Speak of The Devil

“Ugh, my stomach hurts.”Jung Yiyeon muttered to himself. From the smell of alcohol on his breath, it was clear he had overdone it with drinking.“I brought you a hamburger. Please eat.”At my words, Jung Yiyeon looked at me in surprise, then at the paper bag in my hand. Given that he had sent a message after midnight asking me to come to his place in the morning and gave me his house password, I had expected him to be hungover and had stopped by a 24-hour fast food place to buy it on the way.“Wow, as expected of Secretary Lee.”Jung Yiyeon genuinely admired and was delighted. He took the paper bag from me and approached the table, pulling out the hamburger and cola. Without delay, he unwrapped the burger and began eating.The smell of oil and cheese in the air made me feel like throwing up. The kiss mark on his collarbone seemed imprinted on my retina, lingering as an afterimage. When I looked more closely at his back while he was eating, a searing pain stabbed my heart as if I had been burned. It wasn’t deeply cut. However, there were several red lines, clearly left by fingernails.How intimately did Min Seowon embrace him to leave such marks? There were many times I wanted to dig my nails into his body too, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it, fearing he might find it unpleasant. The thought of leaving marks on his body never even crossed my mind.But Min Seowon, apparently, could leave such marks. So, could I have done the same? I couldn’t stop those foolish thoughts. Watching him made me feel like I would go mad with jealousy, so I forced myself to look away.I awkwardly sat beside him, staring out the window for no reason. Jung Yiyeon quickly finished his meal.“I’ll dry my hair. Make yourself comfortable.”After filling his stomach, he laughed like a satisfied beast and went back to the bathroom. Left alone, I finally let out the sigh I had been holding in.Lee Nan, why does your heart ache so much? Wasn’t this what you expected from the beginning? Jung Yiyeon told you to meet other men if you wanted, indicating that he might also sleep with others. From the start, Jung Yiyeon wanted a simple relationship without attachment, just sex. And despite knowing all this, you agreed to his proposal. So, you shouldn’t be jealous now. There was nothing but physical interaction between Jung Yiyeon and Lee Nan.…Yet, I never expected it to feel this miserable.Even so, I couldn’t just sit there staring at the trash he left behind. I folded the crumpled burger wrapper, threw it in the trash, and tidied up the paper bag and cola cup. Then, as if possessed, I went to his bedroom and tidied up where he had slept.I kept asking myself why I was acting like such a fool, but I couldn’t stop. I meticulously checked every corner of the bed. There were no traces of intimacy, indicating he had slept alone. This brought me some relief.Then, Jung Yiyeon, now dried off and fresher than before, entered the room. He frowned.“Why is Secretary Lee tidying up?”“Oh… I just didn’t have anything else to do.”“You should have rested. You look exhausted. Didn’t you sleep well?”In a way, it was fortunate I hadn’t slept all night. The physical fatigue, more than my troubled heart, could justify my stiff expression.“Yes, a little.”“What’s this? Did you tire yourself out playing with someone all night?”He asked lightly with a chuckle.I now understood… that his words weren’t out of jealousy. They were just meaningless questions. He probably didn’t care. Maybe he genuinely believed, as he did, that I was also enjoying time with someone else.The days of agonizing thought since coming back from Busan turned out to be nothing but useless worries.As I was struggling to figure out how to respond, Jung Yiyeon’s phone rang, saving me from my predicament. He glanced at the screen and answered with a frown.“You’re up already.”I instinctively knew it was the person he had been with last night. I couldn’t hear everything, but the voice on the other end was loud enough for me to recognize it as Min Seowon’s. He sounded either angry or annoyed.The only difference was Jung Yiyeon’s attitude. The previous day, he had greeted Min Seowon with a welcoming smile, but now he was clearly irritated.“Min Seowon, you’re noisy.”His voice was icily cold as he cut off Min Seowon’s chatter.Wow, is he done with him after one night? He allows kiss marks and nail scratches, then acts like this? I was surprised by his sudden change in attitude. Yet, at the same time…“If you keep this up, I’ll hang up.”