Lost

“Just a moment.”

“…”

“Just a little longer…”

I couldn’t bring myself to tell him to let go. What was more surprising was that I was the one who said not to touch me, that I was here on that condition, and yet, unbelievably, I didn’t feel that bad about it. I couldn’t shake off the trembling body.

“When did you get here?”

Jung Woojin asked in a small voice, as if his voice would break.

“I came a bit early today.”

My voice began to tremble.

“Did you not work today?”

He rubbed his forehead against the back of my neck, swallowing his breath.

“Are you not going to work anymore?”

I felt lukewarm tears sliding down my skin.

“Can’t you just stop working altogether?”

He asked, trying to hide the fact that he was crying, but failing.

“Can’t you come home early?”

Then a sob escaped through his teeth.

“Can’t we just eat together?”

In the end, he couldn’t fully suppress the sobbing, and with a trembling voice, Jung Woojin asked tearfully. He tried to say something more but only faint sobs came out as he tightly closed his mouth. Pressed against my back, trembling and swallowing his sobs, Jung Woojin finally began to cry openly.

Why can’t I say anything to Jung Woojin, who is crying behind me? I don’t know the reason. I wanted to yell at him and curse, telling him to get away from me, but my mouth wouldn’t move. Those feelings approached me like terror, eating away at me like a bug.

With difficulty, I pushed Jung Woojin away and slammed the door shut right in front of him. As soon as the door closed, my stomach growled. I was hungry, but I ignored it and lay down in the spot where Jung Woojin had been sleeping and closed my eyes.

I held my breath and listened. Even after concentrating for a while, no more sounds came. Clutching the now warm blanket where Jung Woojin had been lying, I stayed like that for a while before I fell asleep.

I dreamed of preparing dinner with Jung Woojin.

＊ ＊ ＊

I had taken a leave of absence from school, lost my part-time job, had no friends, and had nothing to do. I couldn’t believe how long the days felt, as time seemed to pass so slowly. The more time I spent doing nothing, the more depressed and lethargic I became. I knew this, but I did nothing to change it.

When I would come home after spending some time aimlessly outside, Jung Woojin would be sitting in the living room, waiting for me. Even after seeing me come in, Jung Woojin would stay awake all night. He would not sleep, only getting up early in the morning to see me off as I left the house. After I left, he would likely crawl into my bed, just like before, curling up for a brief rest. I didn’t know if we could keep living like this, but there didn’t seem to be any other option. Even though I knew I needed to improve the situation, even though I knew that if things stayed the same, we might really die—both Jung Woojin and I—I couldn’t easily change our lifestyle. It was just a cycle of something I couldn’t fully grasp.

I hated Jung Woojin. I was supposed to hate him. But every time I thought that maybe I didn’t, I felt paralyzed, like a scared child.

The thing that made me most angry and frightened was the thought that maybe, just maybe, I didn’t hate Jung Woojin. Was it because of the memories we shared when I lost my memory? Was it because Jung Woojin was the same Kim Woojin I almost killed? Or was it because, though I didn’t want to believe it, I knew deep down that Jung Woojin really loved me?

Maybe it was all of those things.

I couldn’t forgive Jung Woojin, yet strangely, I felt like it didn’t matter anymore, and that’s why I couldn’t bring myself to do anything. If I made any effort, I felt like we might actually become a normal couple, and I couldn’t accept that.

Once again, I spent time outside and came back home. The only difference was that I came home earlier than usual. I expected to find Jung Woojin sleeping, just like always. Quietly, I took off my shoes and passed through the entrance without a sound. I slowly pushed open the slightly ajar door and saw the neatly made bed.

I stared blankly at the bed and then looked around the room. My heart, which had felt like it had stopped, began pounding louder and louder. Jung Woojin wasn’t in the bathroom, the kitchen, or the study. Desperately, I opened his door one last time. But contrary to my expectation of seeing him asleep, the room was completely empty.

I turned around helplessly and walked back across the living room to the kitchen. The sink was spotless, and the dining table looked brand new. Suddenly, a feeling of unease washed over me. I shook my head as if to shake off the unknown fear and headed to the bathroom. I turned on the faucet, and the water gushed out noisily. I washed my hands, splashed water on my face, and brushed my teeth. After hastily drying off with a towel, I returned to the living room, which now seemed eerily silent. My heart was pounding so hard that I thought I might throw up.

