Speak of The Devil

“Secretary Lee, let’s get off work.”“Yes, boss.”He didn’t say “I’m leaving work” or “You can go now.” He suggested we leave together. That slight difference in phrasing made me feel buoyant. Even my fatigue seemed to vanish.I had his car keys in my pocket, and it was now my job to drive him home and pick him up in the morning. Plus, I knew the code to his house. It felt like having something no one else was permitted. Of course, it was because I was his “secretary,” but so what? I was someone special to him.While waiting for the elevator, the boss glanced at my face. Sensing his gaze, I tried harder to manage my expression. It was hard not to show my joy or sadness.Jung Yiyeon’s persistent gaze finally came with a comment.“Secretary Lee, you’re really handsome.”Thump! My heart pounded so loudly it felt like it could be heard outside. The compliment about my looks made my ears tingle. How could he flirt so casually with such a low voice? My heart raced, and the corners of my mouth kept wanting to lift. It was getting harder to keep a straight face.“Thank you for the compliment.”“It wasn’t a compliment.”“Pardon?”“You make me want to have sex. But I don’t think it’s right today.”The slight crease in his brow, his slightly pouty lips, and his words—all of it froze me in place.“……”Then, heat rushed to my face. I was both embarrassed and pleased. Being called handsome meant he liked my appearance, right? Could that imply he was developing feelings for me? Damn it. Why did he have to get my hopes up?“Your eyes are so bloodshot they look pink.”He was pointing out my condition. Using the metal frame of the elevator as a mirror, I saw that my eyes were indeed bloodshot. Lack of sleep and some tears had done that. No wonder my eyes were aching.“I don’t know if I should let you drive.”“It’s fine. It’s my job.”Feeling embarrassed, I raised my hand and rubbed my eyes. Was he really thinking my eyes looked like this from a few tears this morning? Jung Yiyeon laughed softly.“I’ll drive today.”We had a similar conversation this morning. After having sex and barely managing to get washed up, Jung Yiyeon insisted on driving. But on the way to the office, how could I let an employee drive the boss? I firmly held onto the steering wheel.Now it was the end of the day, and as long as we didn’t attract attention, I could let him drive. But my inner sense of duty screamed that it was unprofessional. It wasn’t right.“No, it’s my responsibility—”“Do you want to stay over?”……I was speechless.Did I hear wrong? The little pebble Jung Yiyeon threw into the already turbulent waters of my heart caused a tsunami. My heart rocked like a sailboat caught in a storm.Stay over? Did he really just ask that? Stay over?I almost pulled him into a kiss. My heart felt like it was going to burst. The affection bubbling up made my chest ache. Stay over? That one phrase wiped out all the worries and pain that had plagued me all day.“We can have sex, sleep in a bit longer, and you won’t have to go out of your way to drop me home.”When I didn’t respond, he began listing reasons why I should stay over. If the elevator hadn’t arrived just then, I might have forgotten about the CCTV in the hallway and kissed him right there.But as the elevator doors opened, my face hardened. At least I wasn’t frowning.“Hyung!”“…Min Seowon.”Min Seowon stood there in a striking red leather jacket, looking angrily at Jung Yiyeon.Jung Yiyeon sighed briefly and stepped into the elevator. He gestured for me to join, so I followed.How did he get to the office without anyone in the secretary’s office notifying me? That thought was fleeting. Ignoring my presence, Min Seowon’s sharp voice filled the air.“Hyung, why are you ignoring my calls?”“This is the office, Min Seowon.”“Can’t you take calls at the office? Will it kill you to use your phone? You’re the boss!”“I don’t have time to respond to every silly message of yours. And how much trouble do you want to cause me in front of my employee?”I was a bit surprised. Although I knew he had been irritated with Min Seowon after yesterday’s display of affection, I didn’t expect him to speak so coldly to his face. The atmosphere froze.Min Seowon looked deeply hurt and muttered, almost tearfully.