Kiss the Ground

Before the rare witless response from his junior, Namwoo smiled warmly. Only the laughter of an old colleague could soothe Chahyun’s troubled heart.***Standing on the Winchester Club’s ground felt like a long-awaited return. It hadn’t even been a week if one counted the days, yet it felt as though much had happened in the meantime.As Chahyun walked out to the center of the field where his teammates had gathered, Winston affectionately tapped his shoulder. Though initially surprised by Chahyun’s earlier return than scheduled, his teammates soon welcomed him warmly. Jude stood beside Chahyun as they began stretching.“Hey.”“Jude, hey.”“Did everything go well yesterday?”“Yeah.”Around thirty players formed pairs and stood in circles on the ground. Chahyun naturally stuck close to Jude and began stretching. It was basic training that could be done even with closed eyes—stretching, group stretching, and running, the prelude to the main practice.As Chahyun pressed down on Jude’s upper shoulder with familiar movements, Jude seemed uncomfortable about something. Chahyun could vaguely sense what he wanted to say, but he stayed silent, exerting more pressure with his hands. Eventually, Jude spoke up.“Yuan, what happened with Misha yesterday?”“What do you mean? We just had a little chat. Why, did it seem like I was going to lynch him or something?”“You couldn’t see your own face that day. Even Leroy said so. Isn’t there a hammer in your carrier or something?”“Leroy’s too sensitive, it’s a problem.”As Chahyun pressed down deeper on Jude’s shoulder, Jude let out a sound as if he were in pain. Keeping him from saying unnecessary things made it quiet and good. Looking down at the round back of his head, Chahyun became lost in thought.When he arrived at the club yesterday and saw Misha’s face, Chahyun felt a surge of emotions similar to anger. When Misha’s neck was gripped in Chahyun’s hand, he briefly considered whether to resort to violence, even if it meant facing a lawsuit against the agency.However, what about now? Chahyun absentmindedly lifted his head to look at the circle of players on the opposite side.Misha, like everyone else, was stretching on Chahyun’s opposite side. Defender Kaya Schwartzkopf was seen playfully teasing Misha, pressing on the back of his neck. Even though there seemed to be a fair amount of force in the pressure, Misha remained silent, biting his lips. Despite being naturally muscular, he was known for having good elasticity and flexibility as a player… but now, Chahyun couldn’t view him objectively like that.What is this discomfort? Being aware after hearing confessions?He’s not anyone’s child.In a moment, Misha, who had raised his head, met eyes with Chahyun, who had been observing him. Misha widened his eyes, as if he hadn’t thought Chahyun would be looking at him. Chahyun instinctively lowered his gaze, but soon regretted it. I haven’t done anything wrong. However, the unresolved relationship with Misha was poking at his nerves like an irritation.“Yuan! I think my neck is going to break!”“Ah… sorry.”Without realizing it, Chahyun had applied too much force, causing Jude to make a choking sound. Feeling sorry, Chahyun lightly patted Jude’s neck.Group stretching had various forms, and most were simple games designed for ice-breaking before training. Recreation games like stealing chairs or grabbing tails might seem like jokes, but they prevented injuries and naturally warmed up muscles, with quite plausible reasons attached.Today’s schedule included pairing games. Chahyun recalled playing a similar game in the previous national team training. It involved glancing around at other players, walking around the field, and quickly forming groups according to the coach’s spoken numbers. The difference from Korea was that the loser had to run two laps as a punishment.The mood among the Winchester players, just a few weeks away from the Round of 16, was at its peak. The young players, excited every day even during group stretching, couldn’t stay still and leaped around the field. In the chaotic atmosphere, Chahyun had been focused on one person from the beginning.Misha Asplund.Of all the training menus, why this one now? Chahyun didn’t feel like competing or interacting with someone at the moment. If Misha Asplund were in that group, it was even more so. He didn’t want to avoid or run away, but it didn’t seem like he could easily embrace and play games right away. Chahyun slowly circled the field, maintaining a vigilant distance from Misha and blending into other players like a lion guarding its territory.“Three!”In sync with the coach’s signal, while quickly pairing with the players next to him, Yoon Chahyun was keeping an eye on Misha’s whereabouts. Amidst the chaos of bunched-up players, Misha’s hair appeared and disappeared.Four, five, six… As the game progressed, the increasing numbers signaled the emergence of eliminated players. In the end, there were about fifteen players left.