With trembling hands, I grabbed the doorknob. Standing there, I looked around the neatly organized room. It felt cold, like a room that had been left vacant for a long time. There was no trace of a person, no scent of life in the cold, lonely room. As I stared into that space, my heart, which had been pounding to the point of nausea, seemed to stop in an instant, and my breath caught in my throat.

Panicked, I clutched at my chest with my hand, but it didn’t help. It felt like breathing in a hot sauna or at the peak of a high mountain, as if each breath grew heavier and heavier.

I balled my fists and pounded on my chest. It felt like someone was choking me, and my eyes were about to roll back. Even when I scratched at my neck with my nails, I couldn’t breathe. My vision turned black, then white.

I collapsed onto the floor, clawing at it.

Screech, screech, screech.

As I trembled and scratched, I suddenly heard a chilling sound. Looking down, I saw red streaks of blood on the floor. The thin lines of blood soon swelled like a dam bursting, engulfing me. The smell of blood filled my mouth and lungs. No matter how much I tried to vomit it out, it wouldn’t stop. The blood kept forcing its way down my throat.

The blood pouring into my stomach began to squirm like worms. In a desperate attempt to survive, I clawed at my skin and thrashed my body.

I’m going to die.

I’m really going to die.

I’m seriously going to die.

Just then, I heard the sound of the front door opening with a ‘beep.’ I turned my head and saw Jung Woojin in a sharp suit, looking as clean and polished as ever. His appearance was so dazzling that, for a moment, it felt like I could breathe again.

“Sunbae?”

“Ugh!”

As soon as my breath returned, the worms in my stomach spilled out of my mouth.

“Sunbae!”

Jung Woojin called out to me in a startled voice as he rushed over without even taking off his shoes. I grabbed onto him as if he were my lifeline, retching uncontrollably. Since I hadn’t eaten, all that came out was yellow bile and saliva.

Every time I gagged like a pig, Jung Woojin kept calling my name frantically and crying. He tried to lift me up and hold me, and in the end, he hugged me tightly as I hung limp in his arms. I clung to him, my shoulders shaking for a long time against his chest.

As my stomach settled, my mind slowly began to clear. I squeezed my tear-streaked eyes shut, then opened them, only to be overwhelmed by the smell of vomit. Jung Woojin’s white shirt was covered in it. When I glanced up, he was looking down at me, his face pale.

“Are you okay?”

“……”

I just stared at him without saying a word. I studied his face, so familiar now that I could draw it from memory. For a long time, I just kept looking, over and over.

My heart, which had been racing, began to calm, and my churning stomach settled.

“Do you want to go to the hospital?”

Jung Woojin reached out to brush the sweat-dampened hair off my forehead.

“Can you stand?”

His face, which had been twisted as if he were about to cry, shifted into a strained smile, as if trying to reassure me. His expression wavered, and tears streamed from his dark eyes.

“Sunbae, are you okay?”

When I didn’t respond, Jung Woojin asked again, his voice breaking. I reached out, pushed his shoulder away, and slowly stood up.

“Sunbae.”

As I stood, the vomit clinging to Jung Woojin’s clothes dripped onto the floor.

“Are you alright?”

Tears fell again from his eyes as he gently touched the back of my neck. The place where his fingers grazed tingled. He looked down, noticing the blood on my fingertips, and held my hand.

“Sunbae,” he called again.

“Sunbae,” his voice echoed.

Or was it a hallucination?

“Hyung.”

No, I must’ve imagined it.

“Sunbae, are you okay?”

My mind felt like a jumbled mess. I couldn’t tell what was real and what wasn’t. Holding my breath, I stared at Jung Woojin and then walked past him.

“I’m going to wash up.”

“I can—”

“I said I’m going to wash up.”

“……”

At the weak sound of my voice, Jung Woojin shut his mouth. I went to the bathroom, undressed, and turned on the shower. I stood under the cold water for a long time before turning it off and throwing on a bathrobe. Water dripped from me as I walked out, and I saw that Jung Woojin had changed clothes and was cleaning the floor.

“Are you okay?” he asked again.

Was I okay?

Yeah, I was fine.

As if it were all a lie, I could breathe now, and the tightness in my chest had gone. The blood or bugs—or whatever they were—in my stomach were silent.

I stared at Jung Woojin for a moment, then walked past him into the bedroom. As I collapsed onto the bed, Jung Woojin came over with a first-aid kit.

“……”

“……”

He applied ointment and bandages to the scratches on my neck and fingers without asking a single question. His face, twisted as if he were about to cry, stayed dry as he finished tending to me. When he finally looked up, our eyes met.

