Why are you special?

Bane walks slowly into the clearing as evening approaches, the long shadows giving an eerie cast to the place of my death. My third, that I know of.

Bane walks in, apparently confident in his power… and I use the Message spell again, whispering to him, again focusing on being Diplomatic, "Greetings, Bane. Did you have a good day?"

"Not at all. Breakfast tasted like dirt. Again.”

Right, well, “As I said: Good news, starting noon tomorrow, most of your curses should relax a bit, thanks to my patron.  This is mostly to prove I’m not making this stuff up… although I’m sure you can see right through any deception I’d try.”

The poor man laughs, “You got that right. I see right through everybody.  Last time I was tricked… I can’t even remember when it was.”

Yeah, we have a saying at my table: ‘You don’t bluff the dragon.’  And it doesn’t mean you don’t deceive.  In all but the highest optimization games, the Big Bad Evil Dragon is going to have much more Sense Motive than you have Bluff (well, unless someone’s playing a Bard with Glibness…).  So you don’t bluff THE DRAGON - you bluff the messenger you send.  If the messenger honestly believes the message, then the messenger isn’t lying, and there’s nothing for the dragon to sense awry from the messenger… and the nice fighter you hire at the local guild is unlikely to have any Sense Motive at all - it’s not a class skill for Fighters, and they get so few skill points. “Great!  So you know I’m being truthful,” and in this case, I actually am, “And as I’m going to need to actually touch you for the agelessness spell, I’d really rather you weren’t trying to kill me while I’m trying to help you.”

Life’s enforcer rolls his eyes, “Fine, fine.  If the curse suppression thing works out, I will let you get close enough to cast your spell.  What all do I need to do to prepare?”

“Well, the spell will ruin a small magical item, which must have a market value of at least four thousand crowns - and it needs to be small, like a ring, pendant, or other trinket.  As long as you wear it, you won’t age.  So you’ll need something suitable for me to wreck.  And… that’s it, really.  When would you like to do this?  Obviously it should wait until after the curse suppression, so you know I’m not just deluded.”  Although that will drag it out… oh well.

Life’s champion considers, “Eh, I’ve got a Ring of Counterspells I can burn.  We can do this whenever.  So... perhaps the next morning, after I’ve had a chance to test out the various curses to see how well this suppression works."

Works for me, “That sounds suitable.  I’ll plan on seeing you then… oh, one other thing: The curses are intrinsically tied to your blessing from your patron; they’ll fade if you reject her… well, except The Devourer’s, but at least you’ll be able to hide it afterwards if you choose.”

The poor man pauses, “I can reject her?  What makes you think that?”

I shrug, not that he can see, “My patron is honest with me, and I asked him about it. Turns out that if you tell her - in no uncertain terms - that you want nothing to do with her, she’s required by her father to respect that.  You’ll lose her blessing when you do, and all the curses are fundamentally tied to your connection with her - when that goes away, the curses will begin to fade.  My patron needs that connection there to suppress the curses, though, and of course, there’s the ‘crumble to dust’ thing.”

Life’s enforcer stops cold when I say that last bit, “Wait, you mean I won’t crumble to dust the instant I tell that scum-sucking streetwalker to suck it?”

Ah, man, I blew it… "No, but you will start aging again, and it'll take years for the curses to fade if you quit now.  If you just wait a few days…"

He's having none of it, "Worth it," and he starts screaming out, "Hey Blessed Mother!" Pause, "Yes now!" pause, "NEVER AGAIN YOU BACKSTABBING LYING ABUSIVE WITCH. I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. GO BACK TO THE ABYSS THAT SPAWNED YOU."

He did mix my exact words in there. Huh.  And that's what it's like for everyone else? Good to know. Death mentioned that Life’s blessing was particularly gluttonous … I wonder how quickly it stops working? One way to find out, "Your shoes are untied."

