Lost

It is a traditional Korean bathhouse that offers a variety of sauna rooms and relaxation spaces. These bathhouses are often open 24 hours and provide a range of amenities.

Then, a place suddenly came to mind.

＊ ＊ ＊

By the time I arrived, it was already dusk. I used almost all the money I’d brought on the taxi fare, and my body ached as I stepped out of the car. I had trembled so much that there wasn’t a single part of me that didn’t hurt.

The orphanage had been abandoned long ago. I had vaguely heard that it closed down, but I never expected it to be in such ruins. I thought they’d tear down the building and put something else in its place, but it was just left there, empty and desolate like a haunted house. It hadn’t even been that long since I left, yet more than ten years had passed. Traces of those days remained everywhere.

The small playground with only a slide, a seesaw, and two swings, where we used to build sandcastles after it rained; the large tree whose name I didn’t know; the rusty four-person metal bench; the small garden where we planted cherry tomatoes every year; the cracked cement wall with a drawing of the director’s face; the dented sign.

Everything was still there, just with the marks of time added. I made my way inside, but it was so dark I couldn’t see anything. I huddled in a corner near the entrance. As I closed my eyes, memories of the island came flooding back.

Jung Woojin had kidnapped me, imprisoned me, and raped me against my will. I told him no dozens of times, and I begged him to stop hundreds of times, but he didn’t listen. I cried and pleaded, sobbing pathetically, but in the end, Jung Woojin did whatever he wanted with me.

At the orphanage, Jung Woojin had just been a scared, anxious little boy. Even when I treated him cruelly, he would always come back to me soon after, as if nothing had happened. He would do anything to get my attention, calling me “hyung,” and honestly, I didn’t find it that bothersome back then.

I never imagined that Jung Woojin was Kim Woojin. In fact, I had forgotten almost everything about the orphanage—the director, the other kids. I had just moved on. Kim Woojin had nearly died. He was miraculously rescued from the middle of a snow-covered mountain, but for a long time, I dreamed about Kim Woojin dying. In my dreams, he reached out to me with frozen hands, begging for help. “Hyung, save me. Please, save me.” He repeated it over and over, but in the end, he always froze to death. Every day, without fail, he died like that.

“……”

For days, I lived in fear and guilt, staying awake through countless sleepless nights. Eventually, I forgot about Kim Woojin. I had no other choice. It was the only way.

But maybe Kim Woojin hadn’t felt the same. He had almost died in the snow because of me. Maybe all his words of love were lies, and he just wanted revenge by trapping me on that island. But the way Jung Woojin called my name, the expression on his face—it wasn’t fake. He had given me all the kindness and warmth in the world. That wasn’t an act.

Then why, when I lost my memory, did Jung Woojin tell me we were nothing to each other?

Jung Woojin raped me. Jung Woojin treated me kindly, as if we were lovers. Jung Woojin was pitiful.

Suddenly, a thought crossed my mind. Could it be my fault that Jung Woojin raped me, that he was kind to me, that he looked so pitiful? Did I make it all happen?

Yes, when you think about it, it was all my fault. I can’t fully understand why Jung Woojin did those things to me, but in the end, I was the starting point. If I hadn’t abandoned him in that snowy field back then, maybe none of this would have happened.

Is that why I always felt so sorry for him every time I saw him? Whenever Jung Woojin cried and called my name, I never knew what to do.

When Jung Woojin left the orphanage and I went to another one, then eventually left that one too, I forgot almost everything. I tried so hard, even subconsciously, to forget.

Because I couldn’t believe that I had tried to kill Jung Woojin. I didn’t want to blame myself for not going to get him that day. I didn’t want to believe that we parted ways without even a single apology.

Thinking about it made me miss him.

“……”

The cold seeped up from the floor.

That night, I dreamed.

In the dream, Kim Woojin came running toward me, calling, “Hyung.” He was small, skinny, and bony, with patches of hair missing on his head. Reaching out with his tiny, fern-like hands, he ran as fast as his short legs could carry him, smiling brightly as he came closer. Jung Woojin was crying as he violently spread my legs. I had no idea what was happening. I was in a daze, and though I hurriedly said I didn’t want it, a burning ache engulfed my entire body. Tears poured from my face nonstop. He kept calling me “Sunbae.” It hurt so much, I was scared and pained, and as I squeezed my eyes shut, something soft, like a feather, brushed against them. When I opened my eyes, the world was blurred. Jung Woojin called my name in a gentle voice. Lifting me as though handling fragile porcelain, he softly spoke ordinary things. “It’s really hot today. Should we turn on the air conditioner? How about we go on a trip to a cold country? I don’t want to go to work. I just want to roll around in bed all day. What should we have for dinner? Should we eat out? Spread your legs. I told you not to close your eyes. If you don’t relax, you’ll tear. You’ve made a mess. If we leave it like this, your stomach will hurt. I’ll help you. Hyung, I love you. Please, save me.”