…At the same time, I found myself feeling relieved by his different attitude towards me. Maybe this was a foreseen future for me as well, I thought bitterly.“Enough. I need to go to work, so I’m hanging up.”Click. He ended the call abruptly. His face was stiff with annoyance. There wasn’t a hint of regret. Instead, he sighed wearily, as if tired of it all.“Is the morning schedule packed?”Why was he suddenly asking about the morning schedule? Despite the way he ended the call, was he thinking of going to soothe his sulking lover?“No, there’s nothing special this morning.”“Then let’s go to work in the afternoon.”Although I had somewhat anticipated it, Jung Yiyeon declared he wouldn’t be going to work in the morning. What I didn’t expect was what came next.“Let’s get some more sleep.”Jung Yiyeon flopped onto the bed, still wearing only a towel around his lower body. Then, he patted the spot next to him.“Lie down here.”For a moment, I was at a loss for words. Lie next to him? What was he suddenly talking about?He cut off the call from the person he spent the night with so coldly, yet was overly kind to me. Even though it was clear we hadn’t shared a bed, why was he now asking me to lie beside him? Jung Yiyeon’s behavior was incredibly confusing.Romance is a push and pull game, but we weren’t in a relationship. It was just my one-sided, unspoken love.For a moment, I forgot my place and foolishly tried to play hard-to-get after he pulled me close yesterday morning. I pushed him away and spent the entire night feeling like I was spitting blood. To avoid repeating such regrets, I should just go along with him whenever he pulls.I knew this. I knew it in my head, but my body wouldn’t move.“…Secretary Lee?”Maybe it was because I was standing there blankly even though he told me to come over, that he called me in a slightly stiff voice.“…Yes, sir.”“…Ha.”When I didn’t budge, he got up from the bed and asked while still sitting.“I’m asking out of concern, but you’re not feeling jealous or anything right now, are you?”He hit the nail on the head with his question.“Is it really that?”He asked again, as if confirming, with a cruel question.Moreover, his face had stiffened, clearly showing his displeasure. It was a face that seemed to remind me that our agreement was not supposed to involve such feelings.You probably don’t know what it feels like to have your heart crumble in pain. The agony of your heart being trampled under someone’s cruelty when it’s already hit rock bottom. You’ll never know.And to maintain this relationship, which is only connected through the physical, I can never reveal my pain.“Of course not. I just couldn’t sleep.”Thankfully, my voice came out smoothly. As a result, Jung Yiyeon’s expression softened a bit. Although not completely, as his face still showed some suspicion.“Why? Did something happen?”Because of you. Because thoughts of you have coiled around my mind and won’t let go.But of course, I couldn’t say that.“My brother does dangerous work, and he came home badly injured yesterday. I had a hard time taking him to the emergency room because he didn’t want to go. Then I had to clean up the bloodstains in the hallway and room when I got back in the early morning. I live with my brother, you see.”This wasn’t what had happened last night. It was something that had happened years ago, but I pretended it was from yesterday. Luckily, I had such an episode to use. Back then, I was terrified and struggled, but I never thought it would come in handy as an excuse one day.Upon hearing my story, Jung Yiyeon’s face changed oddly, although it naturally piqued his interest.“Your brother does dangerous work?”“Yes. He doesn’t give details, but it seems like it.”“You must have been really scared yesterday.”“Yes, I’m so exhausted now that I feel like I’ll pass out if I lie down. I was contemplating whether I should lie down.”“That’s a relief. I thought Secretary Lee might be jealous because you like me or something. I’m too old to waste energy on such emotions.”Ah, so that’s why you passionately eyed and clung to Min Seowon, only to coldly discard him later.But it wasn’t incomprehensible. That’s how I was before meeting Jung Yiyeon. I only wanted superficial relationships and was endlessly cruel to those who tried to cross that line.“I understand. It’s tiring, that sort of thing.”So who but me could understand Jung Yiyeon?