Bane looks down, then looks back at the elemental I'm using as a proxy a moment later, "I don't have laces in these boots…. OH! You tricked me! Thank you! I'm free! I'm free!"

Sorry Death, guess you're not getting your snack… "OK, so… I still plan to go through with the immortality thing; You said you have a ring of Counterspells you don't mind losing?"

Bane nods, "Yes, yes… and call me Fred."

I switch back to my own eyes, and update my companions, "Well, that's solved; I still need to pay the ex-prophet for quitting; back shortly."

I Greater Teleport over, and finally dismiss the air elemental that's been waiting patiently, greeting the now-harmless man Fred, "Hi Fred, nice to see you under better circumstances. So, there's a bit of a warm up, don't worry…." I need a ninth level spell for this, so my base caster level of seven, plus one for the Ioun Stone, plus one for a Create Magic Tattoo spell, plus five for Suffer The Flesh, plus two for Spell Enhancer, plus one for the Adept Spirit gets me to seventeen, which covers ninth level spells without circle casting. "Do you have the ring?"

"Right here…." he pulls a ring off his finger, and hands it to me; I hit it with Analyze Dweomer before I take it. It's a band that looks like it's woven out of a single strand of gold… examining it, I can't find an actual start or stop point on the strand. And yes, it's a ring of Counterspells.

"That will do…" It's so nice that I can bypass casting times… this would normally take an hour. For me? One swift action, other than the warm-up spells (which are also Swift, but I get a lot of those). I cast the spell, and without fanfare, the deed is done.

Fred wrinkles his forehead, "That's it?"

I chuckle, "That's it. Close your eyes; feel for the ring's location. You should be able to sense it now."

He does, then pops his eyes back open, "OK, yes, I can. Huh."

I smile, "As long as you wear it, you'll have a share of its ability to withstand the test of time. You won't have to worry about dying of old age. And if you lose it, you'll merely resume aging normally until you get it back; you won't age retroactively or anything."

Fred smiles, "And this isn’t in any way tied to your continued survival right?"

I can read him like a book now, and I am not even slightly concerned by what he's planning, "Not at all. It's an Instant effect."

"Great!" He quickdraws his shortswords and starts swinging. He gets a full eight swings in, and gets nothing but air. I put a stop to it with Dominate Monster, Dominate Person, and Charm Monster. I figure one of the three will land… he resists the Dominate Monster spell, but Dominate Person gets him, as does Charm Monster.

So I've won. Of course, now I have a mindslave, and no idea what I should do with him.

I suppose there is some cleanup to do…

"So tell me, how did you get out of that burning curse I dropped on you during our first encounter?" I am legitimately curious.

"Well… first I tried Greater Dispel Magic, then Remove Curse, and I even tried a Mage's Disjunction. When that didn't work, I used the Ring of Three Wishes I keep around for emergencies… and used Limited Wish to Heal myself. You were my single most expensive kill, and it didn't even stick. How did you DO that when I still have your corpse mopping my castle floors? You haven't had time to grow a clone…."

I roll my eyes, "Who's my patron?" Why no, I am not giving this rather evil man correct information, "But I would prefer to free whoever ended up trapped in my corpse. Where's your castle?"

"The Harvester of Souls… ah. He intervened, then. It's a Plane Shift away. Private Demiplane, I don't like folks knocking on my door. But it doesn’t matter," the evil, evil man smiles at me.

That explains why I'm not in Death’s office: Not out of danger yet. But I'll play his game for now, "And why is that?"

"Because I collect Great Wyrms, and they have standing orders for what to do when I'M MIND CONTROLLED."

And his Contingency spell goes off, or rather, Contingencies. He apparently has four different effects tied to the same trigger phrase. I watch Protection From Good, Teleport, Resilient Sphere, and Beacon of Luck all come into effect, sending him instantly elsewhere but leaving a spherical wall of force where he stood.

As a dozen different colossal dragons of different colors converge on me, all I can think is, 'Well, that's what I get for playing his game.'