That place was hell.

＊ ＊ ＊

Morning came. It felt like I’d slept for ages, but I was as tired as if I’d stayed up all night. I must have cried so much in my sleep that my eyes were swollen and wouldn’t open. After wiping the crust from my eyelids, I got up, and my joints screamed in protest. I trudged out of the orphanage and climbed the mountain. Even without trying to find a path, I didn’t lose my way. I thought I had forgotten everything, but being here brought back memories as though it was all a lie.

As I climbed the familiar path, I saw a large tree that had been cut down. Only the stump of the nameless tree remained. Next to it, there had been another large tree, and I had hidden a note between them. But that tree, too, had been cut down. Staring at the two stumps, I slowly started walking. For no particular reason, I circled around the area.

Did Kim Woojin wait for me around here? Since there was a lot of snow, maybe he stayed between the trees to keep warm. Even though I hadn’t seen it, I could vividly picture Kim Woojin, crouching in that pure white snowfield, waiting for me.

He must have blown on his tiny hands to warm them, looking down the mountain to see if I was coming. Smiling one moment, then frowning from the cold, then on the verge of tears, afraid I wouldn’t show up, only to smile again. As time passed, it would have gotten colder and darker, so dark he could hardly see a thing. He might have been so scared that he cried, too. Kim Woojin was always so fearful, even crying out in terror when he saw me eat a frog’s hind legs.

I sat on the stump of the left tree. It used to be a massive tree, but now it was oddly unfamiliar, cut down so bluntly. So much time had passed, and yet, this landscape was strangely familiar. We used to catch frogs here beneath the tree, and though it’s gone now, we’d play in the stream below, splashing in the water.

Lost in nostalgia, I felt something in my hand. I looked down and saw something that hadn’t been there earlier. There was a plastic zip-lock bag near the roots of the tree. It was even tied with wire around the roots, probably so it wouldn’t wash away in the rain. With a puzzled expression, I opened the bag, and dozens of sheets of paper fell onto my lap. I felt a chill run down my spine. With trembling fingers, I unfolded one of the papers. The words, written in crooked letters, were smudged and smeared.

Suddenly, my vision went dark. I gasped in shock, unable to put into words the overwhelming sense of dread that gripped me. I heard a rustling sound behind me. Without looking back, I unfolded another piece of paper.

Footsteps were getting closer. I unfolded another paper.

I opened what seemed to be the most recent paper, stark white and crisp.

Behind me, I heard panting. There was the sound of sobbing mixed in with it.

I couldn’t turn my head. Even though I knew who was behind me, I pretended not to and kept staring at the papers.

The words “I’m going to see you tomorrow” were written so deeply, as if the writer had pressed down hard. I ran my fingers over the letters, feeling their slightly rough yet soft texture. The heavy breathing behind me showed no sign of easing, still ragged and urgent, even after some time had passed. I suddenly wondered what thoughts were running through the mind of the person silently watching my back.

Were they planning to knock me out and drag me back to that godforsaken island? Or were they thinking about hitting me over the head to make me lose my memory again? Maybe they’d kneel at my feet, sobbing and apologizing, like they always did. Crying like a child, throwing a tantrum when things didn’t go their way, threatening me with wild eyes when they didn’t get the answer they wanted, and finally making me say what they wanted to hear. Believing it was the truth from the depths of my heart.

I stood up. There was a crunch as leaves were crushed underfoot. When I turned, our eyes met.

“Jung Woojin.”

“……”

His black eyes, brimming with tears, trembled violently. He was drenched, as if he had showered in sweat, and his face was pale as death, looking like a corpse. He was shaking so much, he couldn’t even stand properly, only able to stare at me helplessly. From the looks of him, it didn’t seem like he had any plans to knock me out and drag me to the island. I guess that was a small relief. But then again, I remembered that even while crying like that, Jung Woojin was crazy enough to do anything. For some reason, I thought I might really die today.

