Why are you special?

I pretend to wake up as Paul climbs down the rope. I really don’t want to spend hours pretending to sleep. Hmm. Maybe my own rope trick? Eh, after the dungeon. Possibly fess up that I don’t need sleep to everyone… maybe blame it on the Keep Watch spell? I can apply it to everyone if desired to prove I have it….

Paul is in his full plate as he climbs down the rope, all three weapons plus a quiver and backpack strapped to his back. And yes, that is a lot of weight. Most melee types have a lot of strength. Hopefully that backpack is a Handy Haversack, at least.

"So you like sleeping under the stars, huh? Risky, that," Paul is smiling, contrary to his words, and his tone is quite upbeat as he gets close. Quite close. Great. Well… don't want to brush him off too hard, but I also don't want to accept….

"Less risky for me than for most," mostly because I don't actually sleep, also because death is a setback, not a problem, in my case, "How’d you fare up on your perch?"

Paul chuckles, "This armor has some really nice lining. I can sleep in it without difficulties, which helps, as that non-space up there has floors as hard as granite. What about you?"

"The moss is more comfortable than it looks. I'm fine. I've had enough rest for now," technically true, as I don't need any rest at all unless I need to prepare new spells in my off-class slots, "Would you mind some company on your watch?"

"Not at all," Paul scoots even closer, "Although when the sun rises, I’ll be stopping and praying for an hour to The Blessed Mother. Carter does the same, he'll probably be joining me. Maybe us?"

This is going to get awkward fast, isn't it? Well, Death did say he was OK with it… sort of… "I don't know her well… I am from quite far away. What's she like, what are her tenants?"

Paul seems smug, for some reason… "The other tin can," interesting choice for describing Carter, "is a bit better versed in the details, but… well, she's the source of new life. If we were to have a baby…" he traces a gauntleted finger around my belly, my, he's quite forward, "... she'd be the one bringing the newborn's soul into the world. She'll do it for anyone, believers and pagans alike, of course, as it's her divine duty… but for some reason her faithful are always blessed with more." He smiles at me.

Hmm… how to let him down without making him think I'm not interested… "I'm sure you'd produce some strong sons," I flutter my eyes, "but I can hardly afford to be with child now. So definitely not today." Not EVER.

"Hmm… pity. It's not good to be too tense going into the dungeon; it sometimes causes poor decisions made in haste."

That's interesting… but if I ask him about Carter's perspective, he'll know we talked and I wasn't sleeping. "How would you normally relax before a delve? Surely there's more options than just night play?"

"Mayhap, but none better, especially with one such as yourself around." He wiggles his eyebrows.

You’re barking up the wrong tree, "Weren't you the one saying 'Women are bad luck in the dungeon?'"

Paul looks away a moment, "Yes, that was me… but The Blessed Mother sent me a vision in the night…."

Ah, so Paladins count as 'various flavors of priests' as Death put it? OK. I could use the intel, as long as Paul is chatty, "And what did she tell you?"

Paul laughs, "Deity dreams do not speak in words… but the meaning was clear enough. The world isn't peopled enough, and everyone must do their part to correct this."

And of course, lesbians don't have kids without help (well, OK, force can make it happen too… part of why I’m maintaining Block the Seed). That's her angle, huh? I'll need to ask Death more about how those dreams work… I don't think I'll be out of their sight for long, so I'll need to wait for the level up office. Just one more XP… "I'm not ready to settle down yet… perhaps until I'm ready to hang up my guild card, I can help by making the world a safer place to raise children?"

Paul laughs, and slaps his mailed hand onto his plated thigh with a thunderclap, "A fine idea! And one we're already on, for that matter!"

Part of why I picked it, Paul, "Do you have anyone waiting for you at home?"

Paul sighs, "Few guild members do, at least until they retire. A lot of us don’t even keep houses, just living out of Haversacks. Constantly running off to prune dungeons is risky business, necessary as it is, and it keeps us away from home for long periods of time… the stress is insane, so most of us get … I’ll say ‘stress relief’ … wherever we can. It’s not a lifestyle most wives tolerate. Yeah, we grow rich… right up until The Devourer gets us. Can’t even set a bride up with stable investments or something in advance, as pretty much all the money goes right back into getting set up to survive the job better.” He shakes his head, “... but at least we’re pretty popular, so ‘stress relief’ is a simple matter in town. Heh. And now, it’s even something of a divine mandate! Nice of The Blessed Mother.”

