Lost

He took out a black bag and began carefully packing the ice cream he’d just finished paying for. The customer seemed to be in a hurry and started packing it into the bag himself. When there was only one or two items left, a hand suddenly shot in. Of course, the owner of that hand was Jung Woojin. Both the customer and I turned our heads with puzzled expressions. Jung Woojin, with a murderous look, gripped the customer’s wrist tightly and spoke.“You touched my hand.”“Pardon?”“Here, sir. Have a nice day.”Quickly, I handed the bag to the customer and firmly grabbed Jung Woojin’s wrist. I was ready to hit him if he didn’t let go, but fortunately, he released his grip. The customer, still bewildered, glanced at Jung Woojin before walking out. Just as I was about to say something to him, the customer came back in. This time, it was a female customer in a tracksuit, but her pants were so short they looked like underwear, and she was wearing a tight black sleeveless top.Before I could even process how stunning her figure was, my eyes instinctively shifted toward her, and then our gazes met. I quickly looked away, but then I locked eyes with Jung Woojin, who was glaring at me with narrowed eyes. Before I could say anything, the female customer came up with a pink sanitary pad in hand and placed it on the counter.“Please put it in a bag.”I replied with a “Yes,” and was about to scan the barcode when, all of a sudden, Jung Woojin rudely snatched it from my hand. In shock, I handed it over to him. Jung Woojin scanned the barcode himself, put the pad in a bag, and handed it to the woman, saying:“I’ll take care of the payment. Have a nice day.”“…Excuse me?”The woman asked, looking confused. I sighed, rubbing my temples. This guy is seriously crazy.“Just go,” he said.“Sorry?”“I said just go.”“…?”“Go. Leave.”Jung Woojin, kindly gesturing toward the exit, watched as the woman, with a bewildered expression, glanced between him and me, then blushed. I was speechless.As the woman left and I was about to say something, yet another customer came in. I had no idea why we were suddenly so busy today. With a sigh, I was about to get back to work when Jung Woojin barged behind the counter and pushed me aside, positioning himself in front.“How much is this?”A customer asked, holding a few bags of snacks. Jung Woojin casually scanned the barcodes and replied.“3,200 won.”“Please throw away the receipt.”“Sure, have a nice day.”To my surprise, Jung Woojin started working normally, doing the job in a completely ordinary way. At first, I was stunned, but watching him work like that became amusing, so I decided to let him be and just watched.Jung Woojin looked like a model fresh from a photoshoot, standing there expressionless, scanning barcodes with a kind of glowing aura from behind. Then, lifting his gaze, he said:“9,200 won.”“Here. Oh, and how much is this?”“700 won.”“Oh, then add this too. Ah, wait. How much is this one…?”“That’s 1,400 won.”“I’ll take this as well. Please bag them for me. Do you do cash receipts?”The customers kept coming. One would leave, and two more would enter, then three would come in as two left. In the rush, I had no time to confront Jung Woojin. Then, a girl who could only have been a middle or high school student came in.“One pack of Esse Lights, please.”“Can I see your ID?”“I didn’t bring it.”“Then go get it.”“I don’t live near here though…”“Then buy it near your house.”The girl, looking dejected, slumped her shoulders, clearly disheartened by Jung Woojin’s cold, expressionless response.“I’ll bring it next time, I promise.”“Sure, do that.”“Couldn’t you just sell it to me this once?”“No, I can’t.”“Come on, just once? Please?”Jung Woojin watched the girl, who had started acting cute, and leaned forward slightly with a wide smile.“No.”The girl’s face turned bright red as she walked out of the convenience store. I was still dumbfounded by the strange situation when I saw another girl, who seemed like the first one’s friend, walk in through the glass window.“Oppa, Esse Lights…”“No.”Then another girl entered.“Oppa, Dunhill…”“No.”And yet another girl.“Oppa, Mild Seven…”After that, it was like they had planned it—one girl after another started coming in.“Oppa! Marlboro Red!”Finally, even girls in school uniforms stormed in. I couldn’t take it anymore and stood up from my chair, but Jung Woojin shot me a sharp look.“Oppa, oppa.”Jung Woojin, glancing between the chirping girl calling him oppa like a sparrow and me, suddenly seemed to have a revelation. He turned around, grabbed a pack of Marlboro Red, scanned it, and said:“4,500 won.”