“I want to ask you something. Are you trying to get revenge on me?”

Jung Woojin shook his head with eyes filled with tears.

“Did you make me wait in the snow that day just to mess with me?”

His eyes, filled with despair, desperately said no. When I didn’t respond, Jung Woojin nodded. I narrowed my eyes and asked again.

“No?”

Jung Woojin nodded.

“Or… do you still not know? The paper I gave you? I told you to wait there, but I actually gave it to you to mess with you. Didn’t you know?”

Jung Woojin shook his head furiously and lowered it. The tears that had gathered finally fell. Just like in a movie or drama, they dropped one by one, almost unreal in how picturesque it was. The silence of his screamed sobs made my ears ring.

I tightened my grip on the paper.

“I’m sorry.”

The paper crinkled, making a strange sound. At my sudden apology, Jung Woojin lifted his head. His pale lips quivered pitifully. I spoke again before he could say anything.

“I’m sorry for what happened when we were kids. I’m apologizing now. I called you out to the mountains on purpose, but I didn’t want you to die. I didn’t know it would snow that much.”

Jung Woojin’s mouth opened again. Though no sound came out, I feared he was about to say “Hyung,” so I grew more anxious. I clenched the paper tighter, feeling it crumple in my hand as I continued.

“If you have anything to say, this is your last chance.”

I watched as his tear-filled eyes darkened, consumed by a deep, burning void.

＊ ＊ ＊

I opened my eyes. My head throbbed as if it would split open. Groaning lowly, I blankly stared at the ceiling. It felt both unfamiliar and strangely familiar at the same time. Then, I burst into laughter.

Of course. What had I been expecting from Jung Woojin? What had I been hoping for, knowing what kind of person he was? He’d always been like this.

I chuckled as I listened to the sound of waves crashing outside the open window.

At least I wasn’t tied up or handcuffed. As I climbed down from the bed, I was hit by a wave of dizziness. My last memory before I lost consciousness came rushing back.

Jung Woojin had lunged at me. I fell to the dirt ground, unable to recover before he began strangling me. While he choked me, tears streamed from his eyes, dripping onto my cheeks, lips, and the corners of my eyes. That was my final memory before blacking out.

I stepped out of the room into the living room, but there was no sign of anyone. The layout of the house began to come back to me in bits and pieces. I checked the study, the bathroom, the kitchen, and the living room—no one was there. On a hunch, I tried the front door. As expected, it wasn’t locked. Thinking back, I realized that during all the times I’d been held here, the front door had never been locked. Even the day I had tried to escape, only to be recaptured, the door had been wide open. Jung Woojin had always told me it was his way of “holding back.” That he was enduring this much fear and anxiety, so I should take pity on him.

I hadn’t noticed it at the time, being so overwhelmed, but looking back now, he really was a pathetic loser without a shred of pride.

I left the front door and began walking down the path. The grass grew low, patches of greenery and nameless trees scattered throughout. There were small pebbles, a two-seater wooden chair and table, a two-person rocking chair, two hammock beds…

I stopped walking and lowered my head. All the kitchen dishes and utensils had always been sets of two. Two spoons, two chopsticks, two forks, two plates, two rice bowls, two soup bowls, two water cups. The sofa was a small two-seater. Two pairs of slippers. Two pairs of sneakers. Even the toothbrushes on the bathroom sink were always two.

I lifted my head and continued down the path. After walking a little further, I saw a familiar figure from behind.

Jung Woojin was sitting on the sandy beach, staring out at the sea. I watched his desolate back for a moment before approaching. Soft grains of sand sifted between my toes. Despite the noisy waves repeating endlessly, it was as if there was no sound at all. When I got close enough, Jung Woojin looked up at me. I expected him to be crying, but to my surprise, his eyes were dry.

“You’re awake?”

He spoke in his usual calm voice. When I didn’t reply, he smiled and turned his head back to the ocean.

“What are you going to do now?” I asked.

Jung Woojin, still gazing at the horizon, answered, “I don’t know.”

“…”

“What do you want to do?”

“…”

“What should we do?”

“…”

“What now?”

“…”

“How should we live?” he muttered to himself, almost like a soliloquy. He turned his head back to look up at me.

“What should we do now, the two of us?”

Half-lost in despair, Jung Woojin asked me, his voice filled with hopelessness.

For a moment, we just stared at each other in silence. Then, out of nowhere, Jung Woojin let out a dry laugh. He really seemed to have lost his mind. He stood up from the sand, casually brushing the dirt off his pants, and asked,

“Should we just die?”