“Thankfully, Secretary Lee seems to have a similar nature to mine.”Jung Yiyeon might have heard about my reputation from the bar where we met. Rumors that I didn’t want emotional exchanges, only sex partners. It was true, after all.Now, it made me sick. If I hadn’t lived so recklessly in the past, would Jung Yiyeon have seen me differently? No… he probably wouldn’t have even reached out, thinking it would be a hassle. I would have suffered alone, undoubtedly.Jung Yiyeon knew I was a lighthearted person, so he easily reached out to me. Thus, I had to act like a lighthearted person in front of him. Only then could I maintain this relationship.But knowing that didn’t mean his smiling face didn’t hurt.How low is my pain threshold set? Knowing full well who Jung Yiyeon is and what he wants from me, why does every little thing hurt so much?“Come and lie down.”“I really think I’ll fall asleep if I put my head down.”“Sleep then. What’s the point of the secretary going to work alone when the boss isn’t there? Sleep, and we’ll go together.”No… it’s not like I don’t have work at the office when Jung Yiyeon isn’t there. What about the phone calls to the office? Although someone from the secretarial office would be dispatched in my absence, at least I should inform them that both Jung Yiyeon and I wouldn’t be coming in the morning.Without giving me any chance, Jung Yiyeon pulled me beside him, making me lie down next to him. All I could do was take off my suit jacket to keep it from getting wrinkled.“Ah…”As soon as I lay down, Jung Yiyeon’s firm arm slipped under my neck. Was this an arm pillow, the kind only lovers gave each other? His actions were completely unpredictable. Why was he doing this to me?Was it just because he felt comfortable? Was he so sure I would never fall for him that he could shower me with physical affection without worry? Was it possible to have this kind of skinship without any feelings?“…Sir.”“Mm?”Do you like me?Even though I knew the answer, I desperately wanted to ask.But of course, I couldn’t. I knew what the answer would be. Besides, asking about feelings was against the rules of our relationship. So, I couldn’t ask and turned the conversation instead.“I really feel like I’m going to fall asleep…”It wasn’t just physical exhaustion; the mental fatigue from the situation moments ago had pushed me to my limit. When I slowly blinked my eyes, Jung Yiyeon chuckled softly. Then, he placed a short, warm kiss on my forehead. Jung Yiyeon held me as I flinched and gently closed my eyes with his hand. “Don’t worry, I’ll wake you up. Just sleep.” Ah… I screamed inwardly. And I despaired. Even though the lingering bitterness in my heart hadn’t gone away, and the throbbing pain in my chest hadn’t disappeared, I was utterly undone by the warmth of his embrace and his tender whispers. Jung Yiyeon’s scent brushed my nose as he held me close. The intimate proximity and shared warmth, like that of lovers, soothed the wounds engraved on my heart. The wounds caused by Jung Yiyeon were being healed by Jung Yiyeon himself. I was left floundering in between. Once, I thought I could be satisfied just by having sex with him. I optimistically believed that if I quietly suppressed my feelings, I could find joy and pleasure in this relationship. But it was all a delusion. How long could I be content with such a relationship? I was already driven mad with jealousy just knowing there were others around him. Yet, I forgave everything because I loved this man who held me so dearly. I didn’t know that the more I touched him, the more my feelings would swell uncontrollably. Not knowing this, I slept with Jung Yiyeon. I thought it would quench this thirst… Soon, I heard Jung Yiyeon’s steady, soft breathing. He was sleeping soundly with his nose buried in my hair. In his arms, I turned my body and, as if in my sleep, hugged his waist tightly and buried my face in his chest. “Mm… Secretary Lee…” He mumbled, seemingly waking up slightly due to my movement. Would he push me away? My body tensed with anxiety. However, he turned fully towards me and hugged me tightly. His gentle hand patted my back. Once again, I collapsed to the bottom. And once again, I realized and despaired. It was cruel. But it was also unbearably sweet. The warmth from the man holding me was painfully comforting. So, I will never be able to stop liking you. Even if my heart gets torn and bruised, I won’t be able to stop loving you. In Jung Yiyeon’s arms, I eventually fell into a deep sleep. My exhausted mind could no longer hold out. I fell into a very deep sleep. The world of sleep was comforting and peaceful. All the worries that had been tearing my head apart disappeared, leaving only darkness. It was a sweet time. And something was tickling. Soft, cozy, yet somehow tingling and ticklish. The warmth made