Solo For Two

At first glance, Julian’s words seemed cold, but they were correct. Karel helped a drowsy, pain-medicated Sasha off the train. Meanwhile, Sasha’s neck felt hot, probably due to a fever. His shirt was likely soaked with sweat. Karel became anxious, eager to reach the villa quickly to make Sasha comfortable.

Fortunately, the servants from the villa were already waiting at the station with a prepared carriage. The journey to the villa went smoothly, apart from Sasha struggling to stay conscious due to the medication. Both Karel and Julian were familiar with the route, which reduced their fatigue.

“You’re going to let Sasha sleep in your room, right?”

“…Yeah.”

“I didn’t get a chance to inform you that we’d have an extra guest. It wasn’t intentional. Just share the bed for one night. If it’s really uncomfortable, I’ll arrange for another guest room tomorrow. Just endure it for tonight.”

The word “endure” carried a double meaning.

“Endure what, exactly?”

Karel turned his head to look out the window, avoiding Julian. Without realizing it, he muttered a harsh word for Julian to shut up as Julian chuckled.

＊ ＊ ＊

When Sasha first woke up, he wondered if he was still dreaming. The sea he could see far out the window stretched high against the horizon. The calm, white-crested waves approaching from a distance, the needle-like leaves on the trees, and the sky’s blue hue were all different from what he knew. The sea in St. Petersburg was nearly black, with the bay waters frozen for five months of the year. In contrast, the Mediterranean Sea was blue and glistening clear.

As Sasha blinked in shock at this complete redefinition of the sea in his mind, the door suddenly burst open.

“Good morning!”

A woman he had never seen before cheerfully greeted him as their eyes met. A couple more people followed her into the room. Moving silently, they dusted the room and cleared the water glass from the table. It was only then that Sasha realized this was his new place and they were the attendants.

Sasha looked around, sitting up. The room’s layout was vastly different from the hotel in Paris where he had stayed, and much more luxurious.

“Did you sleep well last night? The young master told us to let you rest until you woke up since you’re a patient. I hope I didn’t wake you?”

The woman who had first greeted Sasha approached him warmly. However, Sasha, not being fluent in the language, chose to remain silent rather than respond awkwardly. Internally, he felt a bit intimidated by receiving such attentive service from the servants. He realized that the young men he had impulsively followed were not from ordinary families. According to Karel, this wasn’t even their main residence but merely a villa they occasionally visited.

‘I thought only grand dukes had villas like this…’

Sasha’s face grew more somber. It wasn’t because he felt unnecessary inferiority towards these incredibly wealthy peers. Sasha didn’t like nobility. More precisely, he was very afraid of them. The thought of staying with people he couldn’t coexist with, while being treated as a guest, made him feel like he was sitting on pins and needles.

Right now, he was relying on Karel’s compassion and kindness, but he had no idea how long that would last. Sasha knew how many mistresses the grand duke had replaced. The more arrogant the mistress, the worse their end. If Sasha got carried away by Karel’s kindness, he would end up the same way.

Sasha thought it might be better to prove his usefulness quickly while they were still lenient.

‘I need to recover as fast as possible… and not overstep my bounds.’

Karel was kind, but there was no telling when he might lose interest. Thinking this made Sasha’s heart ache a little. He carefully observed the servants at work. The tasks didn’t seem too difficult, and he felt he could manage them once he recovered. Sasha considered asking if he could work as a servant once he was well. Working in such a beautiful villa would be a blessing, not labor.

While Sasha was lost in thought, a servant approached him.

“How did your hair get so long?”

“…?”

“Wow, look at this shine. It’s so soft. My hair is fine but thin, while Mitzi has thick, coarse hair. It would be perfect if we could combine the two. Your hair is fine, soft, and thick! And such a jet black color! I used to think Master Julian’s hair was beautiful, but this black hair is just as lovely.”

Before Sasha knew it, the servant had brought a comb and was naturally combing his hair. Although Sasha couldn’t catch every word due to the rapid speech, he could tell it was mostly compliments, so he smiled.

“By the way, it’s really long… isn’t it uncomfortable? Would you like me to trim it a bit?”

The servant grabbed the ends of Sasha’s long hair and pretended to shake it. Sasha nodded reflexively.

“I always cut my younger brother’s hair. You can trust me.”

Soon, she seated Sasha in a chair and skillfully draped a cloth around him. It wasn’t until he saw the scissors that Sasha realized what she intended to do.

‘This is good.’

He hadn’t intended to grow his hair long; it was simply due to not having the time to care for it while on the run. The servant’s hands moved swiftly. The sound of hair softly falling to the floor filled the room. It didn’t take long for his long hair to be cut, revealing his neck.