“You smell,” I blurted out unconsciously, something I had been vaguely aware of.

Jung Woojin flinched at my words and stood up. “I’ll go wash.”

“……”

“……Are you really okay?”

“……”

When I didn’t answer, Jung Woojin cast a worried glance at me, then headed into the bathroom. I heard the door close and, after a moment, the sound of water. I got up and walked over to the bathroom door.

I stared at the closed door for a while before leaning against it. Slowly, I slid down, sitting with my knees pulled up to my chest.

I had no idea why I was doing this. I didn’t even know why I had acted that way earlier. Why was I behaving like this?

He must have waited for me like this, in that cold, white tomb.

The thought made my breath catch in my throat again. I panted, struggling to breathe, when the sound of running water stopped. I forced myself up and returned to the bedroom. I lifted the heavy blankets and was about to lie down when Jung Woojin opened the door and entered.

I didn’t even glance his way as I lay down and pulled the covers over my head. Whether it was because I’d just washed up or because I was finally at ease after feeling like I was about to die, my whole body felt sluggish. I was just about to fall asleep when I noticed how quiet it was.

I opened my eyes and blinked, then finally raised my upper body and turned my head. There stood Jung Woojin, frozen in the same spot near the door, dressed only in his bathrobe.

When our eyes met, Jung Woojin flinched, his shoulders trembling. He avoided my gaze, looked up at me, then immediately looked away again. He stood there, fidgeting awkwardly, while I watched him, feeling my eyelids grow heavy.

I was so tired I just wanted to fall asleep.

As I kept watching him, I impulsively lifted the blanket beside me. It was as if I were repeating the moment when I’d impulsively asked him to live with me.

“……”

“……”

Jung Woojin looked at me in surprise, then, with a face that seemed on the verge of tears, hesitantly approached. As he climbed onto the bed, I turned away and lay down again. The mattress dipped as his weight settled beside me, and for some reason, the sleepiness grew even stronger.

If I listened closely, I could hear Jung Woojin’s breathing from behind. I curled up even tighter and closed my eyes. Once I wake up, I need to think about this. What is it that I even want? If I sleep now, I’ll probably wake up around sunset. Then I’ll wash up, eat dinner, and think about it until my head hurts.

The next day, I woke up in the late afternoon.

“…”

“…”

I stared down at Jung Woojin, who was still sleeping like a baby, snoring faintly, with a completely dumbfounded expression on my face. His hair was messy and greasy, and there were marks on his face from the pillow. His robe was half-off, and he was lying there almost naked. I glanced at the clock. I couldn’t believe it. I’d slept for 21 hours. In just three more hours, it would be a full day since I’d fallen asleep.

My head felt foggy, probably because I hadn’t fully woken up yet. I got out of bed and stretched long and hard, the bones in my body cracking and popping. It didn’t hurt; in fact, it felt refreshing. My whole body felt lighter, like a weight had lifted off me. Maybe it was because I finally caught up on all the sleep I’d been missing.

I left the room, leaving Jung Woojin snoring behind me, and headed to the kitchen. After fasting all day, I was starving. I opened the fridge to see if there was anything to eat, but I was shocked. The fridge, which was usually packed with food, was practically empty.

Now that I think about it, it had been a while since I’d eaten at home. What had Jung Woojin been eating all this time? The kitchen was spotless, the fridge empty, the dishes clean. Looking at it all made me sigh. No food, an empty fridge, and a growling stomach… What the hell am I supposed to eat?

I searched around but couldn’t even find a single packet of ramen. In the end, I decided to throw on a cap. I’d just run to the convenience store nearby and grab some ramen. But Jung Woojin needed to eat too, right? He hadn’t eaten all day either. Maybe I should buy some instant rice and a pack of three-minute curry? No, if I’m going that far, it’d be better to just go to the market and buy ingredients to make curry myself. I’d never made it before, but for some reason, I felt like I could do anything right now.

Curry, you just mix the curry powder with water, chop up some vegetables, and simmer it, right?

“…”

I thought for a moment and made up my mind. Tonight’s dinner would be curry.

But is curry powder expensive? How much are vegetables? And we don’t even have rice. I hesitated, checking the few bills in my wallet, and glanced over at the coffee table in the living room. Jung Woojin always left his phone, car keys, and wallet there.

Sure enough, his wallet was sitting there. I stared at it for a moment before reaching for it. Just as I expected from a rich guy, his wallet had more than ten 50,000-won bills in it. We were going to eat together anyway, so he wouldn’t complain if I took a few bills, right? I pulled out two of the bills and carefully placed the wallet back where it had been.

