Moonlit Waters

I wake up when a hand tenderly caresses my cheek. At first, I write it off as the afterimage of a dream, but it doesn’t stop. So I open my eyes.

Right before me, crouched next to the bed, is Isa. Her lips wear an endearing smile as the pad of her thumb brushes against the skin of my cheek.

“Morning,” she whispers.

I start raising my head, stop and let it drop back down onto the pillow.

“Pearl let you in, huh?”

She nods sympathetically. “She didn’t even let me ring this time. Told me I should throw a pillow at you. I thought this’d be nicer…”

I nod. “I guess.”

Her hand retreats from my skin. “You should get up, we’ve got a lot planned today.”

“That so?”

I give her a confused look and her smile widens and she leans in to whisper, “I heard there are great shops around here and I’m in desperate need of a girlfriend I can take.”

At the mention of Selena, my eyes dart for the door, but I know that Pearl can’t possibly have heard us. Even if she were standing in the door frame, listening intently.

“But we can’t stay in town,” I say, fearing that Alex might see me. That would be the absolute worst-case.

She chuckles. “No, of course not. We’re taking the bus in an hour, so you better hurry. We still need to go to the lake so you can change, after all.”

I open my mouth, but she interrupts me, holding up a rucksack. “Yes, I did bring some of my clothes. We should be roughly the same size, so you’ll even have a bra you can wear.”

My face grows a little warm. I’ll be wearing my girlfriend’s underwear.

“And you don’t mind that at all? I mean, I’m a man after all.”

She shrugs and gives me a cheesy grin. “Not then, you’re not. And even if you were, who’d I be to kink shame?”

“Alright, that’s enough,” I say and get up. “I’m going to brush my teeth now.”

I’m already out the door to my room and in the hallway, when she calls, “Don’t you dare use deodorant, I’ve got some for you!”

The door to Pearl’s room is closed, my parents are both downstairs, but you can probably imagine how little influence that has on the colour of my face right then.

It doesn’t take me long to brush my teeth and freshen up. Minutes later, I’m shoveling down my cereals as Isa watches with a grin. And then we’re on our way.

We leave the house, walk into the heat of early noon and to the lake. Quickly, we make out a hidden patch of water, I take off my shoes and wade out until the water reaches my knees, then wait. It barely takes a minute before the changes come and this time, they’re welcome. After all, it’s Isa, not Alex I’m with. And Isa knows.

As I return to shore, breasts barely visible under the oversized t-shirt, Isa hands me a small towel.
“Aight, so,” she begins as I dry my feet, “I only brought one outfit – every bit of space taken up by clothing we bring, is a bit of space we can’t fill with clothing we take, after all. I’ve got a separate bag for your shoes.”

Next, she hands me a marine-coloured bra, decorated with lace on the outside, and matching underpants.

“We wanna go out in style, don’t we?” She replies to my raised eyebrow.

Then, as I’m looking down on myself after having put the underwear on, she adds, “You’ll have more than enough mirrors later. C’mon, now.”

The bra doesn’t fit quite right. It’s a little too big, I think, but it’s close enough.

The rest of the outfit is rather simple. Jeans shorts that barely reach past my butt, a black, cropped tank top and an oversized, red-plaid button-up – misused as a cardigan. For shoes, she hands me white canvas shoes and matching ankle socks. Last come a black cap and a pair of sunglasses.

I don’t know how, but somehow, she managed to perfectly predict my needs. Yes, I like feeling pretty, but with strangers around, the button-up provides just the right amount of cover. And it even fits the rest! Also, the sunglasses and cap are not only perfectly weather-appropriate, but also make it comfortably difficult for anybody I might know to recognise my features.

“Great, isn’t it?” Isa asks once I’m done dressing, giving me a proud once-over.

I just nod silently. A big, dumb smile forces the corners of my mouth upwards. I feel light, somehow. I like the way air brushes against the skin of my bare legs, the way the shorts tightly hug my centre, hell, even the thin soles of the shoes feel good.

She hands me the bag with my shoes, saying, “You carry this, I’ll take the rest.”

And so we make our way to the bus station, just out of town. We don’t come across anybody on the way. Everybody that has to work today, is already at work and everybody that doesn’t, hasn’t left their house yet.

The bus driver greets us with a nod and a “Morning ladies,” and I smile. Once we’ve sat down, I take off the sunglasses and together we look out the window. She loves it, every bit of the drive. She does get a little stressed when our driver has to manoeuvre the bus around a minivan – the streets aren’t wide enough for two vehicles to pass easily – but gets all the more excited when she sees the calm with which our driver steers mere centimetres past the other vehicle.

The town we drive to lies several kilometres away. It’s a lot bigger than my home town – though that doesn’t qualify it as big by any standards. The big upside it has on the place we’re coming from, though, is that it has a lot more stores. It’s the biggest town in close proximity, so most stores are here. There are several second-hand shops, but there’s also a shopping mall with all sorts of clothing stores.

