Why are you special?

Once we're outside city limits, Wally spends most of an hour casting Phantom Steed four times. It's interesting to actually watch it in person; the semi-real horse of wispy smoke doesn't just come into being all at once, it sort of builds up and congeals over the course of the spell.

Wally speaks as he finishes them: "First one's for you, Dolly…" yeah, it sounds nice that I get to go first, but really, I'm the early warning system. Mine will vanish before anyone else's. That's OK. I won't be hurt by a fall, and I can outrun these things if I need to… but I'd rather not reveal that just yet. "Next up, Paul," I guess he leads by example… which is fine for a Paladin. "Your turn, Carter…" and of course, his own is last. So once he's done casting, Wally has eight hours, Carter has seven hours and fifty minutes, Paul has seven hours and forty minutes, while I have seven and a half hours. After that, our rides vanish. Assuming Wally is eighth level, anyway. Which he… probably is, otherwise the go-to travel spell would be Teleport.

"This way…" Paul clearly thinks himself the leader, and Carter and Wally either largely agree or largely agree to let him think that… but he does seem to check with them on major decisions, so it works well enough.

The Steeds have a move of eighty feet, but Paul keeps us at a Hustle… which means the horses will only last five hours before they collapse… but we'll get as far as we would with ten hours of walking the horses, and they’re only going to last seven and change anyway. That double speed of eighty feet per round is pretty good… but it still works out to just sixteen miles an hour. We'll get a good eighty miles out of them this way… but this is less than school zone speeds.

It would be quite boring, but I run into an issue: I never did stop and get pants that fit, and I'm short. I can't quite press down in the stirrups enough to keep my crotch off the saddle, so I'm getting constant stimulation down there. Every time the horses hooves meet the ground, I get a tiny little jolt of pleasure. It's not much… but it's a constant thing. And it builds, and builds, and builds.

After ten minutes, I'm sure I'd be panting if I still needed to breathe.

After twenty minutes, I'm glad for the mundane makeup, as the heat coursing through me makes me quite certain my face is flushed.

Half an hour in, I'm clenching my teeth so I don't scream out for all the world to hear as my body shudders.

And it still doesn't let up. I'm sure that for a real woman, the constant chafing would negate this problem (and hurt), but it takes quite a bit of damage in one go to harm me at all. I'm not going to wear out from this. I have another episode about ten minutes later. And another, and another… I quickly lose all track of time, counting how many times I need to clench my teeth to keep from screaming as earthquakes of pleasure rock me.

I'm on number forty-seven when Paul calls out, "That's time. You know the drill.," as he reigns in his phantom. I am FLOATING on hormones, but can still make out what’s going on around me as I … wait, when did the forest turn into a desert?

I look around, a little confused and still a bit out of it, as Wally walks around and casts Infernal Healing on each of the Steeds as Carter and Paul pointedly look elsewhere. Why… ah, I get it. Gives them one more hour of hustling. After that, they can walk them until they… OK, so… this ride has felt AMAZING, but… I dismount. I notice Wally crinkle his nose slightly, and look closely at the … ah, soaking wet saddle.

Umm… “Okay, horseback is nice, but I think I’ll just run the rest of the way.”

Wally raises an eyebrow as Paul asks, “Do you expect us to slow down?”

I am still feeling it as I laugh out loud, “No. I expect to have to slow down for YOU. Just follow the road until there’s a turn, right?” Yeah, I'm a bit high on hormones, and I don't care that this will blow the game right now.  But I really don't want to do more time on that beast.

Paul answers slowly, “Yes….”

I smile, “Great! I’ll wait there for you.” And I run, full out, casting Expeditious Retreat on myself periodically as I go. Paul and others mount and try to keep up.

