Dog of War

CWs: Suicide Imagery, Traumagenic Dream but its mostly fine.

Princess fidgeted with Mr Bear's paw like it was the last rifle round as Mistress pulled their leash. Even with the comfort of their pinnates flanking them, their nerves were shot. The door to the vet’s office opened like a receiver, and each footfall landed with the same finality of a spent shell.

 

“I have an appointment for an implant for Princess Verdun.”

 

“Oh, they're finishing preparing the op room, I'll let them know you're here!”

 

Logically, Princess knew there was nothing to worry about. They trusted Mistress, they trusted Miss Kumara, and the operation was magnitudes more routine than an emergency heart transplant. Daisy, Jess, and all the florets they passed on the street had one, but still fear simmered. This was their implant. It would integrate with, and then replace, a large part of their nervous system.

 

Mistress will be a part of us forever. That's something to look forward to, isn't it?

 

...Perhaps ‘fear’ didn't fully describe what Princess was feeling? Underneath it ran a current of electric anticipation, with a dozen other harder to identify things. They would be truly inseparable from Mistress; Hers, completely. Hers to break apart, in whatever ways She wished, and reconfigure into Her vision for them.

 

Daisy leaned in, temporarily unbalancing Princess as she wrapped her arm around them. “I was really nervous too, but the implant is great, you'll love it! It's like a hug for your spine!”

 

Princess turned, giving their pinnate a hug. “Thanks, Daisy. It's just a lot to think about.”

 

Maybe we should have taken Mistress' offer and just gotten sedated back home.

 

“Well I'll be able to see into that little head soon, and pluck out all of those troublesome thoughts~” Mistress played with Princess' hair, as though She was pruning their brain already. “I'll be by your side when you go under, and when you wake up, so there's nothing to worry about, okay, Princess?”

 

“We know Mistress, it's just—it's just a lot.” Princess leaned into the vine now cradling their cheek with a sigh. It helped lessen the tension, but only lessen. “Could we have some Class E, please?”

 

Princess could feel Mistress’ answer before She gave it, Her vines gently caressing them, Her biorhythm softening. The familiar sting on their thigh was so sweet, and concern finally bled from them. It was going to be fine, She would make sure of that, just as She made sure they didn't fall as the Xenodrugs robbed them of balance. “Is that better?”

 

“Mhm, thanks Mistress.” Princess closed their eyes, leaning into Daisy and their Owner. Jess joined in a moment later, hugging from their other side, and even Miss Dawnbloom joined in. A quiet moment, in which they knew one thing beyond any doubt—

 

We are loved.

 

Princess wasn't sure when they started crying. By the time they felt the tears stinging their eyes, the drops were rolling down their cheeks. They were loved for who they were, and whoever this made them would be even better. They would keep the best pieces, fill what was missing, and Princess would be rebuilt stronger than ever.

 

“G’day, yous!” Miss Kumara loudly announced as they entered the lobby. “Gotta room all ready to go whenever you lot are!”

 

The group hug broke apart, and Mistress looked at Princess expectantly. They gave Jess and then Daisy one final hug, as tight as they could manage. “Thanks, for everything.”

 

“‘Course, Princess! I'll play with ya lots while you're recovering, ‘kay?” Daisy beamed, ruffling their hair. “What else are ‘big sis’s for?”

 

“I'll be helping Mistress tend to your needs, milady, and... ‘playing’ with you in other ways.” Jess winked.

 

Gosh, Jess and Mommy?!

 

Princess flushed, turning towards Mistress. “W-we’re ready now.”

 

Mistress swept them up with a smile, pausing to fix their hair. Her eyes sparkled with everything that was golden, washing over them like gentle waves and deeper than any sea. That love, endless; eternal. Mistress carried them off in silence, doting on them all the way.

 

The room didn't look different, outside of a large operating tool that hung over the surgery bed Mr Riparia was inspecting. Its many limbs were a blend of metal and plant matter, the sharp implements clashed with its ornate design. The result was something that looked like it was straight out of a sadistic mad scientist’s wet dream. Ethereal, horrifying, beautiful, nightmarish, and utterly alien. A tank attached to it in the very center caught Princess’ eye. Inside floated a centipede-like thing made of plant matter, its spindly limbs searching for something.

 

The implant.