I haven’t been there in ages. Mum used to take me there every so often to let me pick out some new clothes, but lately, I’d just not come so she’d bring me stuff and I’d wear it, simply because I didn’t care. Well, Timothy didn’t.

I, on the other hand, very much do. As we pass through the mall, my eyes keep getting stuck on the female mannequins, wearing all sorts of outfits. Not in a goggling manner, but simply curious. I know little about how to pick out cool outfits, but I would like to try it.

First of all, though, Isa leads me into an underwear store. I only realise when we’re already through the door, which is also the moment when my face goes bright red and I reflexively duck and move to turn around. I don’t belong here.

Only that actually, I do. Isa grips my hand before I manage a full turn and pulls me forward firmly. A woman meets us only a few steps into the store, kindly offering her assistance.

I’m still processing the fact that I’m here when Isa accepts and says that we’re looking to have my measurements taken and then buy some underwear for me.

The clerk smiles and asks, “A shy one, huh?” and Isa nods.

I don’t want to let go of her hand, but I do still, maybe as an act of defiance to prove that I’m very much capable of doing this on my own. Which, of course, I’m absolutely not.

The woman takes all sorts of measurements around my chest until she’s figured out my exact size. She’s barely finished, when Isa ushers me into the changing cubicle, three samples in hand.

As she promised, there are several body-height mirrors in the cubicle. And damn do I use them. It’s plain and simple curiosity. After all, I’ve never quite gotten a good look at any part of my body aside of maybe my face. And even that looks totally different in the warm light of the changing room.

The first thing I do is strip to my underwear and simply turn and look at myself from all angles.

Again, a huge, dumb smile makes its way onto my lips and I can barely suppress a squeal of joy. I look perfect! Pretty in a natural yet pristine way. Granted, I don’t look quite like a model. My body is rather athletic – I have abs and my arms aren’t just noodles, neither are my legs. I’m not particularly curvy either. I’d actually say my butt is none existent and my breasts aren’t very big either, but that’s absolutely fine! I love my body as it is.

Getting in and out of the bras is a difficult procedure, but I’m getting used to it. My arms are quite flexible and I can reach the clasp quite easily. It just takes some time until I confidently place the hooks into the eyes.

Isa is more than helpful. She keeps bringing me new ones, helps me figure out what sorts I like and gives her opinion only when asked – which is a lot.

In the end, I settle on a padded grey one with blue detailing that fits just perfectly. My eyes widen when the clerk tells me the price and Isa even offers she could pay for me, but then I shrug it off. It is expensive, but I’ve got the money. Not leaving the house for anything but school and swimming makes gathering pocket money quite easy. And also, comfort is quite important with these things. Only once we’re already outside, Isa hands me the matching undies with a broad grin.

“You forgot something,” she chuckles. “This is so much fun.”

We spend the next hours heading from one store to the next, trying on what feels like their entire collection of clothes. Together, Isa and I walk through the isles, consulting one another for opinions, hunting for the perfect match to an article we’d just picked out, or simply goofing around. I learn a lot about how to pick an outfit – according to Isa I seem to have quite the talent for it – and she teaches me how models walk along catwalks. I quite well on that, too – though a lot less when she takes me to the shoe store to teach me how to walk in high heels. It’s mostly for laughs and giggles, though. Both of us agree that nobody in their right mind would ever voluntarily wear shoes like that.

After everything, I end up with a simple blue dress – in a shade that matches my eyes wonderfully – jeans shorts similar to the ones I’m wearing already, a few tops and cropped t-shirts in different colours, and an oversized, grey hoody. Isa advised me to get the hoody in pink, but I wasn’t quite ready for that just yet.

I know it’s not a lot. If I were to actually want to wear these clothes, they wouldn’t be enough by a long shot. But I won’t be wearing them for longer than a few hours at a time anyway. They’re not particularly expensive either. Most of it is just cheap fast fashion, but it’s enough for me. It makes me feel nice, so I want it, so I buy it.

At the end of our shopping spree, we find ourselves in a small restaurant, sharing a large pizza.

“Gotta say,” I mumble around a mouth full of pizza, “I haven’t had this much fun in a while.”

Isa gives me a knowing grin. “You just wait until I get the chance to do your make up.” Her gaze wanders out the window and she scratches at the tip of her nose. “What a shame they don’t have clubs around here. Would’ve loved to go partying with you.”

She doesn’t have to specify that she’s referring to Selena.

Then she realises something. “Did you never go shopping before?”

I shrug. “Yes I did, but not as…” I glance over my shoulder and even though nobody’s listening in on us, I don’t say the name of my other self. “Guy’s clothes are so boring.”

“Fair enough.”