my body feel slightly hot. No, it was hot. “Ugh… Ugh…” It was too hot, and I ached. I groaned in pain. I wanted to take a deep breath to clear my chest, but every time I did, it felt like my chest would burst. My ribcage hurt terribly. At the same time, I couldn’t tell where my arms and legs were. My posture felt uncomfortable. It was an unbearable sensation sweeping over my entire body. Why was my temperature rising like this? Why was my skin itching? Why was my heart pounding so fiercely, and what was rushing through my veins, making my fingertips tingle? Among all this, the most uncomfortable thing was the foreign sensation below. No matter how much I twisted my waist to escape the intrusion, a hand tightly gripping somewhere on my body wouldn’t let me go. My hips shuddered involuntarily. My lower abdomen was uncomfortably tense. No, it was more like something inside me, just outside my belly. Or maybe it was just everything between my legs that felt strange and uncomfortable. “Ah… Huh…” Among the discomfort and dull pain, a familiar sensation of itchiness and pleasure began to rise. I realized it was a kind of sexual pleasure that I quite liked. “Mm…!” When a thoroughly wet nasal sound escaped, I took a deep breath, straining to open my heavy eyelids. The first thing I saw was Jung Yiyeon. Like him, I was completely naked. “S-Sir?” He laughed at my flustered call. Only when the thing that had been filling me suddenly withdrew did I realize that the uncomfortable intrusion in my lower half had been his fingers. And as his fingers withdrew, what pushed its way in, rubbing and opening my entrance… “Ah… Ah…!!” My back arched instinctively, but with my legs folded to my chest, even this natural reaction was difficult. What kind of situation was this right after waking up? It felt like a dream. “S-Sir, Ah! Gah!” “Ha…” The low, moaning breath was unbelievably sexy. It was so excessively erotic that it pulled me back to reality. This wasn’t a dream. “Secretary Lee.” His lips, softly calling my name, covered mine. As our tongues intertwined, his movements grew more intense, and I struggled to breathe, feeling like my chest might burst. It might have felt even more painful because my heart was already shredded. “Ah, Sir, Ah!” Caught between the pressure on my chest and overwhelming pleasure, my mind went hazy. My vision darkened as my consciousness seemed to sink into a bottomless abyss. I was scared. And it felt good. Despite the pain, his touch made me happy. “Ah, Ah…! Huh, Ugh, Ah!” When Jung Yiyeon’s member forcefully parted me and plunged deep inside again, and the red mark on his collarbone imprinted itself on my retina, tears finally flowed. Clasping my hands, I desperately tried to hold back tears under Jung Yiyeon’s relentless gaze. But as his thrusts continued and my body rocked, I couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down my cheeks. Jung Yiyeon looked at the tears streaming down my cheeks with utmost satisfaction. There was a certain heat flickering in his eyes.At the same time, he was endlessly gentle. The series of actions—licking up my tears with his tongue and kissing my eyelids—were exceedingly sweet.“Huh…”He was so tender that he could have been mistaken for a passionate lover who cherished and adored me. But it hurt to see him being so kind. It was heartbreaking to realize that this intense something wasn’t love.Perhaps that’s why more tears flowed.Having woken up from intense sex, my mind wasn’t in the right state. It felt hazy and languid, as if I had a cold. By the time Jung Yiyeon finally let me go, my body, already exhausted, was completely drained. Yet, work awaited me.And so, now that I had prepared for work and was out, my waist and hips ached and throbbed as I sat in the driver’s seat. But how could I dare let the boss drive on our way to work? Driving was, of course, the secretary’s job.Jung Yiyeon seemed a bit bothered by this. Usually sitting in the back seat, he was in the passenger seat today. From there, he was staring at me intensely, making me incredibly uncomfortable.…Damn it, yes, I cried. I shed a few tears. So what?“…Stop staring.”“Oh, don’t mind me, just drive.”As if I could ignore it. His gaze was piercing the side of my head, making my ears itch. If he looked closely, he’d see my ears turning red, which was embarrassing. It was unfortunate that we were stuck in traffic during lunch hour. A 15-minute drive was taking forever. While there was still plenty of time, I wanted to get out of this situation as soon as possible.“Aren’t you hungry?”“Yes, let’s eat before going in.”