Idol’s Childhood Friend

42 – Like a fool.

“Oh. Hey. “If you’re going to live your life like that, switch with me.”

April 2017.

The first friend I made in high school became friends and the first thing he said was that.

How can you have been single ever since? That was the point.

“No. “Don’t you know who that senior is?”

“Who is it?”

“You’re senior Jihyo… ! Coming from a family of doctors, I have never missed out on first place in the school since I entered school, and on top of that, I am the school president…….”

“Stop.”

I wave my hand and block the character settings that are reminiscent of an animation.

Even while he was changing into a white short-sleeved T-shirt, this guy, Seonwoo, was still talking passionately without changing out of his uniform……

Seonwoo didn’t know because they had only recently become friends.

I don’t even hear stories like this.

“Shouldn’t you study slowly? “I’ll reach mid-high in a little while.”

“f*ck. How long has it been since you entered school that there is already an exam?”

“Don’t talk like that after having fun.”

I tapped the guy on the shoulder with my fist and walked out of the dojang with a grin.

The time is 8 PM.

Even though it is spring, the weather still requires a coat.

Although the steps passing by countless people were heading toward the reading room, they were not that heavy.

-Hey, a high school student stuck in a swamp of studying.

Because you were the one who always called around this time.

“A trainee who fell into practice hell. “Is life worth living these days?”

-I’m really saying this now, but you shouldn’t be a trainee. Ugh, salad. Ugh, Buffy. I want to eat pork belly too.

I burst out laughing when I heard your angry voice.

After my debut was confirmed, I lived in a training camp, so I barely saw anyone since I became a high school student.

We can use cell phones, but because the timing is not right, we stop replying to each other’s KakaoTalk messages, and phone calls only happen once every few weeks.

-Ah, I want to go camping with Min. I want to lie down and eat the meat you cook.

“Aren’t you saying you want to see my life as a slave?”

– Wow. So accurate.

“Are you creating controversy yourself ahead of your debut, Han Chae-won?”

A sound of laughter erupted at the same time.

Even though I arrived in front of the reading room before I knew it, I chose to call you while standing in front of it rather than going straight in.

What was important in my life then and now was the time with you, and that one phone call after a few weeks was so heartbreaking.

I hope you feel that way too. I hope you wait and look forward to this time as much as I do.

I hope that a person like me means a little more to you.

My first love, which combined my timid personality and your situation of being about to debut as an idol, passed my time without any problems.

-Minah, Minah!! Did you see the showcase? Did you see it? You saw it, right?!

We have already reached the end of the year.

The day has come when you become known to the world as ‘Ever’ Han Chaewon.

-How was I? I practiced as much as I could, but it wasn’t strange, right? It looked pretty on the screen, right?

You couldn’t calm your excitement easily.

That’s because he started as a trainee in his first year of middle school and made his dream debut after just 4 years.

I was happy to hear your voice as excited as if you were flying in the sky……

Going to Canada to take a short language course during winter break.

My promise to see you dancing and singing on stage was so easily frustrated in the face of reality.

“Sorry. “I promised to go see it.”

I didn’t want to sit on the edge of the airport and talk to you on the phone.

-Ugh, it’s okay. It’s natural for students to study, but why? It’s unfortunate, but it’s something that can’t be helped.

“… Anyway, it didn’t really hit me. “The Han Chae-won I know is dancing on stage.”

-Me too. For the stage, the makeup teacher, coordinator teacher, and staff…. Anyway, so many people are moving in unison, and I can’t believe that it’s all for our stage.

“There were a lot of fans too.”

-That’s right!! That was the most amazing thing! The only things posted on YouTube are the members’ trailers and team concept promotions, but there are a lot more fans than I thought… !

I didn’t want to sound like I was being saggy, so I changed the topic of conversation, which allowed me to hear your passionate voice once again.

I wanted to talk more with you, but……

-Minah. They said I have to move now———.

“Chaewon, it’s almost time for my flight———.”

After a year without each other, what was called us became divided into you and me again, and we had to acknowledge and accept the change.

-… Are you going to keep in touch when you go to Canada?

“There was a 13 hour difference. I’ll keep leaving messages. “If you’re bored in the morning, please contact me.”

-Yes. Text me when you arrive later. Mina, see you later.

A call that was suddenly cut off with someone’s young voice calling out.

1 Minute 14 seconds.

For us, who always talked on the phone for over 30 minutes, the numbers meant a lot.

…… If I leave now, when will I see you again?

An announcement was made while I was muttering.

I barely took my eyes off the black screen and headed toward the gate.

+++

The first single 《From ever》 sold over 300,000 copies in the first week. Won 15 music broadcasts and exceeded 100 million views on YouTube.

The second single, “Your Idol,” Sold over 570,000 copies in the first week, won 13 music broadcasts, topped Melon’s monthly chart in July, and reached the Top 30 on Spotify’s global chart.

In this way, the third single “Never” Sold 1 million copies in the first week, won 14 music broadcasts, achieved PAK (Perfect All-Kill; No. 1 On all music sites in real time and daily) at 12 PM on October 15, and topped the Billboard album chart. Ranked 20th.

