Romantic Gangster

#22

“…Ah, damn.”

This is so frustrating. Hyun-joon sat up abruptly. Silently stewing in his thoughts just wasn’t his style. Thinking alone about something he didn’t understand wouldn’t suddenly bring answers, and especially with this kind of issue, he felt like he’d end up digging himself into a hole and wanting to bury his head in the ground. Rather than going through this torment alone, it seemed better to ask Seo Ji-woo directly.

He didn’t want to feel this anxious anymore. Whether it turned out good or bad, he wanted to ask Ji-woo and get an answer. The attention Ji-woo had been giving him until yesterday was clearly not simple, so he felt he needed to confront him directly about what he was thinking and why he was acting this way to find any kind of resolution.

“…Ah.”

Could it be that he’s trying to train me? Is he using some kind of skill where he treats me really well and then suddenly turns away to drive me crazy and make me approach him first? No, but this is too much. Why doesn’t he ask me to go to the vending machine? Why is he whispering with that Young-jae or whatever? Why isn’t he telling me to come to school tomorrow anymore…? How could he just leave me behind and go to Young-jae’s house?

Hyun-joon listed all the things that made him feel hurt and checked the time. It seemed better to go talk to him when his shift ended rather than visiting him at work. If a customer came in while they were talking, it would just interrupt the conversation flow and make things awkward.

He thought he’d try to sleep until then, but just as he closed his eyes, his phone vibrated. Hyun-joon reluctantly took out his phone and checked the screen.

[Baek Ju-seung hyung: Big job came in. Drop by today or tomorrow when you can]

Told to come today or tomorrow, Hyun-joon thought he’d just go tomorrow and closed his eyes again. But not long after, he got up anyway. Rather than waiting anxiously for 10 o’clock to come, it seemed better to at least hear about the job during that time. At least time would pass.

Fully getting up from the mattress, Hyun-joon grabbed a black hoodie from the hanger and put it on. Finally, he pulled on a black cap and left his rooftop room.

* * *

“That’ll be 7,800 won. Would you like a bag?”

Ji-woo politely responded to the customer who declined and processed the 7,800 won card payment, handing over the receipt. The customer waved it off, saying to throw it away, and left the convenience store. Ji-woo threw the receipt in the trash and sat down, taking out the printouts he had set aside and solving problems.

Just as he finished one page and was about to turn to the next, Young-jae came in, drinking a can of cider as he approached the counter. Ji-woo scanned the barcode on the can Young-jae was drinking to ring it up.

“Did you see Hyun-joon on your way here?”

“Where?”

“In front of the station. He was dressed all in black and going somewhere.”

At the mention of Hyun-joon’s name, Ji-woo glanced at the empty space beside him and fell into thought. After first coming to visit where Ji-woo worked, Hyun-joon had been coming to the convenience store around 8 o’clock every day, spending time with him until his shift ended. He would even walk Ji-woo home without fail.

Perhaps because he had gotten used to it, just hearing Hyun-joon’s name made the empty space beside him feel a bit lonely. Even knowing that Hyun-joon couldn’t always be by his side, the brief warmth of his presence had easily nestled into Ji-woo’s heart.

“Does he have a part-time job too?”

“Probably. I’m not sure of the details, but I heard he does some kind of work.”

Unable to tell Young-jae about Hyun-joon’s debt collection work, Ji-woo evaded the question and tidied up his printouts, putting them aside again.

“You seemed to be keeping your distance from Hyun-joon today?”

“Did it look that way?”

“Yeah. Until yesterday, you were looking after Hyun-joon all day long. As if he might suddenly go home.”

“It seems like he’s adapting to school now. He’s coming to school on his own and not skipping classes in the middle… I thought I could stop bothering him so much.”

“Wow, did he say you were bothering him?”

“No, it’s not like that, but from the beginning, I was the one unilaterally following him around, telling him to come to school. He found it really annoying. Now I don’t need to do that anymore.”

It felt like he had completed a big mission. Of course, it had started with the homeroom teacher’s request, and there was some fellow feeling in wanting Hyun-joon to graduate safely, but as he talked with him and heard a bit about what was on his mind, what Ji-woo hoped for most was for Hyun-joon to ‘adapt’ to school. He didn’t want Hyun-joon to distance himself from the group he should belong to, free from the gazes of people touching him for various reasons.

He knew better than anyone that just belonging to school sometimes provides great help and a sense of stability.