“Huh?”“Hey, are you out of your mind?”I approached him sternly, but Jung Woojin, with a floral background practically glowing behind him, smiled at the dumbfounded girl and said:“Go out and report me.”“Huh?”“Seriously, report me. Got it?”“Huh? Y-Yeah… Okay, I’ll report you!”Clutching the pack of cigarettes, the girl, her face flushed like a tomato, dashed out of the store. Outside, I could see a group of girls who had been pressed against the window watching Jung Woojin. They giggled and cheered among themselves.“You just…”“Welcome.”The girl who had been squealing outside burst through the door, her face brimming with excitement.“Oppa!”I’d heard that when people get too flustered, they can’t even speak, and it turned out to be true. I stood there, my mouth hanging open, staring at her.“What do you want?” Jung Woojin asked, his hand reaching toward the cigarettes. The girl squeezed her eyes shut and shouted:“Your heart, oppa!”“There’s no cigarette like that.”Jung Woojin responded coldly. Outside, I could see the girl who had bought the cigarettes earlier, grinning as she walked toward us with a police officer.＊ ＊ ＊Getting fired from the convenience store was inevitable, in hindsight.I stood there dumbfounded on the cold asphalt, staring blankly, when Jung Woojin spoke.“Sunbae, my hourly wage was 52,000 won…”“Get lost.”“Sunbae, I’m sorry.”“Screw off, you bastard!”“Sunbae, Sunbae!”I got into a taxi and locked the door as Jung Woojin banged on the window.“What’s going on?” The taxi driver asked, clearly startled. I waved it off and said,“Just drive, please.”“Not someone you know?”“No, I don’t know him.”The driver gave me a puzzled look before awkwardly gripping the steering wheel. The taxi roared to life and sped off.As soon as I turned on my phone, it vibrated. It was obviously Jung Woojin. I flipped my phone face down, determined not to look at it, staring out the window as I vowed never to date him again. Before I knew it, we had arrived at my house. I paid and started walking home when I spotted a black sedan in the distance. It looked familiar. Just to be sure, I squinted and carefully checked the car. Before I could even confirm the license plate, the door opened, and out jumped Jung Woojin. I was so shocked I nearly fell backward.“Sunbae!”How did he get here before me? I hadn’t even told him where I moved! Stunned, I couldn’t move as Jung Woojin approached me with a teary-eyed expression.“Why didn’t you answer my calls?”He grabbed my wrist and lifted it, then turned on my phone screen and said again,“See? Your battery’s still full.”“…”“Look, there are missed calls from me.”A scene from a drama about toxic relationships suddenly flashed through my mind.…Is this what paranoia looks like? I knew Jung Woojin was suspicious and had unexplained anxiety, but now that we were living apart, I was realizing just how unhinged he truly was.“Jung Woojin.”At my call, he said something I really didn’t want to hear.“Just call me Woojin.”His pitiful voice dug into my ears, but I didn’t even feel angry. I sighed and asked,“How did you find me?”“I followed you when you signed the lease.”“Without me knowing?”“Yes.”“You bastard.”“I was wrong.”I was so sick of hearing Jung Woojin’s apologies that I could barely stand it. Clenching my fist, I asked,“You damn idiot, if you know you’re doing something wrong, then don’t do it in the first place!”“But you didn’t teach me, Sunbae.”“So, now it’s my fault that you followed me around behind my back because I didn’t tell you beforehand?”“If you had told me earlier, I would’ve stayed away until you called me. I swear.”Watching Jung Woojin look at me with those eyes full of injustice, all I could do was let out a hollow laugh. Haha… Haha… Like an old man who had seen it all, I weakly chuckled, and then Jung Woojin spoke again.“It’s true. I wasn’t going to come if you didn’t call. Even though I missed you, I was going to hold back, but you didn’t even tell me where you were.”“I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d follow me like this, you idiot. If I had told you where I lived, you’d be whining endlessly, begging to stay over or to let you in.”“……”“And when things didn’t go your way, you’d cry again, wouldn’t you, you bastard?”As I shouted at him, Jung Woojin hung his head. He looked pitiful, but I couldn’t back down now.“And who are you to follow me? Didn’t you hear me when I said we’re breaking up?”My voice was laced with frustration, and Jung Woojin’s eyes shot up, glaring at me with a sharp, almost terrifying expression. I flinched for a moment, and then Jung Woojin pulled something out of his pocket.