“Your forehead is beautiful, so I thought it would look nice to show it. I’ll part your hair to reveal your ears. Hold still for a moment. I’ll just shave the back of your neck a bit.”

As the servant was shaving the back of his neck, there was a knock, followed by the door bursting open.

“Did you sleep well?”

It was Karel who entered. Seeing Karel through the mirror, Sasha felt a bit of relief, but Karel’s reaction was like a thunderclap.

“Sasha!”

Seeing the scissors in the servant’s hand and the hair scattered on the floor, Karel’s expression hardened menacingly. Sasha, sensing the tension, froze as well.

“What is going on here? Did you cut it without permission?”

Karel sternly questioned the woman, who was half his size.

“I’m sorry… He seemed to be okay with it.”

“Sasha doesn’t understand our language. He couldn’t have said it was okay!”

“But he seemed to like it…”

Watching their argument, Sasha, reading the tense atmosphere, hurriedly stood up. Though scared of the angry Karel, seeing tears well up in the eyes of the woman who had been cheerfully chatting just moments ago made him feel he had to intervene somehow.

In his halting speech, Sasha tried to comfort the crying woman.

“It’s… okay, it’s okay.”

When Sasha stammered briefly, Karel cursed, “Damn it!”

Sasha, startled to the point of feeling like his heart would jump out, quickly sent the sobbing servant out of the room. Once alone in the awkward silence of the closed room, Sasha began to regret his decision. Should he have left with the servant? But running away wouldn’t solve anything. Karel, still furious, paced the room, and Sasha trembled, unsure of how to start a conversation.

As Sasha grew increasingly anxious, Karel suddenly approached him with long strides.

“I, I…”

The moment their eyes met, Sasha stammered and touched his hair. He wanted to say, “I asked her to cut it,” but in his flustered state and with limited vocabulary, he couldn’t explain properly.

Seeing Sasha’s struggle, Karel’s expression softened.

“It was beautiful.”

Karel’s voice was filled with regret as he took a few steps closer to Sasha. Sasha, who had always exposed his neck like other men, couldn’t understand why Karel looked so disappointed.

While Sasha was bewildered by Karel’s unexpected sadness, Karel suddenly bent down and started gathering the hair from the floor.

“…I guess since it’s going to be thrown away, I can keep it, right?”

Karel carefully collected the hair and showed it to Sasha. The cut hair, almost as long as a pinky finger, was surprisingly long, even to Sasha.

‘Did he want my hair? He can take all of it if he wants.’

Until the age of eight or nine, Sasha had worn his hair so short it looked like a freshly mown lawn, revealing his round head. Although he hadn’t shaved his head since growing up, he thought he might actually prefer the lightness of it.

As Karel collected the hair, Sasha, thinking that if Karel wanted it, he would cut all of his hair, stared blankly. Then Sasha snapped back to reality. This wasn’t the time to sit idly. Fortunately, the servant had left the cleaning tools in the room. Sasha picked them up and began meticulously sweeping the remaining hair, wanting to show Karel that he was useful.

However, before he could sweep the floor more than a few times, Karel took the broom from Sasha’s hands and put it away in the hallway. Then he gently sat Sasha back down on the soft bed and began to fuss over him with great care.

“Leave the cleaning. Someone else can do it.”

“……”

“Now that I see it, short hair looks nice on you too.”

As Karel said this, he stroked the back of Sasha’s neck. He seemed to enjoy the feel of the freshly cut hair. Karel’s large hand, with a thumb almost twice the size of Sasha’s, could easily grasp Sasha’s slender neck. The rough, slightly dry palm touching his nape sent shivers down Sasha’s spine from his neck to his lower back.

Despite having experienced more intimate contact before, Sasha’s heart raced for some reason. Maybe it was because Karel’s hand was so warm. Or perhaps it was because Karel was looking at him so tenderly. Sasha, flustered, averted his gaze, and Karel, as if suddenly remembering, said:

“Right, I came to get you for breakfast… I left Julian alone. Let’s go down together.”

When they got to the kitchen, Julian had already finished about half of his meal. Sasha’s eyes darted around, taking in the gleaming marble table, the beautiful chandelier hanging low from the high ceiling, and the ferns and flowers decorating the table.

The green plants were vibrant without a single wilted leaf, and the colors of the flowers and dishes harmonized perfectly. Though the grand duke’s mansion in St. Petersburg was luxurious, this place surpassed it in refinement and elegance.

“What’s this? I thought you weren’t coming down at all because you were whispering sweet nothings.”

“Sorry, we almost didn’t.”

“Oh, how sad.”

Julian grumbled lightly.

[Sasha, you cut your hair? It suits you.]

[Thank you.]