 

<“Everything good, mate? How's the final checks?”>

 

Mr Riparia didn't respond for a while, examining several more points before looking over to them. <“Perfect, should be a routine operation.”>

 

<“Fantastic!”> Miss Kumara cheered. They turned to Mistress, <“Now my file indicates you did graft that medical sedative grade class Z you asked me about. It's cleared for this surgery if you wanted to put her under yourself! If you prefer us to do it, we have some ready.>

 

<“Are you sure it's fine? She's been on it for a little while now. She never wakes up when I'm playing with her, but I want to be safe.”>

 

Princess buried their face in Mr Bear, it was sooo—it was a lot to hear Mistress just casually talk about that!

 

<“Absolutely! It'd take years for her to build up any notable tolerance, and it's not even been two weeks. Even then you'd just have to up the dosage, but it’s up to you.”>

 

Mistress gazed down at Princess, and pulled their face out of the teddy. Stars, She was so pretty it was unfair. That soft smile, those lips, Her eyes. Why did they ever think they stood a chance against something so perfect? <“I'll do it. The normal dose, or—?”>

 

<“Normal dosage is perf!”>

 

Mistress ran her hand through Princess' hair, as they both savored this. The parting would be brief, but no less painful for it. “I've... been preparing something special for you for a while now. Once you're fully recovered, I'll tell you everything. I need you to be brave for me now, okay? I love you, Princess”

 

“‘Kay.” Princess nuzzled into their Owner. Whatever she had been working on, they knew it would be amazing. “Love you too, Mistress.”

 

The needle sank in, and darkness settled on them like a heavy blanket.

 

 

-_-_-_-

 

 

Falling. Rising. Darkness. Darkness. Floating. Falling. Shifting. Poking. Jolts. Flashes. Stirring. Light. Light. Rising. Falling.

 

Princess blinked two sets of eyes, rising from the snow to find themselves staring at... themselves. They recoiled in shock, both forms pulling back from each other, yelping in unison. The two perspectives overlapped almost perfectly in the white void, until one of them reached for the other out of sync. “Woah... This is weird.” Their voices overlapped, echoing slightly in the expanse.

 

“Where's Mistress?” Asked one.

 

“We're not sure...” The other answered, looking around. It wasn't as disorientating for perspectives to desync as they thought it might be. It felt natural in a way, and the second set of eyes came in handy. It wasn't a blank void, but snow, the very same that had worked its way into their being.

 

“Not the same,” one corrected.

 

“It's... softer? Not cold? It's not falling either, it's like it's stuck in time. Where is this?”

 

United, Princess spoke. “Is this even anywhere?”

 

“A dream, maybe? ‘Your Spine Friend and You!’ said sometimes it causes weird dreams like this.”

 

Princess nodded. “It is integrating into our spine to monitor our thoughts. There's probably all sorts of abnormal neural activity.” They looked around together again, finding nothing. “So are we just... waiting here?”

 

“We guess?” They took their hand, lifting themselves to their feet. “C'mon, no reason for us to just sit here.”

 

Princess walked off, hand in hand with themselves. The doubled warmth of their own flesh was odd, in an extremely pleasant way. Like it was reflecting unto itself. ‘Weird, yet weirdly nice’ extended to this whole situation, really. They had both existed in dreams before, but to actually see themselves mirrored like this was strange, yet... validating?

 

“Think we could do this again? On our own?”

 

“Maybe?”

 

“Mistress can probably help us! She controls the implant, after all~”

 

“Yeah! Rose probably knows something about this too.”

 

“Next time we should go somewhere more interesting than this, if we can.” Princess grumbled. “So if we're both ‘Princess,’ but not the exact same, should we have like... a way to tell each other apart? Or are we just ‘this one’ and that one?’” Princess hummed, searching within themselves.

 

The other frowned. “Having names seems... divisive.”

 

“Not actual names, just, sort of designations? To make this a little easier for us to sort through?”

 

“Oh!” Princess exclaimed. “Remember what we told Mistress? How we share our light, and are equal?”

 

“So ‘Sun’ and ‘Moon’ Princess then? We kinda like that, ‘Moon’ it is.”

 

Princess gave themselves a squeeze, happy to have a true consensus. It was more important here than ever before. Not to mention ‘Sun’ owed it to ‘Moon’ after the festival ordeal. Being kinder to themselves was something they were working on.

