Solo For Two

“Karel, close the door….”

However, Karel, neither listening to Julian’s words nor minding the chilling cold seeping in, was lost in thought, tilting his head slightly out of the carriage.

“For heaven’s sake, please close the window, Karel.”

That’s when it happened. “Stop!” Karel’s shout made the coachman, who didn’t understand English, stop the carriage.

And instead of closing the window, Karel, on the contrary, flung the carriage door wide open. Along with the snow, the wind rushed in and ruthlessly slapped Julian’s cheeks. Still dazed by the suddenness of it all, Julian tried belatedly to close the door, but Karel had already escaped from the carriage.

Julian leaned out of the door and called out to Karel.

“Karel!”

But Karel was already several meters away from the carriage. Suppressing his rising irritation, Julian got off the carriage and approached Karel. When he got close, he saw Karel holding onto a man. The stranger, perhaps sensing that the conversation was over, was leaving.

Karel looked at the departing man with a disappointed expression.

“What are you doing? W-why did you suddenly…?”

With teeth chattering from the cold, Julian asked. Karel mumbled, “…thought it was him.”

“Mistaken.”

“W-what?”

“Sorry. Let’s go back.”

Julian looked at the departing man once more.

The man walking away in the distance had black hair. His imposing figure reminded Julian of the young man they had encountered recently. Julian, stunned, forgot about the cold and ran after Karel, calling out to him.

“Karel, you…!”

Karel silently brushed off the snow that had piled onto him inside the carriage. Julian hesitated to say anything to Karel and just swallowed his words. Karel’s expression was so gloomy that it was indescribable.

Instead, Julian sighed and offered comfort.

“Forget it.”

“….”

“How are you going to find someone who passed by on the vast continent? And…”

Julian swallowed his words. The young man, Sasha Sedrin, had said he wanted to go to Paris. If that was true, meeting him again in Russia would be unlikely.

Then, a sudden guess flashed through Julian’s mind.

“Karel, are you… agreeing to go to Petersburg just for that man?”

Karel didn’t deny it, and Julian was shocked.

Until recently, Karel had vehemently opposed going to Russia, saying he’d rather be knocked unconscious and dragged along if Julian insisted on taking him there. So why did Karel cross the Russian border so easily? Perhaps he was hoping to meet the young man from Russia with a glimmer of hope?

“You… you’re so… so stupid and foolish…”

“Leave me alone. I know I’m being foolish.”

Karel quickly spat out his words as if repenting. But there was no hint of regret in them.

“Karel, if you’re serious, just forget about that guy. Anyone would open up to anyone else for the right price, not just you. If you can’t forget him, you might as well buy a similar guy with money…”

But even as he said that, Julian wasn’t confident. Meeting a high-class young man with a face similar to Sasha’s or a body as tall and elegant as his seemed not so easy.

“Don’t keep calling him ‘that guy’.”

“What?”

“Don’t speak of him lightly.”

Seeing Karel’s labored breathing, Julian realized that he was genuinely angry. And to call him ‘that guy’ at such a moment!

‘He’s completely lost his mind…!’

Julian silently recoiled at Karel’s quietly raging anger. He was at a loss for words at his brother’s unfamiliar appearance. He knew that love could turn even the sharpest minds into mush, but he never thought Karel would fall into such a trap.

‘I thought it was just a passing interest.’

Could it be something else? If so, when did it start?

“Are you… serious?” Julian’s question made Karel frown as if he didn’t like the question.

“Were you always attracted to men?”

“If so?”

“Since when?”

“I’ve never even suspected it could be a mistake.”

Karel’s firm tone made Julian’s complexion pale.

‘To think he wasn’t even interested in women!’

Julian knew that there were people who were attracted to the same sex, but it was awkward because his brother was one of them. This was because current psychoanalysts were immersed in classifying pathological homosexuality as a mental illness. Moreover, it was only fifty years ago that those caught sticking together with men were sentenced to death. The world was changing little by little, but there were still countries that punished homosexuality.

Of course, there were people everywhere who secretly indulged in such vile tastes, so perhaps that’s all there was to it… But the weight of Karel’s words was not so light.

Julian was annoyed by his recent act of offering easy sympathy to a hungry young man and creating a connection between them. Before meeting Sasha, Karel had never shown such a reaction to a man.

Julian hesitated for a while, then came up with a somewhat plausible reason to persuade Karel.