Distracted by the intricate decorations on the chairs, Sasha was a bit late in taking his seat and watched Julian’s reactions carefully. Both Julian and Karel acted as if this extravagant breakfast was completely normal. Sasha felt like he was the only one overwhelmed, unsure of where to start with the meal.

[Sasha, let’s see our doctor tomorrow. It seems like we need to reduce your pain medication.]

[Yes…]

Feeling intimidated by the opulence of the upper-class breakfast, Sasha answered meekly.

Breakfast was a feast of items Sasha had never tasted before. There was soft bread with a hint of tea aroma, three types of cheese, pork jam, thinly sliced ham, smoked butter, and various egg dishes. Fresh dill and chives were generously mixed into the yogurt.

Although Sasha enjoyed the variety of soups served at the hotel, the villa’s meal was so delightful that he ate an unusually large amount. Unlike Karel, who ate only as much as he wanted, or Julian, who left some food on his plate, Sasha cleared every dish, feeling a bit embarrassed afterward.

Sasha pondered whether he could prepare such dishes himself. However, lacking confidence in his cooking skills, he instead observed the servants carrying the dishes carefully. That seemed manageable.

[What are you watching so intently?] Julian asked.

[Oh… it looks like there are many people working at the villa,] Sasha stammered. He couldn’t bring himself to say that he wanted to earn money by working here. He felt overwhelmed by the kindness he had already received and didn’t have the audacity to ask to be employed as a servant, especially since he was still unwell and lacked skills. Moreover, as Karel mentioned, he was naive about the ways of the world and unsure where to start.

However, Julian, wiping his mouth with a white napkin, seemed to have already understood Sasha’s thoughts.

[Sasha, for now, just focus on getting better.]

Feeling embarrassed, Sasha lowered his head, making Julian chuckle.

[I have no intention of exploiting a patient’s labor. My promise to help you settle in wasn’t empty words.]

[Then….]

[Even if Karel gets tired of you, I won’t just abandon you. Our family has a long tradition of charity work.]

If Karel had understood Julian’s remark, he would have been angry, as it implied looking down on Sasha as if dividing them by class. However, to Sasha, Julian’s words were reassuring. The slight relief in Sasha’s expression showed his eased worries about making a living.

“What are you two talking about?”

“Just something nice for Sasha.”

Karel looked slightly displeased but didn’t press further.

[In any case, save those thoughts for later. For now, you should enjoy the South of France. It might be nice to visit the beach later. Coming from Russia, you probably haven’t seen such scenery before…. It’s quite a sight.]

[I don’t understand why you’re being so kind.]

[You really don’t know?]

As he said this, Julian gestured towards Karel with his chin. Sasha quickly understood Julian’s implication. It wasn’t just about enjoying himself but rather about spending time with Karel. Feeling as though his purpose was being reaffirmed, Sasha nodded with difficulty. He knew this wasn’t the time to show reluctance.

Julian and Karel were always kind, making it hard for Sasha to see his situation clearly. He had become a plaything for privileged young men who lacked nothing. Sasha didn’t yet understand how cruel it is for a person to be used as a tool, nor did he realize that he was in such a situation. He didn’t understand why he felt so suddenly dejected or why he felt such a sense of sorrow.

Karel caught Sasha’s eye. Feeling uncomfortable with Karel’s affectionate gaze, Sasha looked down.

＊ ＊ ＊

Julian’s door burst open without a knock.

“What now?”

Knowing that only Karel would intrude so boldly into his space, Julian removed the book from his face with an annoyed expression. The book, which he had been using to block out the sunlight rather than read, already had a severely crumpled page.

“Weren’t you going to the

with Sasha?”

Karel walked up briskly, casting a shadow over Julian’s head, and said awkwardly.

“No…. I don’t have any money.”

“I wondered when you’d mention that.”

Karel clamped his mouth shut at Julian’s comment. After using up all his emergency funds because of Sasha, Karel had started drawing on his savings from Paris, spending lavishly. Julian had already anticipated that Karel would come asking for an allowance again.

“You really spend money without a care. When you joined this trip, you declared you wouldn’t spend much, save as much as possible, and leech off me as much as you could.”

“Hmm….”

“After saving so diligently, surely you haven’t spent it all, have you?”

“Not quite. But withdrawing savings here incurs high fees…. If you lend it to me, I’ll pay you back.”

“Forget it, you don’t need to repay me. Have I ever been stingy with money?”

Julian spoke generously but then fell into thought. He knew how hard Karel had worked to save money. Even though Julian’s father, Franz Ludwig, was generous with allowances, Karel had bought second-hand books from him to save on textbook costs and saved most of his allowance and living expenses. Karel had always dreamed of moving to a quiet countryside or the southern coast to live leisurely. But at the rate he was spending on Sasha, he would soon be out on the street, far from living a leisurely life.

