Your Regrets Are Late

Two and half months have passed since Charelize found out she was having a baby. At that time, receiving blessings was an old custom in the Elioter Empire. Charelize summoned High Priest Lucio and informed him of the news.

“A flower will bloom from a blessed seed, and protection will be with you.”

The High Priest chose a good verse from the Bible and made the sign of the cross.

“…Two flowers have bloomed.”

“What do you mean, Your Holiness?”

“It seems like there is not only one flower of life, but two.”

Charelize immediately met Baron Alec. After checking her pulse several times and performing various tests, he diagnosed that she had twins.

“Thanks to His Holiness, I’m glad to know now. It seems like the babies’ personalities are already different. One is very active, but the other is so quiet that I couldn’t tell before.”

“Is there something wrong with the other baby?”

“Don’t worry. All the babies are growing well according to their age.”

Having let Baron Alec go, Charelize thought for a while. She was still dazed and couldn’t believe it. Although she was happy, she also felt complicated. It wasn’t because she believed the bad myths about twins. She was rather worried that as they grew up, they would be criticized and hurt by people with prejudices. Moreover, no matter what appearance they had, they were children who would become members of the imperial family. Clearly, they would be embroiled in rumors due to their status. As she remembered her uncle’s incident, her worries deepened.

It wasn’t a problem she should think about alone, so the evening after she finished all her work, she told Arensis that she had twins. She thought he would be happy or surprised, but his reaction was that he worried about Charelize, who would have a hard time twice more because she had twins.

“Lize.”

“…Why?”

Arensis, who saw Charelize sighing repeatedly, pressed her palm. “You don’t like it because they’re twins?”

“No. They’re both our children… There’s no way I don’t like it.”

“Then?”

“I… the same goes for Lord Lucas… I know all too well the tragedy experienced by those around me who were born as twins. That’s why I’m worried. I was wondering if the babies might get hurt.”

“If they get people’s attention just because they’re twins, they’ll definitely get hurt.”

“…”

“However… Since they’re twins, they will be able to endure it. It’s never a bad thing to have someone other than your parents on your unconditional side from birth.”

Arensis looked up and continued, looking at Charelize. “But then the babies learn how to live, and we learn how to be good parents. So, I hope you don’t try too hard to do well from the beginning.”

“…”

“I read in a book that when a mother is anxious, the babies also feel that emotion. Rather than worrying about these things, let’s say we love them more.”

His words that since it was their first time, they should learn together touched her heart.

There was a book on the table near Arensis. It was ‘The Theory of Parenting’ written by Count Atlante. Count Atlante was the director of Adela Orphanage and had adopted over five children before he founded the orphanage. ‘The Theory of Parenting,’ written by Count Atlante, described in detail the psychological state of a growing child. Even though more than several decades have passed since Count Atlante passed away, it was still a popular book for parents with children.

Charelize had also read that book. What she remembered the most was that he felt sympathy when deciding to adopt wasn’t simply out of pity. He believed that sympathy is an attitude that allows you to cry with the other person by conveying the pain they’re experiencing.

The book’s last sentence was, ‘The world doesn’t change much when you adopt a child, but there are so many things that change in that child’s world.’ Charelize also cared for the young people in her territory with that mindset, which remained in her even after she became the empress.

“No wonder. Every time I saw you these past few days, you were still reading a book, and then I saw this.”

The paper was slightly crumpled, and it looked like it had been read over and over again. It was clear at a glance that he had carefully read the important parts, with separate notes attached. She said she couldn’t stop him, leaning over his shoulder. Arensis then wrapped his arms around Charelize.

“Actually… I was looking for this and that in a book, and a thought occurred to me.”

“What are you thinking?”

“To me, His Majesty Father… has never been a father… I’m unsure if I can be a good father to the babies. It’s just… I’m not sure. What if they’re afraid of me…”

He told her from the beginning that she didn’t have to be a good parent, that they just needed to learn together, so she thought he wouldn’t worry about that. Her heart was heavy as she belatedly remembered what kind of person Akan I of the Peschte Empire was.

“At that time, I was happy when I discovered I was pregnant.”

“…”

“These are babies born out of love, so what I think doesn’t matter. You want me to tell them that I love them a lot, right?”

“…Yes.”

“You were already a good father, trying to make our babies smile more and even looking for books for them.”

Through him, Charelize erased her worries and gave him the freedom to wait. Thanks to that, Arensis learned how to love someone.

“…Can I touch it?”

Arensis asked permission, pointing to her slightly swollen belly. As Charelize nodded her head, his hands slowly moved to cover her belly.

“Can… they hear?”

She heard him whispering to her belly a few times in her sleep. At that time, he spoke well, which made her burst into laughter when he suddenly became embarrassed and cleared his throat.

“Why are you moving your body so awkwardly?”

“Because… we’re not…. close yet…”

“Are you shy of the babies? When are you going to get close?”

As Charelize teased him mischievously, Arensis lowered his head and lifted the blanket over his face. Charelize, who laughed at his shy appearance, lay beside him and closed her eyes.

After some time, a steady breathing sound was heard. Arensis thought Charelize was asleep, so he came close to her belly and whispered, “Let’s get closer.” Charelize, who had been awake and listening to his words since she was a light sleeper, pretended not to know again this time.

Arensis put his arm around her and smoothed her disheveled hair. Because she secretly laughed, she was eventually caught not sleeping. Seeing him with his eyes widened in embarrassment, a smile didn’t easily leave her lips.

