Luck’s descent (BL)

He couldn't remember exactly how it was that time. All the moments he once experienced, whether in his dreams or in reality, were for him fragments of memories that he couldn't put together, not assign them somewhere. That's why he had no idea what happened, what didn't, what he actually experienced as a free man in the world and what he only dreamed of in his cell.

All of Rue's memories were bits and pieces that would clear up to him from time to time in relation to something similar to what he was currently experiencing...but not enough to know what happened in that memory. They intermingled, he felt all the feelings in them, but at the same time they were strangely inaccessible to him.

In fact, he almost didn't remember what his entire punishment sounded like. He knew he was to be locked up forever, he knew that even though the king didn't want, luck spared him and let him live...he wasn't free, but at least he still lived. 

His connection with Luck changed from two-way to one-way. Although he was still bound to the source, he was unable to draw from it, and his easy life became something no Infey had ever experienced.

However, in the cell, the state of his luck didn't matter. He had no way to use it, and Rue remembered that at the time he was locked up in prison, he was quite happy that nothing worse had happened. He didn't remember what might have happened and he didn't remember what else the verdict included...but he knew he wasn't scared at that time.

He knew that he was grateful that he could still communicate with luck as ever, he knew that he was grateful that he was alive at all. But at this moment he didn't remember any gratitude.

The constant silence in the dark, which he lives though by talking to his guard, whose face he had never seen, made him doubt whether he had ever been free. The first countless years were fine…and he couldn't remember when he started to lose track of what he actually experienced and what were dreams.

One year...two...five...ten...every day he added a line to the stone wall to know how much had passed, to know that some beginning of his life in custody was...that he wasn't always in a cell. However, the walls of the prison were only as wide as the cell would allow them to be...and though Rue remembered what day yesterday marked, it began to fade over time.

Fifty...seventy...hundred...

"It's a hundred years today, Qie," he noted another line on the wall, "or...not?" He didn't know.

He lightly let his fingers touched the wall, marked with countless rough cuts. His palm ran over the stone, which had almost no free spots, trying to figure out when he had time to mark them all.

"Has it really been so long, are you really alone for a century?" he mumbled, "I'm alone too...do you think we'll ever meet again?" he didn't know and hesitated, "Qie...do you still remember me?" he asked to the silence in the cell. 

He didn't say anything for a while, staring at the wall and thinking before adding, "Do you think luck will ever forgive me, Qie?

He knew he wasn't going to get an answer, and if he did, he certainly wouldn't like it. But he asked anyway because that was all he really wanted to know. He was aware that he deserved his punishment, he knew that it was right and he didn't intend to resist his fate, but that didn't change the fact that he began to feel more lonely every year.

The lines were increasing, no one answered... his guard standing by his cell brought him a candle every day, helped him start a new day without which he couldn't even know about and even though he didn't answer, at least he listened everyday. And that was enough for Rue ...at least for the next fifty years. A long time passed before he began to wonder if the guard at his cell was even real.

"Qie..." he sat by the bars and lightly touched them, "are you still alive at all?" he asked once into the void from which no answer came no matter how long he waited. But he couldn't do anything else...just wait...and waiting was what was starting to drive him more and more crazy every day.

"It's a hundred and fifty years today, Qie," he muttered after some time, "or a hundred and sixty?" suddenly he didn't know.

He blinked into the darkness and looked at the bars, "Qie...how long have I been here?"

But no one answered... like never.

The days passed, lines after lines were added, nothing morecould be written on the stone, which no longer had room for other line. However, Rue marked them anyway...he always marked them...because it was the only thing that kept him alive. 

One day he sat again next to the bars and looked out.

