Refusing My God’s Advances

"Cheeky bugger," Argrum grumbled, but I could tell he was more amused than annoyed. "Alright then, 'Printer Mage turned Techno something', let's see if you can put your money where your mouth is. You say you can make anything, right? Well, I've got a challenge for you. Make me a golem that can run the front of my shop, but put up with me, and the rest of the Dwarfs that work here."

"You mean there are more assholes here, even worse than you? This I have to see!" I laughed, and Argrum snorted.

"You want to meet the others after meeting me?" He asked with a hint of surprise, and I shrugged.

"Sure, just don't get mad at me if I say something rude," I smiled, and the little man laughed this time.

"If you are going to meet some Dwarfs, you had best forget what you other races call being polite. We might not be very tall, but we can smell good ore from over 20 miles away. Everyone lives underground in the world I rule over because the surface is either so hot that it melts most stones, or so cold that you'd freeze your beard off before you could say 'frostbite.' It's a land of extremes, perfect for hardening the stoutest of hearts and the toughest of metals. That's why we dwarves have such... robust personalities."

I nodded, understanding now why Argrum had such a fiery temperament. "Alright, I can work with that. But if I'm going to make this golem for you, it needs to have a personality that can handle all the... robustness around here. It also needs to be able to appreciate the fine quality of your alloys and not just any pile of scrap metal."

Argrum's eyes lit up, the yellow in them glowing brighter. "Now you're speaking my language, lad! But make sure it has a sense of humor too. It's going to need it dealing with me and my kin."

"Consider it done. I'll make you a golem that not only runs the front of your shop but will also throw back any sass it gets with interest," I promised, already envisioning the design in my head.

"And make sure it's sturdy. I don't want it falling apart if it gets a good thump from a disgruntled customer... or me," Argrum added with a grin that told me he was half expecting to test its durability himself.

I would not be making some cute golem for the front of this shop. If the customers were known to throw thumbs, then my golem would be throwing elbows with the best of them. Still, I had to get a better read on my new friends, the Half Pint Neko Kneecap Bitters.

Argrum led me to the back of his cavern-like shop, and I couldn't help but let my eyes wander to all the different materials that were on display. I hadn't taken the time to really look around since getting here, but now that I was following Argrum, I noticed the shelves were not just filled with metals and ores but also with what looked like an assortment of failed experiments and questionable inventions. One shelf was entirely dedicated to what could only be described as metal beard combs, each labeled with increasingly aggressive names like "The Whisker Wrecker" and "The Follicle Foe".

As we navigated through the labyrinth of metalwork, Argrum suddenly stopped in front of a door that looked like it had been forged rather than made from wood. "Here's where the real magic happens," he declared, pushing the door open with a dramatic flair that seemed over the top for a dwarf with such a gruff exterior.

Inside was a chaotic workshop filled with anvils, hammers, and more gadgets than I could count. And there, in the center of it all, were the Dwarfs Argrum referred to as "even worse" than him. But to my surprise, they weren't the burly, intimidating figures I expected. Still short enough to need a box to stand on to kick a duck in the ass, but they were engaged in what appeared to be the most intense knitting competition I had ever seen, their fingers flying over the needles with a ferocity that was both awe-inspiring and slightly terrifying.

"Meet the team," Argrum said with a hint of pride. "They're the reason our metalwork is unbeatable. And before you ask, yes, knitting. It improves dexterity."

I couldn't help but laugh. "So, let me get this straight. The toughest Dwarfs in the divine realms, known for their robust personalities and unparalleled metalworking skills, are also...knitting enthusiasts?"

Argrum shrugged. "Keeps the hands nimble. Plus, you haven't lived until you've seen a battle-hardened Dwarf in a hand-knitted sweater."

"Who is the giant goofball with you?" One of the Dwarfs asked, looking up at me with squinted eyes peering through overly thick glasses that rested precariously on the end of his short stubby nose.

"That would be a 'Printer Mage turned Techno something' I just met. He's here to make us a golem that can put up with our... let's call it a 'unique' work environment," Argrum introduced me with a wave of his hand that felt almost ceremonial.