 

The walk through this wonderland was a start. Snowflakes were frozen mid-air as solidly as they were on the ground, only moving around Princess as they walked through it. Parting as if to recognize them as the rightful ruler. A quiet, beautiful moment together. The snow crunching beneath their bare feet behaved strangely too. Dry, soft, and neither cold nor warm. A toothless, idealized version of it.  

 

“Think it's because of the implant, or because it's a dream?” Moon asked.

 

“Not sure,” Sun sighed.

 

“Mistress said it would keep our memories from hurting so much,” Princess mused. A synthesis of the two made the most sense. “Wish we could wake up already, though.”

 

Moon spotted it first, the harsh glow bleeding through the motionless snowblind. “Wait, is that—”

 

Princess stopped, focusing on it. In the distance was the slow, familiar blinking of the red lights that outlined the Company. The massive structure towered over the landscape, far larger than it had actually been. It made sense to find it, really, but that didn't dull the disappointment.

 

“It's always here,” Princess huffed. This building... place... time that had burrowed so deep into them, and cast its long shadow over everything that followed. An eternally open wound, forever waiting to bleed at the slightest provocation. A sinkhole ready to swallow them at a moment's notice. A tombstone for the past they could never fully bury.

 

“We could just leave, we don't have to go in,” Moon pointed out.

 

Princess hummed. They could just turn around, and walk away from everything the Company symbolized. This wasn't real, and they would have to wake up eventually, even if time wasn't working here. Mistress would be there, and this would be quickly forgotten.

 

And yet, Princess knew they couldn't.

 

Something in the back of their head whispered that if they truly wanted to face their past, it was now. That they would find something they needed to do so inside. If they left, they would just be trying to bury it again.

 

Sun took Moon’s hands and fears into their own. “Together?”

 

“As always.”

 

A warmth bloomed in Princess' chests as they walked to the blast door entrance. Each step closer saw the building grow exponentially, and once it blotted out the sky entirely, and consumed the horizon, the wind kicked into a frenzy. Snow whorled around them, nearly blinding them. They held onto each other tightly, the blinking lights their only point of reference. Yet Princess did not feel its stinging cold, nor did it bury them. In fact, not one snowflake grazed them, kept away by some force. Their feet landing on the metal grates told them they had made it, and they could just make out the distinct sha-chunk of the blast door opening.

 

The door closing behind them left Princess in total darkness, and as the air stilled, they felt the first chill. “Lights?” They called out, the lack of an echo sending another shiver up their spines. “P-please?”

 

Princess was cast into a blank white void once more, for an instant, flashbanged by the bright LEDs. Their vision swam as it struggled to recover, like a man clawing towards the surface for air. The feeling of their hands still clasped together was the only thing keeping them calm enough to breathe, and they held on accordingly. Slowly, the scene was revealed to them.

 

Everything was motionless, but not. Figures didn't walk, they merely flickered between poses, something like a cross between a glitch and a slide show. More details started to come to Princess—poses weren't the only thing they were shifting between. A unit went from standing to bleeding on the ground, its guts spilled before it. Its dead eyes staring into them.

 

3-5-2. It had been with them on one of their first missions.

 

The next moment it was back in its previous state. The air in their lungs froze, as their eyes wandered.

 

Lab coats that were smoldering corpses, still checking off their clipboards as their flesh dropped off. Guards with cut throats, still seemingly on rounds. Suits missing most of their heads. Chests caved in, limbs torn off, skulls crushed—even the building itself was half dead, caught between operational, burning, and ruins.

 

The horrors hit Princess like buckshot, and they crumpled breathlessly to the floor.

 

They turned to each other, forcing their eyes shut as they pulled themselves into a sobbing embrace. All those people. Those sophonts with lives. It was too much! It was too much at once! Even together, they couldn't face this by themselves. Princess needed help. Mistress, Daisy, Jess—anyone! Why weren't they awake? Why weren't they safe?

 

Sun noticed it first, a warmth blooming between them. They tried to pull Moon even closer, to savor it in the chilly entryway, only to discover it had substance. Looking down, Princess found Mr Bear. Gleefully, they each picked him up, his form splitting into two as they did. They could feel Mistress in him as they cuddled him, feel Her in themselves. A reminder that they weren't on their own anymore, and would never be again.