Note that I said “try”. They fail. Badly. I get two full sets of actions each round, and I can spend a point of Mythic for an additional standard action. So I get two Run actions in, plus a move. That’s a full nine times my base move. But I also get my Swift actions, Expeditious Retreat lasts for five minutes, and I can renew it indefinitely as a swift action. So my thirty base move becomes sixty with the buff, and I get nine times that in a round, for five hundred and forty feet of travel every six seconds. That works out to approximately fifty four miles per hour. Not quite freeway speeds, but close. Even at a dead run? Wally’s Phantom Steeds only manage four hundred feet in a round (they inherit the Run feat for being horse-like, and get five times their base move when running flat-out)… and they can only keep that up for a minute before they have to slow down. Mostly they’re limited to double-moving, at about sixteen miles an hour. But I don’t tire.

I’m waiting for them for quite some time at the first fork in the road. Which gives me time to calm down, fortunately.

When Paul catches up to me? He’s only got eight words: “First rule of delving: Don’t split the party.” However, he’s smiling from ear to ear. Carter’s mouth is just kind of hanging open.

And Wally? He’s thoughtful, and looks me in the eye: “Why aren’t you even breathing hard?”

I give him a half-truth: “I had plenty of time to rest, we can go over the magic portion of that later,” and to everyone, “But don’t worry, that was just a demo. I’ll slow down so you can keep up.”

I just jog for the rest of the trip. Paul keeps going until his horse expires, and he falls down on the ground in his armor - landing on his feet. Apparently this isn’t the first time. Carter, Wally, and I stop.

As Carter and Wally dismount, I pipe up: “So… do we make camp now?”

Paul nods, “Indeed,” and pulls out a small cup with some dice. He shakes them a bit, and everyone looks while I stand back, puzzled.

“And… I can’t have a spelt shift because of spells, so I’ve got sunset watch, huh? That’s nice.” That’s Wally.

“And I’ve got sunrise shift.” Paul smiles. Seems he likes that shift.

Carter sighs, “... and I’ve got midnight. Again. I prefer sunrise or sunset…”

Paul shrugs, “Hey, we all agreed that this was fair. Yeah, Wally always gets a solid eight hours, but that’s a weakness of those poor arcane casters. They don’t have the same fortitude that us divine types do.”

I chuckle at that. Technically, my casting is Arcane, and I’m pretty sure I could outlast them all. Paul and Carter don’t seem to think anything of the chuckle, but Wally nods sagely.

Yeah, he’s got me figured out. Some of it, anyway.

Carter takes ten minutes to cast Create Food and Water, and I … chow down on the rather bland fare with everyone else. I don’t need it, but eat for appearances’ sake. Besides, the conjured food won’t last even a single day, and there’s enough to feed twenty-four people. It’ll go to waste anyway. But it really is bland… I use Prestidigitation to make mine taste like Pepperoni Pizza, and flavor everyone else’s while I’m at it. Carter gets a Banana Split, Wally gets a Fudge Sunday, and I give Paul a taste of BLT.

I mean, it still has the texture of shredded cardboard in water, but at least it tastes nice.

Paul and Carter look at Wally questioningly, but he shakes his head and points at me.

So I fess up: “Just a taste of home. I didn’t think it would do any harm.”

All three of them say the same thing at the same time, “I’ve never had anything like it.”

Paul goes first, “Crispy pork, with some crunchy greens, bread, and … well, I’m not quite sure what the other flavor even was.” Oh, right. Folks used to think tomatoes were poisonous because the acid released the lead in the pans they were using, and that IS poisonous. So it’s not part of anyone’s diet around here.

Carter goes next, “Some fruit I’ve never had before, sweet, mixed with milk and…” he shakes his head, “I’ve no idea what those other ingredients were.”

Wally speaks up too, “Mine also had milk, and was also very sweet, but it was also a bit nutty and… where are you from that cocoa beans remind you of the place?”

I chuckle, “I have it on good authority that I can’t get there from here. So it doesn’t really matter.” Death pretty much told me that traveling there on my own would kill me. And I already died there, so… doesn’t matter. I smile a little bitterly.

They read my mood, and stop asking. Wally pulls out a rope and casts a Rope Trick, causing the rope to stand up and hook itself into the sky. Carter and Paul climb it, and vanish into the window in space at the top. As they start to climb, I say “I’ll probably come up after the first shift is done.”

Once they’re a good thirty feet up and on another plane, Wally whispers to me, “So… what are you, exactly?”