“The timing of your meeting is tight. How about we take it to go?”“Sure, let’s do that.”Why does he sound so half-hearted? Although I had no appetite, I desperately wanted to escape this situation and searched for a suitable restaurant.But then Jung Yiyeon suddenly said, “Am I really that good?”I almost slammed on the accelerator.I barely managed to suppress a loud outburst. I had to restrain myself from glaring at him. God, if only I could shout, “Are you kidding me? Can’t you see I’m trying to drive?”“…What do you mean? There’s a Burger King over there. Should we go in?”“We had burgers for breakfast. The porridge place next to it seems fine.”“Okay.”“Was it really that good?”“Ugh, sir, please…!”Finally, I snapped. As I raised my voice, he burst into laughter, bending over in his seat.Damn it. Go ahead and laugh. Here I am, in pain and barely able to move, driving while you laugh.“I was really tired. Doing that to someone who was sleeping…”“Yeah, you look terrible with those bloodshot eyes. So, it was so good it made you cry, huh?”He seemed to enjoy teasing me. Gritting my teeth, I turned away from him.“If I keep teasing you, you might hit me. You wouldn’t tell your brother, would you?”I should really keep my mouth shut. Jung Yiyeon, acting as if he forgot he was the boss, was impossible to deal with. How could he be so childish one moment and so jealous the next?Of course, the bigger problem was me. Even though my chest ached terribly, his playful teasing made me laugh.“I won’t say anything unless I feel like killing you.”“Wow, is it that bad? Is he good with his fists?”“Yes. It’s a bit scary.”He looked at me expectantly, as if waiting for an interesting story. Moving the car to the outer lane, I decided to share an anecdote about my brother. It was a very personal story, but he seemed curious.“My brother is a year older than me. He was kind of famous in our neighborhood. When I was in eighth grade, I had to transfer schools because of him. No one at school messed with me just because I was his brother.”Back then, I pretended to be a diligent student while secretly causing trouble, thanks to Lee Won’s infamous reputation.“There was a new teacher who arrived and became our homeroom teacher. He was a pervert. He kept touching me inappropriately.”I was popular with girls, so I knew I was good-looking. But I didn’t realize that a perverted pedophile would find me attractive. I had never thought about a man seeing another man sexually. Back then, I only thought it was a bit excessive when the teacher touched me. But he was very kind and understanding, so I liked him like the other kids did.Looking back, that bastard was definitely a pervert. He didn’t just touch my chest or waist; he often asked me to stay after school so we could be alone, or invited me out to secretly buy me treats.“When my brother asked me about school, I told him the new teacher kept touching me and had recently hugged me from behind and tried to sit me on his lap…”“And then?”“A few days later, that guy got mugged on his way home drunk. All his limbs were broken.”Hearing the story of the teacher sexually harassing a student, Jung Yiyeon’s face grew serious, but then it suddenly slackened in disbelief. Even though I was the one telling the story, it was indeed hard to believe. “It wasn’t just a simple mugging. His legs were broken so badly that he’ll limp for the rest of his life. The police said they had a suspect and the whole neighborhood was buzzing about it… But they still haven’t caught the culprit.” On that fateful night, I secretly opened the door for my brother, who was humming as he came home at dawn. His gloves were stained with some unknown liquid. Taking off his mask, he smiled. “From tomorrow, going to school will be easier,” he said, patting my head.“Your brother…”“During the investigation, it was revealed that the man had molested a young student he used to tutor. The student and their parents were suspects, but they weren’t the culprits. Since the perpetrator hasn’t been caught, we don’t know who did it.”I mumbled evasively. Of course, the real culprit was my brother, but there was no need to admit that. The incident caused a commotion in our neighborhood for a while. Eventually, the teacher’s past was exposed, and he left the area quietly.“You must care a lot about your brother.”“Yeah, that and he’s quite violent.”Although he was my brother, I sometimes wondered if he was crazy. He was kind to me, but if he were a stranger, I wouldn’t have gone near him.