“Number 5. Don’t talk about breaking up.”“……”“You wrote it yourself, Sunbae.”It was the contract with my fingerprint on it. I glared at the contract, and when I looked back up, there was Jung Woojin, staring at me with that pitiful expression again.“Shit.”I snatched the contract from his hand. Then, I pulled out his copy of the contract and showed it to him.“Number 3. Don’t show up unannounced. Whether it’s my workplace or my home.”“……”“You broke that first.”Jung Woojin clamped his mouth shut at my words.“You said it was okay if I came secretly.”His eyes were red as he mumbled an excuse, and I couldn’t believe it.“You think this is coming secretly?”“I did come secretly.”“You secretly came into the convenience store, sold cigarettes to high schoolers on my behalf without me knowing, and got me fired?”“……”This damn idiot. I ground my teeth in frustration, and Jung Woojin lowered his head again. If he had ears on the top of his head, they’d be drooping right now. Then, Jung Woojin looked back up at me, his eyes even redder than before.“You promised to think about me ten times a day.”“I did.”I answered half-heartedly, and Jung Woojin gave me a resentful look.“You didn’t tell me. You promised you’d text me or call me, or at least tell me when we met.”“You… damn it! How am I supposed to do that every single day…!”“Can’t you?”“Yeah, damn it! I can’t, why?”When I yelled, Jung Woojin snatched the contract from my hand and raised his voice too.“Then I can’t do this either. Why won’t you let me see you!”“I never said you couldn’t see me! Just do it secretly, secretly!”“But I want to talk to you!”“Then talk to a doll!”“A doll isn’t you, Sunbae!”“Just pretend it’s me!”“If that worked, do you think I’d be acting like this right now?”As tears welled up in his eyes, I shouted at him in frustration.“You damn idiot! Make a new rule, number 6! Number 6!”Jung Woojin looked confused, so I grabbed the contract back from him and yelled,“Every time you cry, you get punched in the jaw!”“Okay.”“What?”I was caught off guard by how easily he agreed. When I asked again, Jung Woojin stared straight at me and said,“Then I want a new rule too. Number 6: Every time you don’t tell me you thought about me ten times a day, you have to kiss me.”At that horrifying suggestion, I clenched my fist and yelled,“Screw you!”Then Jung Woojin shouted back at me just as loudly,“Then I don’t want to either!”“Damn it, you always have to argue back, don’t you!”“Don’t say we’re breaking up.”As I stood there, trembling in frustration and stomping my foot, Jung Woojin lowered his head again. Startled by his sudden words, I asked, “What?” and he quietly looked up at me again.“Then I’ll stop showing up at your work or bothering you. Just don’t say we’re breaking up.”“How can I trust you?”At my words, Jung Woojin took a deep breath as if he were about to say something but then closed his mouth. His eyes, filled with tears, were incredibly red. In a pitiful voice, he said,“This time, it’s real.”“You said that last time too. Every time. You probably meant it every time you said it.”“……”“Do you even know how many times you’ve apologized to me? And every time you apologized, how many times did you say you wouldn’t do it again?”Tears that had been welling up finally fell. As the first tear dropped, it was like a dam burst, and tears began to flow freely. Astonished, I asked, “And why do you keep crying? Are you crying to make me feel guilty? You’re not some child, so why do you always cry?”“Because you…”“What about me? You’re saying you’re crying because of me?” I said, exasperated. Jung Woojin clamped his mouth shut again but then stammered, tears still streaming, “Because you got mad…”“You pissed me off.”“Then what am I supposed to do?”“What?”“I miss you, so what am I supposed to do?”“What?”“I want to talk to you and eat with you, so what do I do?”It was ridiculous, but his unexpected words caught me off guard, and my anger quickly dissipated. It was like steam escaping, leaving my mind blank, as though wiped clean. I stammered, “Why are you asking me that?”“I don’t expect it every day. Just once a week.”“What?”“A date.”“We already see each other for three hours a day!”When I shouted, Jung Woojin looked at me with tear-streaked eyes and said in a sorrowful voice, “What’s the point of three hours? You don’t pay any attention to me, you barely talk, and you don’t even look at me!”“……”“I want to watch movies, eat, go to a café, take a drive, and when the sun sets, drink together… sleep together…”As he saw my expression hardening, Jung Woojin trailed off, “Just sleep. Just holding hands, really.”