  It’s Life’s symbol, though.  Still… not albino, so probably not getting instructions straight from the lady.  I’m not seeing a fourth member of their group… and they look kind of sad… I listen in for a bit.

“... we can’t just REPLACE Lorin!  He was our friend!” - that’s Life’s flunky, the healbot.

“We can’t exactly keep going at this without someone who can do his job!  Every group needs a good trapper.  Yeah, I miss him, but… can YOU raise him?” - the meatshield.

“... no, the Blessed Mother hasn’t yet granted me that power.”

The glass cannon joins in… I should probably get their names at some point, “And we weren’t able to retrieve his body, so we’d practically need to find a high priest… where would we even find one?”

Life’s flunky sighs in defeat, “Right.  And they charge through the nose… so even IF we found one, we’d have to sell off all the good stuff to pay him, and then we’d be stuck with the least little jobs to work our way back up into the gear needed for the run of the mill stuff.”

I can handle traps, so that’s just about ideal… except that they’ve got one of LIFE’s flunkies.  Still… 50% saturation, per Death.  So every other party will have one… ugh.  Well… I’m not seeing any better choices here…

As I muse, the lady at the bar comes up to me, “Ahem, this is a respectable establishment.”

I turn to her, “Whatever do you mean?  I’m dressed.”  Although my outfit is mostly illusion, I am wearing a shirt that is big enough that it covers the essentials….

“Oh come on, I can see your bare legs, and you haven’t ordered a thing.  You’re just some poor lady of the night looking to turn a trick.”

She must have seen through the illusion… good thing I sold some loot earlier… and I need change anyway.  I pull out a gold coin from my pack, “Look, I ran across some bandits, and my clothes got damaged.  I don’t know where to find a good tailor.  Mind bringing me some ale and change?”

The gold shuts her up.  Money talks, and apparently that’s universal. No, more than that. Multiversal? That should do.

The innkeeper brings me back a mug of ale and some change… and with it, a printed card. "Darcy's Dresses," and it has store hours and an address. Nice.

"Ah, thank you," I take a sip, "I needed that." The woman curtseys, and takes her leave.

I watch the group a bit more… there’s a third party use of the Sense Motive skill for reporting on a person's Base Attack Bonus (BAB for short)… and if you know a person's BAB and class, you can derive their level.  Most melee classes have full BAB, most primary Arcane casters have half, and most Divine casters have three fourths. So… the meatshield has a BAB of eight, Life’s flunky has six, and the glass cannon has four…. which means they're an eighth level party all around, glass cannon or healbot could maybe be ninth, but generally folks quickly end up the same strength due to how leveling works… yeah, I can pull my weight as their trap spotter. Full ranks in Perception and Disable Device, boosted them with the eidolon, got them switched to Charisma, and I can get the automatic check via popping the Find Traps spell every few minutes. I also get Evasion from my eidolon, so…. yeah, I'm good to go for all the rogue-type stuff except sneak attack… and I use claws, and can slip in extra actions from Mythic  so I can fake it via Shocking Grasp or something.

I renew my disguise as I listen in, waiting for the right moment. They’re arguing about approaches for getting a new guy, worrying about guild fees and reputation, and eventually in frustration the cleric declares "The Blessed Mother will provide!" …and there's my cue, much as I hate to support that creature.

I am about as subtle as a wrecking ball, "Ah… I couldn't help but overhear your rather heated conversation," That's a lie, I was eavesdropping from across the room. Maxxed out Perception is great, "and as I recently parted ways with my prior party," technically true, pretty sure I won't game with, or even see them, ever again, "and I understand you could use a good trapper… I would like to discuss teaming up," that last bit is true, at least.

The cleric is just beaming.  Yeah, had nothing to do with Life, mister.

The fighter looks me up and down, "Women are bad luck in the dungeon, miss…?"

What name did I give at the gate? Ah, "Dolly Parton, at your service," I curtsey. Yes, I'm focusing on Diplomancy - sorry, the Diplomacy skill - right now. First person to respond to a newcomer in a small group is usually the de-facto leader.

The Wizard casts Detect Magic, and raises an eyebrow, "And you're cloaked in illusion magic why, exactly?"

The Cleric looks at me closely, and laughs, and a moment later the wizard does too.  The fighter looks at me, then back and forth at the other two, "What’s so funny?"

The wizard starts in, "She's not using magic to disguise her FACE…"

"Don't embarrass the poor little lady," Ugh, the healbot is already using diminutives, "she probably just hasn't found a tailor yet."

Yeah… this is why I layer disguises. Magic disguises get a nice fat plus ten bonus, but illusions suffer from will saves, transmutation can't normally do specific individuals, and both radiate magic and can be bypassed with the right spells. The mundane disguise that I’m using underneath doesn't get the bonus vs. Perception, but doesn't break with a Will save and isn't magical to be found by Detect Magic, Arcane Sight, True Seeing, or other spells.

I roll my eyes, "Yes, thank you, I'm aware of my state. A good dressmaker is hard to find, I just got a lead from the innkeeper, and plan to visit after I'm done here."

"That might be a minor problem…" the meatshield starts in.

"How so?" I'd rather not need to scout a new group.

"Part of the reason we're arguing is because we are in a hurry," the fighter continues, "and, well… you can't exactly buy something made for anyone else, can you?"

I suppose I haven't seen anyone with my… endowments… walking around town. Ugh. Fine. "I can deal with what I've got for a while if I need to."

"Any objections?" The meatshield looks at the healbot and glass cannon.

"None at all…" says the wizard with a leer.

"You know my vote already," says the cleric, "I figure she was sent by the goddess."

The fighter nods, "It's settled then. We'll take you to the guild hall, get you registered as a member under our charter, and be off."

Guild? Umm. "About that…"