‘It’s inevitable, it’s his first love,’ Julian thought, pulling out a crisp, high-denomination bill. Suddenly, he said as if remembering something, “Spend as much money as you need. But go to university.”

“Why bring that up all of a sudden?”

Karel frowned as if he had heard this countless times. This was why he hated borrowing money from Julian. Whenever Karel mentioned needing money, Julian, ever calculating, would insist on him going to university. Julian, seemingly deciding today was the day, pulled Karel to sit in front of him.

“It’s not a bad deal for you.”

“I don’t want to waste my life on that.”

“Why is it a waste of life?”

Julian asked, incredulous, but Karel clammed up. This was an argument they’d had dozens of times. Karel believed that university would be a waste of time and not much help in his future life, while Julian argued that if Karel took a different path, he could achieve much greater success and make more money.

“It’s Cambridge, Karel. For heaven’s sake, see what you have. Others can’t have it even if they want to. Why are you trying to throw away something others are desperate to get?”

“No matter how much others want it, if it means nothing to me, it’s just a waste of time. It would take four years of my life.”

“Time in life is short.”

“I value the present.”

“Are you hesitating because of Sasha? Take him to London, then! Go there and stick by his side until you’re sick of it.”

“…Not a bad idea.”

Karel chuckled softly.

“Alright, do whatever you want then. Just invest a few years for your life.”

“Lies. Once he graduates, he’ll probably latch onto something else. He’s just bored being stuck in university alone, admit it.”

Seeing Karel’s dismissive response, Julian sighed. There was a time when Julian had pestered Karel to enroll in a PhD program because he couldn’t endure it alone for ten years. But now that Karel had become an adult and grasped his freedom, he seemed to have no intention of getting trapped in university. It sounded good to say it was for Karel’s success, but there was a chance he’d end up as a hapless assistant, living off academia, if he grabbed the wrong opportunity.

“…I feel sorry for you.”

“I know that well. I’ll find another way to repay the Rudbich family.”

“If you mean repaying by going back home and helping your father, cut the crap.”

Julian replied a bit irritably. However, Karel wasn’t particularly affected by his sharp response. It was just words; Karel knew that in a decisive moment, Julian respected his will.

“I was serious about what I said before. I can’t live wearing ill-fitting clothes.”

Karel paused for a moment before continuing.

“Getting an education, speaking like a gentleman… Pretending to be someone you’re not, hiding your father, and all that.”

“…”

“I don’t think that’s who I am.”

Julian was also at a loss for words. In fact, Julian had never been honest about Karel’s background when introducing him to others. Most people assumed Karel was of noble descent, and Julian had never thought that would be detrimental to Karel. But how did Karel feel when his father’s existence and profession were constantly denied?

Julian felt ashamed in an instant.

With a flushed face, Julian apologized. “Sorry.” To which Karel responded nonchalantly, without much sign of being upset, “If you know… pay up.”

Julian conceded defeat and tossed his entire wallet to Karel, who, upon receiving it, achieved his goal with a satisfied smile and got up from his seat lightly. Feeling unjust as if he were the only one stirred up by this conversation, Julian became resentful.

“Still, think it over! Your feelings might change someday. You know? Hey, you never know, maybe Sasha will like an intellectual man who goes to Cambridge!”

Julian shouted dejectedly behind Karel as he left, pretending not to hear.

＊ ＊ ＊

Coming down to Southern France was the right decision. For both Karel and Sasha.

Sasha quickly recovered amidst the warm southern weather and the tranquility of the resort. Karel made an effort to closely observe Sasha’s changes, noting the moments when he smiled more than yesterday.

While Sasha preferred walking barefoot on the sandy beach rather than browsing the upscale boutiques lining the streets, he would meticulously collect tiny seashells by color and take them back home. Although passive about dressing up in formal attire or choosing the right perfume for himself, he would carefully savor each layer of a parfait when eating, even though he couldn’t distinguish between pork and lamb.

Meanwhile, the family doctor who visited the villa advised Sasha to stop prescribing painkillers with narcotics and recommended starting simple exercises for physical recovery.

While Karel was considering teaching Sasha horseback riding or tennis, Sasha was sweating profusely early in the morning, running up and down the villa’s stairs dozens of times. Sasha knew a hundred more ways to exercise without spending money.

One morning, as Sasha returned to the room lightly sweating, he met Karel’s sharp gaze.

“Where have you been?”

Before even opening the door, Karel stood in the corridor, stopping Sasha in his tracks. For some reason, Karel seemed uncomfortable, so Sasha paused his steps.

Karel’s hair was still disheveled from just getting up, yet there was no sign of drowsiness in his eyes as he looked at Sasha.