“…”

“Do you want to die with me?”

I was speechless. So now I had to die with him too? I laughed bitterly at the absurdity of it all. Seeing my reaction, Jung Woojin closed his mouth. His dry eyes quickly welled up again.

“You’re not going to call my name anymore, are you?”

“…”

“You won’t smile at me anymore, will you?”

“…”

“You won’t talk to me anymore, will you?”

“…”

“We won’t eat together, drink together, or watch movies together anymore, right?”

“…”

“We won’t do anything together anymore, will we?”

Tears streamed down his face. He didn’t even bother wiping them away, letting them fall relentlessly, like an endless well of sorrow.

“Why did you lose your memory?”

“…”

“If you were going to lose it, you should’ve never lost it in the first place. That way, I could’ve ignored you and kept living however I wanted until I died. Like you said, I could’ve kept raping you whenever I wanted, treating you well when I felt good, raping you again, threatening you, crying and begging—just living like that until one of us eventually died. I would’ve either lost my mind or you would’ve killed me, and we would’ve just died here!”

Jung Woojin shouted. His voice, filled with anger and regret, echoed like a scream, leaving my mind blank from the sheer intensity.

“Why did you watch the movie with me, and why did you eat with me? Why did you do that to me? You could’ve just left me alone. Why did you talk to me? Why did you smile at me, and why did you call my name?”

Just as the disgusting, pitiful, and loving Jung Woojin had become one person, the image Jung Woojin had of me — someone he loved, someone kind, someone he hated — was also becoming one person.

“You won’t be able to leave here, anyway.”

Jung Woojin sneered as he looked down at me.

“You won’t get out even if you die. Even if you die and become a corpse, you won’t leave. Do you get it? Even if you rot and only bones remain, you’ll still be here.”

“If being with me is so disgusting, just die. That’s the only way out.”

“It’s so frustrating, I could die. Do you think I want to be like this? I’m suffering too. I’m going crazy. I’ve never lived my life because of you, Sunbae. Everything is your fault.”

“Just die. Please? Sunbae, let’s just die together. I’ve thought about this a lot. I’ve really thought about it, and no matter how much I think about it, there’s no other way.”

“I have sleeping pills. Once you pass out after taking them, I’ll kill you. That way, you won’t even know you’re dying, won’t feel any pain, and will just die in your sleep. All you have to do is fall asleep. I’ll handle everything else.”

“I’ll die too. It’s not like you’ll die alone. After I kill you, I’ll follow right after. How should I die? Hmm? I’ll die however you tell me to. Tell me, how should I die?”

As I watched Jung Woojin mock, sneer, beg, laugh, and plead with me, I felt like I was going insane along with him. He shook my shoulders, urging me for an answer. I closed my eyes as I swayed like a reed in the wind, and Jung Woojin collapsed to his knees. He wrapped his arms around my waist and rubbed his wet cheek against my stomach, crying.

“Please, I’m begging you, Sunbae, please.”

“……”

“Please die with me.”

“……”

“I want to die. I really want to die. I want to die with you. Sunbae, please. I’m begging you.”

His voice, which had been constant, started to muffle. Jung Woojin, who had been crying so hard he could no longer speak clearly, eventually couldn’t form a single word and just sobbed loudly. Yet he kept speaking. But I couldn’t understand him. He was probably still begging me to die with him. My stomach felt wet. As I turned my head, I saw a peaceful horizon. Gentle white waves frothed, and the line between the deep blue sky and sea blurred. It felt like the whole world had been dyed blue. It was as if I were on drugs, slowly losing my senses. Jung Woojin’s voice also drifted away.

I don’t know how much time had passed. At some point, I came to my senses. Jung Woojin was still crying.

“I want to live.”

“……”

“I want to live with you.”

His trembling shoulders looked so small.

Even though I was looking down at him, Jung Woojin’s crying sounded far away. My ears were ringing, and I felt like I was submerged in water. Jung Woojin kept repeating that he wanted to die, that he wanted to live, that he hated me, and that he loved me. He screamed incoherently and wept for a long time.

I really wanted to die. Somehow, it seemed like that was the best option. If I didn’t die, I’d have to live the rest of my life with Jung Woojin. Could I really do that?