“I’ll never lose. Today, my dynamic vision is off the charts.”What is this guy saying? Next to Chahyun, Aloys was getting excited, exhaling through his nose with enthusiasm. Seeing that his breathing became labored after moving a bit, it seemed that the natural warm-up effect was convincing. However, Chahyun was also excited. The damn competitive spirit, the desire to never lose in any game with a competitive element, was the problem.Yoon Chahyun focused on the coach’s signals, preparing his body to spring. Suddenly, he realized that Misha was right next to him.What? When did this guy get so close?But now that he thought about it, it seemed like Chahyun had approached him. In the attempt to win once somehow, Chahyun had struggled, forgetting about Misha’s presence until now. It was a painful blunder, but there was no time to step back.“Nine!”With the signal, Chahyun bounced to the other side away from Misha like a spring. At the end, standing there was Jude Ingram. Like an amateur explorer facing a charging buffalo, Jude had an expression that seemed to not understand the situation for a moment. However, that bewildered expression disappeared as soon as Chahyun’s forehead hit Jude’s nape.“Crack…”Above Chahyun’s head, the bell rang.Simultaneous with Chahyun’s fierce embrace with Jude, players who grasped the situation rushed in. Aloys and Winston screamed, leaping up and covering Chahyun’s back. Three, four, five… In an instant, a massive human mass was formed. The stragglers, not fast enough to join the nine, were pitifully struggling on the ground.Yeah, my friends. Embrace me even tighter. So that someone outside can’t catch me…The embrace of eight guys was so warm. Their arms were thick and sturdy enough to protect Chahyun. Chahyun entrusted himself to the momentary stability and closed his eyes. Repeating that this wasn’t running away.Three days had passed since Chahyun had not encountered Misha. More precisely, it had been three days since Chahyun actively avoided him. Since the incident in the locker room, Chahyun realized that Misha was staring at him intensely, to the point that it was mind-boggling.Whether changing uniforms in the dressing room or during practice matches, Yoon Chahyun could feel Misha’s gaze sinking into him whenever they crossed paths. Every time it happened, Chahyun instinctively averted his eyes, already having done so ten times.“When did he start looking at me like that?”By now, it was impossible not to have such a question. It could have been from three days ago when Misha made a somewhat startling confession, or perhaps even much earlier… In the worst-case scenario, it might have been from a year ago when he declared that he liked Chahyun. The latter was slightly creepy.Chahyun found himself in a frustrating situation where he couldn’t just avoid Misha, and yet, he wasn’t skillful enough to grab Misha and confront him. It was a vexing situation that made Chahyun toss and turn in bed every night. Although he had occasionally exchanged unpleasant words with opposing players with bad manners during games, he had never experienced a sudden, intimate kiss from a teammate like Misha.“Is something wrong, Yuan? You look really tired today.”Lucy, serving eggs Benedict on Chahyun’s tray in the cafeteria distribution line, spoke curiously. Lucy, responsible for the diet of Winchester Club players, always paid meticulous attention to the players’ conditions. Chahyun’s appearance, staring blankly down at the tray, seemed to concern her.“Lucy, it’s nothing. I just haven’t slept well for the past few days.”“Really? That’s not good. Did you drink coffee too late?”“I don’t drink much coffee…”Lucy tilted her head in confusion at Chahyun’s unusually frail appearance. Her high ponytail swayed cheerfully.“Maybe you’ve been pushing yourself too hard lately. Yuan, you’ve been moving around a lot lately. You went to Korea last week, right?”“Yes. I came back after only four days.”“Well… that’s really not good.”Lucy furrowed her brow as if contemplating something. While her primary responsibility as a dietitian was to plan and arrange the players’ meals, Lucy often left the dining area to check on the players’ nutritional status and preferences directly. Chahyun felt unnecessarily sorry for adding to Lucy’s meticulous and diligent nature. Chahyun hadn’t been tossing and turning in bed due to dietary problems; that much was certain. However, Lucy’s enthusiastic response was quicker than Chahyun’s attempt to brush it off.“I just thought of something. Yuan will really like this. Can you wait for a moment?”Lucy spoke brightly to Chahyun and disappeared into the cafeteria. Momentarily stunned by her sudden departure, Chahyun stood there for a while. However, Lucy returned with a plate, carrying something unfamiliar – a round, red pancake-like dish.