* * *

One afternoon, Charelize was rereading Count Atalante’s ‘Theory of Parenting.’

“Your Majesty.”

“Hailey? What’s going on?”

“Madame Lientil is here.”

“Ah, right. She said she would come today.”

When told by Hailey that Madame Lientil had come, after giving her permission, she moved on to the next page.

“Greetings to the glorious sun, Your Majesty.”

“Thank you for coming. Hurry up and take a seat.”

Hailey, who got the tea, bowed her head and closed the door.

“Take it when it’s still warm.”

“Thank you, Your Majesty.”

A smile spread in Madame Lientil’s mouth with a teacup in her mouth.

“Do you know what this is?”

Charelize closed the book and handed it to Madame Lientil.  It would be strange if she didn’t recognize this since she had two children.

“Isn’t this the parenting theory written by Count Atlante, the founder of Adela Orphanage?”

“That’s right. You recognize it too.”

“I remember reading it when I had my kids. Now Eric and Deron are old enough to graduate… It was already a long time ago.”

Madame Lientil drew her line, reminiscing about her distant past.

“But… why did Your Majesty show this book…?”

“I’m pregnant.” Charelize pointed to her stomach.

“C-congratulations, Your Majesty. Your belly becomes so big. Goddess Resina must have blessed you.”

“Goddess Resina’s blessing… I called you because I have something to ask about that.”

“Please tell me.”

“Actually… I’m pregnant with two babies, not one, so I don’t know if the Goddess Resina really blessed me. That doesn’t mean I’m not feeling good about it. It’s definitely a greater blessing for me.”

“You have… twins.”

“Right. Isn’t it said that the reason the citizens don’t have a good view of twins is because Goddess Resina placed a curse on them?”

‘Curse of Goddess Resina.’ Madame Lientil looked surprised at Charelize’s direct mention.

“So… I was curious about how Madame got over it. That’s why I asked to meet to find out your answer.”

“…After finding out that I had twins, everyone, including my relatives, seemed to dislike me. Some people directly said that my family would be ruined.”

“…”

“But my husband and I were just happy.”

“?”

“It felt like the child I had lost before came back holding their sibling’s hand.” Madame Lientil smiled bitterly and told Charelize about her miscarriage.

“I didn’t know…there was such a story. I’m sorry for asking.”

“No. I’m actually glad because it’s been a while since I talked about my first child.”

There was longing in Madame Lientil’s eyes. Charelize knew right away who her feelings were directed at. It was the same as the day she discovered a new life in her belly. She couldn’t help but cry for her first baby, who never even saw the light of the day.

“Your Majesty, do you remember that my eldest child is enrolled in the Faculty of Swordsmanship, and my youngest child is enrolled in the Faculty of Foreign Affairs?”

“Of course. Didn’t I say I’d like to meet them later as a knight or a vassal of Duke Marsetta?”

“Yes, you did.”

“Why do you ask that out of the blue?”

“Compared to the size of the oldest child, the youngest child is very small. Ever since he was young, he had suffered from many minor illnesses, and he hated moving his body. It was even more so because he spent all day reading books. Unlike the active oldest child, he has a quiet personality.”

“Hearing that, I understand why Madame’s children chose their faculty separately,” Charelize responded with a small smile at Madame Lientil.

“Yes. I gave birth to them at one o’clock on the same day… But their personality was so different that their relationship became increasingly awkward as they grew up, and even within the academy, they went there separately.”

“…Really?”

“However, when I had a talk with Dean Pavel, I heard that the youngest child had persistently followed a professor who had given the oldest child a bad evaluation, and he had gotten that professor to apologize.”

“Considering Lord Deron’s personality, it’s surprising.”

“Yes. He’s like a little child who never speaks out against anyone else and would silently suffer no matter what happens. That small child who used to sob alone standing up for the first time for the sake of his older brother.”

“Your Majesty’s babies are twins, so I hope they grow up to be people who can rely on and care for each other more. Once again, congratulations.” Madame Lientil stood up, placed her hand on her chest, and smiled brightly.

“…My husband said that a mother’s feelings are also transmitted to the baby. I was worried because I had twins.”

“Your Majesty…”

“Well, I can’t say it’s completely gone even now, but I’m really grateful for your kind words today. It means a lot of comfort to me.”

“Thank you for saying that.”

As they exchanged a few other greetings, some time passed, and it was time to go.

“Then, I’ll be on my way.”

“When the children grow up to a certain extent, I would like Madame to teach me how to embroider. Your embroidery reminded me of my mother, and I hope my children feel the same.”

Charelize talked about embroidery to Madame Lientil, who was about to leave after greeting her. Madame Lientil’s steps slowed down. She soon turned around and said she would. Her voice was filled with tears, as if she was so moved by Charelize’s words that she reminded her of her mother.

After Madame Lientil left, Charelize headed for Florentine Palace. She stood in front of her mother’s grave for a long time. It was because she missed her mother so much. She wanted to be held in her arms, play around, lie down together, talk about various things, and fall asleep together. She had never done it in her mother’s lifetime, but she believed she would do it in the future. Because she had promised herself to do exactly those things to her children.

In her next life, she had asked her mother to be her own child. So, she wished she could hold her hand, walk with her, and tell her countless times that she loved her.

“Mother, I love you. A lot… even now.”

“…”

“I miss you so much, Mother.”

Being pregnant made her miss her mother even more. Having children, she became more like a child herself.