 

Moon helped Sun to their feet, and Princess looked around. It still wasn't easy to look at all the gore, but it wasn't overwhelming. Pity stirred in their heart, sticking like tar. So many of their fellow units... even those that subjected them all to the hell that was this place. A mere six weeks in the Compact had seen them lose their stomach for suffering.

 

Princess wasn't sure when they started walking through the facility, just that they had. Something was pulling them deeper inside. More shards of memories glittered and glistened like broken glass around them. There was Dr Asmodeus, he was one of the few doctors that actually showed some kindness. Next to him, Dr Steel, easily one of the worst of the lot. They were both bagged for acting out of regs. ‘Science demands control.’

 

“2-187-9!” Moon exclaimed. Sure enough, there it was, frozen as it cleaned its gear—the last  remaining second gen unit. It was one of the few that had ever made it eight years, it even surpassed many third Gen units in skill. The report said stray shrapnel hit it in the neck, despite being a safe distance. It didn't respond, not that Princess expected it to. Nothing here reacted to them, and it was a punishable offense to talk to a fellow unit.

 

“‘Fellow unit,’ huh?” Sun chuckled. “Can't remember the last time we thought of ourselves like that.”

 

Princess sighed, lamenting all their siblings that never got a chance at life. Could they have found meaning outside of combat? Or was that violence coded into their DNA, impossible to escape without help?

 

2-187-9 simply flickered out of existence, and Princess moved on.

 

“Goodness, it's strange to be back here.”

 

“It's one thing when it's a memory or nightmare, but this feels real.”

 

Sun looked around at the surrealist daydream. The ceiling so high it couldn't be seen, even as its bright lights cast everything in a pure white glow that would make the snow jealous. The workbenches with more gore than they had ever accumulated, corpses tended to by corpses. The walking dead all around them. The ruins and walls overlapping each other. And yet, their counterpart was right; it felt real, like it was the truth of the Company.

 

Still, Princess had better things to do than ponder the nature of what was happening; that pull was getting stronger. It was almost buzzing in them as they left the ready room. The storage room was much the same, swapping gear racks for cramped utilitarian beds in pull-out cubbies. Just the sight of them made their back ache. The rows stretched on forever, some twisted as if in agony by the heat of the raging fire.

 

There were memories that didn't belong here. Clients that Princess had taken twenty years later were talking to smoldering suits, victims laying on open storage beds. It was more like a morgue than ever. They couldn't place most of the jobs they were tied to, but they recognized them all. It was hard to forget those augments, or the way her hair splayed out, stained with blood, or how he had begged for mercy. All that violence, for money they’d rarely spent. For the sake of feeding the purposeless machine they had become. Did it make any difference that they were sorry now? That they would take it all back? It wouldn't put life back in their eyes.

 

As Princess passed the last row, a creaking froze their heart solid. Their storage unit slowly opened, inviting them in.

 

Gritting their teeth and clutching Mr Bear, Princess quickly exited into the stairwell. Moon convinced them to take a short break and collect themselves before moving on. A hug and a few deep breaths were exactly what they needed. They knew where they were going now, for better or worse, and they had come too far to retreat.

 

Pressing onwards, down several stairs, Princess steeled themselves one last time before entering.

 

The tanks.

 

Everywhere.

 

Replacements. Siblings. Tools.

 

Doomed, each of them.

 

Damned, all of them.

 

This room was always so cold.

 

Moon shook their head, snapping Princess out of it. “C-c'mon, we're almost there. Just follow our lead, and we'll get us there.”

 

Sun nodded, casting their eyes down, letting Moon lead them both through the massive room. They were always the more dependable half when it came to stuff like this. Sun could keep a brave face as long as Moon held the hurt.

 

Princess moved as quickly as they dared to, focusing on the warmth in their joined hands, in each Mr Bear. Moon kept their eyes straight ahead, shutting out the surroundings as best they could. It was a straight shot from the door. They didn't need to look at the clouded tanks, or the figures inside, or the shadows flitting between them. The shattered glass was meaningless. The fluid on the floor wasn't mixed with blood.

 

It went on forever. Princess almost wished they could burn this place down a second time.