I pulled Jung Woojin off me and turned my back. He made some strange, unintelligible sound and clung to me again. He wrapped his arms around my waist, turned my shoulders, pulled me into his embrace, and then clung to my feet. After struggling for a long time, I eventually carried Jung Woojin on my back and returned home. Even after I took off my shoes and entered the living room, Jung Woojin was still clinging to my back. My shoulders were wet and felt sticky. When I sat down heavily on the sofa, Jung Woojin collapsed on the floor and buried his face in my lap. My thighs and knees started to feel wet.

I thought for a long time like that. Without eating or drinking, even when my legs cramped up, I endured it. Jung Woojin kept crying. By then, his crying was less annoying and more pitiful. I even started to think it was a kind of talent — being able to seem pitiful even in this situation. I suddenly started laughing. I raised my head and chuckled, then eventually burst out laughing. Jung Woojin raised his head, his tear-streaked face deathly pale. His red, bloodshot eyes looked like they might start bleeding any second as he stared straight at me.

I heard a hallucination of someone calling me “Hyung, Hyung.”

“I’ll live with you.”

I don’t even know why those words came out. I was too tired to search for a reason. Maybe it was simply because I didn’t want to die here with Jung Woojin.

His previously glazed-over eyes lit up at my words. I continued, looking into his wide, black eyes.

“But there’s a condition.”

In the choice between life and death, I ended up choosing to carry a heavy burden and live my life. Even though I knew I’d regret it.

＊ ＊ ＊

No matter what condition I gave him, I knew Jung Woojin wouldn’t refuse.

The next morning, we left the island and returned home.

Jung Woojin nodded, looking as though he’d rather die.

＊ ＊ ＊

I first met with Gapdol. I told him my memories had returned. Of course, I didn’t mention a single word about what had happened with Jung Woojin. When I told Gapdol that I would be living with Jung Woojin, he looked at me with half suspicion and half worry but didn’t ask anything.

I decided to work part-time at the bar of a hyung Gapdol knew. I’d think about whether to continue school before the end of my leave.

Around 10 p.m., I returned home and saw Jung Woojin sitting blankly on the living room sofa. His eyes were red and swollen, as if he had been crying. I glanced at him briefly and turned my head. As I took off my shoes, unable to even bear that short moment, Jung Woojin quickly approached me in the doorway. I acted as if no one else were in the house, ignored him, and walked through the living room toward my room.

“Where have you been?”

Jung Woojin asked urgently as he followed behind me.

“Who did you meet?”

Seeing him so anxious and nervous, it was clear he hadn’t actually followed me. I used to suspect that Jung Woojin had installed a GPS tracker on my belongings.

“Sunbae.”

“Don’t call me that.”

I said shortly and slammed the door shut. Soon, I heard groaning through the door. It sounded like he was trying to hold back his sobs. Standing in front of the closed door, I stared at the ceiling. Even without looking, I could imagine exactly how Jung Woojin would be.

He’d be waiting for me, like a dog, right outside the door, tears streaming down his face. He wouldn’t take a single step away until I came out.

His crying grew louder.

I didn’t know why, but even though I was the pitiful one, Jung Woojin somehow looked more pitiful.

I lay down on the bed and thought about the future, which was so uncertain it felt like I couldn’t see even a step ahead.

If this keeps going, won’t there come a day when he finally gives up? Maybe he’ll give up everything and kick me out. Or maybe a worn-out Jung Woojin will give up on everything and rape me, letting things go however they may. Perhaps one day he’ll say that he’d rather live like he did on the island.

I wished Jung Woojin would do something—anything.

Whether it’s abandoning me or raping me—whatever.

Because then, maybe I could hate Jung Woojin without guilt.

＊ ＊ ＊

As time went on, Jung Woojin was slowly dying. There were countless times when I felt like a corpse was following me around.

“Where have you been?”

Even though I knew he wouldn’t answer, Jung Woojin kept asking. I came home after part-time work at 2 a.m., but Jung Woojin had never fallen asleep before me. No, I wondered if he even slept at all.

I knew that when I fell asleep after showering and lying in bed, Jung Woojin would come into my room. He would sit beside me, watching me all night without saying a word, without crying—just staring. Sometimes I’d fall asleep sensing his gaze, and other times I’d stay up all night with him. At some point, I started becoming a corpse like him.

“Is something wrong?”

A coworker, noticing my dark circles hanging down to my jawline, asked quietly. He clicked his tongue as if I looked pitiful.