“But you just left me like that. I…”“I told you to stop.”The coldness in his voice made Min Seowon fall silent. I thought things might calm down, but Min Seowon was more persistent than I expected.“Hyung, I… I haven’t eaten dinner.”When tears didn’t work, he adopted a careful, pitiful tone. It was pathetic and made me uneasy, thinking of Jung Yiyeon leaving me behind to go with him the previous night.But Jung Yiyeon was a man who drew clear lines.“I have an appointment.”“At this hour? …But I’m hungry, and I don’t have any money…”“Order room service. I won’t make you pay.”“I’m back in Korea after a long time. Can’t we have dinner together?”“We had dinner together last night because I cleared my schedule for you.”Jung Yiyeon’s voice was cold, signaling that he wouldn’t tolerate any more whining.“This is a restricted area for guests. Don’t just come here as you please.”Jung Yiyeon pressed the button for the first floor, and the elevator descended. The first floor was connected to the hotel lobby. It seemed Min Seowon was staying at this hotel. He looked at Jung Yiyeon with resentment, but Jung Yiyeon remained cold. In the end, Min Seowon stepped out of the elevator with slumped shoulders.…It was a somewhat pitiable sight. His childish behavior was because he liked Jung Yiyeon, yet it only earned him contempt. Despite that, his continued clinging showed how much he cared for this man, which made his rejection even sadder.Unlike me, who was too afraid of rejection to reveal or pursue my feelings, Min Seowon openly expressed his. Although he was my rival, we were in the same boat—we both couldn’t gain Jung Yiyeon’s affection.Of course, Min Seowon was also a jerk who left hickeys and nail marks on Jung Yiyeon. Maybe Min Seowon’s current state was a glimpse of what I would be like if I ever confessed my feelings. I imagined Jung Yiyeon would treat me even colder.“Tired.”When the elevator stopped at the basement parking lot, Jung Yiyeon got out and rubbed his face. He looked more exhausted than before meeting Min Seowon.I felt sorry for him again. My emotions were in turmoil.For a moment, I felt joy and superiority because he chose me over Min Seowon. But then I felt sympathy for him and sadness over Jung Yiyeon’s coldness. Now I pitied Jung Yiyeon. Being loved by someone is something to be grateful for, but having unwanted attention is exhausting, and I knew that feeling well.But he should have kept his distance in the first place.Caught up in these conflicting emotions, I impulsively said something I would normally never say.“You knew he liked you. You shouldn’t have gotten involved with him…”I couldn’t finish my sentence. Jung Yiyeon stopped and stared at me, his gaze sharp. A chill ran down my spine.“I’m sorry. I overstepped.”Realizing I had to apologize quickly, I bowed my head.I was just a secretary, not his advisor. I was just a casual sex partner, not a lover. I had no right to criticize his relationships with others.“Just give me the car keys.”“No, I’ll drive—”“I’m worried you might crash.”With him insisting, I had no choice but to hand over the keys. I felt a bit down. I worried that my mistake might make him take back his offer to let me stay over.“Get in.”But my fears were unfounded. Jung Yiyeon took the keys from me and got into the driver’s seat. Not wanting to miss my chance, I hurried into the passenger seat, watching his mood closely.The car glided onto the street. The orange streetlights lit up the dark road. Feeling awkward, I looked out the window.Being in the car while he drove felt strange. The tense atmosphere made me feel like my heart was going to burst. Nervous, my hands were clammy with sweat.“You seem hungry. Want to get something to eat? How about donuts?”Thankfully, Jung Yiyeon didn’t hold a grudge. His casual tone was meant to change the mood, and it worked. I felt a wave of relief.In that relief, I thought: This man has strange tastes.“Donuts seem a bit heavy for this time of night.”