“What’s this?”“Do you know kimchi?”You know… Did she just ask that to me? Chahyun stared blankly at Lucy, but she quickly explained, looking proud and triumphant, as if she had received a perfect score on a test.“This is kimchi jeon. I watched a YouTube video and tried making it. I thought Yuan might feel energized if he eats it.”“Is that so?”Chahyun really had no idea. Hoping to keep his shock from showing on his face, Chahyun smiled. Lucy, who had thrown an unexpected question like a student scoring top marks on a test, looked pleased and proud.“I made this for the first time. It wasn’t that difficult. I couldn’t find pancake mix, so I used pancake mix instead of Korean pancake mix… I thought Yuan might like it if he eats it.”“Um… thank you, Lucy…”“Anytime. I’ve been interested in fermented foods lately. I’ll try making something else next time. Let me know if you’re interested!”Winking with charm, Lucy disappeared into the cafeteria. Chahyun stood there for a moment. It seemed like there was not much correlation between a degree in nutrition and culinary skills. While there were rumors that Lucy occasionally treated players to specially made dishes for practice, this was Chahyun’s first personal experience. Kaya got apple strudel, and Winston enjoyed millet porridge. The teammates, including Yoon Chahyun, would often roam around the cafeteria with expectations, and now Chahyun held a plate of kimchi jeon.“Go over there.”“Don’t be like that. Our world star, Jude Ingram…”“I’m not eating with you, Yuan.”“The hero of Winchester United! The next Ballon d’Or!”Yoon Chahyun placed his tray on the table where Jude was sitting. Despite Chahyun’s gestures, bending like a servant, Jude didn’t prevent him from taking a seat nearby. Jude Ingram, usually unflappable and without a trace of anger lately, seemed uncomfortable, especially towards Yoon Chahyun.“Can’t you behave like a hero? If you don’t play this season and retire, will you take responsibility?”“I already apologized… Come on, Jude, let it go.”“Because of you, I almost twisted my ankle, and yesterday, my collarbone was about to go. In the dressing room, you suddenly grabbed my shoulder and almost broke it. Do you remember?”“Of course, I remember. Is your shoulder okay?”Even with Chahyun patting Jude’s shoulder, he didn’t flinch. He seemed seriously upset, perhaps more than usual.Lately, whenever Chahyun sensed Misha’s presence, he instinctively grabbed nearby people or objects to shield himself. It was almost a reflexive action, and Jude, who spent the longest time by Chahyun’s side, became the most serious victim of this behavior. Acting as Chahyun’s meat shield without understanding English for days, Jude finally snapped.However, in an attempt to somehow lighten the mood at the dining table, Jude eventually set aside the fork he was holding, picking at the salad. Then, in a hesitant voice, he spoke.“You’re doing this because of Misha, right?”“W-what are you talking about?”“I knew you were avoiding Misha because of something. Whenever you see Misha, you’re like a cat with its tail stepped on, jumping around.”“I’m not avoiding anyone.”“Is that so? Then say hello.”With Jude’s words, Chahyun suddenly raised his head and made eye contact with someone sitting at the table across from them. Again. Misha Asplund, the central figure of the conversation, was looking at Chahyun with a gaze that had become familiar over the past three days. Reacting to Jude’s efforts to cheer him up during the meal, Jude finally put down the fork and spoke in a low voice.“You see?”“No, my throat hurts…”“You guys are making me laugh. What’s going on with both of you? Hasn’t the time come to talk about what happened in the locker room that day? Or do I have to be hospitalized to hear the whole story?”“I really didn’t hit him.”“Believe that now.”“Really?”“Yeah. It seems like you got a beating.”“….”Chahyun gracefully sipped his drink. While it was true that he received a mental blow from Misha, admitting defeat was beyond what his pride allowed. Despite Chahyun keeping silent, Jude continued to give him a hard time.“Also, your focus has been terrible lately.”“…I know.”“It doesn’t seem like you know. Especially when you shoot into the air.”Jude’s sharpness, piercing Chahyun’s weak point, had an edge to it, lacking the usual friendliness. The chronic issue of Chahyun’s markedly different shooting accuracy depending on his mental state persisted after the friendly match in Korea.Yoon Pudding, Yoon Jelly… all nicknames attached to Chahyun’s sweet and mushy mentality. He was frustrated but had nothing to say. Chahyun himself didn’t know that he was so susceptible to mental influence.He blamed fatigue, tried the excuse of just a practice game, but Chahyun knew better than anyone that his condition wasn’t the same as before. Chahyun’s concerns were complex problems, and at their core was Misha.Seeing Chahyun, who lowered his head like a scolded student, Jude seemed to feel a little sympathy. Jude spoke in a slightly softer voice.