“Who said anything?”“I swear, just holding hands.”“Where did you learn this old-school pickup line…?”“Anyway, when we’re on a date, you have to do everything with me. No doing your own thing. Whether it’s playing games, reading comics, or listening to music, we have to do it together.”Ugh, annoying. I scratched my head furiously, and Jung Woojin pressed for an answer. Why am I even listening to this? Why do I have to do whatever he wants? It was frustrating, and I didn’t want to agree, but part of me thought that maybe, just maybe, if I went along with it, things would be a little easier. As I stayed silent, Jung Woojin grew anxious. I looked at him for a moment and said, “Once a week is too often. Make it once a month.”His black eyes were filled with disappointment. It was clear he hated the idea—he wanted more, even just once a day, but his eyes practically shouted his displeasure with a month.“If you don’t like it, forget it.”“Fine. Once a month. But then, you have to spend the whole day with me—24 hours.”“Fine, now get lost.”I sighed tiredly and waved him off dismissively. After hesitating for a moment, Jung Woojin called out to me, “Sunbae.”He didn’t seem like he was going to leave at all. If he asked me to let him stay, I swore I’d punch him this time. I glared at him, daring him to try, but what he said instead caught me off guard.“Can I move into a studio apartment around here?”His unexpected question deflated me. His dejected expression returned as I stared at him, utterly drained.“Do whatever you want.”A faint glimmer of happiness flickered across his sullen face.“I’ll just leave if you move in.”And he went back to being crestfallen.＊ ＊ ＊The loud ringing of my phone’s alarm woke me up. Even before I opened my eyes, my body ached—my shoulders, back, everything. Groaning, I turned over and instinctively reached out, only to feel the hard floor. Squinting, I saw the yellow linoleum beneath me.“……”I sluggishly sat up. I must have tossed and turned so much that the blanket I’d laid out on the floor was crumpled into a ball in the corner. Having gotten used to sleeping in a bed, my body creaked like an old man’s from spending the night on the floor. Groaning like a grandfather, I got up and headed to the bathroom. The cramped little bathroom was so small, there wasn’t even room to step around, and of course, there was no bathtub. Sure, the studio I used to live in before Jung Woojin and I started living together was even worse than this, but it’s funny how quickly you get used to comfort. A place I would’ve once considered a palace now felt inconvenient. Even when I was stuck on that island, the house was better than this.Staring blankly at the mirror, I scowled. Am I really that shallow? But damn, it really was comfortable, so what am I supposed to do? It’s not like I’m just lazing around—I’m out here trying to get a job, to get my life together. It’s only natural that I’d miss it.Muttering to myself, I hastily brushed my teeth, washed my face, threw on a hat, and stepped outside. Slipping on my sneakers without bothering to untuck the heels, I shuffled down the stairs but came to an abrupt stop. I crouched down like a cat and held my breath, creeping up to the corner and peeking out cautiously. A few parked cars came into view. I scanned them closely, looking for Jung Woojin’s car. After a thorough search, I saw no sign of his familiar vehicle.Nope, not here. I was sure he’d be waiting, but it seemed I was wrong. Is this good news? I needed to go out and look for a part-time job, and if Jung Woojin had been here, he definitely would’ve gotten in the way.“Huh?”Startled by the sudden voice, I whipped around.“You.”A guy in a black suit, hair slicked back with wax, sporting a clean-cut face. I’d definitely seen him before. As I widened my eyes, he grinned and said, “Saw you at Kyunghwan’s bar, didn’t I?”“Oh.”That guy who said he was gay. I swallowed the rest of my words and slightly lowered my head. He looked me up and down before asking.“Do you live here?”“Yeah, I just moved in.”“Oh, I saw the moving truck going back and forth.”He had a dark spot under his drooping eyes, which stood out. When I silently stared at him, he smiled again. I felt uncomfortable for some reason.“Do you live here?”“No, I’m just here for a bit.”