“Then tteokbokki and tempura?”He didn’t seem like someone who would eat street food, yet my prejudice shattered. When I didn’t respond, he started listing other late-night foods like bossam and jokbal. His childlike behavior was both endearing and immature.Listening to him, I felt a bit sad.Jung Yiyeon was cute like a child. And he was cruel like a child. A child would laugh and chase a dragonfly, but once they caught it, they’d tear its wings off. The pain of the dragonfly and its inability to fly again weren’t concerns for the child. The child was simply expressing curiosity and wanted to possess everything. I was like that dragonfly in his grasp.Despite this, I liked him. Because I liked him, I watched his moods and wanted to make sure the awkwardness had passed. There was only one way to confirm that: sex.“I just want to eat you.”His voice, listing foods, abruptly stopped.Was I too provocative? But my sadness was growing uncontrollably. Everything from the previous day and the lack of sleep added up, making me emotionally fragile.I felt that having sex with him would make me feel better. Though it wasn’t an act of love, during sex, it felt like he loved me. Despite the emotional rollercoaster he put me through, I wanted comfort from him. Even though another round of sex might be physically taxing, it didn’t matter to me now.“Then we should hurry home.”Jung Yiyeon finally smiled.“I need to move. My place is too far.”He grumbled as he pressed the accelerator, and I finally felt relieved. The delayed sense of euphoria made me laugh quietly.His gaze, which briefly met mine, heated up. Yes, today he chose me over Min Seowon, and he wanted me. Moreover, his irritation was entirely gone.The air between him and me had returned to normal. It was that familiar, intimate atmosphere where Jung Yiyeon could tease me with jokes and I could chatter about personal memories.Jung Yiyeon had pushed Min Seowon away, leaving just the two of us again. There was no guarantee that this wouldn’t happen again in the future, but for now, it seemed our relationship could continue as it had in Busan.Just as my gloomy mood was lifting and pink-tinted optimism filled my mind, Jung Yiyeon spoke.“Secretary Lee, I think your phone is ringing.”Engrossed in my happy thoughts, I hadn’t noticed my phone. His remark made me pull it out of my pocket. An unknown number was calling, but it could be work-related, so I answered.“Hello?”-It’s me.A thick voice with a Gyeongsang Province accent. The number was unfamiliar, but the voice was not.“Jaeoh?”-Yeah. Can I crash at your place?“What?”-I don’t have anywhere to stay. Are you done with work? I’ll come to the hotel.I knew he was in Seoul, but this was too sudden. I had my own schedule to keep. Although I cared for Jaeoh, I couldn’t comply with such a sudden request, so I responded bluntly.“Sure, stay at the hotel. You can check into our hotel.”-Are you serious?“I’m off work. And I’m busy right now…”-Then I’ll go to your place. You still live in the same place, right?Damn it. What a mess. As he said, Seo Jaeohh knew my home. Once, when I was too drunk, he had taken me home. His frighteningly good memory allowed him to remember it after just one visit. It gave me chills.“I have plans, and I’m out right now.”-You cold-hearted jerk. Fine, I’ll wait in front of your place. That’s okay, right?I hadn’t turned the volume up, so there was no way Jung Yiyeon could hear the conversation. Yet, as if sensing something, he glanced at me. Our eyes met briefly before I quickly looked away.“Why would you wait at my place? Find somewhere else to stay. I’ll see you later.”-You jerk!I heard him shout, but I hung up. Immediately, messages started pouring in. Of course, they were from Seo Jaeohh.“Do you need to go?”“No, it was just a sudden call.”My tone was defensive. While Jung Yiyeon had no problem openly going out with someone else or leaving evidence of their time together, I felt guilty and tense as if I had done something wrong. Emotionally, I was in a subordinate position.Yet part of me was curious.When Jung Yiyeon broke our plans to casually go out with Min Seowon, I was consumed by jealousy. I was so angry and upset that I couldn’t sleep. If I chose Seo Jaeohh over Jung Yiyeon now, what would Jung Yiyeon feel?Of course, I wasn’t foolish enough to pick Seo Jaeohh just to satisfy my curiosity…“If you’re uncomfortable, let me know. I’ll drop you off.”His unexpected words left me momentarily stunned.“Your friend seems to be in a tough spot.”