"Today I had a dream...a long dream...we were in the forest, walking by the water...the moon was shining, the stars could be seen in the sky...they wew so tiny...they twinkled as if they were real...I thought they were...I don't know why, but I didn't realize I was dreaming," he admitted, 

"We walked for a long time...I don't remember where we went, at all, but we had a good time...I was happy," he laughed, "it was a very nice dream...you would have liked it...you were happy too," he gently reached out his hand through the bars to the guard he didn't see,

"We walked for a long time...fireflies flew by us...I was disappointed because they didn't want to come closer...they all flew around you," he laughed, "it was as if I remembered for a moment that there was no luck left for me...I was disappointed...I said that I miss luck," he laughed, "do you know what you did then?" Rue asked. 

"You said if I missed luck you'll bring it to me," he laughed, "I didn't think you meant it, but before I could do anything, you gave me your closed palm...just like this," he clenched his hand in his fist and looked at it carefully, "you took my other one and put something small in it," he laughed, 

"I saw a tiny light from it...soft, yellow...beautiful...you gave me a firefly," he lightly opened his hand and looked at his empty palm, "I was then...really happy...really," he laughed and stayed silent for a moment before gently asking, "Where did it go? Could you tell me? Where did that firefly go?"

He stared at his empty palm for a moment and tried to remember what happened after that, tried to remember if it stayed with him or flew away. But he couldn't remember more of the night that meant more to him than any day in the cell... no matter that it was in a dream. 

"Qie...when will I have a dream like this again?" he asked, sliding his palm into the cell, "Beautiful, long...just us and the moon, the fireflies and the forest...may it never end...I feel like I actually fell asleep for that time...all the time we walked...all the years of happiness...I was free." he mumbled and smiled lightly as he tried to remember more of the beautiful dream he was living in that dream.

He didn't say anything for a while, he was silent and thought, trying to bring up more memories, to hold on to them and not let them go...but he knew he couldn't...he knew that in a year, in two...in five...even this beautiful dream will become only a short fragment in a mixture of experiences that he could not recall at all.

It wasn't the first time he'd had such a dream, it wasn't the first time he'd caught fireflies or the first time he'd been free and walked with his guardian in the forest...but Rue couldn't remember if he'd actually experienced it before his imprisonment or it was a dream... sometimes he didn't even know if he had experienced anything at all. 

"Qie," he murmured more quietly the other day and lightly wiped his wet eyes, filled with tears from the memories that were gradually fading, "I want to be free again..." he placed his palm on his eyelids, which had slipped a few hot drops. He sobbed quietly and wiped away the tears again as he couldn't stop them.

"I'm sorry," he whined, "I know I don't deserve it...I just...it's just...I've been here alone for so long...I-I don't want to be in the cell anymore," he muttered a wish that he had no choice but to comply, "I want to be free..." he cried more softly and pulled his knees to his chest, how out of control he suddenly felt.

He lowered his head to his knees and mumbled, "I want that firefly back, Qie...please, tell me, where did it go?"

***

They walked through the night forest. It had been a long time since Rue felt as good as he did tonight, and although he knew that he hadn't been outside for over two hundred years, although he hadn't seen the night nature for a long time, he felt something nostalgic tonight. Although there were no houses or lights nearby, as there used to be in city streets, they could see the road. The moon shone brightly in the clear sky, reminding Rue of something he had long since forgotten. 

He just looked up for a while, watching the twinkling stars and smiling contentedly at the freedom that filled him. Taking a deep breath as if to make sure he wasn't dreaming, he looked up at the bright moon and mentally thanked Luck for allowing him to have this day, for making his life better...for feeling what it was like to be free again.

He didn't remember when he was in the night forest as this one, he didn't remember how many dreams he had about it, but he knew that this wasn't a dream... because he wasn't alone here.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" he stretched out his palm as if he wanted to grab the moon, "Don't you think it's more beautiful than ever before? That today is more beautiful than ever?" he asked.

Ylre nodded, "It is," he stared at the moon for a moment before adding, "and tomorrow will be even more beautiful." He promised.

He didn't know how coul be Ylre sure, but just knowing that he would see the moon tomorrow brought a happy smile to Rue's face. He wanted to add something, but in the process his eyes were struck by the shine of small lights from behind the trees. 