“Karel… It’s okay to pursue a passing interest, but you need to stop this nasty hobby. Will you be able to honestly tell your future lovely wife about your past?”

“Marriage, huh.”

“Yeah, and if your homosexuality is exposed, it’s imprisonment. Whose honor will you ruin?”

“Do I even have any honor?”

Karel grumbled. Julian was secretly surprised by Karel’s unusual tone.

Then Karel continued.

“I’m not someone who needs such things.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just that. I’m… different from you. I’m not even a noble.”

“I’m not a noble either!”

“That’s not what I mean.”

“Karel…”

Julian felt uneasy with Karel’s blunt response.

“Julian, wearing these suits, learning manners, and speaking with an educated accent is just an imitation for me. I’ve always thought about it. My background is completely different from yours.”

“Karel, please. You have other possibilities.”

“What possibilities? Living differently from my father?”

Sarcasm was evident in Karel’s voice. Julian closed his mouth with a rigid expression.

“Well, I want to live honestly even if it means wearing ill-fitting clothes and being shabby.”

“Is that so…”

Julian sighed.

He knew that Karel wasn’t particularly ambitious or concerned about honor, but he had never openly revealed his inner thoughts like this before. Even when Julian persistently urged him to pursue university education, Karel simply refused, saying he didn’t want to squander the Ludvig family’s fortune anymore.

Julian realized. This was nothing short of Karel’s declaration to live his own life as he wished.

“Living honestly…”

Julian muttered. He had a bad feeling about it.

Why declare such a thing at this point?

It meant choosing a life of freedom as a non-conformist instead of being absorbed into upper-class society through marriage or tradition. Without even getting married!

‘When did he start thinking like this? Why give up all possibilities and live as a rustic?’

Julian bit his inner lip thoughtfully. He still believed there was time to persuade Karel.

“Alright, let’s talk about this later. No, let’s not talk about it at all.”

Julian forcibly ended the conversation.

Karel is currently just blinded by desire, showing sharp reactions. That’s how he dismisses it. But Karel, who confessed his inner thoughts, seemed more determined than ever. Moreover, there was no justification or embarrassment about fixating on a mere young man. And it felt like a different expression of sincerity.

Suddenly, the carriage slowed down. The distant winter villa of the countess came into view.

“Until we meet again….”

He won’t send them off like that next time.

As Karel muttered to himself, almost as if making a vow, Julian ignored the murmuring with mixed feelings.

***

The carriage stopped at the end of a desolate and clean road with no signs of people in sight, stretching endlessly towards a vast palace. Julian, who had been wandering for a moment, realized that it was the countess’s winter villa. So, the deserted road they had just passed was probably part of the estate as well. Julian admired the vast grounds more than expected and generously tipped the coachman.

[Thank you, sir.]

The Tartar coachman, mistaking Julian and Karel for foreign nobility, bowed deeply after unloading their luggage. After all the baggage was unloaded, he respectfully bowed again. The footmen who had been waiting for the carriage to arrive promptly disappeared along with the luggage. Despite Julian and Karel being warmly dressed, they shivered as they climbed the steps.

As they entered, they were faced with numerous people standing in formation. Even Karel, who wasn’t easily startled, was taken aback. When the two of them froze at the unexpected sight, fortunately, the door opened again, and the countess appeared.

“I apologize for keeping you waiting, gentlemen.”

The countess passed by the two of them, heading towards the white-clad man amidst the assembled footmen.

“This is my husband, Nikolai Dmitrievich. Nikolai, these are the young men we met on the train who are interested in Russian society. I invited them because they seemed interested. I apologize for not informing you in advance.”

“Not at all.”

After Julian, Karel shook hands with the count and bowed. The countess’s gaze lingered on them from face to waist like an unwanted shadow, with eyes that couldn’t discern whether it was out of kindness or not.

The middle-aged count, with a mustache, had a somewhat youthful face, but standing next to the countess with her youthful face, he looked more like an uncle than a husband, and his handshake was stiff and cold. Apart from the unexpected look Julian received when speaking fluent Russian, his expression was generally cold.

Anyway, it was a feeling he didn’t want to encounter often.

The count left first. The path the footmen led them through to the room was also endlessly long. Karel wondered if the gold-painted wallpaper on the walls and ceiling was actually gold. Into Karel’s contemplation, Julian’s voice suddenly interjected.