“…No, it’s nothing.”The defiance to see him worry was short-lived. I had no intention of going to Seo Jaeohh. In fact, Jung Yiyeon’s offer made me feel flustered.“I have plans with you, sir. How could I go?”I wanted to be with him. That was my true feeling. But in our relationship, I couldn’t express it openly, so I skirted around it.I thought Jung Yiyeon would want to stay with me too, even if it was just for his own needs. I didn’t think he would let me go.But that was just my wishful thinking.“It’s after work hours. I don’t want to exploit Secretary Lee by making you give up your personal life.”Jung Yiyeon spoke with a generous and considerate expression, as if he meant it.“Where does your friend need to go? I’ll take you.”As I got out on a street lined with bars and entertainment venues, I spoke.“Thank you for the ride. Take care.”“Alright, Secretary Lee. See you tomorrow.”With that, he left. Watching his taillights disappear without a second thought, I wondered what I was thinking.“…You bastard!!”I slammed my head onto the table and shouted. My eyes burned with frustration. Crying would have been a relief, but I held back. If I started sobbing in this bar, what would people think? A man alone, gulping down vodka straight with no chaser and crying.For the first time in nearly five years, I craved a cigarette. No stress had made me want to smoke again, but suddenly, I was desperate. Drinking made me want it more. I felt like I was losing my mind.“I know, I know. I know he doesn’t like me…”With my forehead on the table, I muttered and sighed. I probably looked insane to anyone watching, but I didn’t care. I was too miserable to control myself. I wanted to break everything in sight.Damn it. I knew. I knew Jung Yiyeon didn’t love me.But his actions were so kind that they confused me. The way he treated Min Seowon was so different from how he treated me, making me feel special. It made me forget that I had started this with the intention of excluding emotions and made me hope for Jung Yiyeon’s affection.I liked him so much that I kept being good to him, and when he was good to me, I couldn’t help but delude myself into thinking that maybe he liked me too. Jung Yiyeon’s actions always left me confused. They made me expect things on my own.To Jung Yiyeon, I was nothing more than a convenient sex partner, too good to let go. If I revealed my feelings, Jung Yiyeon would coldly and cruelly cast me aside. I was deceived by his kindness and floundered alone in this false hope.I knew better, yet I believed. I hoped even though I knew I shouldn’t. And now, with that belief and hope shattered, depression overwhelmed me. My insides felt charred, and I had no choice but to keep drinking. Otherwise, I felt like I would truly go crazy.Regret plagued me even more.If I had been bolder and expressed my desire to have sex with him, wouldn’t he have taken me home? If that had happened, I would be immersed in the pleasure his lips provided instead of this bitter sorrow.But I couldn’t do that because I was afraid. Afraid that if I strongly expressed my desire for him, Jung Yiyeon would notice my feelings. I couldn’t grab his hand and pull him back when he offered to let me go.“Are you crazy?”While I had my head buried on the table and was sighing deeply, a familiar voice reached me. I slowly lifted my head, and the room spun around me due to the alcohol. Even the incredulous face of Seo Jaeohh was spinning.“…Bastard.”A curse spilled from my mouth. If it weren’t for his call, I wouldn’t be tasting this bitter alcohol and even more bitter depression.“It’s all your fault, you useless jerk!”“What’s up with you? Why did you drink so much alone? If it was such an important appointment, you should have said you couldn’t come.”He looked wronged.“You just hung up and suddenly told me to come here. What’s the matter?”When Jung Yiyeon offered to drop me off, I couldn’t bring myself to refuse him and blurted out the first bar that came to mind. Honestly, I was in a complete panic then. He said he didn’t want to exploit my personal time after work and offered to drop me off. Receiving such considerate but maddening kindness had left me not in my right mind.