A pause ensues and I pull out my phone to check for any incoming messages. Nothing.
I open Discord and tap on the icon I’ve long come to associate with my friend. Still nothing.

As if she was reading my mind, Isa strains her neck, peering at my phone from the other side of the table. “Did Alex write anything?” she asks with a curious expression.

I shake my head. “No…”

“Isn’t that strange? I was certain he was at least gonna be curious where you’ve been all day.”

Again, I shrug. “When I met him at the lake yesterday, he told me he was sick.”

That makes her ears perk. “You went to the lake after I’d left? Why?” A broad, cheesy grin appears on her face.

“No, I didn’t go there to change. It’s…” Yeah, what? I went there to look for Alex. And I went to look for Alex, because I was worried. “It’s a long story?” I offer unconvincingly, realising too late that I could’ve just gone for the needed some fresh air classic.

Her expression grows neutral and her eyes intently focus on mine. “One you don’t want to tell me?”

My face grows hot. “No, it’s just…” I cast my eyes down, where my fingers are playing with the crumb of a pizza piece I haven’t quite finished eating yet.

“Do you want me to take a guess? That might make it easier for you.” If she guesses correctly, I can tell her, because she knows anyway. So I don’t say anything and let her speak.

“I think that Alex has met Selena.”

My eyes shoot up to meet hers before I can force them not to and I know I’ve given myself away.

“And I also think that you’re in some pretty deep shit.”

For a while, I don’t say anything. Because, what is there to say?

Isa, meanwhile, stays serious. Her expression is plain, void the victorious smirk I somehow expected.

“Do you want me to explain how I guessed that?”

Silently, I nod.

“I got the first clue when you reacted more strongly to the idea of telling Alex about Selena than your parents. Of course, that wasn’t really anything, but it got me thinking.” Her voice is matter of factly. “The way Alex just sent a text that he wouldn’t be there at the party, despite being perfectly fine the evening before. Yeah, sure, he might’ve done it to set us up. But to do that he could’ve also come along to keep nudging you in the right direction and then vanished at the right moment. The latter would be more effective, don’t you think? Because he’d want to be there with his friend anyway, after having rekindled your friendship only recently. So I thought something might be up. Also, at the beginning of the party, you had this gloomy expression every now and again.” She shrugs. “Really, it’s just a lucky guess. But if I’m right and Alex knowing you and Alex pretty much vanishing are connected, something bad must’ve happened, right? Something so bad that he’d pass up the opportunity to spend time with his best friend. He didn’t even know we’d be busy all day.”

I stare at her without saying a word.

“How much did I get right?”

“Everything?” my voice is low and rough and I clear my throat before continuing. “He fell in love with me and I realised too late that we could never come together. And then I ran away.”

Her eyes rest on me for a moment before she opens her mouth. “Do you think you could tell me the whole story?”

So I do. I tell her everything from the very first day, the voice I heard as the comet appeared, the panic, the morning after, the following days and nights. She listens intently, her eyes never leaving my face.

When I’m done talking, she scratches her nose again.

“Are you sure you love me?” she asks then. There’s not a hint of accusation in her voice. It’s a plain and sober question with only a hint of curiosity mixed in there.

How does she manage to keep asking unexpected questions?

I take my time to think about the answer. Do I like her? Yes, she’s great! But love? Kissing her felt nice, but kissing Alex was a different ballpark entirely.

“Selena doesn’t. But Timothy might?” I know it sounds stupid the way the words leave my mouth.

“It’s complicated. Sorry.”

She doesn’t seem surprised. She smiles reassuringly, but there’s just a hint of sadness in her eyes.
“No, don’t be sorry. Nothing to be sorry about. It’s what we agreed upon, right? No hard feelings.”

This time it’s me who gives her a long and hard look.

“Don’t gimme that!” This time, her smile is genuine. “I’m the therapist friend right now.” She casts her eyes down. “Anyway, I’ll survive it. I’ve walked in on my boyfriend of five months having sex with a girl he’d met that evening and I came out of it fine.”

It’s more than fair to say that I feel shitty at that moment. She’s my first girlfriend and I’m the problem. That’s certainly not how I expected my first relationship to go.

“But what if I do love you? It’s just…” I pause, looking for the right words, “Everything’s going so fast and I promise you’re a great person. It’s just all so confusing right now.”

She shrugs and gives me another smile. “I think, before you think about your feelings for me, you should figure out your feelings for Alex. Even if you don’t plan on confessing, you certainly do owe him an apology for vanishing like that. You should talk to him.” Her gaze leaves my face and glides out the window, up to the blue sky. “And once Selena has left - if she does – that’s when we can figure this out, okay? Maybe I can come back to visit during autumn break or just for a weekend?”

“And until then?”

“Friends?”

I nod. “Friends.”

One thing she’s certainly right about. I do owe Alex an apology.