At first he didn't know what they were, he watched in confusion as something flashed from time to time between the bushes, between the trees and in their crowns, before suddenly one flashed next to him. He stopped and looked at Ylre, who had a single firefly landing on his shoulder.

"Ah," he lowered his voice and lightly approached him, "how beautiful she is."

Ylre stared at the firefly for a moment, his expression not looking contentedly, but he smiled softly nonetheless. He watched in silence as Rue extended a finger towards it , but the firefly flew away in a second. Rue let out a disappointed sigh and laughed softly. 

He was about to say something when another one emerged from Ylre's other side...and another one. Flickering lights gradually approached from among the trees and made Reo think they were like living stars in the darkness of the forest.

"Ylre, look," he lightly reached for the fireflies around him, but he couldn't touch any of them, "what are they doing here? They're beautiful." he turned and watched the tiny lights move through the forest. 

"There will probably be water somewhere nearby," Ylre clarified and let the fireflies sit on him.

"They all sat next to you," Rue laughed and lightly approached Ylre, "why do they all fly away when I try to touch them?" he asked, and even though he knew it wasn't a problem, even though he knew it was nothing and he was thoroughly enjoying seeing such a beautiful sight at all, something inside him still ached nostalgically.

Ylre stared at the fireflies circling around him for a moment and tried to say something, but Rue wouldn't let him.

"They feel that that Luck loves you," he clarified, "It's beautiful to be lucky."

Ylre shook off a few fireflies, "Luck doesn't love me...it loves someone my luck truly belongs to...nothing more," he said.

"It belongs to you," Rue said as he didn't know what Ylre meant and smiled, "I used to be like you...I had luck on my side...a long time ago...but I still remember some things," he tried to touch the firefly again, but it flew away, "sometimes I really miss it." 

Ylre watched him for a moment until Rue moved away a bit and was looking at him a few steps away. No matter how much he wanted his luck to return to its previous state, the sight of Ylre was so beautiful he could forget everything else. His red hair glistened red under the light from the flying fireflies, his bright blue eyes seemed to be even deeper than usual, and as he stood motionless in the swirl of fireflies, he looked like he was part of nature.

Rue felt strangely warm feelings as he looked at him...as if he had seen it before, as if he had experienced it before...and at the same time he couldn't remember if it was all just a dream. 

He watched Ylre for a while longer before he looked up at the stars and laughed lightly. He loved the stars...the little twinkling bits of freedom that couldn't be seen from the cell. And since the fireflies were closest to them at night, he loved them too. 

However, he didn't have time to watch the stars for long when Ylre's voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

 "You don't have to miss it," he said gently, at the same time, as if something angered him, "it's nothing special...luck is overrated...if it was truly almighty, if it knew what was right, it would always stand by you," he stated, not letting Rue interrupt him, "however...if you truly miss it," he took a few steps until he was standing by his side, "I'll bring it to you," he promised, "every time you miss it, I'll bring it to you."

The few words caused a strange pounding in Rue's chest. He blinked lightly and remained silent for a moment before he hesitated and asked, "Will you?" even though he didn't understand, even though he knew it was unrealistic, something made him trust Ylre's words…like he knew he wasn't lying.

Ylre lightly reached his palm to Rue's hand and asked, "May I?"

He didn't understand for a moment before he realized that Ylre was asking permission to touch him. Not really knowing why, he nodded. He let Ylre's fingers touch his palm , lift it towards him. He felt something inserted into him hand as Ylre closed it and withdrew his own.

Rue blinked incomprehendingly, and the moment Ylre let him go, he asked, "What did you give me?"

"A piece of luck." Ylre said.

Rue hesitated for a moment before pulling his palm towards him and opening it slightly, intending to find out what Ylre meant. The dim light illuminated his palm and lit up Rue's first confuse face with a happy smile, filling his insides with warm feeling. 

There was one small firefly sitting in his palm...and at the moment that was all he needed.