Your Regrets Are Late

Having inherited the Duchy of Marsetta at the succession ceremony, Charelize became the true head of the family. She also held her wedding ceremony, which she could not do at the time, with the blessings of many people.

The people around her also changed one by one. First, Hailey revived the fallen Count Kabe family and restored it to its former glory. Martin, who had never been interested in becoming the successor, changed after her mother’s death six months ago and became Viscountess Rael. Although she continued to work for Charelize as her exclusive maid, years passed by them as well.

When Harbert IV died, the senate recognized Royal Princess Veloche as the crown princess. However, she revealed at her coming-of-age ceremony that she wouldn’t become the empress. Instead, she received a new surname, ‘Rakiel,’ meaning freedom, and became an independent grand duchess.

After Veloche completely gave up her right to succeed to the throne, the next in line fell to Charelize. Most of the senate welcomed Charelize because of her perfect lineage. Of course, a few didn’t like her because of business or disliked her because she was the daughter of a former duke who had done terrible things.

Charelize convinced the reluctant minority with just two things. She signed a trade agreement on favorable terms with the Principality of Zartine, which had always burdened them with excessive toll taxes. She also broke her diamond necklace in front of a small group of people who opposed her for various reasons.

The head of the senate shed tears when he saw the emperor’s seal inside of it. The few who couldn’t dare to oppose the will of the head senate who immediately addressed Charelize as ‘Her Majesty the Empress’ and saluted her, bowing down to her.

Charelize wanted to become an empress not simply because she wanted to have power. She liked seeing the young people’s laughter. She also enjoyed helping people see the world from a better perspective. Sometimes, she wanted to give up because it was difficult and overwhelming. Still, she was trying to keep her promise to Marquis Pasimello. She wanted to create an empire where everyone’s lives were peaceful, children weren’t abandoned, and the weak could be protected.

It was her last night as Duchess Marsetta. Charelize went to Lari, carrying the empress’s crown.  

In the glass cabinet where Lari’s urn was kept, there were three edelweiss flowers, traces of visits every year on the anniversary of her death. She tried to keep them alive by asking Arensis to cast a preservation spell on them. She thought that Lari’s time was passing by as the flowers were drying out, so she left them alone.

“Lari, how are you?”

Charelize placed a new edelweiss next to it.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to come here as often as I used to. Still, I will never forget you… You don’t have to worry.”

She had an untold story with Lari. There was so much she wanted to say.

“…If you were alive, you’d be happier than me. You always wanted me to be happy. My little sister. Today… I want to see you more.”

The moon slowly filled up. The night was long.

“I swear on the empress’s crown. I will make sure that a child like you is never abandoned again. Lari, I hope you can smile there without any worries.”

It was a day when she felt particularly grateful for that small act of consideration.

* * *

After being crowned as the empress, Charelize’s life became busy. Arensis had to take charge of Marsetta Duchy on her behalf, with the help of Count Luwen and Viscount Blanche.

Charelize, tired from the change of day and night for several months, could sleep for the first time in a long time. She was walking along the beach on a cool summer day when a fairly strong wave hit her. It looked so cool that she went closer and had a look.

The seawater she held in one hand turned into a jewel with a mysterious mixture of blue and light purple. It was so mysterious that she put it in her pocket. Her heart felt at ease as she saw the sea flowing peacefully as the current became calm.

When she woke up and realized it was a dream, Charelize pulled the golden string. Arensis, who was talking in his sleep next to her, was breaking out into a cold sweat. She was worried that he was in pain, so she shook him lightly.

“Aren?”

“…Lize, no!”

Arensis raised his body in surprise and hugged Charelize tightly.

“Are you all right?”

“Lize…”

“…Yes.”

He called her name and wanted her to answer back.

“Did you… have a nightmare? What’s wrong?”

“In my dream…”

“Dream?”

“You, you’re dead again… In front of my eyes, you died… I mean, it’s… It’s too vivid… just like then. You’re gone…”

Hearing his gibberish words, Charelize looked at the calendar. It was the day she died in her previous life. Even the year was the same.

At this time of year, Arensis’s mood plummeted. He could only calm down when Charelize was by his side. Charelize knew that too. She freed up her time for a few days before and after, trying to be with him. However, she missed it this time because she had so much work to do that she couldn’t even see his face.

Unlike Charelize, who had forgotten everything about it to the point of forgetting things like this when she was busy, Arensis still remembered the past. To be precise, he was extremely afraid of Charelize’s death.

“It’s okay, Aren. I’m fine.”

“…Are you alive? Breath… You’re breathing, right?”

“Of course.”

“Don’t die… I’m scared. Having to live without you… makes me scared.”

Charelize patted Arensis on the back as she hugged him. “I will live with you. I won’t die.”

“…Thank you for being alive.”

“Yes. You too. Thank you for letting me live, Aren.”

She calmed him down and came out of the bedroom. Even though she wanted to stay with him, she had no choice because she had work to attend to.  It was a heavy day because Arensis sent her off with a smile, saying he was okay. She sighed and kept thinking of his tears.

“Your Majesty, do you happen to have any concerns?” Martin tilted her head when she saw her.