 

Princess never thought they'd feel relieved to hear those metal stairs clack under their feet. The pull was so strong now that they could taste it, bitter, like smoke. Getting to the top was quick, a mercy both rare and short-lived.

 

The

Door

Was

Cut

Open

 

From inside a gentle frigid wind blew, chilling Princess for just a moment before warmth trickled down their spine, like honey off fresh biscuits. A certain peace overcame them, radiating outwards from the liquid heat. They just knew that things would be alright. They were safe, and brave for coming this far. They had each other, and Mistress had them.

 

Princess walked into the room with a smile on their face.

 

The Director hung from his rope.

 

It was like looking at a wound that had been left to fester. Hatred, anger, frustration and despair bubbling off his half-rotted body like blistered skin, bathed in the hellish red glow he had birthed them into. His twisted form, flesh grooved and bloated, yet just as much how they knew him.

 

Yet they felt fine. More than fine. It was like they were standing in the eye of a storm, malice falling like sleet around them. Here was the monster that haunted their life, and it looked so... small. Insignificant.

 

A voice like ice scraping metal hissed from its lips. “Aren't you going to cut me down, 3-4-7? Or do I need to give you an Order?”

 

Princess almost giggled as the words landed weightlessly. Moon rebuked the Director, “You can't give us orders anymore, and that's not our name.”

 

“Ahh, yes, ‘Princess.’” The director spat the word, laughing. “You found yourself a new Owner like the dog you are. Did you really miss me that much?”

 

Sun shook their head. “You're wrong, Mistress is nothing like you.”

 

The grin on the Director’s face grew until it was splitting his face, revealing the putrid meat beneath. “Does she not bend you to her will, 3-4-7? Do with you as she pleases? At least with me, you were always awake for it.”

 

The warmth around Princess faltered a moment, and the glacial temperature cut through them like a blast door. Yet they could feel Her presence even through the chill, Her love, and the safety She gave. Unconditional, unchallengeable. Princess focused on Her, feeling Her warmth return greater than before. “It's true that Mistress often oversteps our boundaries, or imposes on us, but She also loves us. She wants us to be the best version of ourselves, and would do anything to make us happy. That's what makes Her different.”

 

“Love?” The Director’s dead eyes swirled with ice. “A tool of control, and you, 3-4-7, you are a tool to be controlled.  Burying this place does not change that.”

 

Princess looked at themselves, and back at the entryway. Around the room, its disarray seemingly writhing like maggots in flesh under the flashing red lights. At the memories of getting this far, what was contained below. “Maybe we don't want to bury this place. It's part of us.”

 

The Director raised a clawed finger accusingly, his bones snapping. “Do not lie, 3-4-7. You spent nearly thirty years mindlessly killing just to avoid me. Do you think you can actually get over what I did to you? You can't even talk about it without breaking down!”

 

Mistress' warmth faltered again—not enough for the frost to reach them, but the cold words eeked through. At therapy, Princess hadn't been able to do much more than recite facts, and even that agitated the wounds.

 

“Maybe not, definitely not by ourselves,” Sun admitted.

 

“But we want to try. If there’s anywhere we can, it's here. Mistress, Miss Nele, Daisy, Jess, and Miss Dawnbloom—they love us, and they'll help us any way they can.” Princess smiled, they couldn't wait to see them all again.

 

“And if we can't, they'll help us forget it, too,” Moon added.

 

The Director's neck made an awful crunching as he cocked his head, sneer and eyes growing wider. “‘If you can, you will, but if you can't, you won't?’ You never could make real choices on your own, 3-4-7, but that is how I made you. Good tools aren't supposed to think for themselves. Do you think it would make a difference to all those people you’ve hurt? Will apologies breathe life back into their bodies? You'll never be free of your past, of me.”

 

“You don't know that.” The warmth within was building, approaching heat.

 

“Oh? And why's that, 3-4-7?” Frost was building on the walls and floor.

 

“Because we don't know that, and this is in our head.”

 

The heat whipped into a frenzy, intensifying as it reflected between themselves. The ice’s encroachment was beaten back, clearing a circle around them.

 

“I'm in more than just your head, fool.” The Director’s icy laugh emanated from everywhere at once, shaking the room even as he continued. “You saw your file, I'm part of you, 3-4-7.”