“Whatever the problem is, confronting it and solving it quickly might be better. Everyone knows how hard we’ve all worked for this season, including other players and the Blue Luna coaches.”“Yeah.”“We have a team interview coming up, and the Open Training Day is next week.”Open Training Day, an event where the team’s training is open to fans before the game, was a service-oriented event that received attention from various media outlets. There were many eager fans waiting. Uncomfortable with the thought of showing an awkward side in front of hundreds of eyes, Chahyun didn’t want to add any more unfortunate nicknames to himself.Quietly rummaging through his tray, Chahyun seemed crestfallen, so Jude patted his shoulder. Chahyun’s affectionate nature, always weakening at crucial moments, remained unchanged. He looked into Chahyun’s plate and added, “But what’s this?”“This? It’s a special dish Lucy made for me. Want to try it?”Chahyun stood up and scooped the remaining kimchi pancake onto Jude’s tray. Jude, perplexed by the unfamiliar food yet curious, nodded.“I’ll go practice first.”Quickly bidding farewell, Chahyun turned and briskly left the cafeteria.***The Winchester coaches always emphasized paying attention to post-meal training. They said that after eating, the body becomes sluggish, and mistakes are more frequent.Despite being reminded of that warning, Yoon Chahyun injured his leg during afternoon training. It was due to exerting too much force while turning to defend against a sudden breakthrough by the opposing team’s forward, Keihill. The injury wasn’t severe enough to require treatment, but it warranted a brief rest. He hadn’t known he’d be passing off the pancake to Jude as a small favor.Chahyun sat under the awning near the entrance to the field, watching the practice game progress uncertainly. Team doctor Alana approached with her white medical bag and greeted him warmly.“Yuan, I think we need to check your leg again. Can I take a look?”Chahyun nodded and extended his right leg to Alana. With skilled hands, Alana lifted the hem of Chahyun’s pants and palpated his thigh muscles. It was a cautious yet skillful maneuver.“Given the pain behind your thigh, it could be a hamstring strain. Can you give your leg some strength?”“Yes.”Alana held Chahyun’s leg and slowly bent and extended the knee. Even injured, his serious gaze made the atmosphere solemn. Her grip on Chahyun’s calf was gentle yet firm.“Thank you.”“What can I say? It’s my job. It doesn’t seem too serious, but don’t push yourself today. While Yuan’s contribution brought Winchester this far, there’s still a lot more to do in the future.”Responding to Chahyun’s hesitant thanks, Alana smiled widely. Her seriousness was replaced by a lively smile. It seemed like she had a deep affection for the club.Looking at her bright smile, Chahyun briefly thought of his parents. His mother, who had played for the national women’s football team, and his father, who had been the mandatory trainer for the football team. His mother had announced her marriage and retirement simultaneously shortly after the joy of an unprecedented women’s World Cup runner-up. Back then, he thought it was mostly a lie, but now the story seemed quite plausible. It made sense that having teammates with a sense of belonging, taking care of each other’s injuries, and paying attention to health might lead to genuine affection…While Yoon Chahyun was indulging in these faintly whimsical thoughts, a black shadow, dark, fell over Alana and Chahyun. Sensing their presence, both looked up simultaneously.Unlike the doctor who greeted warmly, Chahyun was speechless.“Misha, how’s your condition today?”“It’s good. Thanks to Alana taking care of me.”It seemed the practice game had just finished as Chahyun was being checked. Misha appeared out of nowhere, exchanged friendly greetings with Alana, and then turned to Chahyun, who was frozen.“Yuan, can we talk for a moment?”Chahyun slowly closed his open mouth.It was bound to happen.Perhaps due to sitting down, Misha, who seemed even more imposing, looked down at Chahyun with a straightened neck and spoke.“Yuan, can we talk for a moment?”Chahyun nodded, half expecting it. Here it comes.Alana, who keenly sensed the subtle atmosphere between Yoon Chahyun and Misha, looked at the two strangely. Perhaps because of something he saw before, Ludo, watching from a distance, glanced in their direction.