“…No. Just, I have a headache.”

It was just a rough guess, but it really gave her a headache.

“There’re tea leaves sent by Grand Duchess Rakiel, saying it’s helping to relieve headaches. Would you like me to bring it for you?”

“…Yes.”

She picked up her quill pen while waiting for Martin, who had gone out to prepare tea. It took only a moment for her to move her hand a few times. This time, her vision was really dizzy. Her chest also felt tight. She thought it would get better with time as the day passed, so she took the medicine out of the drawer and swallowed it. However, Charelize was still not feeling well when she met Dean Pavel in the afternoon to talk about the sponsorship project.

“This is a list of students who will graduate at the top of the class this year.”

“Ah, give it to me.”

“… Your Majesty, your complexion doesn’t look good. Are you okay?”

“It’s because I’m tired. It’s not a big deal, so you don’t have to worry.”

Dean Pavel, who had stopped reporting, was worried about her.

As soon as Dean Pavel left, Charelize stumbled greatly. Hailey quickly caught her as she almost fell.

“I’ll call Baron Alec immediately.”

“I’ve heard from Martin that Your Majesty has been like this since morning. Your Majesty, please get checked just in case.”

“You too…”

“Your Majesty, please. I’m so worried.”

Normally, she would have refused, but Hailey’s persistent urging forced her to lose.

“Greetings to Your Majesty the Empress, the mother of the Elioter Empire and the brilliant sun. May the blessing of Goddess Resina reach you.”

“May you be protected too.”

Baron Alec, the newly appointed imperial palace doctor, has arrived.

“Baron Alec.”

“Please speak, Your Majesty.”

“It seems that I don’t get much better even if I take the medicine.”

“I think it’s because Your Majesty has built up a tolerance because you have been taking it consistently.”

“Anyway… please make me something more effective.”

Baron Alec, who was feeling her pulse as usual, frowned.

“Why? Is my pulse not running?”

Baron Alec’s expression became more serious at Charelize’s joke.

“Baron Alec, is Her Majesty very sick?”

“I-is she suffering from… serious illness…?”

Hailey and Martin, who were next to them, also became anxious.

“…feel it, I feel it.” Baron Alec, who had been doing it for a long time, finally opened his mouth.

“What do you mean you feel it?”

“Baby…”

“…”

“I can feel it, Your Majesty. It seems that you’re pregnant… Congratulations.”

There has been quite a long silence. It was Charelize who broke the silence.

“…Medicine. Just now, I took three pills. Wouldn’t it have a negative effect on the baby?”

“Don’t worry, Your Majesty. Checking the pulse, the baby is doing well. It’s better to gradually reduce your medicine… No, it’s better to adjust the ingredients in the first place.”

Charelize, who was worried about the medicine she took earlier, urgently asked. Feeling relieved as Baron Alec gave her his confirmation, she placed her hand on her belly.

“The existence of the baby… don’t reveal it yet. I’ll officially announce it after some time.”

“I will obey your order.”

Hailey and Martin, including Baron Alec, bowed in unison.

“If so, what should we do with His Majesty?”

“I want to tell him… in person, so don’t tell him.”

“Yes, Your Majesty. Congratulations.”

At Charelize’s answer, Martin smiled and nodded.

Leaving her office earlier than usual, Charelize went straight back to her bedroom. She felt strange. Her head felt like it was going to explode, but as soon as she heard that she was pregnant, she seemed to be blown away.

She lay on the bed and stroked her belly. It tickles her that there’s life in her belly. Somehow, she felt familiar. It made her feel even more sorry.

“Baby, I’m sorry. I think this mother is the only one who’s happy… I’m so sorry…”

She remembered the time she had her first baby, whom she killed with her own hand. Charelize cried for a while that she didn’t even know that Arensis had come in.

“Lize…”

“…”

“Is there… something wrong? What’s the matter?”

“I…”

“…Yes, Lize.”

It was clearly conveyed that Arensis was nervous. He came closer, got down on one knee, and waited with his body trembling.

“I… am… pregnant.”

“…”

“What should I do? I-I’m going to be a mother. Becoming  mother…”

Many emotions were mixed up. Her guilt for her first baby and anxiety that something might go wrong. The feeling of regret for not being able to rejoice to the fullest brought constant tears.

“…Pregnant?”

“…Yes.”

“Really? Really… the baby… No, there’s a baby… in here…?”

As he reacted in disbelief, Charelize took his hand and placed it on her belly. Although it was too small to be felt, Arensis’s hand trembled. He stroked it with a very careful touch.

“…Thank you very, very much. Lize.”

Arensis burst into tears and continued to cry, saying thank you.

“Why are you crying more than me? Even before the baby is born… You’re going to show how you’re a crybaby to the baby.” Charelize said in a friendly voice, sweeping Arensis’s eyes.

“…Mom and Dad are crying, so let’s make our baby smile more.”

“You like it that much?”

“The baby is proof that you’re alive. Of course, I like it.” Arensis smiled brightly. It was such a warm smile.

“Aren, I love you.”

“I love you too, Lize. And… thank you for loving me.”

The overwhelming feeling she’s feeling right now is colored with happiness.