“What’s with the long face, kid? Loosen up a bit.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I didn’t tell you to apologize, you idiot. I said fix your expression. Didn’t you see the customers’ faces while you were serving them?”

The customers’ faces? What were they like? When I didn’t answer, the coworker sighed.

“I don’t know what’s going on, but don’t let personal feelings show while working.”

“I’m sorry.”

I bowed deeply, and he sighed even deeper.

A few days later, I got spectacularly fired.

Normally, I would’ve worked until late at night, but today I came home early for the first time in a while. I was hungry and thought about eating something before heading in, but I just went straight home. Usually, when I came home after work in the early morning, all the lights in the house would be on. It felt more like the early afternoon than dawn, with how bright everything was. But now, at only nine p.m., it was as dark as midnight. The house was pitch black.

As I opened the door, the dark living room came into view. Jung Woojin had always greeted me like a dog waiting for its owner. It had never been this quiet before, and the silence felt unsettling. Had he gone out?

I took off my shoes, quietly entered the house, and passed through the living room. I saw that the bedroom door was slightly open. Without thinking, I slowly opened the door and walked in.

At the edge of the large bed, Jung Woojin was curled up.

He was hugging the T-shirt I wore to bed, lying in my bed as if he had passed out. Had he always slept like that, curled up in a ball?

“……”

I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I thought I knew, but I realized I didn’t know anything. I thought that if we stayed like this, things would eventually get better. Of course, I had expected Jung Woojin to be like this.

But I never imagined that I would end up living such a miserable life, just like him. It was like I was slowly breaking down, my emotions blending with his, like colors mixing together. Could we keep living like this? Would we both end up dying together one day?

I found myself wishing that Jung Woojin would rape me, like dozens of times a day. Like he had in the beginning—telling me he loved me while ignoring my words, forcing himself on me and clinging to me.

That way, I wouldn’t have to feel sorry for him when I looked at him. I wouldn’t be confused by memories that didn’t feel like mine, and I wouldn’t be tormented by guilt every time he called out to me.

The image of Jung Woojin smiling at me as he called my name flashed before my eyes like a hallucination. His voice echoed in my ears as if it were a delusion. My vision blurred at the sound of him gently telling me he loved me, touching me, holding me close, and whispering to me.

I had firmly believed that the person I was during my lost memories wasn’t really me, but the more those memories surfaced, the more my sense of self blurred.

Jung Woojin truly loved me. No, that wasn’t love. He was just forcing his emotions onto me, so how could that be love?

But then again, was there really a right answer to what love was? Just because most people don’t imprison or rape the ones they love, does that mean that’s the only way to love?

“Haha.”

I found myself laughing hollowly at the absurdity of my thoughts.

Jung Woojin had raped me. He’d trapped me on that wretched island, chained me up, and raped me until I was begging him to save me. That was violence.

But what? The right answer?

“Shit.”

My eyes burned, and curses slipped out.

Looking at Jung Woojin, who was sleeping like a corpse, I had an overwhelming urge to strangle him to death. My fingers itched with the need to act. Just as I couldn’t hold back anymore, Jung Woojin stirred. Startled, I stepped back as if I had been caught in the act, revealing his face fully, which had been hidden by the clothes.

“……”

The strength drained from my clenched fists.

Why am I still living with Jung Woojin?

Is it because I don’t want to die? Because of guilt? Because of the memories we shared when I lost my memory? Or is it because I feel sorry for him?

I stood there silently, watching him just as he had silently watched me sleep every night. I watched until he stirred and woke up.

Jung Woojin opened his eyes, his face expressionless like a wax figure, and slowly turned his gaze toward me.

With each blink, I felt something strange. He really did look like a doll. He stared at me for a moment before closing his eyes again. He rubbed his face against my T-shirt, pulling the blanket tightly around him and taking a deep breath as if letting out a sigh. He called my name in a voice filled with tears.

After a while, he slowly sat up in bed. His face was already streaked with tears. Looking like someone about to kill himself, he slowly moved his feet out of the bed and suddenly looked up at me. His confused expression turned to one of disbelief. His cracked lips parted, and his hollow eyes opened wide as if they were about to fall out.

Hearing a loud crash, I turned around.

“S-Sunbae, wait…”

He roughly grabbed my shoulder. The pain made me bend over instinctively. Surprised, Jung Woojin quickly let go and wrapped his arms tightly around me, trembling as he hugged me, burying his face in the back of my neck. In the pitch-black darkness, the only sound was the soft drip of falling tears.