“Sure, let’s talk. What’s on your mind?”Chahyun nodded, ready to face whatever might come. The feeling was like, let’s get this over with. If it was a problem that needed to be addressed anyway, it was better to confront it quickly. Regardless of when it happened, conversations were inevitable as long as he played as a regular in the same game.Yoon Chahyun stood up and bid farewell to Alana. As he attempted to put less weight on his right leg to avoid stumbling, Misha raised his hand as if to support him. However, he immediately withdrew it, perhaps thinking he didn’t need help. It worked out well since he had no intention of accepting help. Following the retreating Misha, Chahyun elegantly shifted his weight.“What is there to talk about?”Chahyun glared at Misha’s back and sharply asked. His move to initiate the conversation was driven by an intense desire to maintain control. He didn’t want to let go of the initiative.The place where Misha stopped was a dead-end corridor. The fact that it was not easily visible from outside and had minimal foot traffic pleased Chahyun. Misha turned around and opened his mouth.“Yuan, you’ve been avoiding me.”“Avoid… avoiding?”Without warning, Misha’s well-placed verbal jab hit Chahyun squarely in the solar plexus. Caught off guard by the sudden attack, Chahyun stumbled over his words and was visibly taken aback. Despite his belated attempt to act nonchalant, Misha’s face was incredibly serious and grave. It struck a chord. his words hit home.“What do you mean avoiding me?”“You’ve been avoiding eye contact with me.”“That, that’s because you…”As Chahyun tried to justify himself, Misha’s well-aimed shot left him at a loss for words. He felt disconcerted, but there was nothing he could do. Misha’s face remained resolute and serious as he continued.“Until now, you never did that.”“Until now?”“I’ve been looking at you since we first met, and until recently, you’ve never avoided my gaze.”See! It’s been like this since a year ago! Chahyun silently exclaimed to himself, directing his inner frustration towards an unknown someone. Whether Chahyun’s mental state was like pudding or jelly, Misha continued his statement. His voice was calm and even sounded composed.“The fact that you’ve become aware of me looking at you is because you started looking at me. Just a few days ago.”There was nothing to say. Misha’s words were the truth. The moment when Chahyun began to consciously notice Misha was due to what he said and did that day.“If I hadn’t told you that I liked you, you probably would have never tried to keep an eye on me forever.”Well, that was true too. Who in the world would consciously pay attention to a teammate’s day-to-day activities?However, Misha, saying those words, had such a lonely expression. His naturally melancholic eyes seemed even more profound, evoking an inexplicable sense of guilt. Chahyun, unable to bear looking into those eyes, lowered his head somehow. Misha spoke after a brief pause.“… If the words I said that day made you uncomfortable, I apologize. I don’t want to see you avoiding or dodging me.”It was a solemn apology. Chahyun had hoped that the situation would be resolved, but hearing Misha’s words, he found himself strangely at a loss for words. It wasn’t intentional, but Misha, with an immature evasion, extracted an apology from him. Despite knowing it was not his fault, Chahyun felt somehow as if he had done something wrong. Misha calmly continued his words just as Chahyun was about to nod his head.“Even so, I won’t touch you during practice.”Well, of course not! It felt like being hit on the head with a shoe thrown from the audience. Chahyun clenched his fist and exclaimed.“Isn’t that implying you might touch me during an official match?”“….”“No answer?”Surprisingly, Misha closed his mouth like a clam, turning the situation even more upside down. Until a moment ago, he was talking confidently, but now Misha, with his gray eyes, gazed sadly at Chahyun. Silence confirmed agreement. If silence meant consent, Misha was expressing agreement with his entire being. Fearing he might impulsively strike Misha’s face with the fist he had clenched, Chahyun quickly hit his own chest.“I’ll lose it!”It was a deadlock. Misha seemed unwilling to withdraw his emotions and desires, no matter how long Chahyun waited. Yet, Chahyun wasn’t magnanimous enough to simply accept Misha’s irrational behavior.Staring at that sorrowful gaze without finding a common ground, Chahyun realized that he had to inflict some wounds on Misha’s heart. He understood it was an immoral act that didn’t align with his values, but he had no other choice.“Misha, listen carefully. I understand your feelings.”“….”“But, I’m currently in a relationship with someone.”Misha’s eyes, silently fixed on Chahyun, shook dazzlingly. Though he had seen her pitiful gaze countless times, this was the first time he had seen it shake like this. Chahyun’s conscience pricked him, but he kept his eyes tightly closed and then opened them.“I should have started with this conversation… I missed the timing. I’m sorry. I don’t think I can accept your feelings.”