That’s why he wanted to make Hyun-joon not dislike coming to school itself. Welcoming Hyun-joon first before other gazes could reach him, leading him, trying not to let his attention be stolen away – all of this was to prevent him from being conscious of the gazes of other kids touching him out of unfamiliarity and curiosity.

But now it seemed like Hyun-joon didn’t care much about those things anymore, and he was even coming to school earlier than Ji-woo, so there was no need to bother him anymore.

Ji-woo felt grateful to Hyun-joon, who must have been very annoyed but at some point stopped showing it and went along with what Ji-woo suggested. With about three months left until graduation, he thought Hyun-joon could probably endure well enough now.

“But I feel a bit strange.”

“How so?”

“I thought I’d feel relieved, but I feel a bit bittersweet.”

“Why the ‘bitter’? It’s good to cut ties with someone you’re better off not being involved with.”

“Hyun-joon isn’t that bad of a person.”

“You’re defending him after hanging out for just a few days?”

“It’s not like that, he’s really a decent guy. You know that too after hanging out with him for a few days. He’s kinder than you’d think.”

“Well… than I thought…”

Young-jae nodded, reluctantly agreeing. Then his phone vibrated, and he sighed as he answered it.

“Ah, Mom. I’m coming, I said I’m coming. I’m not bothering Seo Ji-woo. Okay. I won’t be late.”

Young-jae sighed heavily, checked the time, and waved to Ji-woo.

“I was going to skip tutoring, but I got caught. I have to go.”

“Go quickly. Don’t get scolded.”

“Yeah… See you tomorrow.”

Ji-woo smiled a little as he watched Young-jae leave with slumped shoulders. He went out from behind the counter to check empty spots on the shelves, then brought out stock from the storage room and neatly arranged it. Just then, he heard the door open. Hyun-joon’s face was the first to come to mind, and as Ji-woo poked his head out from beside the shelf, he met eyes with an unfamiliar customer.

“Welcome.”

He couldn’t understand why he had expected it to be Hyun-joon when he heard the door open, even though the probability of it not being Hyun-joon was much higher, and why he even felt disappointed when it wasn’t him.

Had he already gotten so used to working together for those few days? Even knowing it was too grand to call it an empty space, he kept feeling conscious of Hyun-joon’s absence.

Huu… Ji-woo let out a deep sigh and started restocking snacks on the shelf. Moving your body is best when useless thoughts come to mind.

Around 9:55 PM, the store owner came in and greeted Ji-woo with a faint smile. He then gestured towards the outside of the counter, telling Ji-woo he could go now.

“Go on. Your friend is waiting.”

“…Pardon?”

“That friend who’s been with you every day lately. He’s outside.”

Surprised by these words, Ji-woo immediately opened the convenience store door and went outside. As the owner had said, Hyun-joon was there, leaning against the wall next to the door. It was a position not visible from behind the counter.

“Are you waiting for me?”

“Yeah.”

“Why didn’t you come in?”

“I thought it’d be better if you came out today rather than me going in.”

“Did something happen?”

“If you’re done, change your clothes and come out.”

“Okay. Just a moment.”

Ji-woo quickly went back inside the convenience store, went to the storage room to take off his vest and put it away properly, then grabbed his bag and came out. After saying goodbye to the owner, he came outside to find Hyun-joon still standing in the same spot.

“Did you wait long?”

“Not really. About 30 minutes?”

“That is long… You should have just come in.”

“No, that’s fine. I came because I have something to ask.”

“What is it?”

Ji-woo quietly looked up at Hyun-joon’s face. He couldn’t guess at all what Hyun-joon was going to say, but just looking at his face, he seemed a bit angry.

“…Let’s walk towards your house first. It’s not good to talk standing here.”

“Okay.”

Hyun-joon didn’t say anything as they walked towards Ji-woo’s house. He seemed about to speak several times but stopped himself. He let out sighs, took off his cap to run his hand through his hair, and even kicked a stone in front of his sneaker a bit hard.

“What did you want to ask?”

Unable to bear the tension anymore, Ji-woo asked Hyun-joon again when they were almost home. They had already passed the corner store and arrived in front of Ji-woo’s house. It meant there was nowhere else to go.

“…”

Hyun-joon stood under the streetlight, looking down and tapping the ground with his toe, then lifted his head as if he’d made up his mind. Maybe because it was night, even with the streetlight, more than half of his face was hidden by the brim of his cap, making his expression hard to see.