I threw on some clothes, and as I was putting on my shoes to head out, my stomach growled loudly. I was so hungry I felt like I might throw up. A wave of dizziness hit me, and cold sweat started forming on my forehead. Damn it, I’m starving. Cursing under my breath, I opened the front door.

At the sound of the door unlocking, there was a loud thud. I turned in surprise to see Jung Woojin stumbling out of the bedroom. He looked panicked, but when he saw me, he visibly relaxed, like he was relieved. But that relief didn’t last long. He looked down at my feet and the hand I had on the door handle, and his expression twisted in an instant.

“Damn it.”

With a low, rough voice, he cursed and stormed toward me. What the hell? I scowled in response, but before I could say anything, he gritted his teeth and spoke.

“Where…”

Before he could finish, he staggered and collapsed onto the floor. Maybe he hadn’t fully woken up, or maybe he got dizzy from getting up too quickly, but he fell, catching himself with his arms on the floor. He tried to push himself up, but he fell again. Watching him struggle on the floor gave me a strange, bittersweet feeling.

What the hell is this idiot doing…?

“Where are you going?”

Jung Woojin looked up at me and asked. I was about to tell him to mind his own business, but he looked so pathetically helpless that I softened a bit.

“To buy curry.”

“What?”

“Curry.”

At my answer, his confused expression turned into one of disbelief. There was a long, awkward silence. It was so quiet that I felt like I could hear crows cawing in the distance. After staring at me for a moment like I was some kind of enigma, Jung Woojin finally spoke in a flustered tone.

“Curry? You’re going to buy curry?”

“Yeah.”

“Why would you…”

He trailed off, opening and closing his mouth, struggling to form words. He looked like he was trying to figure out some hidden meaning behind my mention of curry. Damn it, there’s no deep meaning here. Watching him overthink things, I turned and spoke again.

“I’m going.”

“Sunbae!”

Just as I turned, he grabbed my arm. A moment ago, he couldn’t even stand up properly, and now he was gripping my arm tightly. His hold hurt, so I turned around with a scowl. Realizing he’d hurt me, he quickly let go and stepped back.

“I-I’m sorry.”

“…”

“Sunbae, where are you…”

“I told you, I’m going to buy curry.”

As I repeated myself, Jung Woojin suddenly started putting on his shoes.

“I’ll go with you.”

“What?”

“No, I’ll just go buy it myself.”

I looked at him in disbelief.

His hair was a mess, with pillow marks still on his face, and his robe hung loosely, showing his bare chest underneath. I didn’t look much better, but at least I was fully dressed. I stopped him as he tried to head out the door.

“You’re going out like that?”

He picked up his wallet and moved toward me, still putting on his shoes.

“Yeah, well…”

Before he could finish, he staggered again, slamming his back against the door. Before I could react, he slid down the door, looking up at me with a bewildered expression. I had no idea what was going on either. I stared at him for a moment before furrowing my brow.

“Come inside, let’s just order something to eat.”

“No, I can quickly go and—”

When I whipped around, Jung Woojin flinched, his shoulders trembling. His collapsed form and pale face really made him look like a patient. He already had fair skin, and when he didn’t get enough sleep, he always looked unwell, but these past few days, he looked practically like a walking corpse. I thought about helping him up but ended up sighing and turning my back instead. I heard the sound of him taking off his shoes as I went to the kitchen and picked up the delivery menu.

“What do you want to eat?”

“Whatever you want, Sunbae.”

Just as I expected.

I casually flipped through the menu and ordered a dish of braised chicken and two servings of rice. I was about to take off my hat to freshen up a bit when Jung Woojin caught my eye. I frowned and took a closer look. At first, I thought he was just groggy from sleep, but now that I was paying attention, something was really off. His pale face, dark circles, chapped lips, rapid breathing, and the slight trembling of his body, almost like a convulsion. Without thinking, I reflexively reached out and placed my hand on his forehead.

He was burning up.

“Shit.”

Jung Woojin just stared at me quietly as I cursed under my breath.

The longer I kept my hand on his forehead, the hotter it felt. I frowned, thinking.

I had planned to eat and have a serious talk afterward. Maybe I should put it off for now. I really wanted to get it over with. But can he even eat properly with such a high fever? Should we go to the hospital? Is there even one open right now? Maybe we’ll have to go to the emergency room. Should I cancel the braised chicken order? Do I send him alone to the ER, or do I go with him? Can he even walk by himself? He was stumbling earlier—what if he collapses on the way? Wait, before anything else, shouldn’t I help him get dressed?