“…Why are your eyes like that? Did you cry?”I bit my lip at the warmth of his hand on my cheek, gently brushing my eyes.Damn it.I wasn’t crying, but I probably looked like I had been, with my eyes red and bloodshot. That’s why he had offered to drive, saying I looked like I might cause an accident. And suggested I sleep over, so I could rest and we could have sex.Jung Yiyeon’s voice and that scene vividly replayed in my mind, stirring something within my chest.It wasn’t consideration for me. It was just to ease his conscience because I didn’t look so good. He was a person who prioritized his own desires, and I was just someone he could easily defer those desires for.“What’s wrong? Just tell me.”Seo Jaeohh’s frustrated voice reached me, but I couldn’t bring myself to speak. I didn’t want to.I was lost in my emotions, unable to escape. All those emotions ended in sadness. I was sad because I liked him, sad because he didn’t like me, and sad because he still wanted my body. It pierced my heart to realize I was nothing to him.The sadness was so overwhelming that I could only keep drinking.“Stop drinking. Is this water?”“Mind your own business. Just leave me alone.”I snapped at Seo Jaeohh, annoyed. I didn’t want to deal with anyone, regretting having called him. The voice that usually sounded pleasant now felt irritating.I grabbed the glass he had taken from me and downed the rest of the vodka. Having already drunk half a bottle, I thought I might die, but I didn’t care. The feelings of liking someone were so miserable. I just wanted to die.“…Damn.”Seo Jaeohh didn’t stop me anymore. Instead, he sat across from me, taking out a cigarette from his pocket. If he wanted to smoke, he should go outside, but he just fiddled with the cigarette pack, watching me.Eventually, he took out a cigarette and held it between his fingers but didn’t leave. In my hazy state, I stared blankly at the white cigarette between his long, elegant fingers and the troubled expression on his face.“…I want to smoke.”“You want one?”He lightly held up the cigarette pack toward me. If I nodded, he would take me outside, put a cigarette in my mouth, and light it for me.But I shook my head. I didn’t want to break the five-year streak of not smoking. I still had that much self-control.What was Jung Yiyeon that I would even give up quitting smoking for him? No matter how much my heart ached because of him, I wouldn’t ruin my health by smoking again. That defiant logic was perhaps my last shred of pride.“Never mind.”“You’re surprisingly strong-willed. Good for you, Lee Nan.”He ruffled my hair with the hand holding the unlit cigarette. Despite our casual relationship, he seemed to forget I was a year older.Surprisingly, it didn’t feel bad. I had resented Seo Jaeohh for making Jung Yiyeon leave, but now his warmth was a comfort. They say sharing sorrow halves it. I felt like I would drown in this swamp of depression if I were alone.Seo Jaeohh, despite my irritation, stayed by my side. Perhaps I could find solace in him. It was the alcohol that made me think such foolish thoughts. The drunken haze made my foolish thoughts spill out into words.“Let’s go home.”As he stared at me, I paused before continuing.“…Let’s go and have sex.”“You crazy bastard.”Despite cursing in disbelief, he broke the cigarette in his hand in half.He got up, went to the counter, and paid for the drinks I had consumed. Then he came back and lifted me, who was still fumbling around. It was then that I realized I was too drunk. The world was spinning, and I staggered.However, Jaeoh held me tightly to keep me from falling.“…Damn.”He made a noise that sounded like a curse, something he always did when he was displeased, as he led me out. My wobbly legs were all over the place, but I moved in the direction Jaeoh guided me.The dimly lit interior continued intermittently, and we passed through a corridor. In my dazed state, we went up the stairs. Finally, the cool night air touched my nose. The blurred vision caused by the alcohol was filled with the distorted outside view.“…Lee Nan, you still haven’t said a word.”Through the haziness, I thought I heard Jaeoh’s voice.When I came to, a front door was in front of me.“Ugh, the smell of alcohol.”