The room went silent for a moment as all the Dwarfs stopped their knitting to look me over, their eyes sizing me up through those comically thick lenses. Then, as if on some unspoken cue, they all burst into laughter.

"A mage, eh? Can you conjure up a scarf that doesn't itch?" one Dwarf joked, holding up a bright pink creation that seemed to shimmer with a life of its own.

"Or maybe a hat that finally fits Argrum's oversized ego?" another chimed in, ducking as a small hammer flew his way, thrown by Argrum himself.

I grinned, stepping into the room fully. "I can do you one better. I'll make a golem that can knit faster than you can say 'purl two together.' It'll be so good; you'll be wearing golem-knitted everything by winter. The only thing is that you will have to wait until I deal with the other shop owners. I can make you one as soon as I get home and the materials. I will have to bring it back at a later date since the printer I have currently can only make clothing, armor, and weapons."

The room fell silent again, but this time the silence was thick with anticipation, the air practically buzzing with the unspoken challenge I had laid down. The Dwarfs exchanged glances, their expressions a mix of skepticism and amusement.

Argrum, however, was the first to break the silence, his laughter echoing off the walls of the workshop. "A golem that knits, you say? Well, that's a first. I'd pay good ore to see that!"

"Alright then, it's settled," I declared, rolling up the sleeves of my robe as if I were about to start crafting on the spot. "But in the meantime, how about a little wager? If my golem out-knits your fastest knitter, you owe me a tour of the best tavern in your realm. And if I lose, I'll... knit everyone in this workshop a scarf. By hand."

I had no clue how to knit, but I had faith in my abilities. I also had another skill slot that had opened up, so I was banking on something that would give me a blueprinting option. I would as have to find a fitting soul and core, but those were all just details that I could worry about later

The Dwarfs roared with laughter, clearly enjoying the absurdity of the bet. "You've got yourself a deal, Printer Mage," one of them managed to say between chuckles. "But be warned, we've got fingers that could out-knit the Fates themselves."

As the laughter died down, I couldn't help but feel a sense of camaraderie with these Dwarfs. Their robust personalities were not as bad as I had assumed they would be, and I was starting to understand why Argrum was so proud of his team. It kind of reminded me of my girls, but clearly in a different way.

"Now, let's get down to the specifics of this golem," I said, pulling out a notepad and a quill from my robe. "It needs to be sturdy, witty, and, most importantly, it needs to have the dexterity of a master knitter. Any preferences for the material? I was thinking of using some of your finest alloys to give it that extra edge."

Argrum stroked his beard, clearly intrigued by the idea. "Use the Starforged Steel. It's as tough as it gets and has a nice shine to it. Plus, it'll make the golem stand out."

"Starforged Steel it is," I nodded, jotting down the note. "And for the personality? I'm thinking of looking for a soul with a sharp wit to match yours, Argrum. It'll need to hold its own against a shop full of Dwarfs."

"Just make sure it can take a joke as well as it can dish them out," Argrum advised. "And give it a love for knitting. It'll need to fit in with the rest of us."

With the design specifications laid out, I packed up my notes and prepared to take my leave. "I'll be back with your golem in a few days to a week, but I need that approval today. Then, when I return, we'll see whose knitting reigns supreme."

"My approval? Well, I guess you've earned it with your brazen confidence alone," Argrum chuckled, extending a hand that looked more like a miniature battering ram than something used for handshakes. "Consider yourself approved, Printer Mage. But remember, you're dealing with Dwarfs. We take our knitting as seriously as our metalwork."

As I shook his hand, a plan began to form in my mind. "Thank you, Argrum. I'll not only bring back a golem that'll manage your shop like a boss, but one that'll knit so well, it'll make your beards curl with envy."

Leaving the workshop, I couldn't help but feel the weight of the task ahead. A golem that could knit? I'd definitely bitten off more than I could chew. But there was no turning back now. I'd either have to become the world's first golem-knitting expert or face a lifetime of scarf-making shame.

Still, this wasn't the first client I had met that gave me a task that I was sure I could do. I would just have to pick Anima's brain a bit when I picked up Ashagan. For now, I had my next shop to get to, and that was Lunar Luxuries, Moonstone Jewelry.