Yeah… ‘nice’... she’s setting up for a purge, and apparently I’m a good excuse for something she was planning anyway, “And what happens to the folks who simply aren’t interested in The Blessed Mother’s blessing?”

Paul frowns, “I haven’t really thought about it… it’s not like this is war where folks might get conscripted into service whether they want to or not. So… probably nothing? I’m sure The Blessed Mother will clarify in her time.” I really need to ask Death about how that dream messaging works.

“So how does killing a dungeon work out?” Yes, I’m asking very similar questions of my party members.

“Oh, that. We’ve done it before it’s… straightforward. We go in, we clear out the dungeon entirely of monsters, loot as we go, smash the dungeon heart once the place is clear, then run like The Devourer is on our tail. Because the dungeon heart makes the dungeon, and once it’s gone, the dungeon itself isn’t far behind.”

And this is about the time I pick up on a faint rumbling coming at us underground. Great. I’ll go set it off, I think… “We’ve got a visitor… mind getting your bow ready? I’ll flush it out…”

Paul has his bow in hand about as fast as I can blink - he has QuickDraw, I guess - and an arrow knocked and ready… I can see him looking about for a hidden enemy. Yeah, that won’t work well, it’s underground… at least until it’s not. I walk towards the noise, stomping my feet a little as I go, and readying a nice little Shocking Grasp claw attack for when it pops out. After I get about twenty feet, the beast bursts out of the ground directly underneath me; I channel the spell through a claw, forcing a critical hit via Divine Providence, and it howls… but doesn’t stop. The bite lands true, the rows of teeth in a maw big enough to swallow a motorcycle with a sidecar crashing down, and actually getting a little bit through my skin as it lifts me a good fifteen feet off the ground.

Yeah, it hurts, and I hear Death’s voice, “Three damage made it through, huh? Of course, you have one hundred eight real hit points, plus thirty three from your eidolon - well, thirty, now - and can heal yourself. So… yeah, I’m pretty sure you’ve got this. CR twelve, by the way. See you soon.”

I hear a twang as Paul fires an arrow from his bow, and a clatter as it bounces off the purple chitten plates covering this beast. Yeah, he’s going to need to do better than that… which may be why he’s drawing his hammer. I’m sure that hits harder, at least… and I suppose if I’m in the creature’s mouth, all he has to worry about is that barbed tail he… can’t see because it’s still underground. Well… I can neutralize poison…

Not worrying about getting swallowed, I focus on electrocuting the beast with repeated Shocking Grasp spells - it’s a giant lumbering beast, it has basically no touch AC. I use Divine Providence on the concentration checks (I’m grappled) and the initial attack rolls… and go ahead and blow the remainder to confirm the critical hits… well, three of them. The fourth I need to roll honestly… and I think I get it. A nice forty dice of damage….

Oh, that beast screams as it rides the lightning… but it manages to survive. Smells like barbecue, though. I’m pretty sure it’s mine next round, although Paul might fell it at this point... Which would be a good thing, I think. Don’t want him wondering why he’s here. Paul runs in and swings his hammer… only to get stung on the way as the worm whips a tail out of the ground at lightning speed and stabs him with it. Still, Paul’s a Paladin, and isn’t going to let a little thing like a massive injury stop him. He connects, and the beast… huffs, a little? OK, yeah, maybe he will wonder why he’s here. Ah well.

The beast flexes and swallows, rows of monstrous teeth sticking into me a bit more as it forces me down into its gullet.

I hear Death’s voice again, “Twelve damage made it past your hardness this time! Yeah, it’s almost mine, and you’re not even into your real hit points yet. You’ll probably need to carve your way out of the carcass, but that’s what your claws are for, right?”

Well, at least nobody will hear me in here, so I go ahead and whisper back, “Yeah, they’re slashing, so should do the job just fine. And it’s my turn now….”

Unable to tell how Paul is doing, I cut loose with Shocking Grasp again, pouring four hits into exactly the right places (or wrong, from the worm’s perspective) … and after a mighty spasm, the beast stops moving entirely. Great! Now I just need to claw my way out… and the world fades.