“Ah, okay. Well, take care.”As I turned to leave, he seemed to want to say something else but eventually nodded, as if he had no choice. Adjusting my hat, I walked along the street. I should take the bus into town and look for a part-time job. As I walked, I pulled my phone out of my pocket.29 messages, 194 KakaoTalk messages, 18 missed calls.Most likely, they were all from Jung Woojin. I stared at the screen with tired eyes when suddenly, a call came in. It was Jung Woojin.“Why?”When I answered, Jung Woojin asked in a heavy voice.— Did you wake up?“Yeah. Why?”— What are you doing?“Walking.”— You’re walking? Where to?“Just on the street.”I arrived at the bus stop. Before Jung Woojin could finish asking where I was going, I quickly said, “I have to take the bus. I’m hanging up.”I could hear Jung Woojin calling me as I stuffed my phone back into my pocket. The bus was crowded with people, even though it wasn’t rush hour and it wasn’t the weekend. Shouldn’t everyone be at school or work right now? Why are there so many people? I frowned while squeezing into the crowded bus and finally got off when we reached downtown. Walking down the street, I lost myself in thought.Part-time jobs at convenience stores or PC bangs are easy but don’t pay much. To earn more, I should consider delivery jobs or working at a bar… But can I return to school? Did Jung Woojin say he took a leave of absence or did he make me drop out completely? I couldn’t remember clearly. If I dropped out, I could probably get a full-time job instead of just a part-time one. But thinking about it, even if it’s a leave of absence, getting a full-time job during that period would probably earn me more money. There’s nothing to do sitting at home all day… Is there a job that works for ten or twelve hours a day? Where can I work? What should I do?But today, the “Hiring” signs that usually popped up everywhere were nowhere to be found. It seemed faster just to go to a PC bang and search the internet. But then I realized I hadn’t eaten anything all day. Should I eat first?My phone began vibrating in my pocket. I wondered if it was a call, but it turned out to be texts or KakaoTalk messages. I checked the screen while walking.[Sunbae, have you eaten?][Where are you going?][Are you looking for a part-time job?][Sunbae, please reply][Sunbae][I’m also going to town][SunbaeSunbaeSunbaeSunbae]As I absentmindedly swiped through the messages, I bumped my head against something. Automatically, my hat fell off, and as I looked up, the sunlight made it hard to see clearly. Hungry and annoyed about not finding a job, I bent down to pick up my hat and said,“Watch where you’re going.”As I clicked my tongue and tried to put my hat back on, someone grabbed my wrist. Damn it, is this guy looking for a fight? Just as I was about to glare up at him, I heard a familiar voice near my ear.“Hey, we meet again?”“…?”I frowned and focused my eyes. With slicked-back hair, a black suit, and a handsome face. That annoying smile. It was him.“What do you want?”As I frowned, he chuckled.“You bumped into me first, so what do you mean, ‘what do you want’?”“…”“Where are you headed?”Why is this guy even talking to me? We’re not close; I just saw him for a moment at Kyunghwan’s bar. I was about to say something but decided against it to avoid causing trouble.“I’m going to eat.”“Really? It’s not nice to eat alone. Let’s go together.”“What?”“I need to eat too.”“…”So he and I went to a nearby seolleongtang restaurant. As I walked in, I questioned why I had to eat with him, but my stomach was growling, so I figured I’d eat first and think later.“Did you come all the way here just to eat?”“Well, that and looking for a part-time job, multitasking.”“Part-time job?”“Yeah.”As I answered while ladling rice into my seolleongtang, he nodded, “Hmm.” Regardless of him, I scooped a huge spoonful of seolleongtang and stuffed it into my mouth.“Ouch, hot! Damn it!”It was scalding! I jumped and cursed, causing him to laugh in surprise. He then pulled out a few tissues and handed them to me. I nodded in thanks and wiped the spilled soup and rice from my pants when he said,“I think Kyunghwan was looking for people. Wouldn’t it be okay to work there?”“Kyunghwan doesn’t hire people he knows.”“Oh, right.”I scooped up another spoonful of seolleongtang and blew on it. Maybe because I was so hungry, I quickly finished one bowl. We didn’t say much until we stepped outside after eating. The only reason we ate together was that we both had to eat alone anyway. I was thinking it was time to say goodbye and leave when he, who had been quiet for a while, seemed to hesitate and then asked me,“How old are you?”“I’m the same age as Gapdol. 27.”“You’ve already done your military service, right?”