“Shit, for real.”

As I scratched my head, overwhelmed by all these thoughts, Jung Woojin’s shoulders slumped like a kicked puppy. The pitiful sight made me feel like I was the bad guy. Even when he’s doing nothing, he always looks weak and pitiful, but now that he’s actually sick, he looks like he could die at any moment. Looking closer, his lips were bluish, his face was pale, and he was even sweating a bit. It pissed me off, but I tried my best to act like everything was fine.

“You’ve got a fever.”

I was about to suggest going to the hospital when Jung Woojin’s eyes suddenly welled up with tears.

“I’m sorry…”

“What?”

His frail, lily-like appearance caught me off guard. Why is he apologizing for having a fever? I didn’t even have time to figure that out before a wave of guilt crashed over me. After a brief moment of confusion, I snapped back to my senses and frowned.

“Go to the hospital or get some sleep.”

“Sunbae, I’m really sorry.”

Feeling awkward, I scratched the back of my neck and started heading toward my room, but Jung Woojin trailed after me, mumbling apologetically. Normally, I’d just ignore him and brush it off, but right now, I didn’t have the heart to be so harsh. I stopped walking, and as soon as I did, Jung Woojin stopped behind me, on the verge of tears. I couldn’t see his face, but I knew exactly what it looked like: a sad puppy staring at the back of my head.

My fingers itched. I wanted to turn around and yell at him to stop standing there like a lost puppy and either sit or lie down. I wanted to scream that he’s in this state because he doesn’t eat or sleep, and then ask,

The frustration was unbearable, and the anger rising up inside me felt like it was about to explode. My breathing grew shallow, and I gasped for air before taking a deep breath and letting it out.

“Sunbae.”

Jung Woojin called out to me again. The burning heat in my head instantly cooled, turning into ice. I needed to go to my room and lock the door. If I shut it in his face, maybe he’ll stop following me. That thought was running through my mind when I heard him speak again.

“Hyung…”

His trembling voice hit my ears.

I turned around, dumbfounded. His face was so pale, and he looked like he might burst into tears any second. Just seeing that made my anger flare up, erupting like a volcano.

“You little shit…”

“I messed up…”

I grabbed Jung Woojin by the arm, practically dragging him, and kicked the door open with a bang. I threw him onto the bed like trash and yelled.

“Lie down!”

Startled by my roar, Jung Woojin scrambled under the covers, pulling the blanket up to his nose and watching me nervously. I glared at him as if I was about to kill him, then grabbed my phone and canceled the braised chicken order. As I hung up, I almost threw my phone at his head.

“If you don’t stop sniffling, I swear—”

At my bellow, Jung Woojin bit his lip. He couldn’t even open his eyes properly and was barely holding back sobs. The sight made my blood boil. Without thinking, I ran to the bathroom, soaked a towel with cold water, and wrung it out so hard it felt like I was going to tear it apart. I came back out and saw Jung Woojin sticking his feet out from under the blanket. Our eyes met, and I heard the sound of my teeth grinding. He quickly tucked his feet back under the covers and lay still. I slapped the wet towel onto his forehead and pressed it down while pretending to smooth it out.

“If you get up, I swear you’re dead.”

“Sunbae, food…”

“If you’re still crying when I get back, I’ll pluck your eyes out.”

“Can I just… sleep…”

“Shut up!”

I slammed the door and left the room. If he followed me out, I was seriously ready to grab him by the hair. Fortunately, the door stayed closed. Relieved, I headed to the kitchen. Shit, the fridge was empty, there was no rice in the rice cooker, and damn it, where was the rice even stored? I looked up a rice porridge recipe on my phone while searching for the rice.

As I filled a pot with water, I started wondering what the hell I was doing. Why the hell was I making porridge for that asshole? I’d called him an idiot a hundred times, but maybe the real idiot was me.

I roughly cooked the porridge and opened the door. Jung Woojin turned his head quickly to look at me. I had hoped he’d be asleep by now, but it seemed like he’d been waiting for me to come in. Gritting my teeth, I carried the tray over. He looked from me to the tray and slowly sat up in bed. I placed the tray on his lap and said,

“Eat.”

“Sun…”

“Shut up and eat. You…”

I was about to tell him I knew what he was thinking and that nothing had changed, but I stopped myself. Just eat the porridge first,

.