“As I said. Their marriage will be over within two months, guaranteed.”

“Hmm… I’ll bet it’ll be within one month.”

“Poor thing, I feel sorry for the countess. Leaving her hometown to come to this cold country, and her husband is like that, how lonely must she have been.”

Seeing Julian joking as usual, Karel chuckled.

The footmen led Julian and Karel to separate rooms on either side.

“Rest well then.”

Julian left a message before entering his room first.

Karel also stepped into the room after the servant opened the door. Despite being hastily prepared, the guest room resembled a luxurious hotel room. It was still before the heating started, but it was very nice. He especially liked being tucked away in a corner without worrying about encountering the count.

Karel approached the window and opened it. The heavy window had never been opened, so Karel had to exert quite a bit of force. Soon, a cold breeze rushed in, and Karel looked out over the dimly lit street beyond the hall. The villa was so vast that even the nearest road was not visible to the naked eye, and outside the window, not even the shadow of a person, let alone an animal, was to be seen.

Where and how should he start looking for that man?

Karel sighed with frustration.

He thought there would be a way once he crossed over to Russia. But he didn’t expect the land to be so vast and desolate. Moreover, there weren’t many dark-haired people to be seen. All the footmen were uniformly blond, dark blond, or brown-haired.

“Was my determination to find Sasha just empty?”

Karel tried to calm his troubled thoughts.

***

For two days, Karel explored the winter villa, which seemed more fittingly named a palace. Julian pestered him every night to go to the balls together, but Karel thought coolly that it was none of his concern. Thanks to ignoring Julian’s incessant pestering, Karel could have his own time.

The villa was so large that, apart from the footmen, there were hardly any people to encounter, and no one paid any attention to Karel. At some point, completely relaxed, Karel wandered freely through the long halls, the reception rooms where various greetings were exchanged, the kitchen, and the laundry room where the footmen worked. He couldn’t go out like he did in St. Petersburg, but there was plenty to see inside the villa, so Karel accepted it as a kind of journey.

And on the third day after arriving at the mansion, Karel found a heavy, grand door.

Pushing open the heavy door and stepping inside, there was a sparkling marble floor, intricately crafted golden windows, and a high-ceilinged, grand hall. Karel stopped for a moment and admired the interior of the hall.

One side was entirely mirrored, and sunlight poured in generously through the wide windows on the opposite side. The outside scenery was also beautiful. Although it was bare now, with only a few remaining trees, it would be even more beautiful in the summer with lush greenery.

Stepping slowly on the marble floor that reflected the outside scenery like a mirror, Karel approached the window.

“This is the ballroom.”

At the familiar voice, Karel turned around. The countess, whom he hadn’t seen in three days, was standing there.

Instead of being surprised by the sudden appearance of the lady, Karel calmly asked,

“Is this used for dances?”

“No, this is not an open space.”

“I apologize…. I’ll leave now.”

“No, what I meant was, it’s not open to socialites.”

The countess’s voice sounded urgent for some reason, causing Karel to stop.

“I see.”

Karel turned back and surveyed the hall again. When he heard it was a ballroom, Karel initially imagined waltzes or mazurkas danced by pairs. However, it was strange that one entire wall was covered with mirrors.

Recognizing Karel’s curiosity, the countess provided further explanation.

“Here’s the practice room. My husband is very interested in ballet and folk dance, so he’s sponsoring the royal ballet. The sponsored dancers stay here.”

“Does the countess also dance ballet?”

“No.”

In response to Karel’s question, the countess replied with a serious expression. Karel barely remembered that the countess was from Paris. In Paris, there was a long history of courtesans prospering among nobles and dancers under the pretext of sponsorship. Although Karel didn’t know the position of dancers in Russia, mentioning it to the countess would likely have been considered an insult.

“I was mistaken. I thought this was a splendid place for the mistress of the palace… Sorry.”

Realizing his mistake, Karel apologized, and she nodded in acknowledgment.

“I used to come here occasionally to watch ballet performances, and they were beautiful. I enjoy watching them too. Russian ballet is of high quality. If you have time, you should come see it sometime. I’ll arrange it for you.”

Karel just nodded. Although the countess’s words sounded like an invitation to make a private arrangement, he pretended not to notice.

“Are there dancers somewhere in this mansion?”

“Yes, there are.”

Before Karel could respond, the countess spoke with a thoughtful expression.