“Just yesterday morning, he only choked me because it was me. If it were someone else, he would’ve thrown punches without a word.”He was skilled, too. Yesterday morning, I had clear red marks that seemed certain to bruise, but by today, they had already faded.Despite everything, he was a good brother to me. When our parents passed away, he was barely an adult but took care of me. I wasn’t so shameless as to not appreciate his affection.“If Secretary Lee complains to your brother about his boss…”“If I cries to him about how the boss made me cry, you’d be finished…”Of course, I had no intention of telling my brother, and even if I did, my brother wouldn’t likely take action against Jung Yiyeon now that I was an adult. I glanced at Jung Yiyeon, who seemed dazed, and laughed inwardly. This was why I brought up my brother, to scare him a bit.Enjoying the silence from Jung Yiyeon, I maneuvered the car into an alley to park. Just as I was about to get out to pick up some food,“So, you cried because of me. Was it that good? I’m so good I made you cry?”“Ah, boss!”I snapped at his sudden comment. Jung Yiyeon laughed as he looked at my flustered face.A warm spring day. Sunlight streamed through the car window, illuminating him. His bright smile, showing his white teeth, made his face shine.I felt my strength drain. My heart fluttered, making me feel giddy. I couldn’t breathe from the excitement. Yeah, I’m the crazy one. I’m the crazy one.Jung Yiyeon didn’t stop there and delivered the final blow.“I’ll be good to you. You won’t tell your brother, right?”…God, what am I supposed to do if you give such a perfect man even cuteness? I called out to a God I didn’t believe in.This wasn’t good at all. It was tragic that the person who caused me such pain earlier was now right in front of me. He had torn my heart apart with his smiling face and now was shaking my heart with that same smile. The aching emotion spreading through me because of his playful smile was sweet. Even being teased didn’t make me angry. His almost playful charm made me melt.“I’ll go get the food. Wait here.”I spoke as calmly as I could and got out of the car.It was a relief to be his secretary. The fact that I couldn’t get angry at him was easily explained by our superior-subordinate relationship. In reality, all my anger melted away with his smile, so there was nothing to show. Being his secretary was both fortunate and a bit sad.Inside the shop, I ordered food for both of us and sighed deeply. The day was only half over, but I felt like I had already ridden a roller coaster multiple times. He had dropped me to hell with kiss marks and nail scratches in the morning, and now his bright smile had lifted me to heaven. I had no idea how to deal with this man.As I pondered, feeling both happy and upset, my phone rang. I paused when I saw the screen. It was Seo Jaeoh.I had completely forgotten about him since Jung Yiyeon abruptly interrupted our call earlier. That’s right, I had stood him up and never called back.“Hello.”-You jerk.His immediate curse was understandable. I quickly apologized.“Sorry.”-Never mind. It’s not like it’s the first time.Jaeoh was really a good guy. He always understood and let it go, though he did grumble a bit.-You’re an expert at making empty promises. You never intended to come to Busan, did you?“I was busy. Look, I’m working even on weekends.”I tried to explain. While I was a bad guy and lacked manners, I didn’t ruin all my relationships. With someone as valuable as Jaeoh, I would sometimes bend. He was fun, understanding, and kind, someone I didn’t want to lose. There was no one I was as comfortable with for as long as him, so I didn’t want to lose him completely.-I’m in Seoul now.“…What?”-So clear your schedule this weekend. If you stand me up again, I’ll kill you.His whispered threat sent chills down my spine. I suddenly remembered his declaration at the club in Busan.Having your mood fluctuate with someone else’s words wasn’t pleasant. It was more draining than expected. But lately, my days and moments were like that, and I was getting tired.Today was particularly tough, partly due to lack of sleep. But mainly, I couldn’t focus on work all afternoon because I kept recalling the previous night. I couldn’t shake off the image of them walking away, leaving me behind. The kiss marks and nail scratches I saw this morning replayed in my mind.Even though I had a good time with Jung Yiyeon and a call from Seo Jaeoh, bad memories always lingered longer than good ones. Combined with physical fatigue, the emotional wounds felt overwhelming.Yet, what lifted me again was a single word from Jung Yiyeon.