Once he finishes eating, I’ll bring it up. Honestly, the way things turned out, maybe it’s a blessing. I had been stressing over how to even start the conversation, but now that things have escalated, maybe it’s better this way. Jung Woojin was holding the tray with both hands, his lips quivering as he stared down. His hand, gripping the spoon, was trembling violently.

“Do you not even have the strength to hold a spoon?” Thinking that, I was about to take a step closer when a tear suddenly fell into the steaming bowl of porridge.

I was dumbfounded. Fuck, what is this? It’s not like I’m eating bread soaked in tears…

“Let me know when you’re done eating.”

For some reason, I got goosebumps on my arms and ended up bursting out of the room.

After slamming the door shut, I clutched my chest with my hands, swallowing my breath. My heart started racing like crazy. In the midst of that, the moment when Jung Woojin called me “hyung” flashed through my mind. My head throbbed, and I squeezed my eyes shut.

Hyung? Fuck. Why the hell am I your hyung, you crazy bastard?

His voice, calling me “hyung,” kept echoing in my head, and I was tugging at my hair when suddenly I remembered—I had nothing for dinner. There was some porridge left, but I couldn’t eat it in case he asked for more later.

Why did I cancel the jjimdak earlier? Ah, fuck, should I just reorder it? Sitting at the dining table, slumped over, I was lost in thought when Jung Woojin appeared with a tray. Startled, I shot up.

“You already finished eating?”

“More…”

“What?”

“Give me more.”

“…..”

Good thing I didn’t eat, fuck…

With a bewildered expression, I took the tray and ladled out the leftover porridge from the pot. I wondered if it had cooled down and took a small bite, almost choking on it.

This bastard… has such a high fever that his taste buds must be numb. How is he eating this so well? Glancing back, I saw Jung Woojin sitting at the dining table. Staring at the full bowl of porridge, I was confused.

I followed the recipe from the internet, but the porridge came out too thick and salty. Maybe I added too much sesame oil at the end, making it greasy. But I couldn’t redo it now… Feeling flustered, I couldn’t even hide my awkward expression as I placed the bowl in front of Jung Woojin.

Then I just sat across from him, stupidly watching him eat the porridge.

“…..”

“…..”

How the hell is he eating that without even changing his expression…

Silently, Jung Woojin finished the entire bowl of porridge and looked up at me. Caught off guard, I asked,

“What. Why. Do you want more?”

“I’m full.”

“O-okay.”

“…..”

“…..”

Fuck, why am I even flustered? I didn’t do anything wrong. Idiot, if it tasted bad, he didn’t have to eat it. It’s not like I forced him. I mean, I did tell him to eat it at first, but I didn’t say to eat two bowls. Ah, screw it! Scratching my head, I finally spoke.

“Hey.”

“Sunbae.”

We called each other at the same time, like we were in some kind of drama. The whole situation was just awkward and embarrassing. With a sigh, I said,

“You first…”

“You go first, Sunbae…”

“…..”

“…..”

Are we really filming a drama here? Looking at Jung Woojin, who somehow seemed shy, I bit my lip.

“What do you want to say?”

“Sunbae, you go first.”

“You say it first.”

“Sunbae should…”

“Ah, fuck! You go first!”

At my outburst, Jung Woojin looked at me with drooping eyes. At least now that he’d eaten something, he looked a bit better. His lips and face had regained some color, and he no longer looked like someone on the verge of death.

“I’m sorry.”

“Aren’t you tired of saying that?”

At my sarcastic comment, tears welled up in his dark eyes.

“I’m really sorry.”

“If that’s all you have to say, just shut up.”

“I wasn’t trying to get revenge. I came because I wanted to see you. I really wanted to see you. That’s all. There was no other reason.”

Looking at him claim his innocence like some kind of accused criminal, I felt both complicated and dumbfounded.

“Sunbae, you…”

“What about me.”

“Sunbae kept staying out overnight…”

“What?”

“You kept going to…”

Jung Woojin mumbled with a trembling voice, but he was speaking so softly that I could barely hear him. Even when I did catch a word, I didn’t understand what he meant. Why was he suddenly talking about staying out overnight?

“Staying out?”

“You didn’t come home often.”

“When?”

“Back when we were in school…”

“What?”

“…..”

“…..”

I stared blankly at Jung Woojin and, thinking the worst, asked,

“You fucking stalked me, didn’t you?”

“Yeah…”

“Huh?”

Without a moment’s hesitation, as if answering something completely normal, he nodded. I was speechless.

“Since when?”

“When you first entered university…”