“And you smell like cigarettes.”My head was spinning. I must have fallen asleep for a moment; my consciousness flickered back like a blinking light. I had blacked out from the heavy drinking but woke up quickly. Though the hangover from this much drinking would last a while.I punched in the key code and stumbled into the house. Jaeoh followed me inside. I led him to my bed. And then I pounced on him.“What the hell? You’re so drunk you can’t even stand properly, and you want to do this?”I giggled at his grumbling. It wasn’t that funny, but the alcohol made me laugh.“What else can two men do in bed?”Two able-bodied men under one blanket ought to make history. The drunkenness had heightened my libido. I reached out and grabbed his cheek, muffling his complaints. Then I covered his mouth with mine, pushing my tongue in.Huh? But it felt like saliva was flowing into my mouth even though I was the one initiating the kiss.“…Huh?”Only then did I realize I was lying on the bed, and Jaeoh was pinning me down. I was too drunk to grasp what my body was doing.“Let’s just sleep.”Despite being excited from just the kiss, he whispered without breaking the kiss. His actions contradicted his words. I could sense the regretful desire in his breath.So I gave him a gentle kiss on the lips, soothingly.“Why don’t you get on top?”“Dream big, Lee Nan.”He lifted his body that was pressing down on me. I lay sprawled on the bed, watching him. Jaeoh hastily took off his top.“You lie down.”“I’m the one who’s going to do it.”“I prefer being the one doing it too.”Jaeoh and I had been together for a long time without a fixed position in sex. We both compromised to some extent. However, it seemed he preferred to take the lead more often, though I’d always been the one taking charge.I was thinking vaguely, wondering if he had been suppressing his preferences all this time, when he grabbed my shirt and ripped it open. The buttons flew off with a pop. He had taken off his shirt properly, but my shirt’s buttons were all gone. Before I could be annoyed, he buried his lips into my exposed chest.“Hey…!”I couldn’t even get angry, only let out a moan as his tongue brushed against my skin. As he licked my chest, his hands swiftly undid my pants and threw them off.He pressed his body against mine and kissed me. The faint smell of smoke mixed with his scent hit me as I closed my eyes and responded to his kiss. The eyes that had been red and sore from a long day felt slightly relieved when closed.But I opened my eyes again. With my eyes closed, the sensation of the kiss felt too strange. A sense of confusion surged within me.“Let’s do it from behind.”Jaeoh gently turned me over with a soft touch. Lying on the bed with my chest down, I closed my eyes to calm the dizziness that worsened with the position change. But I quickly opened them again. Even though the world was spinning, the darkness behind my closed eyes was worse. I couldn’t calm down with my eyes closed.Jaeoh was planting small kisses on my neck and back. It was as if he intended to kiss every inch of my body, slowly descending from my neck, nibbling and sucking my skin.His sex was always like this—soft and slow. It felt like it would take forever just with his caresses, and I usually flipped over when I got tired of his teasing. Jaeoh always got swept up in my rough approach. But his nature was inherently gentle and meticulous.Maybe it was because his caresses were too slow and uninteresting. Despite having drunk alcohol, my body didn’t heat up. Instead, I felt an unpleasant cooling sensation. The alcohol made it hard to move, making it difficult to take the lead this time.The only fortunate thing was that Jaeoh seemed quite aroused after not seeing me for six months. He started rubbing his pants against my butt. The firm flesh and the heat radiated through. It was a desire to enter me, a prelude to the hot and intense contact that was to come.Yet, despite the anticipation, excitement, and desire, my body wasn’t responding.“Seo Jaeohh…!!”I shouted his name, clutching the sheets tightly. As I felt his desire against my skin, a chilling sensation spread throughout my body. Even though I knew it was Jaeoh, the male desire pressing against me made me extremely uncomfortable.“…What?”“I don’t like doggy style. Get off.”