“If you want to see them, follow me.”

Since there was no reason to refuse, and Karel had been free during the entire journey, having dealt only with Julian, he followed the countess.

And throughout the walk, the countess couldn’t hide her smile beside Karel. Although Karel thought it was a bit awkward, he didn’t take the situation too seriously. He was quite adept at accepting the favors of ladies and then cutting them off.

Anyway, the countess seemed to want to show Karel the utmost kindness she could offer.

On the way to the dancers’ quarters, the two encountered several groups of girls with their hair tied high. The countess explained that they were recently selected young dancers. Shortly afterward, young boys passed by. Surprised, Karel asked the countess,

“There are boys too.”

“Yes, in the empire, there are many professional male dancers as well as women.”

“I’m curious.”

Karel said it without any ulterior motive. As he had only a few memories of watching ballet performances, he thought ballet was exclusively for women. In the performances he had seen so far, only female dancers with slender and beautiful figures had appeared. He wondered if male dancers’ performances would feel similar.

After walking for a while, the countess stopped at the end of a hallway, at a certain entrance.

In front of them stood a solid wooden building with considerable attention to design. Surrounded by pine trees separate from the palace.

“This is the dancers’ quarters.”

“May I go in?”

“Of course. Since servants and sponsors often come and go, outsiders coming in shouldn’t seem strange. This is the men’s quarters. Please go ahead.”

With a light thank you, Karel entered.

The interior of the building was mostly finished in wood. Karel realized that this building had been built not long ago, unlike the winter villa. The interior was simple and modest but gave the impression of being well maintained.

Since it was midday, most of the rooms were empty, as everyone seemed to be outside. Seeing one door open, Karel slowly pushed it open.

Why was this door the only one open among so many doors, and why did he feel drawn to this room?

In hindsight, Karel often pondered whether this was some kind of sign.

A signal of fate leading him to Sasha.

“…?”

Karel stepped into the room. It was a narrow room to the point that even the tall Karel felt a bit cramped.

There was a narrow bed where one person could lie down, with only an empty iron frame left without bedding. It didn’t seem like anyone was currently in this room. However, it felt strange to call it a completely empty room, as there were still traces of life scattered around the room.

Clothes hanging on the wall, a few books and notebooks on the dresser…

Despite being tormented by guilt for invading someone else’s privacy, Karel approached closer. His chest fluttered with a strange premonition.

Then, his gaze fell on the frame placed at the head of the bed.

“This is…”

It was an unexpected reunion. A shiver ran down his spine. Karel stood in the middle of the room, staring at the frame as if mesmerized for a while.

“Sasha.”

A moment later, without giving himself a chance to think otherwise, he quickly removed the photo from the frame and tucked it into his chest. Aware that he was essentially stealing, he turned the frame upside down after taking out the photo, then carefully stifled his footsteps as he made his way out into the corridor.

Once completely out of the room, Karel leaned against the corridor wall, taking a moment to catch his breath.

“It could just be a figment of my imagination.”

It was simply his longing to see Sasha again that led him to superimpose Sasha’s face over someone else’s.

Karel tried to think rationally. At the same time, he felt an overwhelming urge to properly examine the photo. He fumbled around the pocket where he had put the photo but found this place inappropriate for inspecting it thoroughly.

There were name tags on the doors, presumably indicating the occupants, but the characters looked more like symbols to Karel, so he couldn’t read them. He quickly retraced his steps back the way he came.

“Madam, do you happen to know how to read Russian?”

“A little.”

Lost in thought, Karel pondered whether it was appropriate to take Rambouillet to check the nameplates. Deciding it would be better to call Julian later, he walked ahead in silence.

They returned together after walking through the long corridor again.

Karel was so absorbed in the photo in his arms that he didn’t know what Rambouillet had talked about or how he had responded. He could only recall the moment when he first met Sasha, the faint smile he showed when sharing food, and his warm body temperature and soft skin. It was a brief encounter, but there was much to remember.

When he snapped out of his reverie, Karel found himself standing in front of a familiar door. He was supposed to bid farewell to the countess, but he ended up being seen off instead. Realizing this, Karel hid his embarrassment and thanked Rambouillet.

“Thank you for your time.”

“No, thank you…”

Seeing Rambouillet’s flushed cheeks, Karel briefly pondered whether now was the appropriate time to make a request.