Won the Rookie of the Year Award and the Grand Prize at the MMA (Melon Music Awards), MAMA (Mama Awards), aaa (Asian Artist Awards), and Golden Disk Awards upon debut.

After 2017, 2018 was truly the year of Ever.

From the beginning of the year to the end of the year, Ever’s songs were constantly on the streets, the top brand reputation was always theirs, and broadcasters, regardless of genre, did their best to cast Ever.

Of course, the only way to see Chaewon’s glamorous life is through the daily news feed, and my daily life hasn’t changed since I turned 18 and turned 19.

“You’re not in your second year of high school anymore. 3Rd year of high school. I’m a test taker. Buck up and study like crazy for a year. “Don’t just take the exam again later.”

The CSAT is less than a year away.

Maybe it was because I knew that I would be living the boringly simple pattern of school-academy-reading room for the entire two years, and even for the remaining year, but the pecking words of my homeroom teacher did not hit me at all.

To be precise, I was not impressed.

If I could do what I had done for two years in one year, it was natural that I would be accepted to the school/department of my choice.

…… Suddenly, I felt like I was back in my childhood when I was a clown.

If you were next to me, would this banal daily life have felt a little different?

When exam period came around, I was especially caught up in those thoughts.

Every time I realized that I wasn’t smiling often, I wanted to see your smile. It’s okay to be mischievous, so I wanted to hear your voice playing pranks. I wanted to see Han Chae-won, my childhood friend, calling my name, not the celebrity Han Chae-won on the screen.

All I could do was send you a KakaoTalk message showing your playful side wandering around in shorts.

It was funny. It was strange.

Is this what it means to say that when the body becomes distant, the mind becomes distant?

Or, is it not you that I wanted, but the time when I played with you without any worries?

I can’t seem to get my head around it.

The more you shook, the brighter you seemed to shine, and the wonderful people next to you who were as bright as you were visible.

I promised myself that I could wait and that I could endure it, but I was so pathetic that I couldn’t tell you that I liked it, so there were more and more moments where my heart broke.

Every time I want to deny that there is no place for me by your side, I promise myself again……

An ordinary student about to take the college entrance exam and a top-level idol who is hitting career highs every day.

Ignoring the reality that had already happened was no different from blocking the sun with your palm.

It was only then that I suddenly understood.

It is time to wake up from the absurd magic of first love.

I have to leave the feelings I wanted to send to you as a memory.

Perhaps I have known this fact for a long time and have been preparing for it.

This is not our fault.

———It was February 19, when I thought about it over and over again.

“Isn’t it too much to say that it’s a dating rumor just because we recognized each other on the street and said hello?”

On that day, spring still felt far away, and it was the day I met you for the first time in four months.

The hair that was cut short at the beginning of his debut has now fallen below his shoulders, and the clothes he is wearing are clearly the clothes he received for his ambassador activities……

“I just worked hard.”

The innocent smile was shadowed with a darkness that was difficult to empathize with.

“What is love? I was working so hard that I could barely sleep. “Do you think I’ll believe you if I film you in the practice room all day long?”

A bitter smile. Eyes that secretly looked at me, hoping for sympathy. A voice that loses its strength and falls to the ground.

I still can’t forget.

To be precise, I can’t forget that day even more because of the rude words I said as comforting words.

“Insects are bound to be attracted to sweet flowers. “There’s nothing you can do.”

There is no choice.

Was it really inevitable that I would be criticized by people I have never known and will never see again?

Was this situation really so inevitable that you, who had never shown any signs of hardship in your life, openly asked for comfort?

This is a situation where you can’t reach out to someone you like even though they are having a hard time because you can’t sympathize with them. It’s really———.

Was all of this really something that could not have happened?

Definitely not.

I swallowed my words and stared at your face endlessly.

That’s right. It was a feeling I couldn’t relate to.

Because I didn’t see how much sweat and tears you shed.

I have never experienced how harsh and sharp the criticism towards you is.

I have never experienced how frustrating it is to suddenly feel loneliness at home alone after being glamorous in front of a large audience.

That’s it. So there is nothing more I can say.

Saying you know everything and pretending to sympathize is nothing but deception.

After much thought and struggle, the consolation that came out was, ‘I’m doing well.’ ‘Cheer up.’ Is something everyone would say.

I’m sure this wasn’t what you wanted.

Even though I vaguely knew that I was hoping for something more certain, I couldn’t even smile that easy smile for fear that those words would deceive you and hurt you by sympathizing with you.

Then we just pass it over too easily.

You will be able to rise again. The Han Chae-won I know is a strong person who will overcome today’s hardships as if they never happened.

I just have to wait for you.

I have no doubt that giving him appropriate attention, as always, is the best option.

If you were a flower, if you were really like a flower to me.

Not knowing that the leaves sprouting next to it were withering, I just watered you in moderation as always.

Let me go through winter, spring, summer, and fall.

“Min-ah, won’t you come and meet me?”

Until the season turns around and the day comes when winter is just around the corner.

Like a fool.