 

“Mistress is part of us too now, and our name is Princess Verdun!” Fire burst forth from Princess as they snapped, cutting through it all. The room fell silent. The red lights stilled and dimmed. On the wall behind The Director, vines sprouted. They wove together into an arch, blossoming distinct white, orange, and pink flowers, and daylight filtered through it. The Director's form was obscured to silhouette by the glory behind him. It sang with Mistress' love.

 

Princess started towards it, walking around the Director. Finally. They could leave this nightmare behind, snuggle into Mistress’ vines, and be the pet they were meant to be. Touching the entryway made their fingertips tingle, and Mistress' love rang up their arm. Warm tears flowed freely as adoration swelled in their chest. It was almost burning hot, in a soft way, like resting an arm in a sunbeam on a hot day.

 

“What about him?”

 

“Huh?” Sun looked back, matching Moon. The Director was still there, shadowed by them standing in the doorway. No longer monstrous, or a threat. Just... There. Dead, dangling, helpless, human.

 

And hurt.

 

He looked small.

 

Princess felt something indescribable come over them, and they stepped away from the warmth of the portal. Their eyes scanned the tidy room, finding what they needed, and they separated to collect the knife and the chair.

 

“What are you doing?” The Director’s voice was pained as he choked the words through his broken neck. “You can leave now. Go.”

 

“We hate you.” Sun stated it flatly and Moon punctuated it by setting down the chair. Pure fact, nothing more. “You hurt us, abused us, twisted us, and wielded us as a weapon.” They both climbed up onto it.

 

“You were an awful person, and a worse father.” Moon grabbed the Director's legs, as Sun reached the knife upwards. “You were a monster, and you brought nothing but pain and suffering to those around you.”

 

The blade dug into the rope. “But we were monsters, too.”

 

The noose gave.

 

Moon caught the Director, and Sun helped lower him. He was light. “Mistress showed us kindness when we thought we didn't deserve any. She loved us when we didn't even know what that meant. Maybe we can't fix the past, but we can do better going forward.”

 

“So, what? You’re forgiving me? You think that will make it better?” The Director's final jab landed with the force of a gentle breeze.

 

“Absolutely not, we will always hate you,” Sun huffed.

 

“And we will never forgive you,” added Moon.

 

Princess carried the Director to the exit. Something inside them was blossoming. “But that doesn't mean we can't acknowledge that there were things that made you the way you were. You were a pathetic, vile man who clung to power with white knuckles. Maybe if someone showed you the kindness Mistress showed us, things wouldn't have turned out the way they did.” They could feel it, vines growing inside them, blossoming with heat, with Her love. The room was fading around them, the Director turning into light in their hands. “So we don't forgive you, but we do accept that you were just a human, and no one should be stuck here.”

 

The Director's response was so soft that they barely caught it before the warm incandescence washed everything away. “I see.”

 

 

-_-_-_-

 

 

The first thing Princess noticed was that Mistress was petting them. The second was that someone had replaced their bones with jelly. And their muscles, and their brain. Probably other stuff too! What else did they have? Organs? Organs were pretty jelly-like to begin with. Would blood being jelly make it less liquid?

 

Mistressssss. Soft. Warm.

 

Oh, She was talking! That was the fourth thing! No, third? What was Princess counting? Stars, for goo they felt so floaty, like they, uh, could float. Oo, Mistress was holding them now! And petting them more! And Mr Bear!!! Stars, it all felt so nice. It was really cool that they weren't dripping through Her vines into a Princess puddle on the floor. They couldn't kiss their girlfriends if they were a puddle!

 

And Mistress was still talking! ... Wow, whatever part of Princess' brain that Terran-Affini was in definitely wasn't up yet. Also, they were in the lobby now? Daisy and Jess were here! Oh, maybe it was just language entirely, they couldn't understand them either. Luckily, headpats and smooches didn't need words.

 

The outside sky was so green, and the air tasted so fresh. Princess could swear they were breathing for the first time. Train? No, outside? No, home now. The soup was so delicious as it dribbled down their chin. The bath water was so gentle, so warm against their skin. Mommy said something again, as She tucked them into bed. It was a moment later that the sounds unscrambled into words.

 

“I love you both, Princess.”

 

“Ah bub wa.” Princess smiled as they drifted off.

 

Hers...